I, Anonymous

As a socialist, I have no real reason to want to shake John McCain’s
hand, but I can and so I will. As a douche, you have no real reason to
live, but you can and, to the entire universe’s dismay, you do. We were
both waiting at the Westin ballroom for McCain to pass us. I wasn’t in
your way. You weren’t in my way. Everything was cool. But somehow you
detected my liberalism and wanted to kill me off like Islam and every
American’s right to privacy. What did you do? You shoved me. You pushed
your cheap camera into my face. You called me a bitch. Okay, so maybe I
threw my left elbow into your hardened silicone breast, but you
deserved that. Your war of terror didn’t deter me in the least. McCain
shook my hand, and then he took one look at your face, which is
remarkably ugly even for a conservative, and moved on. Maybe he’ll make
decent decisions as commander in chief after all. Also, you really
should replace your implants. My elbow still hurts. Godspeed, universal
health care.