Dear Massage Therapist,

I don’t know if you have other young female clients. If so, I am
sure you get this all the time: I am just dying to fuck you.

But really, how could I not? Your hands are heaven on my mostly
naked body, and you are cute as hell. Tattoos, blue eyes. Thank you for
fueling so many postmassage masturbatory fantasies. I have pictured you
doing dirty things to me so many times, you must see it in my eyes each
time I come in. Really, I should tip you even more than I regularly do
for that alone. Anyway, if you were to slip up and cop a feel next time
I see you, or otherwise touch this client inappropriately, I promise I
won’t tell and have you fired. recommended

43 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  3. Watch it massage therapists out there! I know a husband of a teacher in California who got three years in San Quentin for “copping a feel” on a few too many female clients!

  6. This letter is intended to be a cruel joke meant to dupe some poor massage therapist–not that they’d be that stupid, hopefully.

    Some posters think that I Anonymous letters are fakes. I, however, think that most are true. I’ve seen enough strange things to believe that wild stories can be true. That said, this letter is fake, fake, fake.

    The letter sounds like a lonely, aging, porn-obsessed guy’s idea of a horny young woman. I can’t quite pinpoint why I think that. It’s just that most of the young women I know don’t talk like this, aren’t this forward. I know I never was.

    Fake, fake, fake and again: fake.

  10. Err… I thought the whole point of I Anonymous was so that people could say the sorts of shit they’d never say to someone’s face. Speaking as a (reasonably) young woman who’s had all sorts of *seriously* lurid fantasies about guys ranging from golf instructors to the hot goth kid at the local tea shop.

  11. Electric Maenad: True, and I could be wrong, but the letter just doesn’t sound like a young woman. It does, however, sound like a porno script for a young woman.

  12. It’s relatively restrained but mentions of her “mostly naked body” and that she’s “young” makes the author sound like a guy.

  14. I am the Massage Therapist in the article and I can tell you this:

    This lady is on the up & up. She does want me.

    Only problem is, she is an overweight, emotionally needy bitch. I only keep her as a client because she tips good and occasionally flashes her over sized tittles at me.

  17. Hey suckit,

    Eh, who cares.

    You obviously don’t know shit about grammar and that’s much, much worse.

    Using your caps key, the correct quotation marks and a period at the end of your sentence might–emphasis on might here–lend you some credibility.

    Good luck! Don’t strain yourself, oh ye of the literal mind. It’ll work out.

    “[S]uckit” you say? Judging from your bitter tone, I’m guessing I’d have to find it first. No thanks. I don’t care for appetizers.

  18. Every massage therapist I’ve known (and I’ve know A LOT of massage therapists) either moonlights in the sex industry or is considering it. Anyone who tells you differently is lying to you. Furthermore, given the declining economy, massage therapists will generally be more interested in ‘off the books’ work, and at lower rates.

  21. why does everyone think the stories are fake? this story is not so absurd. why can’t a girl have a fantasy about her massage therapist? the only time i had a professional massage i wanted to fuck the old ugly woman who gave it to me just to say thanks!

  22. He, or She most likely He got their way. they made it in the Stranger. My guess this was a bar bet about who could get in the paper first, if at all. That being said, if this is real (a real big “IF”) its a fantasy cuase really how many underage girls are regularly going to get messages, let alone can pay for them. besides she must be fat or ugly or both, because if a girl wants to get “touched” in this day and age it should only take minutes to find a willing participant. Again I say FAKE Bret Colvin President of PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) Eat Meat!

  23. Sooooo not fake…I have the same thought all of the time. I think the knowledge that it’s forbidden makes is even more exciting. That said, I would never encourage someone to risk thier livelihood for a cheap thrill…mine or thiers.

  26. Attention neanderthals who do not believe an actual woman wrote this –

    Women can and do have fantasies as perverse as any man. We also, yes, masterbate about hot men.

    Shocking, I know.

    We all know some women have rape fantasies…how is this any more unbelieveable?

    I could write a novel about the filthy things in my head.

  27. As a man, I have had 3 professional massages in my life and each time, it was a great, sexual experience. I know women that have said they get off when they go to their spa’s. My buddy’s ex wife was addicted to Umalina and spent money she didn’t have going there.

    On The Adam Carolla show, Adam said women getting a ‘treatment’ was the equivalent to men going to a stripper bar or prostitute.

    That being said, I think this is a fake. The author mentioned ‘other young women’ getting massaged. Young women do NOT need to pay to get massaged! It is the middle age married women that get happy ending service.

    http://www.fox11az.com/news/topstories/s…

  28. I’m a middle aged, overweight, not beautiful human who is okay with all of the above. I am also very good at what I do, which is relieve pain, alleviate stress and give my clients one hour of peace is a world of chaos. In short, I am a Licensed Massage Therapist.

