Dear Phlebotomist: I trusted you were a medical professional because you were wearing scrubs. I’d arrived to participate in an allergy study. As you grabbed a pair of nonlatex gloves (because I’m allergic to latex) from the hall closet, I heard you bickering with a nurse. When you returned, you flirtatiously complained about how much you hated your ex-wife, gesturing again to the hallway. Though I did not laugh, smile, or encourage you to talk, you were persistent. I was nervous regarding your method of preparation, as we seemed to be jumping right into the procedure without the debriefing I was usually subjected to in medical studies. You tapped my vein and began filling vials. I looked away, because I don’t like needles, and you took this opportunity to solicit me for my phone number and a date because you “don’t get out much.” As you continued to draw far more blood than I believed would be necessary, I managed to tell you that I had a boyfriend. Your ensuing tizzy fit about how you had fucked up and would certainly lose your job over this did not garner you much pity, especially as I told you I was getting dizzy and you began to panic further. As you finished filling the last vial, you tossed me a cotton ball and told me to use it to stop the bleeding before you ran away, returning with a bottle of SunnyD and your ex-wife. You unprofessional fuckers exchanged nervous glances as you asked me questions about my medical history—do I always get dizzy? What was my blood pressure like? How much did I weigh?—before jointly deciding that I was too skinny, throwing out my blood, and giving me, a vegetarian, a pack of turkey jerky to compensate me for my troubles as you escorted me to the door. There is no amount of turkey jerky that can make up for what you put me through. I want you to know that I’ve called the health department to check out your operation, and yes, it was me who puked on your front steps as a convalescent’s revenge, you creepy, bloodthirsty son of a bitch. 
I, Anonymous
No Amount of Turkey Jerky Can Make Up for What You Did
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boring
Why do phlebotomists act so damn cavalier? Drives me nuts. I know they aren’t doctors or even always nurses, but is a little care and professionalism too much to ask? I’m a healthy, athletic man with large veins and the last time I had blood drawn it took the lady 4 tries to get the fricking needle in right. And quit with the small talk already; you’re making me bleed dammit I want you to focus!
Ouch, they’re most often not nurses. Lab-techs at the most, but generally are people who went through a two month-class at the community college and participated in an internship. I agree about the cavalier attitude. I’m a nurse and had a phlebotomist tell me, “I DID NOT collapse your vein!” Like the burning pain up my arm was all in my head, and she hadn’t left the tourniquet on for three minutes.
I’ll never forget the time one AT A HOSPITAL drew blood without swabbing my arm!!!
@4 Why would you LET someone draw blood without swabbing your arm? Don’t you have control over your own body?
Good I, Anonymous but BEST I, Anonymous TITLE ever! LOL!
Good god, Anonymous, you need transfusion STAT.
Very funny – and scary.
#5
Some people really hate getting needles, and tend to look away for most of the procedure, and tend to trust that medical professionals, are, well, professional.
huh……yikes.
on a related note, i’m watching ‘the invention of lying’. one heck of a movie. great premise. alot of cameos. pretty good. i recommend it.
no needles.
Sockman — I had this done too at a very reputable hospital in Seattle. I asked about it, and apparently for some tests the prep swabs can alter results. I was also told unless I was brimming with dirt, it’s really not a concern.
You sound like a whiny little whore to me.
I had a phlebotomist joke with me about how frequently I was in his office when I was very ill. He thought it was funny until I burst into tears and yelled at him for being such a jerk. Didn’t offer me any turkey jerky though.
Why on earth didn’t you talk to this jackass’s SUPERVISOR!
His behavior was beyond the pale in terms of both profession conduct (“bedside manner”) and professional ethics… If no one speaks up, then he gets to go on bothering study participants who are already in an awkward and vulnerable position, what with a needle in their arm and all…. Do yourself, the lab and your fellow Guinea Pigs a big favor and get this creepy dude fired or transferred to an area where he does NOT deal directly with innocent bystanders.
Good one, nice change of pace from recent IA’s. I like the detail in the story.
@9 Well that explains it then. If medicine is something you let people “do to you” instead of participating in, these things will happen. When your health is at stake, why would anyone be passive. The death of your healthcare reform comes as no surprise if this is the general attitude.
It’s good to see something other than a bitch-about-the-ex-fest-complete-with-small-dick-insult, for a change.
What a waste of blood.
The vials they threw out, I mean.
