My boyfriend and I are in college and doing the long-distance thing until June 2013. Over the years, he’s granted me increasing amounts of freedom to be intimate with women—I’m female, and date women while we’re apart—but I still don’t have full autonomy. It’s much better than it used to be, but lately another one of my “needs” has been eating at me: my masochism. He’s repeatedly refused me permission to let someone lay into me with a flogger. That’s all I ask!
I don’t even want to have anything sexual with the person who flogs me! I just want them to beat me! And this might be relevant: He has the freedom to do whatever he wishes but—God only knows why—he never indulges in anything more than the odd vanilla woman here and there. Also, I’m not allowed to attend fetish clubs because he knows I’ll make bad choices if I do (I’ll play!), but the burner and fetish scenes are converging here in Los Angeles and I’m going to get in trouble soon!
University Pain Slut
You’ve given your boyfriend permission to do who he wants, what he wants, when he wants. But you’re not allowed to do half of humanity—the male half—or get your ass beat at a BDSM club?
That hardly seems fair, UPS.
But my knees don’t automatically jerk when I hear about a couple with an arrangement that appears to be “unfair” on its face. If Person A enjoys more “freedom” than Person B, it doesn’t necessarily follow that Person B is being wronged. Some people get off on the tension that an erotic power imbalance creates, and nothing says “you’re in charge” quite like your partner having the freedom to do people and things that you’re not allowed to do. Or maybe the idea of you being with other men makes the boyfriend feel threatened and insecure, while the idea of him being with other women turns you on. If that’s the case, UPS, then you’re not doing something that makes him unhappy (sleeping with other men) while he’s doing something that makes you happy (sleeping with other women).
For me, UPS, it comes down to this: If you’re happy—if you’re getting off on your unfair deal—then I’m happy.
But are you happy? Or are you still happy? If this deal isn’t working anymore, UPS, then it’s time to negotiate a new, perhaps slightly fairer deal. His insistence that you mess around only with other girls while you’re apart is understandable—I don’t think it’s fair, UPS, but I can understand it—but the “no flogging” rule seems ridiculously arbitrary. Battle your sexual submissiveness and negotiate from a position of strength: Tell your boyfriend that you’ll continue to stick to his no-other-dudes rule on the condition that he lift his silly flogging ban.
I’m a 21-year-old college student living in San Diego. I have some sex-related issues/questions that I’d like to talk with a counselor about. These issues are complicated—porn consumption, sex work, ability to orgasm, etc.—but I hesitate to go through my insurance; since I’m still on my parents’ plan, that would involve me talking to my parents about this. They are very nosy and also very traditional, so I can only imagine the shitstorm. Is my university health care something that would cover this? Would my university report back to my parents about what I was seeking counseling about?
Uneasy Collegian Seeks Discretion
Rules about patient confidentiality apply even to college students, UCSD, so your student health center is not going to rat you out to mom and dad. But you don’t have to take my word for it.
“I want your reader to know that care provided at UCSD Student Health Services and the Counseling and Psychological Services is confidential,” writes Regina Fleming, director of Student Health Services at the University of California, San Diego. “We don’t bill insurance for visits to Student Health, though sometimes the cost of lab tests are put on the student’s account; these charges do not specify what type of tests were done. [And] all services at our Counseling and Psychological Services are free.”
My girlfriend of four years cheated on me. I’m in college now; we’ve been dating since high school. She and a male friend hooked up four times when they were both drunk. This guy was supposed to be her best friend, and it turns out he was into her. I asked her once about their relationship, and she assured me that nothing had or ever would happen between them. That was a few weeks after she cheated on me. She rationalizes the events in a manner that makes her seem like she’s not to blame and she constantly tells me how much she really loves me. Do I hook up with another girl and tell her about it?
Cucked Over College Kid
No, COCK, you don’t hook up with another girl. You ask yourself this question: How many adults—people over 30—do you know who are still with and/or married to their high-school sweethearts? The answer is either zero or approaching zero. A breakup was inevitable-ish all along, COCK, and now seems like a pretty good time to pull the plug. And while your girlfriend is telling you she loves you, and while she may still have feelings for you, she’s slamming her hand down on the self-destruct button because—consciously or not—she wants out, too.
In your advice to The Straight Best Man, you suggested that the first gay couples to legally wed in both Canada and the United States ended up divorcing, and that this fact was largely unknown because anti-divorce and anti–gay marriage evangelical Christians have essentially dodged the issue in a bid to divert attention from their own spectacularly high rates of marriage implosion.
