Dear Ex-Girlfriend: I never said you were unattractive. This is just another example of you reading whatever you want into a situation, then blaming other people for your fuck-ups. What did I do to you last night? I showed up for YOUR show and supported you, went to the afterparty and hung out with you as a friend—and you hit me. Again. As usual. Why? Because I was talking to a woman? YOU AND I ARE NOT DATING. It’s been a year and a half since I broke up with you. Seriously, you need some fucking help. Maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s your general personality, maybe you’re just fucked in the head. But I’m tired of it. The next time that you touch me, I WILL file an assault charge and get a fucking restraining order if needed. Do you realize that you’ve now struck me in the face at least five times? Perhaps your mom was right, maybe you do need to be in a hospital or at home with her. Whatever, just stay out of my life.

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