I’m the one who found your lost cell phone on the street. My first
instinct was to find out whom it belonged to and return it, to do my
Good Samaritan deed. It wasn’t password protected, so I looked around
on it to find some identifying information. That’s when I found all
your Election Day text messages between you and your other racist
buddies. “Did you hear that Hallmark has a new Obama presidential
Christmas ornament? Now everyone can hang that nigger from a tree!” and
“The White House is now tearing out its Rose Garden and replacing it
with a watermelon patch.” There were ones worse than that.

Bless you, you white-supremacist fuck! Two days after the election,
I couldn’t have found a better celebratory gift! I texted everyone in
your contacts with this message: “I admit it, my racism is a sham! The
truth is I love black cock—in my mouth or up my ass, it doesn’t
matter, it all makes me blow my load!” I figure a racist like you is
probably also homophobic, so I’m sure you have some explaining to do to
your chums. Out of decency, I didn’t text your mom. Even she doesn’t
deserve to know what a racist piece of shit her son is. You might want
to password-protect your next phone. I took a lot of pleasure in
beating this one to death with a hammer. (Obama probably wouldn’t
approve because he’s a decent, upstanding guy. Me, not so much.) recommended

154 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  3. Actually, you should text or call his mom. She needs to know these things but please please wait to do it until Thanksgiving or Christmas. Those are the best times for those sort of calls!

  6. Hahahaha, Hilarious! I thought I had heard them all, but you just gave me two more Obama jokes to tell my friends! They are just jokes people, relax. Tell a joke and all the sudden he is scum of society. Goddamn you people are in such a little bubble up there in Seattle. Fucking Relax!!!

  7. Ahhhh found phones. Hours of prankable entertainment!

    Next time take pictures of all of the disgusting things you can think of – your morning dump, etc… and throw in some porn,,, THEN text everyone. Might as well send it to a few email addresses too…

  9. Wow, talk of lynching a man for committing the crime of having brown skin is “just a joke” Texas Pete? Only a dumb cracker who lives in his own bubble could think that. Why don’t you go back to the fucking yourself with brisket while your sister sucks you off you piece of shit. Come hang out here in our ‘bubble’ with your favorite racist joke printed on a t-shirt and see how long you last in my “hood”.

    Now thats what I call funny.

  11. Great story, and I’m happy that you found the cell phone of a white supremacist, and took the opportunity, but at the same time, I think your choice of humiliation…portraying him (assuming it’s not a her) as Gay as an insult just feeds into the whole mentality that saying someone’s Gay is an effective insult, when we know it’s perfectly normal. Know what I mean?

  12. Thank You,
    You have shown me the error of my ways. I am sooo ashamed and enlightened now that you have put me in my place. My friends razzed me hard.

    Now where can i meet you to get my cell fone back?

  13. congrats, you’ve not only committed a crime but you’ve contributed to the hate between different social groups. have a cookie, dumbass

  16. Some things that masquerade as jokes are not funny and are not meant to be. I agree that criminal behavior is not an appropriate response at all;however, I understand the sentiment.

  20. hilaaaarious jokes… the author probably is making up the entire story about finding a phone just to tell these edgy jokes without getting called out for being a racist for thinking of them.

  22. Bob Dodds said: “hilarious….offended by speech…ok with criminal activity….just so we’re clear….”

    Only whipped mamma’s boys accept laws at face value like lemmings. “Criminal activity” according to who?

  24. Omg! I am so glad you did that! Good for you!

    I can’t believe that people like that even open their mouths (or texts), they’re just embarrassments for the rest of us!

  26. I would have just texted everyone those messages and not smashed the phone. It would have been much funnier for the douche to have to have to explain his actions in the aftermath of that!!!

  27. LMAO! Fucking CLASSIC, but rather than beating it with a hammer, I’d have liked to see the phone get passed around at a shelter for the homeless or battered women to allow folks in need to make a few calls, then donated to one of the many charity groups that recycles cell phones to raise funds…. or maybe just the battery (less traceable)

  28. Why do we ALWAYS have to resort to racist bullshit and name-calling whenever there’s any sort of controversy? Hey Texas Pete and SizzleChest: how do you know that these other posters who are mad about those jokes are black? Maybe they’re just enlightened white people who, unlike yourselves, don’t subscribe to the idea that racist jokes are the pinnacle of comedy? Maybe there ARE intelligent people who (again, unlike yourselves) are sick of stupidity.