Calling BS – Wife is in the business. Here are her thoughts
If it was a medical study, there would have been LOTS of screening, first. Second, ALL gloves now are latex free. Cotton balls are NEVER used (gauze is now used – always a gauze pad. Cotton ball fibers stick to the wound and pull platelets away re-opening blood flow plug
scotteebeth@yahoo.com: platelet plug.) . And, if the patient is dizzy or fainting, it’s crackers, grahmn crackers. Medical history would have been taken prior to ANY tests… part of pre-screen. BP, weight, all considered in PRE-SCREEN. Manditory for ANY medical study.
What #19 said. But if you have a legitamate complaint – contact the hospital’s Internal Review Board.
Sphinx- That assumes competant staff and a reputable lab. I’m a “frequent flyer” at a research lab in Montana and while I’ve never once had cause for complaint, I have noted that some of the staff are more painstaking than others in collecting the repetitive data and the writer DID mention that she felt a few steps had been skipped…. Not doubting your wife’s knowlege, just pointing out that what is usual and correct is not always what happens.
@Sphinx002-
So she’s a whiny whore AND a liar!
Yeah, it seems sad how often really legit, justified bitches on I,A end with, “and so I said nothing and walked away”.
Because it’s not just about you being too noble or passive or busy or generous to bother getting the douche in trouble with his boss, it’s about you implicitly setting up the next person for more of the same BS.
If the the last girl he pulled this sloppy/scary BS with had reported it to the researcher and the department, you and those after you would have been spared the whole experience, and today we’d be reading about some skank who gave her fiance crabs.
If something is sketching you out during a medical procedure, how about getting the fuck out or at least expressing your concerns instead of just sitting there hoping for the best.
She said she reported him to the health dept. in the story. How did you miss that?
This story has made my veins hurt.
@heytyetye – reporting to the health department and reporting to the INSTITUTIONAL (not internal) review board are not the same thing
@anotherguineapig – absolutely agree. clinical research staff are often rushed (just like all medical personnel) and steps may have been missed.
@JR labrador – It’s likely that the study wasn’t conducted at a hospital. Most of these ‘allergy studies’ are done through plasma/blood collection sites like Grifols or PSBC
@OP – the consent form you signed would tell you how much blood was being taken. You should have read it. Also, it has a number for the Principal Investigator and the Institutional Review Board. If you’re unhappy, call and complain. The Health Department won’t do sh*t.
I’m sorry that you had that experience, which just makes it harder for the rest of us in Health Care. People take time out of their lives, and expect something beyond civility in return. Anyone not able to meet that base level of service belongs somewhere else.
I’ve been doing this over 20 years, and if I ever disrespect my Pts, I expect to get shown the door. Sad to see that lack of compassion still exists.
@19 you are wrong. i routinely get my blood taken and have done so for the past 5 years in 3 cities. there are latex and non latex gloves. always. also, 90% of the time they use a cotton ball, so i call BS on you.
Next IA should be written by the person who slipped on the puke and is in a wheelchair now…
Yup, 30 is right and 19 doesn’t know what the fuck he is talking about. I’ve done maybe two dozen studies at the UWMC, and latex gloves and cotton balls are the norm.
As someone with bipolar disorder, I get my lithium (as well as thyroid) levels checked every 6 months and I have been given a cotton ball almost every time. It happens.
Or you could move to Canadiana.
We have exceptional healthcare.
And it is actually free… although, according to FOX, that makes us all a bunch of evil, free-wheeling commies.
@34 you must hate paying the way too high taxes that go make all of your sick family members, friends and neighbors well….. and don’t you have to stand in long lines to see a doctor?
It’s your fault, dummy! You should have known you were to “skinny” in the first place! Who does those studies anyways??? Isn’t it only drug addicts and broke losers??? My suggestion to you is get a job that pays enough to keep you out of drug labs…..dummy!!
@35: The tax ratio difference between American and Canada is SIGNIFICANTLY less than what you guys pay for insurance. And no, the emergency room wait is the same length (I have been to many hospitals in both countries) and you can see a specialist within 3 weeks.
And yes, I WOULD rather pay higher taxes for government services that are BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS. Medicine is not a privilege. Your countries defense budget alone could cover the health care system 6 times over.
@35: The tax ratio difference between American and Canada is SIGNIFICANTLY less than what you guys pay for insurance. And no, the emergency room wait is the same length (I have been to many hospitals in both countries) and you can see a specialist within 3 weeks.
And yes, I WOULD rather pay higher taxes for government services that are BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS. Medicine is not a privilege. Your countries defense budget alone could cover the health care system 6 times over.
