MONDAY, MAY 19 This week of redeemed fundamentalists, unexpected
dampness, and hippie-fest pistol-whippings gone horribly wrong kicks
off today with a clampdown, as the Washington State Traffic Safety
Commission began its new campaign against seat-belt scofflaws. Details
come from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, which reports that
10 King County agencies, including the local detachment of the
Washington State Patrol, will participate in the crackdown, which
officially begins tonight. The rules: In Washington
State, officers can stop motorists seen driving without their seat
belts. Drivers can also be ticketed for each unbelted rider under the
age of 16, while unbelted riders aged 16 and up get their own tickets.
Cost of each violation: $124. Buckle up, dunces.
TUESDAY, MAY 20 In bigger news: Today the U.S. Justice Department
released its 370-page report detailing abuses witnessed by FBI
agents at U.S.-run detention facilities overseas. To
celebrate, members of Congress were treated to the testimony of
Murat Kurnaz, a 26-year-old Turkish man arrested while
traveling with a religious tourism group in Pakistan in late 2001 and
held by U.S. forces in Afghanistan and at Guantánamo Bay for
nearly five years. Details come from ABC News:
Speaking via video link from Germany, Kurnaz told the House Foreign
Affairs Committee of his astoundingly awful treatment at the hands of
the U.S., allegedly including electric shocks, being chained by his
arms to the ceiling with his feet dangling, and, uh, “water treatment.”
“They stuck my head into a bucket of water and punched me in the
stomach,” said Kurnaz of his captors at the U.S. base in Kandahar. “I
inhaled the water… It was a strong punch.” Kurnaz also alleged that
U.S. interrogators tried to force him to sign papers admitting his
guilt, and testified that although he had no links to al
Qaeda—and German intelligence services told U.S. officials that
he was not a terrorist in 2002—he remained at Guantánamo
(where the abuses allegedly continued) until August 2006. “I didn’t
think this could happen in the 21st century,” said Kurnaz. “I could
never have imagined that this place was created by the United States.”
(For more human-rights-stomping delights, see Sandy Cioffi’s feature,
page 14.)
WEDNESDAY, MAY 21 Over the years, Hot Tippers have
provided this column with innumerable eyewitness horrors, from last
week’s blind-lady-clobbered-on-the-bus saga to several novels worth of
public nail clippings, whisker pluckings, and sweat spoonings. But
today Last Days witnessed our own damn Hot Tip, at the hotbed of
insanity known as the University District Petco. Star
of the show: the skinny drunk guy dressed like a
cowboy, who seemed to have wandered out of a Sam Shepard play
into a large chain pet store, where he staggered around with a grimy
$100 bill and shouted about wanting to buy a
bird. Unsure if the man wanted the bird for a pet or a meal,
Petco employees wisely invented a “no bird sales after 8:00 p.m.” rule
and sent Sloshalong Cassidy on his way. Five minutes later, Last Days
saw him again, loping along the sidewalk in front of that weird
mini–strip mall at Northeast 45th Street and Roosevelt Way
Northeast. While we watched, the would-be cowboy stopped, stood stock
still, then fell backward, as if participating in a
trust-building exercise. Unfortunately, there were no trust-workshop
participants to catch him, only pavement. Bravo and best wishes to
today’s accidental superstar.
THURSDAY, MAY 22 Nothing happened today, unless you count the
decision by Austin, Texas’s Third Court of Appeals,
which today ruled that the Texas Department of Family and Protective
Services had no right to seize more than 130 children
living at the Texas compound of the polygamy-ridden
Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints, as the state had failed to find “evidence that the
male children, or the female children who had not reached puberty, were
victims of sexual or other physical abuse or in danger of being victims
of sexual or other physical abuse.” Stay tuned.
FRIDAY, MAY 23 Today brings a valuable lesson from Hot
Tipper Caroline: “I was browsing for jeans yesterday in the
Capitol Hill Value Village. I found a cute pair, but
they didn’t have a price tag on them, so I thought I’d try them on and
if they fit then I’d ask someone for the price. I draped the jeans over
my arm and continued going through the racks. While browsing, I smelled
the distinct odor of pussy. Then it got stronger and
became the distinct odor of pussy and piss. I looked
at the jeans draped on my arm and, hating myself, leaned in slightly to
see if the offensive odor was coming from them. It
was. I hurried to get the jeans off my arm, only to realize
they were soaking wet from the crotch through the thigh with
still-warm urine. Obviously, someone had wet their
goddamn pants, gone into Value Village, put on a different pair of
jeans, and hung their piss-soaked jeans back on the rack. It’s been
almost 24 hours and I still have a grimace on my face. What continues
to haunt me is that, in total shock and horror, I put the jeans
back on the rack. Ladies, beware.”
SATURDAY, MAY 24 The week continues with the aforementioned
hippie-fest pistol-whipping gone horribly wrong. The place:
Seattle Center, where the 37th annual Folklife
Festival, the three-day celebration of “folk, ethnic, and
traditional” performance, got under way today. The problem: the
fight that broke out between two attendees near the
drum circle on the north side of the Seattle Center fountain, in which
one man allegedly attempted to pistol-whip another and ended up
shooting him and two innocent bystanders. Lucky for
all, the accidental shooting was nonfatal, involving a single bullet
that passed through the nasal passage of the shooter’s fight partner
and the hand of a bystander before lodging in the leg of another
bystander; all parties are expected to make full recoveries.
Nevertheless, the shot understandably instigated a whole bunch
of freaking-out, with scores of Folklife attendees fleeing and
screaming while a few brave souls tackled the shooter, holding him
until police arrived. On Monday, the Seattle
Post-Intelligencer will identify the gunman as 22-year-old
Clinton Granger, a Snohomish County man with “a
history of anxiety and schizophrenia” now facing three counts
of assault with a deadly weapon.
SUNDAY, MAY 25 The week ends with a gassy
whimper, as at least four Seattle-area gas stations were
temporarily closed after their gasoline was found to have been cut with
water. Details come from KING 5, which reports the
diluted fuel originated at the Shell terminal on Harbor Island and was
dispensed at a variety of Seattle-area stations, causing dozens of cars
to break down. (Apparently, watery gas doesn’t work.)
By tomorrow, the bad gas will be removed from circulation, with a Shell
company spokesperson attributing the mess to “human error.”
Send Hot Tips to lastdays@thestranger.com.