  30. I voted for Obama. He’s the bee’s knees. Absolutely LOVE the guy.

    I also laughed at the hallmark joke. It’s been floating around for a while, and it’s funny. After the election my multinational group of friends and I got together to celebrate at a bar south of Dallas and whipped everyone up in a corus of “three cheers for the n—er in the White House!” and many people who we asked responded with “F–k yeah, I voted for the n—er!”

    Racist? Sure. Awesome? F–k yeah, n—er!

  31. Darkie, I hope you’re joking. I sincerely hope you’re just being an ass and not actually telling a true story of how a bunch of people got together to tell nigger jokes.

    Wow. I’d love to see you tell that joke to an ACTUAL Black Person’s Face. And see how ‘awesome’ it is then.

    Douche nozzle.

  32. It was SOUTH DALLAS.

    Also, I’M BLACK.

    We do it different here. Lighten up. Assigning arbitrary feelings of outrage to a set of comments only gives them power. Laughing at them takes that power away. Who’s the racist now?

  34. Finally! A decent I, Anonymous. After months of pathetic, cry-baby submissions from fat chicks nobody wants to fuck, we get a real gem. Bless you, submitter!

  35. I’m gonna get allot of flak for this and i don’t give a FUCK, Everyones entitled to an opinion. And Its mine that you are as bad as the guy who is racist. Hes most likely just ignorant, and his mom is probably a racist too ( since most racists are raised that way, you don’t just decide one day i hate black people ) Kinda like you are ignorant to destroy someones property who doesn’t agree with you politically, yes hes clearly a bad person, does that give you a right to destroy his phone? you could have at least sold it… but no ! that phone is racist now ! cause it had racist messages on it, id better smash it with a hammer instead of selling it on craigs list like any other intelligent unemotional, unspoiled, person would have. Dur you fail BADLY

    +1 for trying
    +1 for not being racist

    -10 for being a wasteful moron who smashed a perfectly good cell phone that didn’t belong to you

  37. And the fact that you texted every person and smashed it with a hammer shows

    A. your childish
    B. your too emotional
    C. your not over the age of 21
    D. you most likely don’t support yourself or you wouldn’t smash a phone that costs MONEY

  38. pff the people on this site seem just as bigoted and racist.

    i can just imagine you finding a black man’s phone and looking through the messages and not complaining when they use the name cracker.

    fucking double standard assholes.

  39. I just SO wish it was true. I want it to be true! I wish I could be so lucky, but the fact is, you did far more with that phone than I would have thought to do. If this is a true story, bravo, hats off to you, thank you and way to go! If this is your fantasy, well, it’s a good one at least.

  40. So long as this guy can distinguish between sent and received txts, good job. I’ve received some of those exact same jokes from (now) distant friends. Not the kind of shit you like to see popping up on your phone.

  41. I live in Texas too, Texas Pete, so that means I’m not in a “little bubble up there.” Stop spouting ignorant crap and reinforcing Texas stereotypes. You and other people who laugh at lynch mobs are the exception, not the rule. I’m sick of assholes like you making the rest of us look bad.

  42. viva free speech. does anyone think that beating a person for saying something is going to make that person (or their family) say it LESS? this is the same mentality of “let’s bomb them so they stop hating us.”

  43. Look, loved the story and all, wished it was me that had lived it, etc. etc., and got a bit of a larf out of reading the comments. But I’ve got my own “I, Anonymous” that I’m cooking up these days. I’m a smart, political, hip gay man from Portland who’s living in Port Orchard. I know, I know … think about it. Kinda gets the old shudders going, eh? I’m glad to see “I, Anonymous” steering back into the seriously “Jeez-H-Christ” territory it used to tread so well. But wait for mine … just wait.

