You’ve always been like a sister to me, so when you found out you were pregnant, I had no problem with having you stay with me until you could sort out your life. The father of your unborn baby wanted nothing to do with you or the baby; he commanded you to abort. So you were preparing to be a single mom. You picked out a beautiful name for your little girl that reflected your ethnicity. We were going to get you on your feet. I would be like an aunt for the new baby, and that sperm-giver would be the one missing out.
About a month before she was born, he said he wanted to be with you again. He said he wanted to be part of her life. Oh, but the name you picked for the baby was “stupid” and he wanted to name her something different. When you agreed, that was the first mistake. You carried her for nine months! He didn’t even want her to be born! He has no say!
When you went to live with him, you said you wanted to be with him for the baby. He insults your belief system consistently. Says “his” daughter isn’t to be raised to it. He consistently calls you stupid and ugly, and he considers your creativity with art, stories, and music to be hopeless fantasy with no purpose.
You said it’s “for the baby.” The baby is not going to do very well in this situation. You won’t listen to me, and now—the biggest mistake of your life—you married him. No, I will not be your maid of honor, because if I see him, I’ll kick him in the face. But I still care about you and love you like a sister, and you’re still my best friend. So I’ll be there for you soon, when you divorce. 
Well christ, why would she marry that bastard and live with him, when she could live with a man-hating control-freak “sister” like you?
stupid cunt as usual
She is secretly in love with the prego chic.
The 3 above me don’t get this probably because they are stupid.
I get what you are saying. Your friend apparently will learn this particular lesson the hard way.
Idiot, she does not hate men. She hates this irresponsible controlling man that is emotionally abusing her friend. Sadly, this happens a lot to both sexes. So why don’t you actually read the fucking column before you spew ignorant hatred, you fucking misogynist.
Some people just don’t know what’s good for them, two parents is always a good thing if one is an asshole and one is an idiot.
Attention “Nice Guys”! This is the kind of man that makes women hot! You want to get laid, treat them like shit. Trust me, it works!
“two parents is always a good thing if one is an asshole and one is an idiot.”
LOLWUT? High horse fail.
Sorry, I can never feel bad for little miss “accidentally” pregnants. Your friend set out to trap him and her plan worked, for now. No real wonder he’s resentful.
Been there, watched this, scraped up friends following the divorce. It’s sad, but that’s all you can do. Show up.
Hopefully he’s loaded so she can get decent alimony and child support payments out of the deal. If you want to look out for your friend’s best interests, make sure she doesn’t sign a prenup if he presents one.
xxxSTEVExxx, only women like the one Anon writes about, which any smart man would run from. (Because any woman willing to be led around by the nose like that has a screw loose.) I’ve been married for 11 years to a good man. Good men are the ones who get married and stay married, not the assholes. Check back in a year or so and see if this asshole is still married before declaring that being an asshole is the way to go.
Yes – not a MAN hater – the sperm donor is certainly NOT a man.
Treat ’em like shit and they come begging for more! Don’t listen to the dykes braying about ‘nice guys’. Nice guys are dickless chumps.
Hey Road Flare, if this person isn’t a man hater then you are queen of the opera. You can’t assume that all of her accusations are true. She sounds to me like she has a hidden agenda, that, in my experience, leads to a reasonable inference of man-hating. So stick that up your ass and set it on fire.
14: You can never assume that what’s anonymously written on the internet is true. So what?
You can’t assume that it’s false, either, and it’s weird that you’d be so desperate to immediately jump to that assumption so that you can defend this guy. The person who wrote it could be a man-hater and could have made the whole thing up. Hell, the person who wrote it could be a time traveling Nazi dictator with a fetish for pretending to be a woman online. It makes no difference.
If we can’t prove that it’s true or false, then it’s a hypothetical situation to us. And in this hypothetical situation where some guy is being a genuine prick to his wife (calling her stupid and ugly and letting her have no say in the raising of her child), you don’t have to be a “man-hater” in order to hate THAT man.
You have to be a woman-hater in order to dig and scrape for whatever excuse you can find to defend that kind of “man” and hate the woman, though. Or an attention whore. Whichever one it is, knock it off.
I *AM* skull-fucking Schrödinger’s cat. Or not. You’ll have to look to find out.
How did all these Seattle Times commentators end up here?
@16 Amen.
And Anon, Good luck. To you and your friend, and her little girl. A dear, dear friend of mine constantly gets into bad relationships and ends up hurt, and it breaks my heart a little bit every time. But people need to make their own decisions, and their own mistakes, and all you can do is advise and still be there if/when she changes her mind. I hope she does.
When I was making this bad decision and married the wrong guy because of the baby, I would NOT listen to friends or family who begged me to reconsider. I was absolutely convinced that I was right and they, for some mysterious reasons I couldn’t fathom (because they didn’t exist), just could not stand to see me happy and making my own decisions. In the decades that have followed (divorced after 7 years, kid is grown and well), I have seen many others do the same thing. People will ask your advice and never follow it unless and until that advice resembles the thing they already know they are going to do. One day she’ll know you’re right (I guess. If you really are.) but there’s no point in hating on the man. If you keep that up and things smooth out between them, she will cut you out of her life to keep the peace at home.
Is this week a bit trollier than usual? I guess the opportunity to yell “man-hater” as well as the whole “nice guys never get laid” fallacy brings em out. (“I think I’m a nice guy. And my mom says so too. Lots. Really, all the time. And I can’t get laid. And I think all guys who can get laid are assholes because I am not them. Ergo, only assholes get laid.”)
Although it may be a fallacy that women only like jerks, it is certainly true that the jerks, tools, and assholes in the world are also the ones who are willing to but in the time and effort to get pussy. Since women like guys who want their pussy with the same fervor as you (ignorant male chauvenist) would adore a woman who worshiped your flacid cock… jerks get laid. Sit around, be nice, think happy thoughts… the women will continue to stay away and your balls will just get bluer.
@23 thats pretty harsh. if you are a “nice guy” and dont get laid, then you are not playing the “nice guy” card correctly. its one thing to be a nice guy and another thing entirely to not know how to talk to women.
well, at least he’s consistent.
i find the graphic sways the reader too much. illustration fail.
@LZito: Agreed.
This letter is not really about a misogynist asshole or man-hating lesbian crushes. It is not even about the baby. It is about how much it sucks when you go out of your way to help someone you care about who insists on making a bad decision. Whether or not women like getting fucked by assholes, or if assholes treat women like shit just to get laid, are only secondary concerns…
I agree with Diagoras.
I am, by most accounts, a conventionally attractive woman. Sadly, my partner is not considered the same. I am sick to death of people telling me I have esteem issues because I’m with him, or that I could do better.
He is a wonderful man. He treats me with love and respect. He isn’t intimidated by my mind or my success unlike SOME jerks out there), and he challenges me to be a better person.
So xxSTEVExxx, don’t peddle cr@p advice. Loving a jerk may work for women under the age of 25, but not much after that. We get it, he’s a jerk.