First: She has a good idea what she’s getting into, which means she plans to stay for at least a few minutes. The duration of her stay will be directly determined by the extent to which the erect-penis-toting men present in the theater allow her to enter with dignity, scan the room for a comfortable spot, and proceed to a seat. If you bum-rush her first step in the door like she’s the first woman you’ve ever seen, the next thing you’ll likely see is her back as she scampers out of your fantasy come true and back to the car.
Second: It’s not dirty talk if your grasp of English is limited to the clinical terms. When you’re getting a really first-rate look from three feet away of her slobbering on my cock, the phrase “Eat his semen” should not be your go-to term.
Third: I can’t stress this enough—if you’re going to come on her, you’re going to come where she tells you. She likes come on her tits. Not her face, not her pussy, not her shoes. Maybe giving a girl a facial in a theater is your all-time fantasy? Not this girl. If you can’t come where she tells you, go jack off in the corner.
That’s it. Three rules. If you follow them, you’ll probably see her there again. 
Something I learned from a distant girlfriend . . . never, ever come on a woman’s shoes. Nor on her $748 suede jacket.
Also, regarding Weisman’s illustration: I missed the part in the letter that described the LW and the “girlfriend” as being obese elves. Maybe that part was edited out for brevity?
chuck palahnuik wrote this one.
The rules are so complicated for depositing semen on your girlfriend’s thorax.
Finally! This was the best “I Anonymous” in a long long while.
if you are gonna publicly perform sex acts in a porn theater aka “jack shack” . you deserve to leave looking exactly like a cum soaked clown wig , because thats exactly just how much class you have.
There are still porn theaters? How quaint.
Dipshit slut-shaming in three, two, one…
This seems like a fake and incoherent post. I hope I’m wrong to be thinking it was published for the sole intention of generating many responses from angry readers.
FUCKING EW. AIGHT? EW.
FUCK.
I wonder if Anon’s “girlfriend” has two clitorises.
I think I’ll just stick with the dick in the popcorn, sneeze and run routine!
I think I’ll stick with my dick in the popcorn,sneeze and run routine!
so wait… other people cum on her or you? I get the public thing and i guess its a safe enviroment… but i am a little confused. i love dirty slutty chics! (only for a little while, I want to settle down with girl next door.
@14
The average “girl next door” is sluttier than any “dirty slutty chick”. I know this from experience, as I learned a long time ago that the most sexually aggressive women almost universally go no farther than the “Stick your penis in my vagina/mouth/ass, now!” route, while the unassuming women who become pseudo-Stepford wives are the most willing (with proper orgasm denial/overload training) to do things that those same overtly “slutty” women wouldn’t do for all of the gold in Zaire.
Or to put it bluntly, women who orgasm easily see less of a need to spice things up, while women who (normally) have difficulty reaching orgasm can easily be “persuaded” to expand their horizons when they’ve met that special someone. There’s a reason why the majority of non bedroom-based “homemade” porn movies feature women who’d never be confused with the “beautiful people”, and it isn’t because the “hot to trot” chicks are afraid of the spotlight. The cooler, calmer women are the ones who have their first orgasm, hear the orgasm-supplier’s suggestion and think, “Would it be so bad if I deep-throated him in a truck stop bathroom while one of the waitresses fisted me and various long-haul truckers jacked off on my face and tits? I mean, he’s already made me come *twice* on two separate occasions, so he must have some good ideas on how to make sex even better…”
Why, yes, I *will* probably go straight to hell when I die, why do you ask?
@ 16.
What an extraordinary grasp you have of the complex workings of female sexuality.
Clearly *you* are a Master of Tail.
“Or to put it bluntly, women who orgasm easily see less of a need to spice things up, while women who (normally) have difficulty reaching orgasm can easily be “persuaded” to expand their horizons when they’ve met that special someone”
Baloney. I can be talked into an orgasm and I adore “spicing things up”.
Your information is wrong, and you have bias confirmation all over the place.
So, is “eat his semen” the most clinical thing they’ve heard or does it get more interesting?
“Stimulate his perineum!”
“Cause the muscles around his vas deferens to spasm!”
“Push your middle finger in and out of your vaginal opening!”
“Try to find your crura!”