  45. Will all the Hallmarks be carrying the ornaments? Shouldn’t hte string go around the neck and not thru thr X? I didn’t vote for Obama, but he has my full suport. To bad it wasn’t neg. comments about Queen Christine G.. What a lieing douche

  46. If this makes anyone think twice about using or sending racist or otherwise discriminatory, prejudiced jokes, terms or insults, GOOD. If this only spurs additional comments on the same line, what has been accomplished?
    The jokes were in poor taste to say the least. I’m not saying anything about what people might say in insular groups (that be their own business and protected in this country) ~ just that one should think about public reaction to anything that is put in black and white (no pun intended). If you wouldn’t fess up to it, don’t write it down. Dig?
    Truth is, this country elected Obama because he was clearly seen as the best choice by the majority. Don’t like it? Move someplace that isn’t a democracy.
    Just sayin’ is all.

  48. This is what I Anonymous is all about!

    I just wish that I was the letter writer. Of course, I can’t help but feel pity for the lost phone guy. What if he is not a racist shit, but just has a bunch of friends that are? Then again, you probably did him a favor in that case, because who needs friends like that?

  50. Not a chance in hell the story is true.

    I therefore place you on a level far beneath that of the fictitious, and very hokey, “racist” character you magically brainstormed.

    When white guilt goes too far…

  51. Annonymous needs to be arrested an prosecuted for failure to return lost or misdelivered property and property destruction….. Then while in county he can enjoy that Black C&ck…

  53. hmm.. now I think about it, this story is looking more an more like it’s not real. Maybe the Stranger needs to bring out the blood hounds to filter this kind of fantasy stuff out.

  55. I’m of two minds on this. On one hand the texts sound pretty awful and disgusting. On the other hand they were sent privately and may have been meant as humor. Sometimes people play “offensive chicken” with close friends and say horrible things to be funny. That doesn’t make it any less offensive, but that’s why its kept private. I’m not sure if this guy meant it or not, but in any case I don’t think anonymous was within his or her rights to judge this guy’s intentions.

  56. Texas is a bubble. A big old zit that needs to be popped.

    Do you think Mexico would take it back, if we paid them?

  61. Regardless of whether the phone’s owner was “really” being racist or just “joking,” the ‘black cock lover confessional’ was brilliant – if for no other reason than the gearbox was dumb enough to lose his phone in the first place.
    Smart money says he’s just another useless American jackass, so let the hammers rain down upon him. He’s earned it.

  63. The truth is this whole blog got started because, some one invaded someone else’s privacy. Just like George Bush did with the Patriot Act. The sooner everyone realizes no one is right, and everyone is wrong the better off we are all. On top of that black people are a plague, just like white people. There are white people, and then there are wiggers. There are black people, and then there are niggers. Don’t be a Dick. Fuck TED.

  64. It’s been my experience, that the only group of people that truly know how to get along with any other group, are those people in the arts. That said, here are lyrics of wisdon by Depeche Mode:
    People are people
    So why should it be
    You and I should get along so awfully
    People are people
    So why should it be
    You and I should get along so awfully

    So we’re different colours
    And we’re different creeds
    And different people
    Have different needs
    It’s obvious you hate me
    Though Ive done nothing wrong
    I’ve never even met you
    So what could I have done
    I cant understand
    What makes a man
    Hate another man
    Help me understand
    People are people
    So why should it be
    You and I should get along so awfully
    People are people
    So why should it be
    You and I should get along so awfully
    Help me understand
    Help me understand

    Now you’re punching
    And you’re kicking
    And you’re shouting at me
    And I’m relying on your common decency
    So far it hasn’t surfaced
    But I’m sure it exists
    It just takes a while to travel
    From your head to your fist (head to your fists)
    I can’t understand what makes a man
    Hate another man
    Help me understand
    People are people
    So why should it be
    You and I should get along so awfully
    People are people
    So why should it be
    You and I should get along so awfully

    I can’t understand
    What makes a man
    Hate another man
    Help me understand
    I can’t understand
    What makes a man
    Hate another man
    Help me understand
    I can’t understand
    What makes a man
    Hate another man
    I can’t understand (people are people)
    What makes a man (why should it be)
    Hate another man
    Help me understand…

  65. “Texas Pete” does not speak for all residents of Texas. Thank God. The jokes weren’t even funny, which is a part of what makes them so offensive.

  66. I got a racist text on election night from a gay, Meixcan friend in Texas. It said: BREAKING NEWS McCain is dropping out of the race claiming the whole country has gone nigger-lover.

    I wrote him back: What the fuck is this?

    He said: Sorry. It was a fwd and I’m drunk. My bad.

