I’m the one who found your lost cell phone on the street. My first
instinct was to find out whom it belonged to and return it, to do my
Good Samaritan deed. It wasn’t password protected, so I looked around
on it to find some identifying information. That’s when I found all
your Election Day text messages between you and your other racist
buddies. “Did you hear that Hallmark has a new Obama presidential
Christmas ornament? Now everyone can hang that nigger from a tree!” and
“The White House is now tearing out its Rose Garden and replacing it
with a watermelon patch.” There were ones worse than that.

Bless you, you white-supremacist fuck! Two days after the election,
I couldn’t have found a better celebratory gift! I texted everyone in
your contacts with this message: “I admit it, my racism is a sham! The
truth is I love black cock—in my mouth or up my ass, it doesn’t
matter, it all makes me blow my load!” I figure a racist like you is
probably also homophobic, so I’m sure you have some explaining to do to
your chums. Out of decency, I didn’t text your mom. Even she doesn’t
deserve to know what a racist piece of shit her son is. You might want
to password-protect your next phone. I took a lot of pleasure in
beating this one to death with a hammer. (Obama probably wouldn’t
approve because he’s a decent, upstanding guy. Me, not so much.) recommended

154 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  1. I’m loving this thread. Everyone is so self-righteous about their own position. It doesn’t seem to me that the poster was being politically correct but countering stupid racism with a little guerilla action.

    It’s all cause and effect: you put hate out into the world–and racist jokes are hate no matter how you package them–and you might find that someone doesn’t appreciate them. People are so casual about using technology. Beware, it can be used against you when you’re an idiot.

    I love it, love it, love it.

    Also, I don’t believe for a second that “myphone” is the actual guy who lost his phone.

  2. Seattle is full of very sensitive, politically correct “aware” people…I really only bother to tell racist or sexist jokes when I am in Seattle, just to show them how snippy and humorless they are in their tolerance enforcement zone…whatta buncha fags, not much fun at all…

  3. i dont need people to believe that its my phone or not my message is for the piece of shit that stole my phone. i talked to that guy the day he “found it” and he told me he would bring it to my job. apparently he was too pussy to show his face where he had stolen my property. you can believe it or not, but everyone at my restaurant knows the story and we got this article and all your comments posted in the break room. the last step in this process is now that i know he’s not bringing it back i’m going to file a police report, and seeing as he destroyed my stolen property that he either recieved or stole himself and then told everybody about it now he’s committed more than one crime. lets just hope for your sake, annonymous, that the stranger has a good privacy policy when the police ask for your email adress. or maybe we will see each other some other time. even if it isnt me that evens out the wrong done to me the universe has a funny way of finding douche bag ass holes and making sure things end up fair.

  8. i would like to believe that ,no matter the context,free speech,is accepable in this country but maybe i’m out of line.some of your replys are a little over the top for someone who’s only crime is stupidity

  10. Thats bs, you dont think black guys say that about white guys. I mean black people are far more racist than whites. Sounds like the text you found was really a joke, and who are you to do that to someone you dont even know. The text you sent out to his friends was far more racist than the original “joke”. I hope the guy who found the phone was black because your a douche for saying something like that to his friends if your a white guy! in my opinion.

  11. I wish you’d been a little more convincing with the text messages. You shoulda made it seem totally accidental like: “I can’t wait to suck ur big black dick. When ya coming over?” Then he definitely woulda had some explaining to do. Still, WTG!

  12. Nothing like the thought police. This racist is the one who should hang right? I don’t like racism either, but messing with someone’s private property because of it doesn’t seem like it will solve the problem. I am shocked by all the support comments, you’re just supporting more hate.

  13. Should have just given the phone back without looking through his stuff. That is what you should have done. Who are you to judge who someone is because of some text messages? If I joke about making sweet love to my mother, am I sick? No, because that is obviously HOT! But some people may be offended. People that don’t know how sexy it is to make love to your mother…so next time…maybe just give the phone back out of the goodness of your heart? Be a good example to society perhaps? Fight evil with kindness? Your solution to this racist problem only keeps the problem going. Pardon me, my mom is calling me on the phone. Maybe I can convince her to have phone sex with me.

