Why, in these days of swine flu, do you have to touch my newborn
baby? Just because we’re at the grocery store or church at the same
time does not give you the right to paw my child. Her immune system
isn’t fully developed yet, and she would get sicker than you with your
germs. You’ll never go to the hospital with her; your life won’t be
ruined if she dies. So keep your hands off! Next time you take a step
toward my baby, ignoring my warning glare, don’t be surprised if I rip
you a new one. recommended

108 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  3. In all fairness, her immune system will never fully develop if she’s never exposed to germs. That’s how the immune system thing works. You have to be exposed to diseases in order to fight them off in the future. Did people not pay attention in biology? My guess is that if she contracted Swine flu, she’d still fare it better than you would. Children are much more resilient. Not to mention that there have only been a handful of cases in the whole U.S. where people have died from Swine Flu. So chill the fuck out.

  6. Nora, my guess is that you’re not a mom? Did you ever consider that it’s not always feasible for new parents to put themselves on lockdown after they have a baby? Especially single parents??? Somebody has to buy the groceries!

    As a mom of three, I find it disturbing that anyone would suggest that parents concerned about the health of their newborn should just stay home. Getting out of the house was all that kept me sane in those first few months caring for my 24-hour need machines!

    In all honesty, your comment makes your appear a bit ignorant and uncaring…

  8. Nora – My guess is that you’re not a mom? Did it ever occur to you that it’s not always feasible for parents to stay on 24-hour lockdown with their newborn babies? Especially single parents??? Somebody has to buy the groceries!

    As a mom of 3, I find your suggestion to be ignorant…bordering on offensive.

  9. Seriously, though, people think a newborn is license to touch, whether you know the person or not. Apparently babies are not entitled to personal space. It’s creepy and rude.

  11. I kept my kids home as much as possible when they were new, for lots of reasons. My husband was able to stay home with them when I wasn’t. Still, why do people fail to see just how rude it is to grab someone’s baby to tweak, pinch, tickle and bounce? While we’re at it, keep your hands off of pregnant women’s bellies until invited. I LOVE babies more than puppies or kittens and I would never just reach out to hold or touch a baby or small child OR ANYONE I am not already on such familiar terms with, unless they were falling from a balcony or trapped in a burning car.

  12. OK, then, let me put it this way–if you take your newborn out in public, you are exposing her to all kinds of airborne germs, never mind what sort of germs might be on the hands of people wanting to touch your baby. People with young puppies are generally advised not to take the puppy out among lots of people/other dogs before the puppy gets its first set of shots or risk it picking up diseases.

    And of COURSE people want to touch your newborn–they’re wired that way. It would be nicer if they would ask, of course. MY point is that if you’re that concerned about it, don’t take your baby out in public.

  13. 12: you’re exposing them to airborne germs at home also, unless the entire family just quarantines themselves in the basement for 5 years. The risk of infection increases exponentially, though, with actual physical contact.

    Since the risk of simply being in public is nothing compared to the risk of having your cheeks pinched by elderly strangers with weak immune systems, I’d say that it’s perfectly logical to bring your child into public, but expect people not to smear their hands all over it.

  14. That, and it’s YOUR child. Viruses or no viruses, it’s rude anyway. I expect perfect strangers to avoid just reaching out and grabbing at my shirt sleeves, my wallet, my bike, and my groceries (well isn’t this just DELICIOUS? Horseradish root! Let me smell!). If I had a baby, it would apply to that, too.

  15. On the contrary…please take your babies out in public as need be. Please also keep in mind that your baby is no more special than any other baby to anyone in the world except you, regardless of all the sad sad people who don’t have children of their own trying to grope at your kid. So please stop telling me about how clever it is that your child is discovering ladybugs, or toffee, or what it feels like to walk on grass without shoes.

    This also goes for your pre-school child.

  16. @5 you’re wrong. baby’s immune system is underdeveloped, but it has the beauty of mom’s milk to get them through the sick times. if the baby is not being breastfed, this could be more of an issue but typically babies have a better chance of weathering sickness than adults until they’re about 1 or so.

    regardless, i don’t particularly mind when people touch my baby but i do appreciate them to at least ask first. it’s not about germs – its about personal space.

