You piece of shit. You maggot in an egg sac laid by a fly in a piece
of shit. You fucked me. No, to be accurate, you spent a month “being
friends” in order to fuck me, then you fucked me and stopped returning
my phone calls. Fair enough, I walked right into that one, point for
you. But then you have the (shaved) balls to call my phone
almost two months later, not to talk, but because you’re drunk
(probably after one Stella, you manorexic tampon) and want to know if
my fucking roommate can come out to play. Are you serious? Did your
delinquent mother suckle at the crack teat while incubating your flat,
pasty ass? Suck my taint, you emo-haired, bent-dicked, Jeff Buckley
wannabe! Let’s get two things straight: First, your music sounds like
an 8-year-old girl singing Radiohead in the shower. And second, the
next time you call me at one in the morning, it had better be because
you’ve slit your wrists with your ball-shaving razor.

43 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  9. I’ll give it an 8. Definitely true to the I, Anonymous spirit but lacking the use of cockholster or twatwaffle. Manorexic tampon, though, kudos.

  17. Although it could be a gay gay, it sounds more like this came from a chic who was a terrible lay and now just wants to piss and moan about Manorexia not wanting to do her again. And the ball fixation is a bit weird.

  18. I don’t exactly know what manorexic tampon means, but I like the way it insults! Well done! Was also fond of the crack-teat suckling part! heh. That bastard! I hope his balls itch!!

  26. wow… Jeff Buckley wannabe, manorexic tampon, shaved balls(only my assumption), flat ass…hmm, this could be about any number of Seattle men!

  30. should be a woman, eh? do women have taints that they would talk about in that way? hm… and has this anonymous individual that posted the comment ever actually read any real stats on the way men and women act in relationships? I’m thinking no…

  31. Amazing, this sounds exactly like a recent experience I had minus the roommate thing. Could it be there’s more than one of these running around the Seattle area?

  32. Exquisite. Sounds like he is trying to save face. My guess is that it was a bad sexual performance. Why else would he feel the need to dog you? Did he catch you sneering at his bent willy? Either way, whatta limp-o.

  36. Get over it, and use better judgement. If you can’t tell someone is a piece of shit before they fuck you, you kind of deserve it. Make sure you wrap it up first.

  37. This rant is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. I love the slit wrists/ball shaver razor line. I have been trying to work manorexic tampon in my vocab for a week now…3 cheers for our ranter/rantress.

  39. You know it’s a good rant if you have to use both google and wikipedia to understand it. I agree that the author is most likely a woman. Excellent! A nice break from the litany of boo-hoos that have been cluttering this column.

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