You have given the phrase “go fuck yourself” new meaning. That’s what you should do from now on, because apparently you can’t fuck others responsibly. When my roommate first told me that you had lied about having herpes—fessing up six months into your relationship out of some kind of frat-boy-she-was-asking-for-it version of guilt elimination—I wanted to kick your balls so far up your stomach that you choked on them. (And it wasn’t even a lie of omission, but a fabricated clean test result.) But now I want to do it over and over again until my leg is too tired to lift off the ground. She was recently devastated to learn that you are sleeping with a new woman, to whom you also haven’t given the respect and freedom of choice your honesty would afford. My roommate has a hopeful heart—it’s one of the things I love about her—and she truly hoped that her willingness to share honestly and maturely the deep hurt you dealt her would help you mature and keep you from putting another woman through the hell that she’s still going through. Grow up fast, you silly Ken-doll tool, because we’re going to find out who your new lady friend is (and any prospects you have thereafter) and warn them about the life-changing nightmare that is dating you!!