  17. Dear I, anonymous: Little children eat dirt and anything else they find on the ground. Your baby is not now and will never be germ-free nor should it be. If you don’t want people touching your baby, fine, but your concern about germs is ridiculous.

  19. Who the hell wants to touch a newborn in the first place? They are usually ugly, crying and smell of soiled diapers.

    That being said…Get over yourself lady, my guess is you have some sort of baby Munchausen’s disorder and are just flouting your newborn around in hopes of getting attention and then bitching about the attention it brings.

    Seek help!

  21. why don’t you put a note on the baby carrier that says “please don’t touch the baby” instead of glaring at people. that might be more effective. i think it is so rude that strangers feel they have a right to touch a pregnant woman’s tummy or their young child. the least they could do is ask.

  24. Yeah, I’m with touchy. A sign that says “please don’t touch the baby” and one o’ them mail order TASERS resting on the top of the blanky, real close to your hand on the shopping cart.

  26. I’ve a got a family member who STILL makes us wash our hands if we handle her 8 MONTH old child. Its getting tedious. Newborn, yeah, keep the hands of the newborn, but at some point, they gotta come out of the bubble.

  27. I can tell most of the posters are teenagers or still stuck in that mindset. “OMG! A BABY out in public! Keep those things at home!” – Grow up! There’s no reason why infants have to be quarantined and there’s a very good reason why people should ASK before touching someone else’s baby – It’s called MANNERS! You can disagree about whether you’d want someone touching YOUR infant but you don’t have any right to make that decision for someone else’s infant. ASK FIRST – how hard is that?

  28. “I’ve a got a family member who STILL makes us wash our hands if we handle her 8 MONTH old child. Its getting tedious.”

    Oh boo-waa! You’re supposed to wash your hands frequently to keep healthy anyway. You are probably one of those disgusting people who doesn’t wash after using the restroom. Oh, I have to WASH MY HANDS – a fate worse than death!

  29. I completely understand a that parents don’t want people touching their kids. I think it’s rude to touch someone else without asking unless that person happens to be someone like a friend or relative that you know is okay with personal contact.

    But germs? Give me a break? Kids will be exposed to germs no matter what.

    If you’re really worried about a young and not yet fully immunized baby’s health do something to convince all those stupid parents that won’t get their children immunized for diseases like whooping cough. Whooping cough and the like are things that are way more likely than the occasional stranger’s poke to kill your kid.

  30. I’m totally with you Anonymous on not liking the touching without permission (which starts when you’re pregnant too … that’s still MY belly. HANDS OFF!). One solution is to make the baby less accessible, by wearing him/her in a sling or snuggli.

  33. Nora, OF COURSE men you don’t know want to touch your breasts! They are wired that way. It’d be nicer if they asked, but if you’re concerned about it don’t take your breasts out in public.

  34. This woman is NOT overreacting, and wanting to keep your child healthy is a sign of a GOOD mother, not a crazy one.

    http://www.jsonline.com/news/44103687.ht…

    According to the CDC, an average of 20,000 children under the age of 5 are hospitalized each year because of influenza complications. In addition, in the 2007-’08 flu season, CDC received reports that 86 children died from influenza-related complications. In general, influenza complications are more severe in children younger than 2 and children with chronic health problems such as asthma, diabetes or heart disease. At this time, it is unclear if the novel H1N1 swine influenza virus will pose a greater threat to young children than the usual influenza viruses that circulate each year. It is important for parents to help prevent the spread of influenza and other viruses by keeping children’s hands clean and helping them cover their mouths when coughing and sneezing.

    Influenza viruses spread by droplets while coughing or sneezing. These droplets typically fall to the ground within 3 to 6 feet of the person who is infected. The virus can also be spread on the hands of infected individuals. Cough etiquette, careful hand cleansing, and avoiding unnecessary contact with others are the best precautionary measures that an individual infected with influenza can take to prevent the spread of disease. Since viruses can live outside the body on surfaces for up to several hours, it is important to remember to wash hands frequently. Surgical masks can help decrease spread when worn by an infected individual, as the mask may trap droplets during coughing or sneezing. It is not recommended at this time that uninfected persons wear masks to prevent infection.

  36. You know why people want to touch your baby? Because of animal instinct. Human beings are social animals. Being social is the key to our evolutionary success. A deep, deep part of their brain is saying “help the tribe” when they see a baby.

