We dated for six years and planned on getting married. I was 26 and you were 31. Now I’m 32 and you are 38. I should have run at the start when I found out about your “recreational” cocaine use. You convinced me that you did it once a year and I believed you. I also believed you when you said you sold marijuana “only to my friends” while you were in graduate school to become a special-education teacher. It took you five years to get through school and still no permanent job. I accepted this, as you said that this was common among teachers. I found out later that everyone in your class had already been offered a position. When I got pregnant, you said you didn’t have enough money for a baby. You didn’t even offer to pay for part of the abortion. You went skateboarding the day of the procedure, were late, and nonchalantly asked if I was cool if you went to go get something to eat while we were in the waiting room. The last straw was when we finally moved in together and I found e-mails from you to a random girl on Craigslist Casual Encounters with your pictures saying, “Meet here or there?” You did it again two months later, were too stupid to delete the e-mails, and tried to convince me it was spam mail. I knew better. You broke down crying saying how sorry you were and it would never happen again and you were high on coke. Absolutely fucking right it will never happen again. This is the man who is trying to teach in the Seattle School District?? Hide your kids, hide your wife!!!!!!

—Anonymous

38 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  1. The dude is a grade A douche, but you look like a grade A moron for staying with him for so long. Not something I’d have in print. Oh, and I’m not too worried about the guy getting a teaching job, so thanks, but no thanks for the warning.

  4. In the words of Don Schlitz:

    “You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em,
    Know when to walk away, and know when to run.”

    Now you do.

  5. He’d do better by becoming a SPS administrator. Like, say, managing a program to help minority contractors.

    Also: Coke is a helluva drug.

  6. @1 and 2,
    Being patient and sticking with your partner through what are apparently difficult times (struggling with school is common, as is taking a while to find a job in your chosen field) doesn’t make you a moron. Actually, it makes you pretty good relationship material. It’s not always readily apparent that the person you’ve committed to is in fact a self-centred jerkoff; sometimes it takes years and a couple of traumatic events for it to come out in the wash.

    I don’t understand why when someone vents their frustrations on the internet (as opposed to real life), people’s immediate response is to jump all over them and tell them it’s their fault. Making a mistake doesn’t mean you’re a moron, it means you’re like everyone else. Not learning from your mistakes is what makes you a moron. In this case it sounds like Anon just got handed a big, steaming turd and didn’t smell it coming. I’m sure most people can relate.

  7. @6 The difference is that IA basically took a bite of the turd, wondered why it tasted funny, and then kept eating it for the next six years.

  8. She’ll be back. They always go back. We’ll all be “shocked” when somethin’ chokey or stabby or shooty happens.

  9. @6 I agree and have posted myself that it’s dumb to immediately bash the anon writer for doing what this column is meant for. It would be that simple if the writer hadn’t continually made the decision to stay with this person. The writer was an enabler and accomplice. After 6 years she can’t say that she was but a bystander. And like i said before, she can complain but I wouldn’t do it out loud.
    Cuz if she wasn’t cool with the coke and weed DEALING, she can take some shit for not dumping his ass right there. A special-Ed teacher?!? Right, I’ve got a bridge to sell you!

  11. @9,

    Now that I read it again, you might be right. Personally, I think (hope)that if I were Anon I would have dumped him with no chance of appeal when I found out about the not-so-recreational drugs, and definitely after the abortion experience. It’s amazing how hard it can be to come to terms with the fact that your partner is an asswipe, though, as I can personally attest from past experience *waves from inside glass house*. So Anon still gets my sympathy.

  12. I’ve been in bad relationships too, but not for six years. He convinces her to get an abortion, is a total douche about it, cheats on her on Craigslist, and she still stays with the loser so he can cheat again?

    She really is a moron, and we’re not doing anyone any favors by pretending this is normal or acceptable. You have a responsibility to protect yourself emotionally as well as physically. Dating this guy was like riding a motorcycle with no helmet or brakes. Anyone with a lick of sense could see the inevitable outcome. How much do you want to bet all her friends and family begged her to dump him within the first year?

    Yep, she’s a moron.

  13. Having the abortion was definitely smart. Aren’t you glad you won’t have a Loser Jr to support for 18 to forever years? So she’s not as dumb as all you critics make out. And maybe the dick was good. Hopefully.

  15. Well, better late than never. That’s six years of your life you are never going to get back, but hopefully you did some useful things during that time so it wasn’t a complete waste.

