To the fat, ignorant fuck who made a goddamn fool of himself in front of the lesbian bar: I hate you. I’m sure you felt that the women in front of the bar deeply offended you, but it’s so fucking obvious to everyone except yourself that their lifestyle terrifies you because it leaves you feeling impotent and obsolete—things I can assure you that you’ve successfully accomplished on your own. It’s impressive you fit into that neat little box of overcompensating, closeted rage—white male, mid-20s, fat, backward baseball cap, collared shirt, red-faced, drunk, hateful, ranting about sex. This might be a difficult realization for you, but I’m pretty certain the women did NOT “want some of this” as you artfully gestured to your groin. When they expressed disgust for your sad, tiny cock, perhaps you thought calling them dykes would win them over. But to no avail—they called the police and you walked around in circles with your chest puffed out AS IF they would be intimidated or impressed. Then you quickly excused yourself (ran away) while calling insults behind you? God, you embarrassed yourself. If I see you mouth off again, I’m coming down with my cast-iron pan and taking out your knees, you fucking pathetic ogre. recommended

59 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  1. Love this. There are too many of these ignorant fools. There is a reason they don’t get laid and it isn’t because all women dig women.
    I’m a man stick addict myself and there is no way anything slightly resembling this douchtard is getting anywhere near my vagina.

    Note – Backwards baseball cap, jockish behavior? Not getting laid by anything remotely hot or cool. Don’t blame us.

  3. Fantastic I, Anon. The only thing that would have made it better is if he actually had gotten caught by the cops. Oh well, I guess we can’t blame him for running away. It was the only intelligent thing he did all night.

  4. that’s funny, i saw this fat assed ugly biatch out front of ‘the cuff’ bar last week. she was grabbing her tits and crotch and yelling how “you dick lovers don’t know what yer missin, i got the goods right here!” then she queefed a beefer and made out with a bum.
    i’m not offended. no threats from me. good times.

  6. OhJesusFuckingChrist! This sounds like my ex-step father’s brothers and male relatives. When they were drunk, which was a lot, they KNEW every woman within a 50-mile radius wanted them. Only difference is that none of them were overweight. They were a skinny, repulsive bunch of losers.
    They were constantly hitting on each other’s wives and girfriends, then would cut each other for hitting on each other’s wives and girlfriends. It was just all kinds of white trash fun. I miss my stepdad, but sure as hell don’t miss any of his family.

  9. @4: There’s a big difference in threat level between a man waving his dick at women and a woman waving her tits at men. Women face the threat of sexual assault all the time in their daily lives; men do not, especially not from women.

  10. @9: rah rah sis boom bah. please excuse my lack of seriousness on the matter. twas but a bit of levity. next time i’ll be more careful.

    pfffffffff….

  13. So I guess this is one of those situations where mentioning someone’s weight is OK? Is it because it is a man harassing women or a hetero harassing homos that his BMI is salient to the situation?

    I am just trying to figure out Slog hypocrisy…err, etiquette.

  14. Gay OK, minorities OK, religeon preference OK, fat people? The bane of the earth, so its OK to sling vitriol and hate at them. What a bunch of hypocrites! It seems we can never get rid of predjudice, we just shift it to another sector under the guise of a descriptor. Why is it not enough to just call the guy an ass? Whys he got to be called a fat ass?
    Asshole are all assholes be they skinny, fat, gay, straight, tranny, sloppily or finely dressed,female, male, big dicks/boobs or little. Keep the insults where thay belong on the behaviour not on the secondary predjudices. Sorry but the Dan Savage column just strongly implied that fat women are inherently bad in bed. So double the insults to fatties, double the insults to the hypocrits. If being gay is genetic and its not a choice, what the hell do you think the propensity to be fat is. Its certainly not a choice I chose! I eat right and exercise but that doesnt work. And belaboring it is like telling a gay person that if they just applied themselves they could be straight.
    Grrr

  15. fat people are not a protected class under the any law, where minorities and people with any sexual preference, race, or nationality are protected classes

  18. 14 & 15, yes, when a stranger is yelling at you and complaining about how you don’t want to sleep with them, you have every right to tell them why, and if your reasons include that they are fat and ugly, oh well. If they don’t want your opinion, they shouldn’t get in your damn face in the first place.

    And I say that as someone who hates the fat bashing on Slog in general. I hate ugly bashing, too. But once a person starts sexually harrassing you, they aren’t an innocent person and they don’t deserve the same treatment as your average citizen.