    And you know what else? Babies want to be touched. Babies crave social interaction. They do not care about the fancy mobile above their crib. They are learning from the things like them around them. Kids that grow up without love and touch turn into sociopathic monsters. Your baby, even a newborn, is learning your behavior RIGHT NOW, that other people should be actively shunned.

    Get over your germophobia. Be polite to people who aren’t sick. If they are polite back, let them and the baby interact. That’s what humans do.

  37. The correct way to approach a baby in public is to say to the adult “Oh, She’s darling! How old?” and then after a few minutes of chatter, you might say “May I hold her?” and wait for the parent to either hand over the bundle or say “Oh, no, she’s just gotten settled (has been sniffling/ fusses something awful around new people)”
    Never, never just reach out and handle a strange baby- whether it’s in a stroller or still lounging in its mother’s womb- Someday, a very pregnant woman is going to snap when a stranger rubs her belly uninvited…. and one mom on the jury will be enough to get an acquittal on the murder charge.

  38. The more people touch your baby, and the more dirty your baby gets, the better your child’s immune system and health will be. Sanitation-obsessed idiots is what brought us the Polio epidemic and the current allergy-saturated children of today.

    Babies’ immune systems are strong as long as they’re well-fed with breast milk. As the reasonable people in this thread said, chill the fuck out.

  39. I second the formentioned comment “chill the fuck out.” Children do fair better being exposed to different germs. No wonder children have so many allergies these days – some of them are in lock down by their paranoid parents.

  40. I grew up in an area with a culture that considers you “giving the child the evil eye” if a baby is seen and admired, but not touched.

    I don’t know you, but I honestly think you may be overreacting just a little. Of course you don’t want some weirdo touching your kid, but at least you can tell them no-in person, mind you- if it makes you uncomfortable.

    An easy thing to do before someone touches your baby is ask them if they are sick. Done. Babies need touch. It’s how they develop their senses. They need the human contact. If you are that terrified, carry hand sanitizer in your purse.

  41. Hmm. So if you go outside with your baby, and you touch other people or things, and you touch your baby without washing your hands, it’s perfectly safe. Right.

    In Chinese culture, I understand it’s quite traditional for parents not to take their baby out into the public until it’s about a month old. (For the fancy parents, sometimes a celebratory banquet is held for the month-old milestone.)

    I think this is partly for maternal health and bonding reasons, but quite probably for health reasons too. I never asked my mom, but she always remarked on how weird it was that North Americans took their newborns out into public.

    Still, I understand, to an extent. I love other people’s (well-behaved) babies but I never touch them if the parents haven’t told me it’s OK. I generally don’t touch anyone (maybe, MAYBE on the shoulder) without asking or without them initiating. Flu panic or no flu panic, it’s just plain rude to do otherwise.

  42. Oh come on, it’s a question of having manners. I don’t care if it’s instinct or not. It’s fucking rude. Don’t touch my pregnant belly now, and definitely don’t touch my kid once it’s come out. How hard is that?

  43. People will not stop touching your baby if you continue to ask them not to anonymously. Try directly addressing them as you turn baby away.
    Maybe keep the baby under a blanket, a sheer one lets baby see out,people see in but is a perfect physical barrier. I believe first time mothers are a little paranoid, but its their right and babies health is their number one job right now.

  44. Actually when they are newborn is the most important time for children to be exposed to bacteria and viruses for their longterm immune system. Granted best that its not the flu, better that its just mostly harmless bacteria. 🙂

    So stop using antibacterial soap on that baby!

    I agree with 44 though. Its ok to gawk at strangers babies and play peek-a-boo. But touching crosses the line.

  48. Nothing gets people more self-righteous than kids. Their own or anybody’s.

    Try this on for size:

    The greenest thing you can do is not have kids. No one is so fabulous they need to reproduce, and if you don’t want to listen to me, listen to Mother Nature: Aids Ebola Swine Flu SARS – etc.

    The population is exterminating a PLANET.

    Enjoy

  49. Hey I anon! I’m on your side. As a non parent, I really never thought about the germs thing when it comes to touching babies, and I guess touching babies is a common relfex for many, so this issue needs to be brought up for us who don’t always think. Next time, hopefully you’ll be quicker to act, and tell the person not to touch your baby, because obviously your glare isn’t as foolproof as you’d hoped. As for the illustration this week… what’s with the baaad fashion?

