Hey there! I’m the socially defunct “idiot” that lives close to you, or perhaps that “freak” who you have run into at the store on occasion—the one who struggles with eye contact and simple human communication.
I want to offer an apology. I honestly don’t mean to alienate you or make you feel uncomfortable. Please remember that I am doing everything in my power to appear “normal” and not make you feel uncomfortable.
It may come as a surprise to those of you who shrug me off as a freak, but I’m really not a moron. I consider myself intelligent; I’m gainfully employed and make a pretty good living. I just share a vacuum when it comes to any situation that is social, and yes, thank you for noticing and pointing it out to me, in detail, on every occasion. Yes, it’s not you, it’s me.
In closing, my request is simple: Give the awkward guy a break on occasion. We never ask for anything, nor expect anything from anyone. We just exist. Being “social” is something that you take for granted, like breathing, and something we have to work at constantly just to coexist in your world. It’s not that I’m not trying to become a better human being every day—it just doesn’t show, like it does with “normal” folks.
With all my freakish sincerity,
The idiot you ran into at the grocery store and laughed at because my brain and mouth couldn’t agree on an appropriate response to your smile after I gave you my empty shopping cart
—Anonymous
Anon, I hope people will give you a break, but try not to let it get to you if they don’t. Some people are just jerks, and that’s their problem.
And keep in mind that even among those of us who seem to know all the right things to do and say in social situations, some of us still feel awkward about it on the inside because it seems so unnatural and forced.
Right on @ 54, @53, @49, and all the others commenting on context and laughter. Sometimes it will turn out that the other party IS a massive jackass, but try to let it roll off you and remember that it’s their problem, not yours, and just go on doing the best you can.
rather be socially awkward and a hell of a lot of fun around those i trust and love than socially accepted and an asshole in reality..thanks for showing me once again people are essentially souless judgemental assholes..i would rather be socially awkward..
My son is an Aspie. If you assholes are what he has to look forward to, I’m starting to understand why he dreads social interaction.
Seriously? “Just get over it”? My kid does hours of therapy a week to improve his social skills. How many hours a week do you spend trying to get over being arrogant, callous, judgmental fuckheads? My guess is zero.
Anon: These people are dicks, most people are reasonable and being socially awkward doesn’t mean you’re a lesser person.
Some of you people commenting need to educate yourselves on Aspergers before being complete ignorant assholes ranting on about something you know nothing about. It amazes me how shallow human beings can be toward one another. Jesus christ, have some compassion.
Sometimes i will try to find an empty cart for someone at the store when i sense they are feeling “uncomfortable” with not having one. After running around to grab one (sometimes out of breath but pleased as punch to relieve them with it), they might blink dumbly at me as if they’d never seen such a thing in their life and that’s when i realize i’d been reading them wrong by thinking they needed one. It’s really a big blow to me for some reason. i try not to take it personally when they look at me like i came out of the sky from Mars to bring them a cart/basket or to interrupt them to inform them of the item they are looking for when i hear it mentioned from halfway across the store. Some people hate that, some appreciate it. But i can’t filter out whom i help, whom i do not, and what information i receive. All or nothing, i guess. Maybe you can relate. Best wishes.
*a spectrum girl
p.s. your post is printed and in my car to read when i’m in a s%%% mood, btw.
or just be human . not all humans are so so social – and human is ok. in fact, human is divine. so you – just be you. let another figure it out in her own good time, if she ever desires or it crosses her mind to. .
or just be human . not all humans are so so social – and human is ok. in fact, human is divine. so you – just be you. let another figure it out in her own good time, if she ever desires or it crosses her mind to. .
Brandon @29, and IA:
First of all, I didn’t realize the title “ass burgers” meant “Asperger’s.” I’ve never seen the conflation before, so I didn’t realize IA was autistic and not someone who’s neurotypical but awkward. So for that I apologize.
My comment about therapy was mostly in response to @1’s “COCAINE!!!” comment, which I thought was truly stupid. However, I do know an Aspie who felt that the behavioral therapy she got helped her to feel more comfortable in public, and taught her how to interact with people. That’s what I was driving at: SOMEtimes it’s possible to alleviate social awkwardness with therapy, even for Aspies.
That’s also why I qualified it with “probably,” because not everyone with an ASD can in fact learn to behave differently. There’s no shame in that; it’s just how a particular person is wired.
I meant no offense, and I apologize if I offended unintentionally.