    Only a racist fuck would fwd that message, drunk or sober.

  67. Wow… jesus if anyone got ahold of my phone I’m sure they would find out a shit load about me by my text messaged jokes.

    Riiight…

    Its not your fucking phone, you had no right to assume the owner was a fuckin nazi or kkk member or whatever. We’ve all told racist jokes to a friend or two. He was telling a friend a joke. Its not like he was destroying peoples personal property or anything…

    Jokes don’t break peoples cell phones… assholes who can’t take jokes break peoples cell phones.

    I hope you lose your phone and a black guy finds it and sells it for crack.

  68. @Texas Pete:

    “all the sudden” is simply grammatically wrong, you mixed-up Bush-state hick. It’s “all of a sudden.”

    But don’t worry, Georgie will be back down there soon to teach you how to say nookyoulear. And a half-black democrat will be president.

    Eat that. And make it nookyoulear.

  69. that is a great way to get back at such a racist piece of shit. And you are right, Racists are homophobic as all get out. At least the ones here in the midwest are.

    If I would have found that phone, I would have done exactly the same thing, except maybe texted a few gay porn sites to his buds. Now that would be fun!

  71. Awesome column!

    Agree that there is no point is texting his mother since that is the most likely place for his racist teachings.

    Signed: Not writing from Seattle but from London England where the racism is so bad that Obama would have never been elected.

  72. Another thought about the racist “humour” on the phone:

    1. They are specific to the history of African Americans but Obama’s father was born, raised and lived in Kenya, Africa. His mother was White and American so the racist comments do not really apply.

    2. Do the racists even understand that this man who is half Black and Half White is Half White American and half Black African.

    3. Obama knows these ideas and comments do not apply to him. He is not from a history of slavery as the “humour” would like to suggest.

    People need to think a bit more critically. Not the forte of racists, I know.

  73. There are lots of people, myself included, who tell racist jokes, but aren’t racist. They tell those jokes because of the cringe factor, and the jokes are also funny in the “haha, aren’t we glad we can laugh about racism” way.

    So I hope you have more concrete evidence of your supposed “racist” than a bunch of racist jokes in text messages. Congratulations on your display of violence and shortsightedness :).

  74. Anyone else consider that this whole story is the completely made up fantasy of a self righteous blue stater that was born after all the good fights had already been won, yet still wanted to desperately to be seen standing up for something?

    Just throwin’ that out there…

  75. Also, reading through some of the response comments, I think it would add some weight to the idea that this “story” is purely whimsical. Look at all these commenters saying things like “I wish I was you” or “You have lived my fantasy” or “I always thought the same thing”…

    Either that, or the original poster is a genius in figuring out a way to get two racist jokes into a publication that would otherwise never print them?

  76. I would call this a great example of passive-aggressiveness. Not only do you possibly humiliate someone who deserves far worse, but you avoided any nasty altercations. Thanks for doing us all a favor.

  77. Can’t believe it… my roommates (from Atlanta of course) texted each other the watermelon Obama joke. I weas disgusted. They chided me for being uptight, that they’re not racist because they have black friends, etc. So immature.

    I’m so glad you posted this and did what you did!

  78. I think it has been underemphasized that a violation of privacy (allegedly) took place. I found a cell phone on the bus the other day and my first thought was “I should give this to the bus driver.” Followed by “Maybe the person will call their phone and then we can arrange for me to return it.” It never occured to me to check their messages. So, if you find someone’s phone, be a nice person and don’t invade other people’s privacy. It’s not a crime to lose your phone or have an opinion or think something is funny.

  79. maybe the guy was being post-modern and satirizing racists with some over-the-top comments. that’s more likely in the humorless, hipster cesspool of seattle than anything else. you guys don’t even have any black people, fucking politically correct douchebags.

  80. It’s been a long time since I, quite surprisingly, made an audible “FUCK YEAH” simply by just reading something… by the by the “fuck yeah” was thru gritted teeth!

