Last Days

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 1 This week of small-town psychos, elderly karate,
and mounting Republican horror kicks off with Labor Day, the
U.S. federal holiday commemorating “the strength and esprit de corps of
the trade and labor organizations.” Speaking of the strength and esprit
de corps of trade and labor organizations, this week brings not one but
two major strikes to the Northwest. First up: the Bellevue
School District’s teacher’s union, whose 1,200 members will go on
strike tomorrow for better pay and more flexible teaching plans,
delaying the start of the school year for the district’s 16,000
students. Next up: the International Association of Machinists and
Aerospace Workers, 25,000 members of which will go on strike
against Boeing for better pay and restricted outsourcing of work
one minute after midnight on Friday, delaying all Boeing jetliner
production in the Northwest indefinitely. Neither strike will be
resolved this week—stay tuned.

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2 The week continues with a hideous bit of
business in Washington State’s Skagit County, where today a
28-year-old housepainter with a history of mental illness and an
extensive criminal history allegedly went murderously insane.
Details come from the Seattle Times, which reports the tragedy
began today when Skagit County Sheriff deputy Anne Jackson responded to a trespassing call in the small community of Alger, where
Isaac Zamora had reportedly taken to entering people’s homes
uninvited. According to prosecutors, the confrontation between Deputy
Jackson and Zamora ended when the latter fatally shot the
former. Prosecutors allege that Zamora then proceeded to fatally
shoot two neighbors (58-year-old
Chester Rose and
48-year-old Julie Binschus), two carpenters working in the area
(58-year-old David Radcliffe and 38-year-old Greg

Gillum), and a motorist driving on I-5 (64-year-old Leroy
Lange). In addition to the half-dozen killings, Zamora stands
accused of several nonfatal assaults, including the stabbing of a
61-year-old neighbor, and the shootings of Binschus’s husband and two
other I-5 motorists. This Friday, Zamora will appear in
Skagit
County Superior Court, where prosecutors will file a complaint accusing
him of six counts of first-degree murder and four counts of
first-degree assault. As the Seattle Post-
Intelligencer will report, “The complaint was not a formal charging, but part of a
motion for a warrant to keep Zamora in jail for 30 more days, while
authorities spend more time investigating him. Prosecutors now have
until October 3 to file charges.” As for Zamora, he remains jailed in
lieu of $5 million bail. As for his motive, on Friday he will twice
tell the court, “I kill for God.” Condolences to all, including
the victims, their friends and families, and God.

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 In lighter news, today brings a high-octane
Hot Tip from Hot Tipper Alan: “I was at a Capitol Hill
antique store. The gentleman working there was very kind, albeit
sort of slow, and he was slightly distracted by a friend who had
stopped by—another older gentleman, dressed in a karate
outfit. As my receipt was being written up, a younger woman came in to buy a book. After waiting a minute or so to pay, she lost
her patience and asked if she could just leave $2. The owner said,
‘It’s $2.18 with tax, but I asked if you could wait for this
gentleman,’ referring to me, after which the woman threw her
book at the owner and continued to rip him a new one.
Unbeknownst to her, the elderly karate man had come up behind her and
proceeded to KARATE CHOP HER INTO A DISPLAY. At this point, the
young lady’s boyfriend comes in and asks, ‘What did she do this time? I
apologize…’ then pulls his lady up off the floor by her frizzy hair
and escorts her—still screaming and yelling—out the door.
Amazing.”

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 Nothing happened today, unless you count the
final day the Republican National Convention, four days of
truth-raping, anxiety-inducing horror that’s covered in depth in this
week’s feature. For now, let us just say that never in a million years
did we dream that John McCain might one day inspire as much fear in us
as George W. Bush, but with his astoundingly cynical choice of vice
president, McCain has accomplished just this. Bravo.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 5 The week continues with some grade-A
eavesdropping from Hot Tipper Barry, who had the good luck to be
at Seattle’s Art/Not Terminal gallery this evening for the
opening of Self Portal: Amplified Chameleon, a collection
of photos by the one and only Shannon Kringen. For those out of
the Seattle celebrity loop, Kringen is the ambitious local nudist who’s
been entertaining the late-night masses for over a decade with her
navel-gazing cable-access flesh-fest The Goddess Kring. Tonight
at A/NT, the steadfast Kringen unveiled a collection of photos of
herself that she’d taken herself, but according to Hot Tipper Barry,
the deepest entertainment was provided by the “cult of Kringen,” the
patchouli-scented posse gathered to celebrate the goddess. As Barry
reports: “I was standing next to a pair of fiftysomething men with
berets and gray ponytails who were apparently discussing crime in the
city. I overheard one say to the other, ‘I think that if a citizen
comes upon a crime scene before the police, he should have the
authority to give orders to the police.’ ‘Have you ever tried that?’
asked the other. ‘Yeah,’ said the first, ‘I got my ass kicked.’ This was said flatly, not as a punch line. No one laughed and the
subject was changed back to something regarding the goddess.” Dear
Barry: Thank you for noticing and sharing. Dear Goddess Kring:
Congratulations on your photography exhibition, and here’s hoping we
can continue to flip past your cable-access show in horror until the
day we die.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 6 Speaking of negligible art: Today
brings the story the 22-year-old man in Fresno, California, who stands
accused of breaking into a home occupied by two sleeping men, whom the
intruder allegedly rubbed with spices and beat with an eight-inch
sausage before fleeing. Details on last night’s illicit
spice-rubbing and sausage-clobbering come from the Fresno Bee,
which reports the spices and sausage were pillaged from the sleeping
men’s own kitchen, and confirms that the Fresno County Sheriff deputies
had no difficulty tracking down the suspect. “It seems the guy ran out
of the house wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts, and socks, leaving
behind his wallet with his ID.” Condolences to none.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 7 Nothing happened today.

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