  51. As a childless adult who’s not eager to have kids, it appalls me to see how adults treat children they don’t even know. They touch them, invade their space, talk down to them. That behavior would never be tolerated if it were directed at another adult. Adults pull this shit because they know a child isn’t going to flip them off, no matter how richly they deserve it.

  52. @18 Thanks for being the voice of reason. Be an adult. Say, please don’t touch the baby. Don’t act like they should know better (event though they should), don’t glare at them. Fix the problem politely.

    On another note, when you bring your baby out in public and it causes a disruption–take it outside. When you are in a restaurant keep your kids at your table. Don’t change messy diaper out where I can see them. Some of these people are the “I’m tired, I have kids, I have a right too do whatever the heck I want…”

    I don’t get the whole–make the world do it my way for my comfort attitude. I teach my kids to be polite and when they have meltdowns (because kids do) I remove them so we don’t interfere with other people’s enjoyment. What happened to civility?

  53. Whoa! I completely understand! I know it is not possible to stay indoors 24/7 with your newborn, especially if you have to do something crazy…like eat food from the grocery store,buy diapers… stool softener. If you are a single parent, and fear the legal issues that would accompany leaving your baby in the car, I especially feel for you. It’s horrible. There is the “old lady mob” (the 6 women who appear out of nowhere as soon as your newborn starts crying to give you unwanted parenting advice), the lactation consultant who is constantly watching you nurse and rearranging your tit, and the person who CONSTANTLY feels the need to stick their finger in your kid’s mouth. It’s usually someone you know well ( a grandma or an old friend who knows EVERYTHING about babies). That shit drove me nuts. Plus,my baby went to a daycare where everyone was always kissing her.
    Kids live through all of that annoying shit. Don’t worry too much. You’ll live through it too.

  54. My new approach is anyone I don’t know that grabs for my cute baby’s face gets a squeeze from me on the check right back. Seems like fair game.

  55. I can remember when I was a toddler how adults used to patronise me, and over handle me…. I hated it, but I was powerless to defend myself. I think it’s time for a revolution of the status of children. Countries like Sweden and Norway are already ahead in the kids rights department. Time the rest of the world caught on. Respect the young!

  56. I agree with poster 18, if it’s such a huge deal to you and you have the time and gumption (yes I said gumption!) to come here and post it on an open forum, why not just open your mouth instead and state that you’d like them not to maul your child with their germ infested hands?

  57. Thanks mom for looking out for me i know you love me but, mom you gotta chill! You are not hearing the cmments people are saying about you. They see you walking around wit me and they might get me mixed up wit you and think something wrong wit me. Look mom its ok if people wanna shower me with love hugs,kisses they like me and wanna touch me.Im a BABY Dammit!

  58. bbbbboring…
    also, there’s nothing wrong with telling strangers DIRECTLY that they can’t touch your kid. Why be anonymous? It certainly won’t make a difference, considering you seem to care so much.

  59. PEOPLE OF SEATTLE:
    Use your words if you want/don’t want something. This passive aggressive shit has got to stop.
    PERSON OF THIS IANON:
    Use your words. If you see someone going to touch your baby, don’t wait for them to touch your baby just so you can be full of self righteous anger. Open your fucking mouth and say something to make the person stop lunging at your baby. Jesus H christ. Stop blaming OTHER PEOPLE for your problems! Yes, I said it. If YOU don’t want people touching YOUR baby, tell them. Otherwise, blame yourself only.

  60. @56
    I do the same thing: they touch my kids face, I touch theirs. It really freaks people out…and then they get it. Germs are not wholly the problem, just have a little respect for personal space.

  61. If you were my mom I’d probably try to contract swine flu intentionally…death would be preferable to 18 years of living with your whiny, bitching ass. Do the planet a favor and get a hysterectomy!

  62. mothers are the most humorless, self-important and arrogant segment of society. in an era of rampant ecological exploitation and unsustainable population growth are we all expected to applaud your selfish decision to squirt out yet another resource-draining squealer? we have to accomodate your baby’s whining, moaning, soiled-diapers, bullshit histrionics, but god forbid anyone so much as approach you and your baby without yoru express written permission.

    hopefully you’ll fall off that high horse and knock some sense into that arrogant gourd of yours.