17, 18
1. I never said that I was a master of “tail”.
2. Repeat after me: I am not everyone else. If the average woman could readily be talked into orgasms, then Dan’s reader base wouldn’t be anywhere near as large as it is now. I’m most definitely not going to hate on women who’ve found the path to orgasm to be a flower-lined golden road, but most women (even *with* the attentions of a loving, GGG partner) usually have a much harder time with it. And considering the amount of pure assholes that walk the earth, anyone who expands their mindset past the, “Well, *I* can do it, so everyone else is either faking or not trying hard enough”, ideal of orgasms should realize that it only takes one dedicated asshole to turn a less-than-nymphoid woman into an icebox.
BTW, when was the last time that either one of *you* walked into a porn shop and allowed strangers to ejaculate into your chest while you were slobbering all over your SO’s cock?
What you said was women who orgasm easily aren’t up for spicing up their sex life. You were basing this on a very small personal sample, and you were wrong to assume it covered the situation across the board.
And having strangers come on me is the only way to spice things up? I will let my partner know we’re doing it wrong.
Really ? You need a porno to get it up ? Fag.
@19 ROFL!
@19: brilliant!!! absolutely brilliant. I want to see that at HUMP!
Why on this green earth would you wear a $700+ suede jacket to a porn theatre??
@ Milbury:
Speaking as a not-highly-orgasmic woman, I think you are utterly full of shit. Yes, I’m pretty adventurous/kinky, but because that’s the way my own fantasies lead me, not because I’m so clueless and desperate that I’ll blindly comply with whatever my “orgasm supplier” says. Which is fortunate, because the only thing my orgasm supplier says is “bzzzz.”
@ Milbury…
Hey, me, I’d give you a chance 🙂
Not-as-orgasmic-as-I’d-like…
@26
milbury is making a generalization. Though it may not be true for you in specific it is quite possibly true for many other women. I think that if I had easier orgasms I probably wouldn’t be half as kinky. You may not want to admit it but just think, if you came easily in multiple would you really be as willing to switch things up? After all, why fix something that works fine?
The way Milbury says it may be crass but he has a point.
@27,28
Thank you for the compliment. I forget that some people are offended by bluntness.
That being said, I do live in a part of the country where blowjobs become extinct as soon as the ring rolls onto the finger and more than a few women react as if they’ve been bathing in toxic waste as soon as anyone’s head moves below their navels(+). You know that you aren’t living in the “big city” when a woman’s idea of “kinky” is buying an (OMGLOL!) silver bullet vibrator at a “Passion Party” or traveling six hours away from her home to see “live drag queens”.
Bottom line: in the land of men who think and say(+) things like, “She lets me stick it in her twice a week without me begging, so I’m easily the best”, anyone who puts in a little extra is king.
(+) This fact is sadly true, if the old Latin saying “In vino veritas”, is as accurate in modern times as it was in days of old…
No Milbury, your generalizations are false because I can cite specific people that they do not apply to.
Checkmate. Logic. Now go take your tough-to-make-orgasm girl back to the porn theater.
@kungfujew Not that I agree with Milbury, but if you are going to cite logic you should know that using anecdotal evidence is a fallacy.
@kungfujew Not that I agree with Milbury, but if you are going to cite the use of logic you should know that using anecdotal evidence is a fallacy.
Good Lord! What the fuck is going on in Seattle…?
@ Milbury.
If it only takes one asshole to turn a woman into an icebox, we’d all be wooly fucking mammoths and the earth would have frozen over.
I am not sure where you meet your women.
And if you think that being a city boy makes you a good lover, you’ve lost your head deeply up your own ass.
I have met some extremely rural gentlemen who can fuck and eat pussy like champions.
As to whether or not they keep putting out once you marry them, alas I’ll never know.
or maybe….JUST maybe….she’s just a sexually adventurous woman who had an adventure with her lover. A lover who was GGG enough to indulge HER sexual fantasy…I know, it’s a radical concept, a woman having a kinky sexual fantasy, and not having to be “led” into it by a manipulative lover, but it could happen.
I can orgasm in less time than it takes to write this post (seriously), I have oorgasms every day and I’m kinky as hell. And yes, I’m bragging. I am not impressed with you, Milbury
… Fuck it. This isn’t worth the inevitable back-and-forth and I don’t have the strident desire for validation that some people possess.
he says, after 7+ posts…
@31 and @ 32:
I was kidding @30, but thank you.
A g/f of mine was chased all over a porn theater some years ago by a wanker who wouldn’t take no for an answer. We finally exited stage left as well.