  81. nice one butt plug. You committed a federal crime punishable by up to a $50K fine and/or up to 10 years in a federal prison.

    enjoy your ObamaNation

  82. as an aside, the destruction of a cell phone by buckshot at about ten yards is a fascinating display of kinetics. It’s not like t.v., where you get the nice shrapnel etc, but all the sudden, boom… it’s just not there any more. I highly recommend it as a science project and as emotional stress relief. Hrmm… I’ve always wanted to blast a cell with a microwave under controlled circumstances…

  83. Anybody ever told or laughed at one of the dead baby jokes? Do you think dying babies is funny? Or is it just funny because of the absurdity? Think more…react less!

  87. Why is ok for black people to call white people cracker? a racial slurr is just that, no matter what race you are talking about, so you are a racist calling out a racist? the world just gets better and better.

  89. Harold,

    While the hipsters outnumber the blacks, we do have them. Perhaps you never noticed because you were stuck in the suburbs with your head up your ass.

  90. Man, there are a lot of stick-up-their ass people coming out of the woodwork on this one.

    Like Vasya, I too appreciate a good racist joke. I also love Holocaust jokes, rape jokes, retard jokes, dead baby jokes, incest jokes, Sarah Palin jokes – ANY joke that works, regardless of content. I’ve always believed that blaming racism on humor is a red herring, to say the least.

    It’s amazing how many people jump on their high horses and scream “racist” at this guy just because of two fucking jokes on his phone.

    JesusHChristonapopsicklestick. I’ll side with some of the Texas posters on this one: Seattle really is one of the most easily-offended pussified places in America. I love the town but realize there are some reasons I left…

  91. Not everyone has told a racist joke.

    Dead baby jokes are funny because dead babies dont eat their way out of a pile of dead babies, racist jokes arent funny because their subject matter actually occurs in most cases.

    If you tell a racist joke you are a racist. If you dont tell a racist joke you are probably a racist on some level.

    Its ok to call white people crackers much more so than it is ok to call black people nigger because of the power dynamic. Calling a white person a cracker doesnt have a connatation behind it that the white person is less than, and there is so implicit threat of violence behind it. Calling a black person a nigger has a history of violence and degredation and a present context of violence and degredation.

    If someone has a bunch of racist friends they probably are racist too. People, especially in social circles, are solipsistic. I dont want to be friends with people who tell racist jokes because I am less racist then they are.

  93. Some people are too sensitive. I heard all the jokes listed and plenty of the much worse ones as a friend of mine read them off his list of text messages to me. He was texting them to everyone because he thought they were absolutely hysterical.

    Did I mention that he’s black?

    I’ve found that most of the people who overreact that way are themselves the racist ones.

  94. Harold, you hit the nail on the head.

    To anyone else who thought what the poster did was appropriate, have you ever laughed at Sarah Silverman’s humor? Or any comedian lately? Get a grip and go read the 1st and 14th Amendments to the Constitution.

  95. Sorry, but you’re the asshole here. You “looked around on it for some identifying information”? Really? So scroll through the phone book, call the first couple of people and be done with it. You didn’t have to go through the texting history…you were snooping. And yes maybe this person is a racist asshole and maybe he isn’t, but we do know that you’re a snooping douchebag.

  97. congratulations buddy you’ve taken the first step towards eliminating racism the funny part is you found my phone. But just like I don’t have any control over what filth people send to my phone, I also had no say in my phone being STOLEN from my work, my privacy being invaded by a theif, or some ignorant white dude calling me a racist. So in conclusion, not only are you an ass hole but maybe if you would have called my mom and told her I was racist I would have my STOLEN phone returned when she laughed at you and told you that not only did we shed joyous tears together on election day, but also that we are black. You fucking jackass

  98. Whoa, whoa whoa Mr. Brisket. Hate is not cool no matter who it’s directed at. You think you’re morally superior because you’d rather lynch a “dumb cracker” than a man with brown skin? You’re no different than he is, dude. There is no morally superior hate.

  101. I’m loving this thread. Everyone is so self-righteous about their own position. It doesn’t seem to me that the poster was being politically correct but countering stupid racism with a little guerilla action.

    It’s all cause and effect: you put hate out into the world–and racist jokes are hate no matter how you package them–and you might find that someone doesn’t appreciate them. People are so casual about using technology. Beware, it can be used against you when you’re an idiot.

    I love it, love it, love it.

    Also, I don’t believe for a second that “myphone” is the actual guy who lost his phone.