  64. jesus christ, lighten up, lady. i’m a pediatrician & even i think you’re a nutjob.

    being exposed to most germs is GOOD for children. it DEVELOPS their immune systems. it’s not like you’re dragging her across a hospital floor, moron.

  65. Please. She’s never going to have an immune system in the first place if she isn’t exposed to pathogens when she is young. This is how the human body works, and this is why there are more sick kids now than ever before. It’s people like you who are actually doing their kids a disservice by trying to sequester them away from any and all germs. Remember when we were kids, and our parents would organize play dates with our friends who had the chicken pox so we could get it and be done? Now they’re vaccinating against it! It’s all gone way too far. The next generation of kids is being screwed out of their health by their consumer driven germophobic parents.

  67. justme, you had to make a boob comment! The breastfeeding/immune system thing? Don’t you believe it. Despite the magic of exclusive breastfeeding, my son still got RSV and spent a week in the ICU. Don’t like watching strangers pawing your baby? Try watching them intubate him.

    Um, no asshole, you can’t lock yourself in the house for 6 months. Please continue to not have kids. You can keep the baby in her car seat carrier with a fleece blanket over the top. Filters airbourne bacteria and prevents grabby hands. And you don’t have to go all hormonal on poor ol’ granny at the grocery store.

  68. I wouldn’t mind letting people touch my baby, and I’m not a germaphobe. But you had BETTER ask before putting your hands on my child. I don’t let strangers get away with pawing at me, nor would I let them do it to my child.

    Personal space and boundaries, people! Maybe my child has a weakened immune system. You don’t know. Show some respect.

  73. @64: Who’s more arrogant? The moms you describe or assholes like you who justify not having kids because of “dwindling resources”, as if we’re living in Thunderdome and shooting each other for a gallon of gas? There’s plenty of reasons not to have kids, most of them because you want more money, time, sex, etc., for yourself. That’s fine, but own up to it. Because no one’s giving you a fucking Nobel Prize for not having kids.

  76. Hey all. This is I-anonymous and I wrote this because I was getting so tired of having to fend off the old ladies, childless people, and the dimwitted everywhere I went. I couldn’t believe how many people went from polite smile to grabbing my kid in a second flat. Maybe people don’t know the polite way to do things? Say, “Can I hold the baby?” But, obviously, we missed that one. I just wanted to get the word out, Mothers generally like it when you check in first, or visibly wash your hands.
    I’m all for germs and developing immune systems. Does that mean I should just let everyone have at her? I don’t think so.
    At the very least, I wanted to get the word out faster than one baby-grabber at a time. Judging from the lively debate, I’d say it worked.
    Thanks for posting this, and for putting in the Swayze reference.
    Rest in Peace”Johnny Castle.”

  77. holy SHIT, Batman!! Is it just me, or is it getting harder and and harder to be a parent these days?

    @76: I like your idea! Do I get a Nobel Prize for being childless (or just a stick of dynamite?)?

  78. Make an evaluation of the condition of this planet, on your own, just do your own systematic research, and decide for yourself where the responsibility for that condition lies.

    It doesn’t have anything to do with opinion, the facts are staring you down.

    Please don’t listen to anyone, just do what you’re going to do regardless of the damage that is available to be seen. Every child born erases its own potential for a positive legacy.

    But perhaps you could make some changes and have some intelligent conversations about what it means to be responsible out in the world and to have some vision and true concern for others. It shows the quality and level of concern that you have for everyone AND your own child.

  79. Make an evaluation of the condition of this planet, on your own, just do your own systematic research, and decide for yourself where the responsibility for that condition lies.

    It doesn’t have anything to do with opinion, the facts are staring you down.

    Please don’t listen to anyone, just do what you’re going to do regardless of the damage that is available to be seen. Every child born erases its own potential for a positive legacy.

    But perhaps you could make some changes and have some intelligent conversations about what it means to be responsible out in the world and to have some vision and true concern for others. It shows the quality and level of concern that you have for everyone AND your own child.

    But perhaps you could make some changes and have some intelligent conversations about what it means to be responsible out in the world and to have some vision and true concern for others.