While the first American same-sex marriage ended in divorce, I can happily report that the first legal same-sex marriages in Canada are still going strong 10 years later. A gay couple, Joe Varnell and Kevin Bourassa, and a lesbian couple, Anne and Elaine Vautour, were married in a joint ceremony on January 14, 2001, at Metropolitan Community Church of Toronto (MCCT). At that time, the government was still refusing to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. To solve this problem, the church, on advice from their legal team, did an end run around the pre-authorized license requirement, using the ancient, but perfectly legal, Christian tradition of proclaiming the banns of marriage. While the government refused to register the marriages as valid, on June 10, 2003, the Ontario Court of Appeal declared that the marriages had been legally performed, and ordered the Province of Ontario to register them immediately. The court also ruled that a ban on same-sex marriage was unconstitutional and ordered the province to begin issuing marriage licenses for same-sex couples that same day.
Both couples remain happily married, having renewed their vows in a public ceremony at MCCT on the occasion of their joint 10-year anniversaries earlier this year.
Nice Thing To Be Wrong About, Eh?
I’m happy to stand corrected—I’m delighted—and I’d like to send my belated congrats to Joe & Kevin and Anne & Elaine on the occasion of their 10th anniversaries. Here’s to many, many more happy years together!
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
UCSD: If you bill your insurance through your parents’ coverage, the explanation of benefits statement after the claim processes will be sent to their house. It will be addressed to you, but it will typically be sent to the address of the primary member on the account. It won’t have tons of details but they would be able to see the provider’s name on it. Just some food for thought.
I am wondering what UPS and her boyfriend have agreed that their relationship will be like after they are geographically united. Monogamous? Monogamish? I may be wrong but I sense that he is afraid of the competition from her kinks. If he is not into BDSM then maybe he is afraid that if she indulges now she won’t be able to give it up later and he will feel inadequate. Similarly, if she can do girls in his absence but not guys, what is the distinction in his mind? Does he understand her well enough to know that she can put girls aside, assuming that that is what they’ve agreed to, or he is just assuming that? Or maybe he can share with a girl and not with a dude. It seems that they both need to have a conversation about what their future expectations are and I suspect that UPS needs to decide whether she can abide by that in the long term.
Hate to burst everyone’s bubble, but the Dr/patient confidentiality thong does not work perfectly in college. In my sophomore year, I started dating a new guy. Trying to establish good sexual habits, I suggested that we both get STD tests. When I asked about payment at the school’s health center, they said that I “didn’t owe them anything”.
Then, a few weeks later, my dad called and said, “I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is you’re negative for HIV, chlamydia, and gonhorrea. The bad news is you have some explaining to do.” They sent my test results — and the bill — to my parents! Thankfully they’re cool, and conceded that I was being smart (though I paid the bill, naturally). But I can only imagine what could have happened to another student whose parents were less liberal!
Er, thing, not thong.
there is zero point in having any conversation with the Newsbusters crowd. I just went over there, and those are some of the stupidest, most violent comments I’ve seen in a while.
I already posted my comments on Lucy where they belong – the podcast comments page – but I just want to repeat it here since so many other people thought this was the place to post:
I don’t need advice from a random inexperienced 22 year old when Dan could be talking. And Dan doesn’t need someone to laugh at his jokes and gab about doing his fucking laundry. Please, no more Lucy.
Sorry, Lucy, you sound like a nice person but I download for Dan.
UCSD Several years ago while attending a major university I felt the need to work through some issues with a counselor/therapist at the university health center. It was free to students and I found it to be much less uncomfortable than I imagined it might be. The problem I encountered was in no way related to confidentiality. My problem was that I was assigned arbitrarily to the next counselor available, who, as it turns out, was a graduate student at the same university working towards his degree as a psychologist. I wasn’t concerned about running into him at a party, but that could certainly have been an outcome I might have had to face. He was a nice young man, very professional, and earnest. However, as he was also younger than me and “wet behind the ears,” he didn’t have much useful input to offer. I don’t fault him for this. We all have to cut our teeth somewhere. My point is, if you decide to go this route, you may end up with a similarly young counselor at your health center and if you don’t feel they are up to the task, do not hesitate to ask for a different counselor. You’re there to get help. A good counselor or therapist will not take offense at your request to change therapists, and in fact may be able to recommend someone more suited to your situation. Good Luck!
@56 As a masochist: Fuck you. I don’t manipulate my partner, deny him his kinks, or fail to contribute in scenes (or bed), nor do any masochists I know.
The letter from UCSD is so compelling, intriguing, unique and fresh, it ALMOST makes up for the humdrum, unoriginal somnabulence of the letter from (ironically named) UPS.