  15. so tell me again what this guy did to you, left his phone on the ground so you had no choice but to read his personnal messages. I mean look at it the other way around what if this so called racist/homophobic guy found your phone. Does that give him the right to read your stuff and post to your friends.

  16. Anonymous, I only wish I could pilfer every kkk member’s phone for you, these small-minded troglodytes need to know that we live in a new world… a world where color is irrelevant and (hopefully) intelligence is far more important. Maybe that’s why they’re so threated, f-ing idiots!

  17. I’d really appreciate it if the Stranger would stop printing racist material, even though the letter was intended to be anti-racist, those are some extreme comments made, if I were a black reader I wouldn’t appreciate having to read about my people swinging from trees. This needs to STOP. It is offensive that the paper adds to this with a picture of Obama as an ornament with racist slurs, again, not intended to be racist, but obviously OFFENSIVE. I am tired of the continuous onslaught of backwoods redneck racism in the Stranger in a supposedly “urban” town. I am from CALIFORNIA and we would never stand for this shit.

  20. While I will admit that I believe everyone has a right to their speech and opinion, even narrowminded assholes, it makes me fucking ill that people would rather perpetuate stereotypes instead of look toward the paradigm shift that is currently transpiring in our great nation. I guess that is why ignorance continues to be a powerful detractor of not only the American experience, but the human experience. One day we will all realize, what we have realized in every major war this country has been in…when our backs are against the wall and we are being targeted by the enemy, we are all equal, we are all brothers of this great country of ours, and we all defend each other as such; black, white, hispanic, asian etc, we are all Americans. We should take the lesson as an example of how to act and do this in times of peace and everyday existence as well…I have a dream…

  21. Not so sure what is criminal about expoing an asshole for what he is, Bob. The owner would surely get his phone ruined whilst eventually being given a sound beating for being a narrow minded bigot. This poster just speeded up much needed karma….and Texas Pete is welcome to stay in Texas where he belongs: With the other inbred hillbillies. Instead of bad mouthing the lovely Pacific NW, you should be falling all over yourself apologizing for executing the mentally retarded.

  22. Hey, I’m from Europe and I don’t get the watermelon patch reference… I googled it but can’t seem to find it. Can somebody explain or link to some explanation? What exactly is meant by it as I don’t get the racism implied?

  23. Kahle,
    Like most racial stereotypes, it’s embarrassing to have to describe. Blacks are supposed to have a preternatural affection for watermelon. Haw haw haw! That’s so funny!

  24. I love the Texas bashing by a bunch of smug hipsters who have never been to Texas. I left Seattle for Austin and never looked back. If you bothered to visit, you might find peeps are judged more by the content of their character when they aren’t so preoccupied with assimilating into the uniform of their chosen subculture.

    /but I prefer you fake-ass posers where you are, thanks

  26. since when is it not ok to tell offended jokes, last time i check this is still America and you could like or dislike you ever you like for whatever reason.

  27. Bashing Texas is easy, but you do have to allow for Austin. Hard to defend a state that has a race record as brutal as that. Texas leads the nation in putting people to death.

    I’ll take the smug hipsters over that anytime.

  28. Austin sounds like an island populated by a bunch of privileged hipster douchebuckets in a sea of ignorant white trash.

    Definition of hell on earth.

  32. Humor is the greatest gift on earth. It can diffuse, disarm, enamore, persuade, enthuse, teach, invigorate, educate, enthrall…

    It makes us laugh. It’s a physical reaction.

    But have you ever been near lightening when it strikes? Ever experience a “near miss?” What’s the first thing frightened people do when harm passes? They laugh. But not cause shit’s exactly funny.

    There are many ignorant folk out there, some of them dangerously so. They’re laughing now because lightening is all around them. There’s electricity in the air, and they’re scared shitless. Oh, the times they are a’changing.

    Let them laugh, just don’t hang out in their bowling alleys.

