Last Days

MONDAY, OCTOBER 19 Like all good Mondays, today kicks off
with pot, as the U.S. Justice Department released an
impressive new policy memo discouraging federal prosecution of
pot smokers in those states that have legalized medical
marijuana. Details come from the Associated Press, which reports that
today’s three-page memo instructs federal prosecutors that they “should
not focus federal resources… on individuals whose actions are in
clear and unambiguous compliance with existing state laws providing for
the medical use of marijuana.” However, as Attorney General Eric Holder
said, “we will not tolerate drug traffickers who hide behind claims of
compliance with state law to mask activities that are clearly illegal,”
with the memo encouraging full prosecution of pot transactions
involving violence, illegal firearms, sale to minors, and/or money
laundering. Thanks to the Obama administration for this lovely bit of
common-sense law enforcement, and congratulations to medical marijuana
users in Alaska, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Maryland,
Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont,
and Washington, who can now take their state-sanctioned medicine with
diminished risk of federal prosecution.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 20 In much worse news: The week continues in
India, where police are investigating a
mind-bogglingly appalling crime from the state of Jharkhand, where five
women were stripped naked, beaten by an unruly mob, and forced to eat
human excrement after being branded as witches. Humanity-incriminating
details come from BBC News, which reports the incident occurred last
Sunday in a remote village in the Deoghar district, where the local
cleric had recently denounced five Muslim widows as
witches responsible for bringing miseries on the area. “On
Sunday morning the victims were taken to a playground where hundreds
had assembled,” recounted deputy inspector general Murari Lal Meena. On
this playground, the five Muslim widows were stripped bare and beaten,
then force-fed feces by the horde, not one of whom stepped in to defend
the brutalized widows. “Hundreds of people, mostly women, have been
killed in India because their neighbours thought they were witches,”
reports the BBC. “Experts say superstitious beliefs are behind some of
these attacks, but there are occasions when people—especially
widows—are targeted for their land and property.” Four people
have been arrested in connection with the incident; the victims remain
under police protection.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 21 Just when you thought you were ready to
swear on a stack of Bibles that no human being should ever be beaten
and made to eat excrement, along comes Carrie Prejean,
the controversially deposed Miss California who
previously distinguished herself with her public stance against gay
marriage and who was this week slapped with a lawsuit over her
failure to pay for her fake boobs. According to a
complaint filed yesterday, “Prejean stiffed [Miss California] pageant
organizer K2 Productions even though she requested the surgery ‘to be
more competitive’ at the April 2009 Miss USA pageant and verbally
agreed to repay the K2 loan,” reports the New York Daily News.
“The new suit accuses Prejean of missing events, lying about semi-nude
photos, negotiating an unauthorized book deal, and using her title
without authorization to help promote the National Organization for
Marriage’s ‘campaign of intolerance’ against gay marriage.” K2
Productions is seeking the $5,200 it loaned Prejean to enhance her
bust, as well as all proceeds from Ms. Prejean’s improperly negotiated
book. Dear God in Heaven: Please see that Carrie Prejean is unable to
repay her $5,200 loan, resulting in the surgical repossession of her
fake boobs. Amen.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 22 Coming somewhat lackadaisically on the
heels of Monday’s bright and shiny pot development comes today’s
musty bong water, as the Minnesota Supreme Court ruled
that funky stinkwater left in drug-smoking devices can count as an
illegal drug. As the Associated Press reports, today’s
decision stems from a case in which a woman’s confiscated bong
water—about two and a half tablespoons of liquid—tested
positive for methamphetamine, and it “raises the threat of longer
sentences for drug smokers in that state who fail to dump the water out
of bong.” Thank you, Minnesota Supreme Court, for encouraging
self-respecting pot smokers to keep their bongs as tidy as coffee
lovers keep their French presses.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 23 The week
continues with an
all-star “fuck-you” to Guantánamo Bay, as
musicians ranging from Trent Reznor to Bonnie Raitt banded together to
express their horror at the use of music in
Bush-approved “enhanced interrogation techniques” of would-be terror
suspects. As the Washington Post reports, “A high-profile
coalition of artists—including the members of Pearl Jam, R.E.M.,
and the Roots—demanded Thursday that the government
release the names of all the songs that were blasted
since 2002 at prisoners for hours, even days, on end, to
try to
coerce cooperation or as a method of punishment… The artists also
launched a formal protest of the use of music in conjunction with
torture.” Regarding the use of music in conjunction with torture:
“Sound at a certain level creates sensory overload and breaks down
subjectivity and can [bring about] a regression to infantile behavior,”
said NYU professor Suzanne G. Cusick to the Post. “Its
effectiveness depends on the constancy of the sound, not the qualities
of the music.” Played at a certain volume, she said, “it simply
prevents people from thinking.” Among the tracks used against
detainees: Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A.,” Queen’s “We Are
the Champions,” Don McLean’s “American Pie,” Nine Inch Nails’ “March of
the Pigs,” the theme from Sesame Street, and the godforsaken
Meow Mix jingle; one former prisoner told Human Rights Watch that he
had been forced to listen to Eminem’s “The Real Slim Shady” for 20 days
straight. While the unwitting composers and performers of “torture
music” seek the release of the names of all songs used and consider
their legal options, a White House spokesman confirmed that music is no
longer used as an instrument of torture.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 24 Today the 2009 Swine Flu Outbreak
officially became a national emergency via a
declaration signed last night by President Obama and announced this
morning by the White House. As the Associated Press reports,
“Administration officials said the declaration was not in response to
any single development… [but] a preemptive move designed to make
decisions easier when they need to be made.” Over 1,000 people in the
U.S.—including almost 100 children—have died from the H1N1
flu, and 46 states have “widespread flu activity.” Get your vaccination
if you can and want to, and wash your hands all the time whether you
want to or not.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 25 The week ends with the deadliest
day in Iraq since 2007, as a pair of suicide bombers targeted
the Baghdad Provincial Administration building and the Justice
Ministry, killing at least 155 people and injuring hundreds more.

Thanks to everyone at the glitzy new Swedish Orthopedic
Institute for being so nice to my visiting mom. Everyone else, send Hot
Tips to lastdays@thestranger.com.