    Clients, occasionally, have feelings (sexual and otherwise) for their Massage Therapists. Occasionally, we get the same feelings. Overall, we look at our clients in a similar way as Gynocologists: if you’ve seen one . . .

    Would a professional Massage Therapist act on these feelings in the way the writer suggested? Probably not. No matter how hot you are, how much money you have, what you could do for us or how aroused we are, you are just not worth losing our license and/or going to jail and being labeled a sexual predator all our lives.

    I’ve had very wealthy people offer me obsene amounts of money, a new Mercedes, “whatever you want” for “something extra”. Thanks, but no. I’m not in a profession that cost me an enormous amount of money, time and effort to fulfill what a client thinks they want to feed their sexual needs. Fantasies are fine, but most of us find your requests for a happy ending insulting, offensive and abusive. If you are looking for a happy ending, go to someone who practices the second oldest profession and leave us out of it.

    I’ve also had people give me huge tips ($100 a pop from men and women) because I give them an hour of peace. Before you make comments on what a “treatment” is or is not, why not get one and decide for yourselves instead of bashing others.

    Who really cares whether it’s a fake letter or not? Does it really matter? We read these letters, as well as Savage Love, for titillation, the vicarious pleasure it brings and, maybe, open our mind to fantasies we’ve not thought of before. Reality rarely lives up to the fantasy. That’s why we indulge in fantasies.

  29. in-the-know is a moron and know-it-all must be a pretentious, hyphen-when-unnecessary-hating biatch. Did you really just stress about suckit’s grammatical credibility in the comment section of I, Anonymous? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

  30. Hey jenc01,

    I-experienced-no-stress-about-suckit’s-grammar. I-am-just-an-enemy-of-bad-grammar-(or-pretend-I-am-because-I-think-it’s-funny-and-don’t-really-care-whether-or-not-you-do,-see,-I’m-not-actually-an-expert-on-grammar-as-any-English-major-who-reads-my-post-will-probably-tell-you). Still-I-know-enough-to-understand-that-there-is-no-such-thing-as-grammatical-credibility. You-could-say-grammar-is-correct-or-incorrect,-but-you-wouldn’t-challenge-it’s-credibility. Rather,-I-was-referring-to-the-credibility-of-suckit’s-as-a-poster.

    I-wonder-why-my-post-pissed-you-off-so-much. I-can’t-tell-since-your-post-is-remarkably-content-free.

    Oh-well. Sorry-the-public-school-system-failed-you.

  31. even if it’s not a fake, this “frisky” chick would probably scream bloody murder if the guy “copped a feel”. give me a break, most of these “forward” women are full of shit.

  32. “I’ve had very wealthy people offer me obsene amounts of money, a new Mercedes, “whatever you want” for “something extra”. Thanks, but no. I’m not in a profession that cost me an enormous amount of money, time and effort to fulfill what a client thinks they want to feed their sexual needs. Fantasies are fine, but most of us find your requests for a happy ending insulting, offensive and abusive. If you are looking for a happy ending, go to someone who practices the second oldest profession and leave us out of it.”

    Bullshit. No one offered you a Mercedes for a happy ending. Get over yourself.

  33. Well, I’m a real live “young female client” of massage therapists, and I’ve had similar fantasies about them, so I don’t see what’s so unbelievable about this letter.

  34. I don’t think it’s unbelievable that young women have fantasies like this.

    The letter itself doesn’t sound authentic–somehow that distinction got lost over and over again in the discussion thread. The letter sounds pat, that’s all.

    I also sense malicious intent behind the letter, as if the author is trying to trick some hapless massage therapist into making a pass at a client. I doubt most massage therapists would be that stupid, or cavalier about professional ethics.

  37. That sounds real to me! I’ve certainly had fantasies like that, and I am a young woman, not a “lonely, aging, porn-obsessed guy”…

  38. I also have a friend that used to work as a massage therapist, and he got so much action from his female clients.. he’s not even that good looking, although he is tall and strong…

  39. Steve, you can believe whatever you want, but the offer of a new Mercedes really happened and it wasn’t for a happy ending. In fact, there was no request for sex in any way, shape or form. The client was merely expressing their appreciation of what the massages gave them. I do know this client has the means to follow through with their offer. In my mind, this was nothing more than an offer of a huge tip for the relaxation and feelings of well being they experienced from the massage. Was the client blowing it out their ass? Who knows? I didn’t care then and I care less now. It was merely a way for them to tell me how much they valued the work done. For the record, no, I didn’t take them up on their offer.

  42. all I care about is how perfect his ass is

    my fixation for the last year – and so much material – raw material – to sort out the best, I am taking candid shots with my cell phone

    so many men have no idea how hot they are from the backside…

    honey, say something to the guy, what do you have to loose from honest communication

    if nothing gels you can both sorta joke about it for years

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