  102. Seattle is full of very sensitive, politically correct “aware” people…I really only bother to tell racist or sexist jokes when I am in Seattle, just to show them how snippy and humorless they are in their tolerance enforcement zone…whatta buncha fags, not much fun at all…

  103. i dont need people to believe that its my phone or not my message is for the piece of shit that stole my phone. i talked to that guy the day he “found it” and he told me he would bring it to my job. apparently he was too pussy to show his face where he had stolen my property. you can believe it or not, but everyone at my restaurant knows the story and we got this article and all your comments posted in the break room. the last step in this process is now that i know he’s not bringing it back i’m going to file a police report, and seeing as he destroyed my stolen property that he either recieved or stole himself and then told everybody about it now he’s committed more than one crime. lets just hope for your sake, annonymous, that the stranger has a good privacy policy when the police ask for your email adress. or maybe we will see each other some other time. even if it isnt me that evens out the wrong done to me the universe has a funny way of finding douche bag ass holes and making sure things end up fair.

  108. i would like to believe that ,no matter the context,free speech,is accepable in this country but maybe i’m out of line.some of your replys are a little over the top for someone who’s only crime is stupidity

  110. Thats bs, you dont think black guys say that about white guys. I mean black people are far more racist than whites. Sounds like the text you found was really a joke, and who are you to do that to someone you dont even know. The text you sent out to his friends was far more racist than the original “joke”. I hope the guy who found the phone was black because your a douche for saying something like that to his friends if your a white guy! in my opinion.

  111. I wish you’d been a little more convincing with the text messages. You shoulda made it seem totally accidental like: “I can’t wait to suck ur big black dick. When ya coming over?” Then he definitely woulda had some explaining to do. Still, WTG!

  112. Nothing like the thought police. This racist is the one who should hang right? I don’t like racism either, but messing with someone’s private property because of it doesn’t seem like it will solve the problem. I am shocked by all the support comments, you’re just supporting more hate.

  113. Should have just given the phone back without looking through his stuff. That is what you should have done. Who are you to judge who someone is because of some text messages? If I joke about making sweet love to my mother, am I sick? No, because that is obviously HOT! But some people may be offended. People that don’t know how sexy it is to make love to your mother…so next time…maybe just give the phone back out of the goodness of your heart? Be a good example to society perhaps? Fight evil with kindness? Your solution to this racist problem only keeps the problem going. Pardon me, my mom is calling me on the phone. Maybe I can convince her to have phone sex with me.

  115. so tell me again what this guy did to you, left his phone on the ground so you had no choice but to read his personnal messages. I mean look at it the other way around what if this so called racist/homophobic guy found your phone. Does that give him the right to read your stuff and post to your friends.

  116. Anonymous, I only wish I could pilfer every kkk member’s phone for you, these small-minded troglodytes need to know that we live in a new world… a world where color is irrelevant and (hopefully) intelligence is far more important. Maybe that’s why they’re so threated, f-ing idiots!

  117. I’d really appreciate it if the Stranger would stop printing racist material, even though the letter was intended to be anti-racist, those are some extreme comments made, if I were a black reader I wouldn’t appreciate having to read about my people swinging from trees. This needs to STOP. It is offensive that the paper adds to this with a picture of Obama as an ornament with racist slurs, again, not intended to be racist, but obviously OFFENSIVE. I am tired of the continuous onslaught of backwoods redneck racism in the Stranger in a supposedly “urban” town. I am from CALIFORNIA and we would never stand for this shit.

  120. While I will admit that I believe everyone has a right to their speech and opinion, even narrowminded assholes, it makes me fucking ill that people would rather perpetuate stereotypes instead of look toward the paradigm shift that is currently transpiring in our great nation. I guess that is why ignorance continues to be a powerful detractor of not only the American experience, but the human experience. One day we will all realize, what we have realized in every major war this country has been in…when our backs are against the wall and we are being targeted by the enemy, we are all equal, we are all brothers of this great country of ours, and we all defend each other as such; black, white, hispanic, asian etc, we are all Americans. We should take the lesson as an example of how to act and do this in times of peace and everyday existence as well…I have a dream…

  121. Not so sure what is criminal about expoing an asshole for what he is, Bob. The owner would surely get his phone ruined whilst eventually being given a sound beating for being a narrow minded bigot. This poster just speeded up much needed karma….and Texas Pete is welcome to stay in Texas where he belongs: With the other inbred hillbillies. Instead of bad mouthing the lovely Pacific NW, you should be falling all over yourself apologizing for executing the mentally retarded.