    I say move to a new town and leave no forwarding address – it will be easier to forget him that way, as the new experiences will give you emotional distance as well and ease any lingering bitterness.

  19. I guess I think she was kind of brave for putting this on the Internet. The guy will find his level. She’s paid a helluva price to do some growing up.

  20. @6: I think that this point, people who post their confessions on I, Anon know that they’re going to get ripped apart, and they put on their big kid pants before posting. And calling someone out on their mistakes when they insist on BRINGING THEM UP AND ACTING THE VICTIM reinforces whatever lesson they should have learned from this whole mess.

  21. How to even articulate what a moron the writer is for staying with her parasitic tool of a partner for so long… and aborting their child to boot. Words cannot … Christ.

  22. And how many gentlemen did you turn your nose up at and sneer at their attentions while you stuck around with this jerk? Dozens, I’d bet.

    Women are all the same. Choose the prettiest douchebag in the room, then whine about how terribly they are treated by them, all the while being as snotty and stuck up as possible to the guys out there who may not be as pretty or as talented at impressing women.

  24. I think it’s brave of her to post this, to benefit others who’re ‘seeing it through’ with their boyfriends or girlfriends. I’ve been there myself.

  27. Question for the straight chicks. Why is it that many of you put up with the most assholish behavior imaginable and continue on and on with the relationship but the minute a guy puts his penis in someone else’s vagina or attempts to, then it’s over? I don’t condone cheating but I’ve seen women who put up with emotional abuse but will focus on how the relationship ended because the guy wanted some on the side.

    In my estimation, years of emotional abuse is way worse than the 10 minutes he spent sticking it in someone who is not you. Also, there’s a biological urge to be nonmonogamous, as far as I know there’s no bio urge to be a complete and total dickhead.

    If I had a choice of my girlfriend cheating once or turning into some raging asshole for the remainder of our relationship, I’d choose the former, though ideally I wouldn’t put up with either scenario.

  29. i don’t think the bf was that bad of a guy. who doesn’t get hungry in a abortion room? Yeah he’s got a coke problem, but who hasn’t dealt weed from time to time? Your fault for tolerating it, and never talking about it to him that you have a problem with it.

    I bet you’re one of those prickly “i’ve got a tampon up my ass” chicks who doesn’t know how to just kick it. Sit back, relax, smoke some of your bf’s weed, and talk it over with him, ya know? And since he likes to bonk on craigslist, just make it a open relationship. problem solved. cheers 😀

  30. i don’t think the bf was that bad of a guy. who doesn’t get hungry in a abortion room? Yeah he’s got a coke problem, but who hasn’t dealt weed from time to time? Your fault for tolerating it, and never talking about it to him that you have a problem with it.

    I bet you’re one of those prickly “i’ve got a tampon up my ass” chicks who doesn’t know how to just kick it. Sit back, relax, smoke some of your bf’s weed, and talk it over with him, ya know? And since he likes to bonk on craigslist, just make it a open relationship. problem solved. cheers 😀

  31. double posts ftw ><;;

    oh and one more thing. do you know how uncomfortable it is for the boyfriend to sit in one of those abortion waiting rooms? it’s like, sheer utter uncomfortable torture. i bet your bf wasn’t even hungry at all, he just wanted to GTFOutta there. but the fact that he at least showed up to me shows he has some semblance of support.

  32. relatonships can be fucked up, and it can be impossible to analyze them yourself until you’re out. Sorry for everyones negativity on sharing your story, as i’m sure you’ve realized your mistakes by posting. Keep your head up!

  37. Well, I’m one of ‘you chicks’, and I’m with a loving, supportive (lent me 900 for rent and groceries when my mum died, so I didn’t have to stress) hot boyfriend who likes to travel and cook. He pays for half of my birth control pills, and plan B that one time. Oh, also, he doesn’t refer to women as ‘you chicks’ and didn’t make bitter angry excuses for why he was single and how all women are stupid before we started dating. Really helps when trying to pick up the ladies.

  38. Sending what she sent in is a compliment to her. First of all it gives warning to both sexes, that when you are in a selfish, drug dealing relationship, and one who doesn’t support you thru the rough times, they are not worth keeping around. Especially if the tear you down emotionally or physically.

    Yeah, poor BF, he had to sit on some hard chairs. Poor baby. She was going thru an emotional and physical trauma and just wanted him by her side. When I had mine, my bf at the time was with me, and waited for me. Shame on you men, thinking that abortion is just another birth control method. You have no idea!

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