Thank you to the author of this “I, Anonymous” posting. This is a great reminder for a special request to all kids & teenagers returning to school:
If you see someone at school who is struggling to make friends, or being teased because he/she is different or shy or doesn’t have the nicest clothes & shoes. PLEASE STEP UP! Just say “hi,” sit next to him/her at lunch, or at least smile at him/her. You never know what that person might be facing outside of school.
Your kindness could make a BIG difference in someone’s life 🙂
Ass burger… Cap Hill menu?
@62; WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA……WAIT A SECOND!
Are you telling me COCAINE ISN’T the answer?!
My world is spinning.
curious that this anon has sparked such an interest amongst you random strangers.
I’m with 25 and 26 on this one. I once had a similar incident happen at the grocery store (pretty recently, actually) and I felt bad for laughing because I could tell that the adorably awkward guy I was smiling at thought that I was meanly mocking him. In fact, I was trying to be flirtatious because I had noticed him before he made his kind gesture to me and thought he was cute. His awkwardness only stole my heart. I know this sounds cheesy, but I’m trying to express how I felt in that moment. I laughed because I was nervous and proud that I had actually tried to make a connection with a stranger, and a guy that I was interested in, no less. I had butterflies! The look he gave me was not quite as friendly as the one he attempted when he offered me his cart and I knew what he was thinking in that moment. I wanted to catch him and explain myself, but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to and I felt horrible for making him feel inferior.
I myself have difficulty with all of the things that you listed and have never been diagnosed with Asperger’s. (I suppose it is possible because there are people in my family who live with AS. There have been studies that have suggested the possibility of heredity of genetic mutations that cause autism disorders such as AS.) Regardless, I’ve always been a little off in the social regard…I don’t make friends easily, I’m very shy, I express myself in written words better than spoken, and looking at someone (and actually seeing them) much less smiling at a complete stranger is typically a very, very rare thing for me to do unless I see something in them that I think is so beautiful that it draws me out to try and make contact. (I have worked with several children with Autism and autistic disorders who were naturally drawn to me and I found it easier to deal with them than many people who have proper training and a higher education. This might be an explaination, but I often find it easier and more comfortable to communicate and bond with autistic children than I do with normal people.)
Asperger’s Syndrome is relatively new to the DSM-IV (the diagnostic manual used to diagnose autism disorders), which means that there is a good possibility of a lot of undiagnosed adults (or adults who were wrongly diagnosed with ADD or ADHD…which happened to a cousin of mine before he finally received the right diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome in his mid-teens after years of being medicated for ADD and OCD.) So the next time someone reacts in a way that makes you think they are laughing in a way negatively directed at you, remind yourself to assume they have AS, too, and that maybe they’re trying to connect their soul to yours. Sometimes, when people laugh at me in a negative way, I find it easier to take if I point and laugh back at them. You might try that, too.
Hey Anon dude? You aren’t alone, there are plenty of us out here too. Don’t mind the fucktards who are answering you on here. They can’t get laid and it affects them on every level.
I’m sure someone has said this before but this sounds like pretty much every single person I’ve met since moving to Seattle…seriously, it’s OK to say “hello” to someone you recognize in the grocery store and, say, happens to live in your building, even if you don’t know them that well.
@25,@26, @67, & @71: Way to go!! Aspergers Unite!!!
@16: No, I don’t need a “special” parking space. It’s just as well.
Parking doesn’t exist in Seattle, dude!
I will happily chase geese anywhere. clueless is something you have to accept. just like your hair choices. you could make me a shirt.
The lost art of being polite,
I was raised in a household where formal politeness was taught, and practiced, for just about any situation. Think of it as social armor when you don’t know what to do. Nowadays it is thought of as being elite, but it was designed to be social grease. I am subject to social anxiety attacks, and having a politeness mode as a fallback has been the only thing to get me through them.
OTOH, a sense of compassion and humor never hurts.
Peace.
the try cocaine comment is totally stupid, given the type of stupid addictive drug it is, but there are several entheogens out there, including front and centre, MDMA, to help the lad break out (only to be used after sufficient erowid type research) – much better and quicker and permanent positive changes than any SSRI type medicine out there, in my opinion.
And as someone commented, you can gain some assurance from the fact that eventually you will feel better about yourself, comfortable in your skin and become more confident over time – age has a way of dulling the normal sensitivities that some feel as youth….