  122. Hey, I’m from Europe and I don’t get the watermelon patch reference… I googled it but can’t seem to find it. Can somebody explain or link to some explanation? What exactly is meant by it as I don’t get the racism implied?

  123. Kahle,
    Like most racial stereotypes, it’s embarrassing to have to describe. Blacks are supposed to have a preternatural affection for watermelon. Haw haw haw! That’s so funny!

  124. I love the Texas bashing by a bunch of smug hipsters who have never been to Texas. I left Seattle for Austin and never looked back. If you bothered to visit, you might find peeps are judged more by the content of their character when they aren’t so preoccupied with assimilating into the uniform of their chosen subculture.

    /but I prefer you fake-ass posers where you are, thanks

  126. since when is it not ok to tell offended jokes, last time i check this is still America and you could like or dislike you ever you like for whatever reason.

  127. Bashing Texas is easy, but you do have to allow for Austin. Hard to defend a state that has a race record as brutal as that. Texas leads the nation in putting people to death.

    I’ll take the smug hipsters over that anytime.

  128. Austin sounds like an island populated by a bunch of privileged hipster douchebuckets in a sea of ignorant white trash.

    Definition of hell on earth.

  132. Humor is the greatest gift on earth. It can diffuse, disarm, enamore, persuade, enthuse, teach, invigorate, educate, enthrall…

    It makes us laugh. It’s a physical reaction.

    But have you ever been near lightening when it strikes? Ever experience a “near miss?” What’s the first thing frightened people do when harm passes? They laugh. But not cause shit’s exactly funny.

    There are many ignorant folk out there, some of them dangerously so. They’re laughing now because lightening is all around them. There’s electricity in the air, and they’re scared shitless. Oh, the times they are a’changing.

    Let them laugh, just don’t hang out in their bowling alleys.

  133. But maybe the guy was black. I mean you can imagine a few scenarios here. Stupid jokes, yeah, violent imagery, terrible, think of the children, etc etc. Making fun of the ruling class though=win. If you can’t make fun of the most powerful christian fundamentalist in the world, it’s going to be a boring next few years.

  135. I’m all for making fun of the ruling class and certainly Obama is in that class, but making racist jokes about him has nothing to do with his position. It has to do with perpetuating an ignorance based on stereotypes, hatred, and insecurity.
    Racist jokes are not only offensive they’re juvenile and have no imagination. If you can’t think of anything better to get someone on than their color, then you better stick to the schoolyard.

  137. maybe it’s my far-leftultra-libertarian defend-the-constitution-with-my-bare-effing-fists streak, but… stealing and destroying private property is illegal. being a racist fucktard isn’t. by slandering (libeling? is a text print?) this person that’s potentially a third crime – saying someone’s gay doesn’t usually count, but if you sent that message to someone they work with it could get them fired or disciplined for sexual harassment. the world is not high school, juvenile pranks have consequences far worse than whatever minimal good they allegedly perform.
    also, i’ve never gotten the watermelon thing. any sensible person from a hot and humid climate loves watermelon in the summer. they’re huge in china.

  138. To Mike:
    “Points for not being a racist”? But he was a fucking homophobe for the ‘black cock up the ass’ comments.
    The author’s base humor is almost as offensive as the phone owner’s racism.
    I think a scenario involving trying to return the phone to its owner and revealing him/her to be a bigoted piece of shit, especially on camera, would have been a better story… Oh well, hindsight’s 20-20.
    Giving the phone to homeless people at a shelter’s all lovey-dovey, but the asshole who owned the phone was going to have the account shut down as soon as he was able… I woulda texted like mad myself while the thing was still active.

  141. haha.. i love those jokes..this country is founded on freedom of speech.. he may talk to his buddies however he chooses.. goofy black people.. how you can you not laugh at them..?

  143. Let’s break this down so you destroyed someone else’s property because they received and/or forwarded jokes. Who is the bad guy here? I am pretty sure the rightful owner of the phone broke no laws and is covered by the first amendment. You on the other hand broke a few laws. In addition you sent a message very a bad message to this persons distribution list. Everyone who applauds you is an idiot. You were clearly snooping way beyond what you needed to get the phone back to the owner. You have a prejudice against racist people and racism is a prejudice so you my friend are no better than the person whose phone you destroyed.