40-nocutename– Your statement about being old enough to want to work out issues in therapy means being old enough not to care what Mommy and Daddy think is one of the meanest things I’ve seen. People get into therapy precisely because they have issues to work out, because they have irrational thoughts, and because they care what people think. It does not help to cajole them into getting over their irrationality. It does not help to tell them they’re being irrational and to get over it. It certainly does not help to make fun of them by telling them they’re being childish, so childish they still think of their parents as “mommmy” and “daddy.”
Imagine it was a young adult who was going through agony coming out. AFTER he’s worked through the issues, it might seem silly to him that he had so much trouble, but during it, he’s going to be worried about his parents’ opinion, and he deserves understanding and compassion, not ridicule.
To UCSD- not sure if anyone has mentioned this yet, but if you receive services through your parents’ health insurance, your parents will be able to see the Explanation of Benefits. The EOBs won’t identify what you talked about, but they will identify the therapist or practice you are seeing. So if you see someone who specializes in sex therapy, your nosy parents will probably be able to figure that out with a Google search. So definitely seek help, but try the university first.
More Lucy!
Dan – I know plenty of high school sweethearts that are still together decades after school. Don’t let your own bias show. The GF may or may not want out, but at the very least she wants to see what else is out there … a reasonable interest even for someone who is basically satisfied. Alcohol provides the excuse, but GF wants to experience more than one guy’s sexual approach. It might or might not be the end of their relationship. BF needs to have a non-judgmental talk with GF and see what is best FOR THEM, not for the fictitious everyone else that you seem to be alluding to.
@Crinoline: I’ve had the same thing happen to me with doctor’s offices. Luckily, it wasn’t a major issue and I’m very open with my parents. But, I did call the doctor in charge of the practice and ream him. He needs to hire people who can read instructions and call preferred phone numbers, and NOT discuss my medical issues with my mother when she answers the phone. And, frankly, I might have filed a complaint with the state board (or whichever governing body) if I were you.
That being said, that was one issue out of many good experiences at doctor’s offices. My university health center is AWESOME about confidentiality (they now send e-mails through the health center system separate from the university e-mail system) both from the medical side and the counseling side. I’ve learned that a lot of mistakes can be corrected if at every visit (assuming you’re not there a whole lot) I confirm my information. Now, the only numbers listed in my files are MINE and not my parents, which gives me a good way to know if HIPPA is being violated.
On the subject of patient confidentiality – http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacy/hipaa/faq… – that’s the official HIPAA FAQ. If you have more questions, you might ask the prospective practitioner’s office what their HIPAA compliance policies are. I worked as a low-level lackey (filing charts) at a multi-physician office and as an operator at an after-hours answering service for doctors in the early 2000s (’02? ’03? idk), and both places made me sign HIPAA compliance and confidentiality agreements. Unless we had specific written instructions from an *adult* patient (or a patient’s legal guardian), we couldn’t even confirm that someone was or was not a patient, let alone anything at all about why they were being seen. Transgressions meant termination, and almost no chance of getting hired anywhere else that required HIPAA compliance. (this was in rural SE Ohio btw, but I can’t imagine we hillbillies were significantly more careful than average.)
As far as lab results and whatnot being sent to your parents’ address instead of your local one at school… Definitely make sure you spell out for them which address to use for correspondence. If they send things to the wrong address even after you’ve specified the right one, that is a HIPAA violation. But then, it would also be a HIPAA violation for an adult’s parents to open correspondence from a doctor addressed to that adult (and not the parents). I doubt many people would sue their parents for violating their HIPAA-protected rights, but if you think your parents will open mail with your name on it, don’t give their address to anyone who might send sensitive information – open a PO box if you have to and use that exclusively.
@67’s comment about confirming your contact information with the doctor’s office at every visit is a REALLY, REALLY, *REALLY* good idea.
UCSD, a therapist has discretion about how detailed to make the notes. You may wish to discuss with the therapist at the outset the possibility of entering honest but only general and neutral notes concerning “relationship issues” or “reproductive health” rather than the more specific terms you use in your letter. That way, in the very unlikely event that confidentiality is breached in unfortunate ways that other commenters have shared, unintended readers will not know the specifics of your concerns.
COCK, instead of making a destructive move of retribution, why not just make an end and start fresh with freedom. Keeping a long distance relationship is difficult, one with someone you don’t trust, impossible (and that would be a convenient argument during the breakup). If you were meant to be together, you can always try over again when you have the time and presence to devote to it (don’t count on it, there are a world’s worth of partners out there!).
The final LW is news that shouldn’t surprise the LTR crowd. ANY LTR is a work in process. Here’s to hoping we get it more right than wrong!
