Your incorrect use of quotation marks has led me to subconsciously
avoid using them, even where they are warranted. I’m amazed someone as
successful as you could get by thinking that quotes adds emphasis, the
same way underlining or italics would. This is a classic mistake, one
that I encountered frequently when I went to high school in the most
impoverished part of Appalachia. Someone with your intelligence should
not be making the same mistakes as snake-handling, cud-chewing hill
people who have not come down from the mountains since 1765.

36 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  7. Thank you! The president of the college I work for does this and it drives me crazy. I fix his articles that he submits to me for the newsletter but I don’t have the guts to tell him to his face that he is grammatically incorrect.

  8. I’m “amazed” someone as obviously brilliant as your self, would let they’re writing style be influenced by a mouth-breathing cretan that uses quotation marks for emphasis. Its’ positively, incredeble.

  9. as much as I hate to agree with the snark in @8, I think I do. I, anonymous should be restricted to truly dirty deeds and terrible confessions which otherwise would never see the light of day.

    This belongs on a hastily scrawled Post-it note. And then on passiveaggressivenotes.com, where it will die a quick death because there are better ones out there.

  10. Wow, this I-Anon just really puts it all into perspective. Suddenly, all the trials and tribulations such as drug addiction, abusive partners, bad parenting, illnesses, etc. seem so trivial and small. Inappropriate quotations are the true menace to society.

    I-Anon: I get annoyed w/ stuff like this too, but really, if this your biggest problem you’re doing pretty well.

    I think it would be more interesting to hear what’s behind this complaint. I get a whiff of class issues from that disclosure about going to highschool in Appalachia–not saying you’re not entitled to be tweaked about that, if that’s the case. Although bad grammar is rampant because the U.S. school system blows and a lot of people don’t even bother to read anymore, schools in impoverished areas are the worst. Digging deeper into what you’ve written–like anybody here gives a flying fuck except me–I wonder if it galls you to see mediocrity rewarded w/ success when people have to work their assess off to get out of Appalachia.

  11. I used to have a supervisor that put quotes in the wrong places on a board for all to read. Things like, Please shut the “door”. Everytime she would write her “guote” of the day, I would put quotes on every word in red just for kicks.

  12. I disagree w/ 9. Think of this week’s “I, Anonymous” as a public service announcement. Yeah, it’s a little boring and pompous, but think of all the quote-misusers out there who aren’t even aware of it who might read this and stop and think.

  13. @10: It does not follow from the fact that the I, Anon-er wrote this that misuse of quotes are his/her biggest problem. I have a stomach ache today. No, it’s not a bigger problem than, say, the economy, but I can still bitch about it, yeah?

  14. I’m going to take the bait and point out that the plethora of errors in #8’s snark qualifies as a “crime against humanity”. This, of course, assumes it wasn’t intentional (but I tend not to think that far when reading I Anon).

  15. Based on the title, I was hoping this I-Anonymous would have addressed two things I am way more annoyed with: people who can’t use “you’re” and “your” in the correct sense, and people who confuse “to” and “too”. Those things not only drive me up a wall, but make me question the person’s intelligence and upbringing.

  17. @13 – You missed my point. I actually don’t think that the quote thing is I-Anon’s biggest issue. Did you read my whole post?

    I think it’s perfectly fine to complain about little things but there’s more going on here.

  19. 1) This column has really slid to the bottom as of late. Seattle Guilty – start making some damn confessions.

    2) @ I, Anon – thanks for the stereotypic knock on Southerners. We haven’t heard that one before. Believe it or not, uneducated “cud-chewers” are EVERYWHERE.

  21. @17

    “I” think you are “whiny” and “over-pursuing” the “interest” in an obviously “retarded” “subject.” #10 might “be” a “moron,” but that just makes “two of you” :} ; 😕 :] ;| haha lol rotfl bmfbo ahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa. This “column” is stupid and I am wasting my “time” “commenting” on “idiotic comments” about a “stupid column”. Off to “the bridge” I go to “jump” and “I” hope “I” survive to “feel” the “pain of life.”

