A few years ago, I had a nervous breakdown. It was one of the most horrific and stigmatizing experiences of my life. Despite the odds, I pulled my life back together, with very little support from anyone else. I saved up money, moved into a cozy apartment in Seattle, and enrolled in college to finish my arts degree. I thought my past demons were far behind me. However, I was still deeply insulted by what three particular people were saying behind my back ever since that fateful day. These people once claimed that they “cared about me.” One of them even dated me for a couple of months. But in my most vulnerable moments, they mocked me, revealed my most intimate secrets, and made sick jokes about me. For years!

Hey, fuckers, did you think I would never find out? I would love to say all this to your faces and make you feel remorse for what you did. You shallow, double-crossing wastes of human skin. Since I do not have the opportunity, I thought I would take the passive-aggressive route, just like you did to me. I hope one day you lose control of all your mental faculties and breach the edge of insanity. Because I will be the first person to degrade you, traumatize you, and smear your dignity in the dirt. Until then, please develop a fucking conscience for the sake of anyone else who decides to trust you.

—Anonymous

25 replies on “I, Anonymous”

  1. Oh for heaven’s sake, it’d be way more therapeutic to call them on their bullshit in person and watch them squirm, backpedal, and deny.

  2. “I will be the first person to degrade you, traumatize you, and smear your dignity in the dirt” is followed by “develop a fucking conscience”

    This is pretty dissonant. If you want people to treat each other with respect and have a conscience, you can start with yourself and not degrade others.

  3. When you go through a crisis, you find out who your friends really are. And usually it’s a LOT fewer people than you had thought. That’s just the way it is.

  4. Right before you advise folks to develop a conscience, you write ” I will be the first person to degrade you, traumatize you, and smear your dignity in the dirt”

    People should treat each other well, and not be assholes. Point taken, but this includes you. Take your own advice and don’t mistreat others. Just because other people were horrible, that doesn’t mean you need to be horrible. Behaving as badly as the worst person you know is a terrible life strategy. Behave as well as the best person you know.

    Just saying.

  5. Wow. I could have written this.. .except for the plans for revenge. Why bother with that? You make them important to you and let them know they are important to you. The high road never seems like it has any kind of payoff until you look back and know you can hold your head up high because you behaved well despite having consorting with assholes. Maybe they won’t get theirs, but the best punishment is just booting them out of your life and saying “good riddance.” Eventually, their issues will see the light of day, just like yours already have.

  7. Protip: complete assholes are unlikely to notice (or care) when you’re being passive-aggressive. They might not even notice if you start being aggressive-aggressive. My advice is to learn that yes, these people aren’t your friends, and stop fantasizing about revenge.

  8. First of all, SCREW ‘EM. Cut them loose, walk away, don’t give the assholes another thought.

    If that doesn’t work, may I suggest a HUGE PILE OF COCAIN and a case of St. Ide’s 40’s?

  10. Authur Z, that’s the second week in a row you’ve misspelled cocaine. Are you using COCAINE correctly? It needs to be taken no less than 89 times a day or quality of life can suffer, ie; spelling errors, etc…

    Anon, seriously what fuck!? You go on and on about hurt feelings only to express how much you can’t wait to see these others hurting.? Fuckin’ baby.
    Besides everyone knows nothing cures a nervous breakdown like some COCAINE!

  11. @8 & @10: What IS it about cocaine? Do you guys lie, too,
    about how much sex you don’t get? Enough, already! Y…A..W…N.

    @ I, ANON: Just call them on their bullshit, and walk away!
    They’re either insecure, jealous, or both, and not worth your time.

  12. first of all ignore the idiots telling you to do cocaine, for someone with a history of mental illness its bad news… and good for you on putting back the pieces, I hope you enjoy life. My only advice would be to put the energy of loathing your former friends into something positive. And if you ever fall apart again (it happens) just try and remember that you healed once and you can do it again!

  13. You know what the best revenge is?

    Not letting these people rent space in your head any more.

    You don’t have to forgive, and I’d never suggest that you do. You certainly won’t forget. But you can dismiss.

    You’ve had your revenge fantasies. You’ve posted your IA. Now let these people go. Do all the habit-breaking things people do to quit smoking: snap a rubber band on your wrist, change your route to work, reshuffle your routines, etc. so that you aren’t prompted by the same cues to have the same thoughts all the time.

    Don’t let these people have any more power over you. They are wrong. They will always be wrong. You know that. You have nothing more to prove. So stop fighting this battle with them. You’ve won: you have your life and your sanity. Teach yourself to stop thinking about them.

    I had a similar journey, and it took a few years… but it’s worth it.

  16. No matter what the I, Anon, SLOG never fails to astound with the rude, nasty, shit-for-brains comments. Brother! Talk about needing a fucking life, you jokers.
    Good luck, IA- #14 says it best. Thanks for venting.

  18. Another person here who has been down this path:

    anger
    feeling hard done by
    fantasies of revenge

    It’s taken me years, and I’m not there yet, but It’s eating away at me less and less. some techniques I use are these:

    1. reminding myself that each time I allow anger generating thoughts to generate anger, I’m poisoning myself with a toxic emotion (which harms and weakens me alone).

    2. reminding myself that anger is energy which comes from a creative place, but once it takes the form of anger becomes destructive (to me).

    3. reminding myself that there are worse people in the world than those who have harmed me (e.g. men in the Congo who go around raping and killing people on a regular basis), and that if I wanted to sacrifice my energy and time in the name of fighting bad people, it would be more rational to pick one of these notably worse people, rather than the relatively less bad person who just happened to harm me, as opposed to someone else).

    4. remembering the advice of a friend who said “whenever you give your energy to someone by being angry at them, you’re not loving yourself.

    5. remembering that the human species never claimed to be ethically perfect. And remembering that the only thing you really have control of is how you live, how you treat people, and the example you set.

    6. Remembering the saying that “the best revenge is a life lived well.”

    7. Remembering that the hurt you’ve felt is an opportunity to learn compassion for anyone else who goes through such a thing, because there’s always a chance that if you hadn’t had this happen to you, that you might be insensitive to someone else who did. So appreciate the opportunity to learn compassion.

    Focus on yourself, not on people who’ve hurt you. People harm each other. Sometimes it’s out of cruelty, and other times it’s out of a lack of understanding of how damaging and unfair their actions truly are. No one I suspect, gets through this life without some injustice being done to them. It’s a fact of life that life isn’t fair and justice doesn’t exist.

    Just focus on yourself. On your own emotional health and happiness. On treating others as you would be treated. Of being someone that you’re going to like when you’re on your death bed.

    And you have my sympathy. Anger’s a rough road.

  20. Write ’em a letter with exactly what you hate about them and what they did in it in a clear, concise, and orderly manner and don’t send it. Keep it for a year. Just put it away and forget they ever existed. Then take it out and read it and either burn it or mail it but let it go.

  21. Because turning around and hoping for a chance to hurt people in the same way that you’ve been hurt is such a good solution to all of your problems. This is just another case of I,Anon allowing their tormentors to rule their lives. Some people just aren’t okay unless they have something to bitch about.

  23. @25

    Remember the purpose of I Anon is to publish admissions of less than enlightened emotional states. If this letter read “you hurt me, but I’m moving on and wish you happiness” it wouldn’t be published because that shit has no place in I anon.

    I don’t know about you, but I come here to laugh at letters which vent less than beautiful sentiments towards others from the safety of anonymity. The more bitter the better.

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