Peace.
@72,
Oops, it doesn’t say long distance (I was placing my own experience in the way). Still, it is true of any LTR, if you don’t trust her, find someone you can.
UCSD, I hope that your parents can accept, without intrusion, that you wouldn’t ask for help if you didn’t really need it. Besides, even if it is their dime, it isn’t under their roof. No matter what, you all will be facing independence soon enough. Break a leg!
Peace.
@37: I’m wondering why cheating on her first and then dumping her is a harsher lesson than simply dumping her unceremoniously for cheating?
I understand the emotional impact of discovering that you have been cheated on. I understand the idea of wanting to let her know how it feels. I’m just not sure that the impact will be quite what you expect with this particular girl. She is still in the mindset of “Gosh, it was just a silly mistake that we can work through.” For him to cheat would give her more ammo to claim, “See, it isn’t all that bad, is it?”
I’m just thinking it will be plenty stern a lesson to give her the straightforward message, “You cheated, you lied to my face about it, and you still aren’t taking responsibility for your part in it. Your stuff is in a box on my porch. Don’t contact me again.”
For him to cheat on her undermines the credibility of that message, because he would be engaging in the very activity that he said wasn’t okay. Also, to involve another woman would make it sound more like “I’m leaving you for her” (which would allow her to make him the bad guy in her head) rather than “I’m dumping you because you cheated on me.”
The other thing that’s worth mentioning is that COCK’s hypothetical revenge-cheat hookup has feelings too. It’s not nice to involve an unsuspecting third party in your drama.
@63, you are SO right with that. It’s a shame that so many people think that everyone should be ready to stand up to their parents at the same age. There are so many factors that go into making that decision. I had a friend in high school who was out to all of his peers, and none of his family. The biggest reason for not telling them? Concern that, if they were upset, he wouldn’t be able to afford his college education without them.
It’s great to say, “Who cares what they think?” When it’s not your issue. There are plenty of things that it’s taken time to work up the courage to discuss with my parents, and I have parents that are pretty open minded. When it’s the person that’s raised and supported you your whole life, its scary to think that something about you might take away that support. Would it be fair for a parent to abandon their child for doing or believing something they didn’t agree with? Of course not. Does it happen? Absolutely.
COCK, my High School girlfriend cheated on me during college. . . repeatedly. I found out while we were engaged (6 months before we actually got married). She had some crazy explanation as to why it made her love me more and that it was related to her insecurity which she was working on and had overcome with the help of a therapist. We got married, probably because I was too scared to just walk away after investing so much time and energy in the relationship. She never cheated on me again, but the marriage was miserable and ended up in a divorce. There was always something missing and we had grown apart even when she was cheating and when I found out. But there was just something so comfortable about that relationship and scary about going back out there to try again. If the people she cheated with floated her boat a little more, she probably would have left me back then. Dan’s answer was a bit glib. There is a lot of inertia in these High School romances, families become entangled with each other and there are a lot of expectations. You get stunted a bit and the idea of dating on the college scene seems very intimidating. But, pay attention to her actions rather than what she is saying. If there is something missing in the relationship now, it will seem more gaping in the future. Oh, and if you didn’t cheat, you will never forgive her. And when you meet someone who seems interesting, the answer to the question, “what would my girlfriend (wife) do in this situation has already been answered?”
@76,
I hope, as a parent, that almost all parents are willing to accept a “black box” assurance that their child is being taken care of. OTOH there are comparatively few things that would make me MORE upset than not seeking help because of being afraid of what I might think about it. The saying goes that it is easier to seek forgiveness, and if the process is certified therapy, why wait for permission?
Peace
Ms Erica @28 – Perhaps Your Ladyship ought to recuse herself on UPS’ case? (joking) At any rate, I submit to the Jury that the boyfriend in question might well reserve any sadistic activities for when the two of them are together. I know several couples who find that the reservation of their favourite or most meaningful activity serves as an excellent way to produce a semi-closed relationship.
That “she wants to be flogged regularly and he’s not providing that” would carry more weight if they weren’t already some way along in a long-distance relationship. Granted, perhaps the desire has increased in her as the relationship has progressed, but to present it in a way to suggest fault on his part is the trick of a born cross-examiner. (You should read for the Bar.) This is not to say that just because she went in with her eyes open she should be denied a reasonable re-negotiation.
One thing I have not yet seen addressed is her “God only knows why” in regard to his choosing only vanilla outside encounters. I forget in which post you call her bratty; I’d call her contemptuous, and urge an immediate split.
Of course, were I briefed for the Prosecution, I’d call her naive. I might still urge an immediate split, though, but then, it increasingly seems that most couples really ought to split up.
