Last Days

STRANGERCROMBIE WINNER! This article was bought-and-paid-for in The Stranger’s annual charity auction—which this year raised more than $50,000 for the Seattle nonprofit Treehouse, helping foster kids since 1988. Thank you, everybody!

MONDAY, JANUARY 12 Welcome to a Very Special Last Days, devoted to
honoring promises made/sold in the Strangercrombie charity
auction. For Last Days, this means devoting our column to the
highest bidder, which proved to be Office Nomads, the Capitol
Hill coworking space that won this very same auction last year.
For an overview of Office Nomads, we turn to words we wrote a year
ago:

Office Nomads is the coworking space on the second
floor of the Heath Printers building at 1617 Boylston Avenue. What
is “coworking”? According to the Office Nomads’ website, coworking
is “[similar to] cohousing… at Office Nomads you’ll find a
workspace with all the tools of a modern office shared by a cadre of
independent workers but none of the soul-crushing corporate values.”
“The digital revolution gave people an incredible amount of
independence in being able to get work done from home, or anywhere,”
says Office Nomads co-owner Jacob Sayles. “But that independence
can be isolating, and you see people starving for community. That’s
what we offer here.” “Anyone who’s worked from home can tell you how
blurry the boundaries can get,” adds co-owner Susan Evans. “A
coworking space can help you compartmentalize your life. Your home can
be home again.”

(As someone who routinely works cross-legged on a bed until our
lower extremities scream from the restricted blood flow, Last Days
understands.)

TUESDAY, JANUARY 13 Today, Last Days returned to Office Nomads,
where we were greeted by the aforementioned Susan and Jacob, as well as
a bustling office of Nomads. “It’s working!” said Jacob, walking
us through the large, casually professional, sunny-when-it’s-sunny
space where a couple dozen independent workers were happily plugging
away. (In addition to its bevy of desks, conference rooms, sofas, easy
chairs, and full kitchen, Office Nomads offers “full office amenities,”
including high-speed internet access and complimentary fax and printing
services, with prices ranging from $25 a day to $375 a month.) As we’ve
mentioned, a major component of the Office Nomads philosophy is
community, and today that philosophy was put into full effect,
not just through the day’s citizen-mingling labor, but through an
on-site after-work boozefest. The host of the party: Seattle
Greendrinks, the nonprofit founded in 2003 by Gabriel Scheer,
devoted to “good times shared among people working in, or interested
in, environmental and sustainability issues.” What this
looked like: a friendly mini-mob of people milling around with smiles
on their faces and drinks (in a variety of nondisposable cups and
glasses, of course) in their hands. As a testament to the ideals of
both Seattle Greendrinks and Office Nomads, tomorrow morning’s Office
Nomads workers will find literally no evidence of tonight’s
beer-and-wine fiesta.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 14 The week continues with another casually
productive day at Office Nomads, where Last Days plopped ourselves down
in an overstuffed chair only to be lightly horrified by an e-mail sent
by Hot Tipper Nathan, who writes: “I was in the library at
Seattle Central Community College when I walked by one of the
computer stations. I noticed a lot of skin on one of the screens
and instantly recognized that the person was looking at porn.
And not just any porn—ANIMAL PORN. I was flabbergasted!
The site’s name blared something like ‘ZOO EXPERIENCE,’ and he
was clicking around like he was in his apartment by himself.
WTF?!” Thanks to the miracle of coworking, Last Days was able to
commiserate with/solicit the opinions of the Office Nomads, to whom we
put the following question: What should Hot Tipper Nathan have done
in this situation?

1. Alerted a librarian.

2. Ignored the would-be animal lover, who was merely accessing
information, not actively engaging in lewd behavior (i.e.,
wanking).

3. “Accidentally” spilled a quad caramel
mocha on Casanova
Dolittle.

4. Other.

Responses ranged from Office Nomad Brandon‘s “Number two, I
guess, though I’m not happy about it” to numerous suggestions for
“other” (from public shaming to targeted whinnying). But the most
inspired response came from Office Nomad Casey, who directed us
to comments made by the Swedish minister of agriculture: “Is it,
and should it be, legal to spread something on the genitalia that might
smell or taste nice to a dog, in order to allow the dog to lick off
whatever is spread on the genitalia? Should [we] be permitted to stroke
a bitch’s teats with love, or should it be classified as animal sexual
abuse?” “As you can see, the Swedes are way ahead of us in this arena,”
wrote Casey. “Their administration is directly confronting hot-button
issues like the loving teat-stroke, while I have yet to hear Obama
mention bestiality even once as a priority issue for his Department of
Agriculture cabinet selection. So I recommend option four: Defer to
the Swedes. Whatever their library-bestiality policies are, so,
too, should ours be.”

THURSDAY, JANUARY 15 The week continues with a hilarious bit of
business from the American Life League, aka “the largest
grassroots Catholic pro-life organization in the United States,”
which is taking vehement exception to the Obama-celebrating
machinations of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. As Krispy Kreme
announced in a press release, “Krispy Kreme is honoring American’s
sense of pride and freedom of choice on Inauguration Day by offering
a free doughnut of choice to every customer.” As the American
Life League made clear in its own press release, Krispy Kreme can keep
their evil abortion doughnuts: “The next time you stare down a
conveyor belt of slow-moving, hot, sugary glazed doughnuts at your
local Krispy Kreme, you just might be supporting President-elect
Obama’s radical support for abortion on demand. The unfortunate

reality of a post Roe v. Wade America is that
‘choice’ is synonymous with abortion access.” Once again, color
commentary was provided by the Office Nomads peanut gallery: “This is
the best and funniest thing to come out of the conservative movement
since Sarah Palin,” wrote Office Nomad Charles. “Thank God they’ve
embraced their role as America’s comedians.” Or as Office Nomad Chris
put it, “Abortion doughnuts! Avoiding 18 years of backbreaking
responsibility never tasted so good.”

FRIDAY, JANUARY 16 Of course life isn’t all just animal porn
and abortion doughnuts—there’s also stuff like the global
economic downturn/major U.S. recession, a topic on which Last Days
today solicited opinions from the Office Nomads, receiving a bounty of
wise, highly contextualized musings, all of them too long to include in
full and too rich to excerpt.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 17 Nothing happened today, unless you count the
various Saturday adventures of the liberated Office Nomads.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 18 The week ends with the penultimate day of the
godforsaken Bush administration, celebrated by Office Nomads’
benevolent queen bee Susan by jetting off to Washington, D.C. “A
few of us who were here in the office for election night got all fired
up and bought flights immediately,” reports Susan. “So there will be a
Nomadic crew in D.C. to welcome Barack and Joe.”

Interested in Office Nomads? Stop by anytime for a free trial
day—www.officenomads.com.

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