  82. Okay, Lady – I’ll gladly not touch your baby. But I have a few things I want you to do for me:
    – Don’t scrape the backs of my heels with your monster-stroller when you are walking behind me.
    – Please don’t block narrow, high-traffic spaces with your stroller while you are shopping, in restaurants or on public transit.
    – Please, please do not bring your baby, if it is in any way fussy or has colic, on the red-eye to New York (or any long flight for that matter) and sit within three rows of me.
    – Finally, if your baby is sick on this same flight, don’t hold it in such a way that when it coughs up snot all over the place or vomits, it lands on me. I don’t want your baby’s cold/flu/stomach ailment.
    If you can do this for me and my fellow citizens, then you have a deal. I promise.

  83. @80,81, & 82:

    Um,….I believe I’m already making some changes for the better, and having some intelligent converstaions about what it means to be responsible out in the world and to have some vision and true concern for others.

    And once again, I don’t HAVE any kids, remember?

    Oopies, but you DO need to get a grip…

  86. @80, 81, &82:

    Um,…actually I AM making changes for the better in my life, have intelligent conversations about what it means to be responsible out in the world, and have some vision and true concerns for others.

    And did I mention that I don’t HAVE any kids?

    Oopies, but you do need to get a grip…

  88. this mother isn’t talking about her being a germaphobe. she also isn’t talking about a child.

    she is talking about a brand new infant.

    it is natural to be overly cautious with a newborn.

    an older child should be exposed to germs but if it’s a new baby they have a far higher chance of contracting an illness that can be fatal.

    if you’ve never had a baby then you can’t imagine the horror of losing one.

    trying to protect your baby is a good thing.

    but yes, she should use her words.

  89. “if you’ve never had a baby then you can’t imagine the horror of losing one.”

    — i thought inconsiderate breeders could just pop out another if the first goes bad…..

  90. “breeder” this and “breeder” that. if you’re so worried about overconsumption and the environment, perhaps you guys can all just kill yourselves.

  91. Typical passive aggressive fearful angry Seattelite. When will you people learn to pipe up and SAY something instead of all that eye glaring, knitted brow and down turned mouth thing you like to do? I would be SO impressed if I were touching your grubby kid and you actually AUDIBLY said to me, “Please don’t touch my baby.” Don’t mutter it, SAY it. WOW. Doing so would give me a little taste of my hometown, NYC. I need it. Please.

  92. Why is everyone calling her passive aggressive and assuming she doesn’t tell these people to back off? She writes (at 78) “I couldn’t believe how many people went from polite smile to grabbing my kid in a second flat.” If people are grabbing without warning, she can tell them off after the fact (and probably does) but can’t prevent the touchy-feeliness short of pre-emptively growling “DON’T TOUCH MY BABY!” at everyone she so much as makes eye contact with. The i-anon letter is a less psycho way to go about preventing it, while the in-person face ripping is for dealing with offenders at the scene of the crime.

  94. Hey, Moron. Shut up.

    People touch babies. Cute babies. So you should take it as a compliment and thank the heavens your baby isn’t fugly. I think you owe people an apology for this you stupid twit.

  95. @robwolf THANK YOU! The only thing you forgot was my personal pet peeve of parents who often gripe about their kids getting sick…DON’T change your kids’ dirty diaper in the middle of the restaurant or any public place where other people are eating, breathing, sitting, walking, shopping, etc. and then leave it for someone else to handle. DISGUSTING! As a person who works with the public, I often encounter these foul little biohazards that parents leave behind and the only thing I can do is carry it outside and throw it in the garbage can. Therefore, I am then spreading the germs from your kid’s SHIT on my way to the restroom to wash my hands, whether I had a barrier or not between said hand and shitty diaper. In short, I don’t let my dog shit in your kid’s play area, so don’t leave their shit where I eat.

  97. I have a better thought, a glare….weather you think it is a warning or not……is to some simply your face. Try actually speaking out loud that you would not want for your baby to “pawed”. Try practicing this statement, look with your eyes not your hands, I’m sure it will be one you use on that baby of yours plenty in the future!

  98. Hello People! wash your fricking hands already. Google it if you don’t believe how important it is, sheesh, so basic.