  20. Let’s get after the fatties for a new reason…because it is time to get off the back of smokers. I’ve been fat and it takes more than diet and ‘moderate exercise’ to get rid of it. Get to the gym and build some muscle to increase your daily caloric burn.
    And as a smoker, I am tired of everyone defending the poor overweight person coming out of McDonalds, and bitching about walking through my second hand smoke. In Canada, cigarettes are taxed at an incredibly high rate to make up for the additional health care burden they place on society. What about the overweight? If you eat healthy and struggle with weight, you have my sympathy. If you eat your meals at fast food joints, drink your big gulp pails, and scarf down bags of chips, why shouldn’t these things be taxed like smokes? Because that would be bias against the overweight, and they are to be treated like a special minority. Unfortunately, soon (if not already) they will be the majority.

  21. Props, #4.

    I’ve irrigated a 5-inch-deep infected and decaying bed-sore on a neglected quads butt but “queefed a beefer” evoked the thrill of nausea instantly!

  22. Guys like this just make all white, male, mid-20s, fat, backward baseball cap-wearing, collared shirt-wearing, red-faced, drunk, hateful, ranting about sex guys looks bad.

    Most of us are really great.

  23. Is anybody else seeing the ad for Palm Springs at the bottom of this page? Apparently, you can be gay there. It’s a revelation! And, they “know what you need.” When did municipalities start talking like date rapists?

  26. If you are overweight and can’t lose weight, even though you eat healthy and exercise,or you are underweight and can’t gain weight,no matter what you eat,(that’s my problem),you almost certainly have hypothyrodism.That is low functioning thyroid. Some experts claim that
    as much as 40% of Americans are hypothroid. If you have had your thyroid tested and it seems normal,it may not be. Those blood tests for thyroid function are not very reliable. The only way to know for certain is to do the barnes basal temperature test. Just put a thermometer under your arm as soon as you wake up in the morning and before you get up and move around. Leave it there for a few minutes. Your temperature should be at least 97.8. If not,you probably have low thyroid function.
    An excellent book on the subject is “Living well with hypothyroidism”, by Mary J. Shomon.
    Smoking cigarettes and taking birth control pills both suppress thyroid function, as do many vegetables.

  28. So… fuck you. What do fat, mid-twenties and “white male” have anything to do with it? Do the majority of fat, mid-twenties white males display this behavior or something? Are all Fat, mid-twenties white lesbians bitchy, man-hating skanks?

    Why do you feel the need to insult and lump various groups of people based on the actions of one guy? Because you’re a dumb, hypocritical bitch. That’s why.

  29. @29

    It’s not that the majority of fat, mid-twenties, white males are insecure and overcompensating by being major douches; it’s that the majority of douches are fat, mid-twenties, white males.

    And it seems as though you fit the stereotype quite nicely.

  30. @30:

    “the majority of douches are fat, mid-twenties, white males.”

    Could it be that you are simply defining “douche” in a manner which is culturally biased against fat, mid-twenties, white males?

  31. It is times like this when we should all look inside ourselves and realize our own shortcomings as humans and immediately forgive another human being for theirs.NOT call the cops.
    Being homosexual does not make you better or worse people,still just people.

  32. I think one thing that makes it at least understandable (if not “okay”) when women insult men like this by pointing out that they are fat, is the fact that men like this are CONSTANTLY pointing out how fat women are. Or just basically commenting on women’s bodies as though they have the right/as though the woman in question will benefit from their opinion. Douchey dudes like this are happy to inform women that they are ugly, or fat, or hot, or have huge tits, or whatever, when the woman in question is just minding her own business, and they don’t have any conception of that gaze being turned around. This is because of our fucked up sexist society. So I know that when I have the desire to tell one of the drunk frat boys harassing me on my walk home at night that they are a fat stupid fuck, it’s because they too are commenting on my body.

    You could argue the whole “don’t go down to their level” thing, which is true. But, I’m not a saint, and it’s hard not to practice “turn about is fair play” when being harassed on the street by an idiot yelling about your vagina like he owns it.

  35. This guy is a d-bag, and deserves to be smacked. But, no matter how much she threatens it, the poster will never come after him. He could do this every weekend for the rest of his life, and the only punishment he would see is a weekly writeup in I Anon.