  23. It’s not my biggest problem, but I’m with the author: inappropriate use of quotes is a grammar mistake that drives me bugshit crazy. We all have our quirks.

  24. You must be serious “uptight cunt”. Good for you that you got out of the “white trash ghetto hell of Appalachia” and good for you that you are “better” then they are. Stinky tuna twat.

  25. I have never heard or seen anyone use quotes in the manner described, and I read stupid shit on message boards all day. Are you editing all of them before I read them, or are you more comfortable telling those people that they are using the quotes wrong so that they can learn from their mistakes?

  28. As the person this particular I-Anon was written about, I want to note for the record that I’m the product of a public high school in very poor region that abuts Appalachia and is served by the Appalachian Regional Commission — a sort of economic development program that, not coincidentally, serves all those bright red counties that went for McCain last November… And I worked my ass off to get where I am today.

    Anyway, I’m guilty as charged. I overuse quotation marks. In my head, italics and bolds are used to stress a particular word for clarity’s sake, while quotation marks (other than for their intended purpose of denoting quotes) are used for sarcasm. For example, I might say: The Mariners WON that day, not lost (with ital or bold on WON instead of all caps, whereas I might use quotes to make the sarcastic comment: The Mariners certainly are “the best” team in the AL.

    So that’s what’s going on in my head. Defensible? Probably not. But I don’t impose my quote fetish on the writers who work for me.

    I’ve been editing writers for nearly two decades. In all that time I’ve found that every writer, no matter how good or bad, makes some sort of error repeatedly. It could be misuse of a punctuation mark or inability to break long passages into coherent paragraphs. The quotes are far from my only writing flaw.

    To be fair to my colleague who wrote this particular missive, he’s an incredibly talented writer who obsesses over his work and usually self-edits to such a degree that the final product, beyond its inevitable verbosity, needs little editing.

    So I’ve come clean. I’m a quote-mark abuser. Now I wish this column would get back to broken hearts and codependency…

  29. Don’t come across quotes used for emphasis too often (or believe it to be a grievous offence) but people who put the word ‘gay’ in quotation marks because they’re inordinately attached to the pre-’70s meaning of the word? As in, ‘yesterday’s “gay” kiss-in protest’ (Thanks, Americans for Truth). Just a bundle of unique fun, those guys.

  32. i didnt read any of this shit,i just wanted to count how many monkeys will comment on one of the most uncommentable ianons ever, and now i am doing it

  33. @#8: I’m “amazed” someone as obviously brilliant as your self, would let they’re writing style be influenced by a mouth-breathing cretan that uses quotation marks for emphasis. Its’ positively, incredeble.

    your self s/b yourself
    they’re s/b their
    cretan s/b cretin
    its’ s/b it’s
    incredeble s/b incredible
    …also, the two commas you have used are incorrectly placed. If any, there should be one after “cretan.”

    Two sentences, eight errors. The stench of failure is heady indeed.
    Two sentences,

  35. I am also from an impoverished appalachain town where a good 50% of us havent been “down from the mountain” in such and such years, but nobody I know misuses finger quotes. this cat needs to “realise” they are continuing one of the very las socially acceptable -isms — that is prejudice against the rural poor of west virginia, virginia, kentucky and north georgia. You confuse exposure and education with intelligence. We are plenty intelligent, but due to the fact that public schools are paid for by property taxes, our primary educations are usually sub part. By assuming we’re all stupid rednecks, you make it ok to rape our land for lumber and coal. We are the domestic third world ; if it isn’t ok to use derogatory language about an african or south east asian etc, to assume they are stupid, it’s not ok to assume the same of us.

  36. Did anyone pick up on the phrase “quotes adds emphasis” in this piece? I would have hoped that a complaint about grammar would be proofread for correct grammar.

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