    As for the baby haters, or “child free” folks, am sure you are so green and environmental your ecological footprint is the size of a gnat, yeah right…

  99. @ ahn
    I highly doubt there are so many mothers & fathers leaving their kids dirty diapers all over the place. That’s absurd. I also work with the public & have encountered many a nasty sight but never a dirty diaper. Most parents don’t change their kids in the middle of a restaurant either. It is gross but you are clearly exaggerating.

  100. I think when people post things such as, “Kill your baby.” or say, “Breeder,” and post nasty comments after that—I think that is the same thing as homophobia. That is, discriminating against someone based on their personal life.

  102. This is so different from my experience. I never had any interest in breeding or babies. Didn’t do it, don’t regret it. However, every time someone I worked with had a kid or, even worse, a grandkid, they just couldn’t wait to bring it to the office and try to force everyone, including me, to hold it. I, would try to get them to stop by explaining that, while it was the best damn baby I had ever seen, I did not want to hold it because I had no experience with babies and was afraid that I would drop it. Then they would try to give me holding instructions. Finally, I just always said that I had a highly communicable cold whenever I was trapped by the baby patrol. I tried to be polite, but those baby patrol women were relentless. The pregnant, “feel my stomach”, ones were pretty pesty too. Oh, I forgot about the ones who tried to trick me into changing diapers for them and the ones who, unasked, tried to tell me lengthy IVF stories.

    I get that you are proud and happy and feeling love, but just because I’m a woman does not mean that I want to get involved in your reproductive experiences.

  104. I love looking at babies and I love looking at pregnant women (weird, i know, but it touches something in my heart). That being said, I have twow things to say

    1. Newborns aren’t toys. In my native culture, babies aren’t taken outside (barring doctor’s appointments) until at least six months. In America, for some weird reason, it’s the opposite. Single parents will have to fend for themselves (and the baby will have to go with them), but the amount of married/”involved” people who I meet who see nothing wrong with dragging their infant everywhere they go (even when the other parent is available to take care of the sprog) is astonishing. So, if you’re one of the people who complains about people touching your baby (while somehow finding it impossible to go anywhere without the baby, even when Daddy or the Grandparents or another trusted person is available), you’re an attention whore and you should go fuck yourself.
    1b. If you’re a man and you’re tired of hearing your SO complain about this type of attention, you need to “grow a pair” and stop expecting her to do all of the “heavy lifting”. My father was (and still is) one of the most lecherous men on the planet. He split up with my mother a few weeks after I was born, yet he was able to take time off from hunting for new pussy to take care of me on a regular basis as a newborn, infant, toddler and preschool-aged child (a couple of hours a day of free time did wonders for my mother, and she didn’t develop that pesky post-partum depression). If he could do it, then you can “babysit” (if you want to call it that, as if it’s someone else’s kid or something) the person who you helped create for a few hours a day so that your SO can relieve some stress and get “back to normal”. Susan Smith didn’t decide to drown their kids on a whim; it was a decision made after years of taking care of small children with almost no paternal input apart from bill paying.

    2. I was raised with enough common sense to know that I should keep my hands to myself. As much as I love the children, I don’t know where the hell they’ve been. Asking the mother for permission is far safer than grabbing the child and receiving a lap full of half-digested milk, mucus or “diaper gravy” for your efforts. Always remember the golden rule: treat people the way you’d like to be treated. If you wouldn’t want people to walk up to you and grab your nose ring, the sleeve of your favorite “designer” shirt or your carefully groomed hair, then why the hell would you do the same thing to another human being!? Use your fucking “big boy/big girl” words and ask! If nothing else, it spares you from becoming “that creepy guy”, and it spares us from having to read more whiny, self-absorbed twaddle on “I, Anonymous”.

  107. I don’t even pet someone’s dog without asking permission first. I sure as hell don’t touch a PERSON without asking, unless I’m pulling them back from an out-of-control bus or something. That includes the new persons.

    That being said, I also agree with @104 – I don’t want to hold the baby. Thanks for asking, but no. The last child one of my co-workers had, my boss actually sent out a note saying, “I know everyone will want to hold the baby, so here’s the time for each of you to go to the conference room.” Are you fucking KIDDING me? Then I turn into a pariah because I don’t go at my designated baby-holding time. I have nothing against babies, I’m just not that interested in interacting with them. More power to those who are.

    But for chrissake, ask permission before you touch anyone’s kid, of any age, unless it’s about to fall into a hot barbecue or something.

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