  38. While most women are painfully aware of their physical shortcomings, most men think they’re way better looking than they actually are. Guys, get a mirror, get a good look at yourselves and STFU when you get the urge to be a douche at some poor woman’s expense. You might actually get a date this way.

  39. @27 Bullshit. Maybe some Americans have a predisposition to problems with their weight through hypothyroid or any other number of medical conditions, but there’s no way it’s even close to 40%. The reason most Americans are overweight or obese (according to the Center for Disease Control’s 2009 report on obesity in America) is because they eat a diet of highly-processed, calorie-loaded shit, and live sedentary lives that involve little to no physical activity (paraphrasing here).

    Being fat is a medical issue to be sure, but to claim that lifestyle is not a primary cause is disingenuous.

  40. Some people like being overweight and some people, like me, are attracted to them. Why does everyone assume that overweight people are unhappy and want to become thin?

    I don’t mind when people describe someone as fat, but I hate it when they use it as a pejorative.

    Looksism is just wrong, plain and simple.

  41. Re:
    “I’m pretty certain the women did NOT ‘want some of this…'”

    The correct answer is:

    “You don’t seem to have enough to share.”

  44. While I fully support the right of lesbian (and straght women, and gay and straight men for that matter) to carry on their business free from harrassment, does it realy matter that it was a fat man? Would this be acceptable, if only the asshole had been thin and well-hung? No, of course not.

  45. @46:

    I don’t think I anon is saying this conduct was less acceptable coming from a fat guy. I think she is saying that he is fat to be mean, since this guy was being mean to her.

    The “fat” part is not a complaint; it is revenge rolled into a complaint.

    I’m not weighing in on whether this is right or wrong. Get it? “Weighing” in.

  48. as we pick apart the rant in minutia, interesting that no one comments that the rant describes the douche bag being “white” – it is ok to gloss over skin colour bias because….? help me out here – cause we live in a society where primarily only minority groups or persons outside the statistical norm can be said to face bias? or is it related to a wider self loathing attitude held by many in the majority? other?

    (btw, the ranter exercised a fair bit of restraint in the description of the drunken lout)

  50. Shallow. Narcissistic. And puts his nose up at anyone who doesn’t look like or act like him or hold the same beliefs or opinions as he does. Sounds like your typical Seattleite.

  52. I only did this because I was drunk and my buddy offered me 40 bucks. There’s nothing special about you, you were just in the wrong place when we decided to be assholes. Rest assured though, we had great laugh at imitating the look at your face over pancakes at the IHOP. Clam.

  53. I only did this because I was drunk and my buddy offered me 40 bucks. There’s nothing special about you, you were just in the wrong place when we decided to be assholes. Rest assured though, we had great laugh at imitating the look at your face over pancakes at the IHOP. Clam.

  54. @50:

    There is plenty of anti-gay/misogynistic sentiment in all American racial groups, but if you told me about some guy drunkenly yelling at a bunch of women at a lesbian bar and then asked me to guess his race, I would guess that he was probably white.

    I don’t think this is based on self-loathing (I am white) as much as years of observation of drunk assholes of various races.

    In other words, the fact that this guy was white (unlike his being fat) has some actual relevance (the author was describing him as typical of the type of guy who exhibits such behavior).

    Of course, it would have been just as pc for a woman of color to talk smack about this guy’s being white, so your comment does touch upon a wider issue (why it’s OK for “them” to talk smack about “us” but not vice versa)- but one which should probably be the subject of its own thread so we don’t go off the rails here.

    As to why this conduct is more typical of white guys … I have my own theories but would like to hear the author state hers first.

  55. “It’s not that the majority of fat, mid-twenties, white males are insecure and overcompensating by being major douches; it’s that the majority of douches are fat, mid-twenties, white males.”

    That is fucking pathetic. Really. Get out of the Witchy Woman bookstore more often.

  57. @42 hear, hear, chubby chaser.
    @47/@48 I’ve got a beef with your puns & I’ll make you eat your words.

    @27
    “birth control…. as well as many vegetables”

    So fat folks are fat because of thyroid issues ?

    and thyroid issues are caused by eating veggies?
    and thyroid issues are from not getting pregnant???

    So fat folks are fat because of eating veggies? Is THAT what you just said?
    And fat folks are fat because they Aren’t pregnant?

    hhhooooKay. Just make sure to get your passport stamped before you leave Planet Crazy, ok?

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