  144. comrad!!!! we all love incomeing socialist regiem! thats why we vote for it. now give me a hug and pay your carbon footprint bill. RIGHT?

  145. Actually my black friends tell the most racist, awful, and disgusting black jokes. Along with my jewish friends and their jew jokes. I hope your karma catches up to you.

  146. K, two things:

    Should the owner of the cell phone be allowed to think that way, even if it’s wrong by most people’s standards? Absolutely. He’s got just as much right to being a completely tactless asshole as most all the Seattle populous has the right to be pretentiously holier-than-thou and arrogant. And we are, so deal.
    Does the cell phone owner deserve to be publiclly humiliated for his rather off-color (REALLY bad pun, sorry) sense of humor? That one is a bit tougher, but I’ll sum it up by giving this advise to all: If you have things you’d be publicly embarassed about on your cell, FOR GOD’S SAKE don’t loose it! That would be Privacy 101, kids.
    My opinion is simply this; let rotten apples lie. Most people will see this asshole as exactly that and ignore him. Invading his privacy isn’t going to help teach him a lesson, it’s just gonna galvenize other bigots to lash back.
    And this from a guy who used to beat up nazi skins just because they were nazi skins…

  148. Those were some funny nigger jokes. Why dont you post the rest for us?

    Lincoln is on the penny, washington and others are on paper money, so they decided to put Barrak hussain Obama on the Foodstamp!

    All the black people changed their vote from Obama to McCain when they found out he was going to
    “help the black community find jobs”

    LMAO!

  152. oh my dear sweet jesus this shit is getting pathetic. Ok first off, I’m sick of all this fucking racism bullshit to start, but the biggest fucking slap in the face is all you white mother fuckers who are like “yeah fuck him he gives white people a bad name, how dare any white man use the “N” word, etc. What….the fuck. If I say the “N” word in a joking fashion, it’s just that a goddamn joke. If I put a gun to a black mans head and say I’m going to blow the brains out of the back of your skull because I don’t like the color of your skin” then I’m a racist, hell at that point you can rightfully call that kind of person a piece of shit. You know why so many white ppl, even the wiggers tell black jokes? Because you guys set yourselves up for it with bullshit like this. I’ll tell you what, you want the racism to stop? Next time you hear a white kid telling black jokes, walk up to him, laugh ur ass off and go that was a good one, but not everyone fits the stereotype, then walk off. That kid will be confused as fuck and then you can laugh at him because for once, the black man outsmarted the white man. Now I don’t wanna hear any of you black mother fuckers calling me “ignorant” or “racist” because of this comment. You are the ignorant fucks because you get so goddamn worked up over a word. Call me whitey, call me cracker, call me whatever the fuck you think you have to but I promise you, you aren’t pissing in my cheerios because it’s a goddamn word that has no meaning. The word nigger has no meaning any longer, slavery has been done for over 100 years folks. That word no longer links you to being property, with no rights, and totally oppressed. That fucking word has no power any longer, except for what you give it.

  153. On another note, I guess the reason I got so pissed over this column(not at the author, I could give a fuck less what he thought of the jokes, why he was snooping, etc.) IS the white people. Black people can think we are racists, I can think they are racist for cheering this guy, whatever it doesn’t matter. It just pains me to see how pussified white people have become and just how fucking pathetic this social tolerance and political correctness shit it getting out of hand. What I’m getting at now is, say a group of black guys are beating down some white guy in the street, I bet 90% of you fucking pussified white people would be over there throwing in a kick or two going “I don’t know what you did but these black, excuse me, african american gentlemen are pissed so I’m pissed to”. Would you ever see black people go help white people beat down another black guy? For any reason? Would you ever see mexicans help anyone other than mexican beat down a mexican? Would you ever see asians do it? Ofcourse not, they stick up for their own, what the fuck is wrong with you people, fuck. I will say this though, for you that were saying yeah he said racist comments and that’s wrong, but you were wrong too, eh, dissapointing, but much better to hear than these fucks who are clearly white just bashing the owner of the phone.

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