@35
Furthermore, the actual income tax disparity between our respective countries is not as substantial at the Republicans would have you believe.
And when I make an appointment with my family doctor, I wait 10 to 15 minutes.
In emergency rooms, usually between 2 and 5 hours, depending seriousness of situation.
As 38 notes, the differences in government distribution of income tax is primarily a matter of priority rather than per capita funding.
I.E. we get healthcare, subsidized post-secondary education, (somewhat) subsidized daycare and extensive social programs.
You get the highest incarceration rate in the world and a massive military budget.
What is the relevance of Canadian healthcare to this IA? Are phlebotomists there necessarily more ethical? This couldn’t happen there?
Or, granted that it’s a complete digression – which is awesome – can concerned citizens of the U.S. legally move to Canada? Practically speaking, in most cases, I think not.
Finally, Canadians never seem to get the fact that they are effectively PART of the U.S. culturally, economically, and, yes, militarily. EVERYTHING about your country is hugely influenced by the U.S. The Canadian health care system is by no means perfect, or anywhere close.
It’s almost not even a country at all. It’s like North Dakota on steroids.
I like the French healthcare system, personally.
No country is perfect, but Canada seems to be getting a lot of things right. In the US, the major roadblock to progress is the military industrial complex; they are bleeding us dry. The wrong people have been in charge for far too long and it will take a mini-revolution to correct this.
The U.S. gets a lot of mileage out of being the world’s policeman, businesswise and culturally. So does Canada, the passive-aggressive tumor that is our number one trading partner and a top-notch triple-A farm team for comedians. Does the rest of the world also appreciate it? Hmmm. It depends.
Probably the developed world does, because it means they can spend their taxes on awesome ‘reach-around’ health care instead of idiot war machines. Before the rise of our military-industrial complex, when every country had to arm themselves to the teeth or be invaded, there was little health coverage for anyone.
Anyway, I think you should decouple the two issues for the sake of progress, because the U.S. can afford both. Health Care reform means reducing the cost, something that could be done legislatively if people actually wanted it.
Unfortunately, the people who have health care are happy, and many of them really don’t care about the people who don’t have it. They’re convinced that it’s going to cost more, which, unless it’s single-payer or government option or something like that, it probably will. For-Profit health care costs way more.
I think indifference to poverty has always been a hallmark of American culture. We just don’t care. It’s why the rest of the world loves us. It’s also why they hate us.
This cunt should be more assertive. Way to be a typical bitch.
Just because they have certification or experience does not mean that they’re intelligent and always looking out for your best interests.
23 had it nailed!
countless I,A’s doing nothing about the situation at the time, only to rant about it on the stranger is lame. a cautionary tale at best.
when faced with something you know is not right, put away the politeness and STEP UP!
sausagefingers, are YOU, by any chance, the phlebotomist this piece was about? That’s the only thing I can think of that explains why you keep bringin’ teh hate here, dude.
First world problems…
41: ” In the US, the major roadblock to progress is the military industrial complex; they are bleeding us dry. The wrong people have been in charge for far too long and it will take a mini-revolution to correct this.”
Yo, Abbie Hoffman, you are fucking dead. Now shut the fuck up you cliche’-spouting hippie retard and rot in peace.
Take a long hard look at your federal and state budget. Okay, now do you see where the overwhelmingly majority of gross tax revenue (and you should include payroll taxes in that, since the divide is artificial) actually gets spent? Do you?
Hint: it ain’t on bullets or soldiers or weapons systems, moron, it is spent on the comfort of relatively wealthy voters, probably like you. (What, you think those English Lit grad programs are not heavily dependent on money from working stiffs like me?)
This piece was boring.
I’d have to agree. You are full of crap. You are a liar. You don’t have a boyfriend. I should know, he’s my boyfriend now. He was getting so tired of you going in for medical experiments all the time. Then you infected him with a bad case of shingles from a botched study.
He only stuck around as long as he did because he thought you were going to get a huge settlement. You almost did, but you didn’t follow the rules of the study. Seems snorting meth and selling it to other participants wasn’t allowed and that is what actually proved to a contributing factor for the high shingle rate as a side effect for that new schizophrenia drug they were testing.
Why do you keep calling him and insisting that you are still together? Can’t you leave us in peace? We are both nursing shingle sores right now and to have you bothering us is so annoying.
I’ll tell you what. Bring over some Sunny D and Popov and I’ll let you watch. But that’s it. That is my final offer. Take it or leave it sister.
#49 stop acting like a fag.
lol scary stuff