  33. But maybe the guy was black. I mean you can imagine a few scenarios here. Stupid jokes, yeah, violent imagery, terrible, think of the children, etc etc. Making fun of the ruling class though=win. If you can’t make fun of the most powerful christian fundamentalist in the world, it’s going to be a boring next few years.

  35. I’m all for making fun of the ruling class and certainly Obama is in that class, but making racist jokes about him has nothing to do with his position. It has to do with perpetuating an ignorance based on stereotypes, hatred, and insecurity.
    Racist jokes are not only offensive they’re juvenile and have no imagination. If you can’t think of anything better to get someone on than their color, then you better stick to the schoolyard.

  37. maybe it’s my far-leftultra-libertarian defend-the-constitution-with-my-bare-effing-fists streak, but… stealing and destroying private property is illegal. being a racist fucktard isn’t. by slandering (libeling? is a text print?) this person that’s potentially a third crime – saying someone’s gay doesn’t usually count, but if you sent that message to someone they work with it could get them fired or disciplined for sexual harassment. the world is not high school, juvenile pranks have consequences far worse than whatever minimal good they allegedly perform.
    also, i’ve never gotten the watermelon thing. any sensible person from a hot and humid climate loves watermelon in the summer. they’re huge in china.

  38. To Mike:
    “Points for not being a racist”? But he was a fucking homophobe for the ‘black cock up the ass’ comments.
    The author’s base humor is almost as offensive as the phone owner’s racism.
    I think a scenario involving trying to return the phone to its owner and revealing him/her to be a bigoted piece of shit, especially on camera, would have been a better story… Oh well, hindsight’s 20-20.
    Giving the phone to homeless people at a shelter’s all lovey-dovey, but the asshole who owned the phone was going to have the account shut down as soon as he was able… I woulda texted like mad myself while the thing was still active.

  41. haha.. i love those jokes..this country is founded on freedom of speech.. he may talk to his buddies however he chooses.. goofy black people.. how you can you not laugh at them..?

  43. Let’s break this down so you destroyed someone else’s property because they received and/or forwarded jokes. Who is the bad guy here? I am pretty sure the rightful owner of the phone broke no laws and is covered by the first amendment. You on the other hand broke a few laws. In addition you sent a message very a bad message to this persons distribution list. Everyone who applauds you is an idiot. You were clearly snooping way beyond what you needed to get the phone back to the owner. You have a prejudice against racist people and racism is a prejudice so you my friend are no better than the person whose phone you destroyed.

  44. comrad!!!! we all love incomeing socialist regiem! thats why we vote for it. now give me a hug and pay your carbon footprint bill. RIGHT?

  45. Actually my black friends tell the most racist, awful, and disgusting black jokes. Along with my jewish friends and their jew jokes. I hope your karma catches up to you.

  46. K, two things:

    Should the owner of the cell phone be allowed to think that way, even if it’s wrong by most people’s standards? Absolutely. He’s got just as much right to being a completely tactless asshole as most all the Seattle populous has the right to be pretentiously holier-than-thou and arrogant. And we are, so deal.
    Does the cell phone owner deserve to be publiclly humiliated for his rather off-color (REALLY bad pun, sorry) sense of humor? That one is a bit tougher, but I’ll sum it up by giving this advise to all: If you have things you’d be publicly embarassed about on your cell, FOR GOD’S SAKE don’t loose it! That would be Privacy 101, kids.
    My opinion is simply this; let rotten apples lie. Most people will see this asshole as exactly that and ignore him. Invading his privacy isn’t going to help teach him a lesson, it’s just gonna galvenize other bigots to lash back.
    And this from a guy who used to beat up nazi skins just because they were nazi skins…

  48. Those were some funny nigger jokes. Why dont you post the rest for us?

    Lincoln is on the penny, washington and others are on paper money, so they decided to put Barrak hussain Obama on the Foodstamp!

    All the black people changed their vote from Obama to McCain when they found out he was going to
    “help the black community find jobs”

    LMAO!

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