To the citizens of Seattle: I apologize for puking all over town. I
imagined pregnancy might bring a few bouts of morning sickness in the
first trimester, but I thought it could be cured by a few crackers.
Little did I know that “morning” sickness would strike at all times of
day well into the second trimester and leave me staggering around town
looking like a chubby drunkard. To the people standing on Pike
yesterday afternoon: I’m sorry I wasn’t able to make it to the curb
before I puked at your feet. Ditto for all the people who walked down
that street today when I’m sure the smell was only worse. To the old
couple who watched me puke all over the bushes in the park: You looked
so worried and it was nice of you to ask if I was okay. To my
boyfriend: I’m sorry that I puke in your car at least once a week, and
I especially apologize about the time it dripped into your parking
brake and gearshift. And to the rest of the city: Be forewarned of what
may come your way and please accept my apology in advance.

43 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  2. When you’re that far into your second trimester and still having serious sickness like that, perhaps you should talk to the doctor. I’ve also heard Ginger Ale can be a woman’s best friend during pregnancy. Good luck with your pregnancy and thanks for the awesome I, Anon. P.S. I REALLY feel sorry for your boyfriend’s car.

  4. Ugh. Girl, I feel your pain. I puked all day every day for the first 6 months of my pregnancy. Zofran is a miracle drug – ask your doctor!!

  5. What makes it worse is that some women (myself included) also get post-nasal drip. So I’d try to blow my nose often to keep my throat clear but I’d still occasionally gag and vomit. Being pregnant really sucks. I feel for ya!

  6. Gosh, I’ve been feeling kinda bad that I’m a little tired and lackadaisical about the housework now that I’m in my second trimester. I sure kvetched a lot about the nausea between weeks 7 and 11, but never vomited.

    I’ll be hiding my head in shame until my due date.

  9. poor girl! hopefully it will taper off towards the end… lots of people will have advice for you but not all of it works for everyone. just keep trying things.

    what worked for me was to make sure i ate enough often enough to never be “hungry” but not so much that i was ever “full” if that makes any sense. basically grazing.

    also, seasickness pills might help.

  11. Perhaps if you were married, you wouldn’t have this particular problem. Get a ring on your finger, and your nausea will dissipate.

    Also, there’s a reason why our forefathers and their wives called pregnancy a “period of confinement”. Maybe you should stay home near your toilet until this issue passes.

  13. Wow, that’s gotta be some kind of record. It was actually more than ten posts before someone made a seriously douchey comment. You stay classy, @11.

    To I, Anon. – ginger tea is the shit. Seriously. Oh, and I know this will sound weird, but try lying on the floor for about 10-15 minutes every morning with your feet up the wall. Don’t have a clue what the scientific rationale is (if any), but it worked for me!

    To I, Anon.’s boyfriend – you, sir, are a prince among men.

  14. Wow…Number 11, I have known a few people who are married and have morning sickness their whole pregnancy. Dont be ignorant.

    As for period of confinement…what never leave the house for six months? Yes…because bills pay themselves, groceries buy themselves..maybe YOU should be a GOOD SAMARITAN (since you obviously have plenty of time for “advice”) and go do those things for her!

    To the poster, as someone who just got over three weeks of the worst morning sickness ever, I feel for ya. Hopefully it passes, but even if not, the end result will be worth it.

  17. So, are you going to put this column in a secret appendix for the kid’s baby book or are you just going to save it for when you are looking at being a grandparent?

    I do NOT envy you in the least and I wish the whole new family GOOD LUCK.

  18. Ginger ale, ginger tea… although a friend of mine who also puked her way through the first trimester (lost eight pounds!) found that Coke was the only thing she could keep down.

    And I second the recommendation for barf bags.

  20. I used to ride the bus home through Rainier Valley during my last trimester. I remember feeling particularly bad one afternoon; maybe the bus exhaust made it worse since all the windows were open. I thought I was gonna make it home ok, but then a person carrying an order of H. Salt Fish & Chips got on the bus and sat right behind me. I had to get off the funk bus; luckily, Vince’s Pizza was right there. I sprinted through their dining room and barely made it into their bathroom. Hang in there!!!

  25. You know, after a couple of incidents like this, I personally would have the consideration to carry a barf bag. WTF?

  26. I barfed through two pregnancies so much that I felt resentful of the little punkins when they emerged into the world at last. Be careful of that dehydration thing, seriously.

    Anyway. They’re in their teens and have never been a serious problem once they left the womb. The third was easy-peasy pregnancy and–I love him dearly–has often been a PITA since. Coincidence? Hmmm.

  27. Good grief, you knew you were susceptible all this and you couldn’t carry around airplane type barf bags, or plastic bags, even ? Hope baby grow up a little smarter. Good luck.

  29. I, ANON: I’m truly sorry about your uncontrolled spewing. It sounds like pregnancy is really sucking a turd for you right now. I applaud your endurance!

    Have you tried diet Pepsi, or diet 7-UP if you’re concerned about caffeine? It might at least settle your stomach. I have monthly menstrual periods from Hell, and that usually works for me.

  31. @26- agreeed! Lady, protect others from your biological waste and carry barf bags. It is inconsiderate not to mention hazardous to expose people to your vomit. No sympathy from me.

  33. @3 haha – good one.

    to the poster; hope your labour goes easily. And yeah – I had a friend who found coca-cola was the only thing that worked – much to her vegan/organic horror.

    And acupuncture or chinese herbals may help. Ginger could help but might also exacerbate the condition.

    Good luck

  35. ugh…the time when you sense of smell is 20x better than any blood hound.
    your sickness at this stage is perfectly normal, but maybe your doc can give you something. Mine couldn’t. I puked everytime I put a toothbrush in my mouth for 9 months.
    good luck, sweetie!!

  36. Maybe @11 is being sarcastic? That’s how I read it at first…Until everyone got all self-righteously anti-douchey about it.

    But. Dude, carry some bags. People look at you funny when you walk around with a plastic bag in your hand and your face is kind of green, but it’s better than puking on their shoes.

  39. How is it that no one has mentioned acupressure wrist bands?? I wore them off and on in my entire pregnancy, during which morning sickness lasted all day and all night for nine months EXCEPT when I had the bands on. They’re easy to get at a pharmacy. Wear them about an inch away from your hands on both wrists. Cheap. Not stylish. Effective.

  40. Because they’re nothing more than an-excuse-for-fashion placebo designed for the superstitious and weak-minded? There is no science behind “squeeze / magnetize wrists and cure nausea”. The nausea is caused by an increase in hormones, not by magic wrist bulge demons.

    There’s nothing for her to do but carry barf bags, as someone suggested. Unless she secretly enjoys desecrating public places, which would be just about the only reason I could see any modern woman walking around with barf on her clothes and hair when there are alternatives available.

  41. My worst nausea was with my girl, the boys were cake.

    Anyway, the barf bags sound like a practical idea, stuff the unused ones in a nice handbag and be prepared!

  42. My favorite solution to the abortion controversy could also coincidentally solve Ms. I Anon’s problem as well, before it started. We just need to get someone to develop it.

    In the meantime, sweetie, experiment with whatever comes to mind: heat, cold, fragrances, fresh air, drugs, no drugs, foods, whatever. Every pregnancy is different, but potential solutions are plentiful.

  43. Why would anyone bring yet ANOTHER life into this corrupt, overpopulated world? Jesus Christ, contraception has never been as effective and easy to access as it is now.

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