> it increasingly seems that most couples really ought to split up. >
LOL. Yes, here on SL it does seem that way.
@80 EricaP: Oh, God–how do you stay so right on??
USD needs to be careful, despite what others have said. I had a therapist trick me into letting her reveal my suicide attempt to my mom. It was in the distant past, I was no longer suicidal, and I was over 18, but she said, “Oh, well, you know I’m allowed to reveal this to your mom and there’s nothing you can do to stop me, right?” Not knowing any better and not wanting to look stupid, I made an unintelligible grunt that she took as assent.
@56, yup.
I’m in grad school studying psychology, not the counseling kind. So I haven’t paid a great deal of attention to the exact letter of the law, but the APA ethical guidelines are extremely stringent on what constitutes violation of confidentiality, to the extent where even if UCSD was 16 years old, his parents would not be granted privilege to information regarding his treatment without his consent. I can dig for the exact regulations, but the fact of the matter is, his treatment is his business and no one elses.
Speaking as a parent of a college student: my daughter attends Montana State, we as her parents are not entitled to her grades, regardless of who is signing the checks for her tuition. When I sent her off to school, I gave her insurance cards and told her to use them as needed, and that anything that the insurance doesn’t pay should be billed to me. I am financially responsible, but she has the choice of telling me as much or as little as she chooses.
@82 marilynsue: I heard that! I’ve been happily divorced, celebrating 10 years of independence, finished college—at least what I started— and hope to God I don’t ever make the same stupid mistakes again.
Those who have quoted how stringent the confidentiality rules are concerning psychological counseling are missing the point. The laws concerning murder, theft, and corruption in this country are quite stringent also, but they happen. Victims might not be happy, but they do have recourse. With breaches of confidentiality, there’s not much patients can do no matter how wronged they feel. All I’m saying is that a young college student might keep that in mind when opening up to a stranger.
Is it just me, or does it seem that the “flogging ban” is spurred by the “no other men” ban–i.e., the fear that other men will be doing the flogging? In that case, stick to Dommes instead of Doms and problem solved, right?
@50: Consent is the deciding factor in either case. That’s like saying, “Why is it OK to have sex for fun, but cowing oneself for dressing too provocatively when raped is somehow low self-esteem?” I find myself scratching my head and thinking, HUH?
@56: Masochists, like vanilla folks and sadists, come in all flavors, ranging from sweet, to normal, to flaming asshole. There are perfectly vanilla and dominant folks who have an incredible sense of self-entitlement, and there are masochists who are genuinely fair or even extra accommodating.
Your advice to COCK should have been the same advice to UPS. These stupid kids are deluding themselves if they think they can go to different colleges miles apart and stay together. Maybe when everyone married at 22 it was.
UPS clearly is doing what every young adult desires to do: experiment romantically, physically, and sexually. When she is actively bisexual and BDSM-curious, does she really think permanence is in the cards with her “boyfriend”?
Forget the power play kinks. Accept the fact that you are young and curious and will be physically apart from your “boyfriend” for two long years and just end it already! You can end it nicely and maybe see him occassionally back home but why maintain this fiction of boyfriend/girlfriend?
@UCSD – Kudos on proper and appropriate usage of a semi-colon. The semi-colon has become a lost art.
That’s all.
The first letter’s language was kinda bizarre. “Not allowed”? Excuse me? You say, “hey this ain’t workin’ for me; I want to do X, too.” and he says “I can live with X” or “I can’t live with X.” At the latter point, you decide what’s more important, relationship or activity, but in any case, it’s your choice. You sound like a teenager bitchin’ about the house rules, but your boyfriend isn’t your father.
COCK, two wrongs don’t make a right. Do you want to be a cheater? It doesn’t matter what she does; it matters who you are. If she’s not up to your standards, then dump her, but don’t let her drag you down where she is.
Sorry, am I the only one who is sofa king sick of EricaP and her endless comments? Get your own column, already! Oh wait, you can’t, you have NOTHING original to say.
Re Dan’s advice to COCK, I know two adults – people approaching 50 – who met in high school and are still with, and married to each other (the husband is also with his third or fourth secondary partner, and has kinky sex with a variety of other people; the wife enjoys the additional free time to run marathons. But they are very much together). I also know a couple who met in their freshman year of college without any prior high school relationships, and are married and still together 32 years later, completely monogamously to the best of my knowledge… and all of them are liberal-ish atheist/agnostic engineers/scientists/CPAs, not religious nuts of any flavour. I don’t think it’s nearly so rare as Dan would have it.
I’m glad we don’t have a flogging ban at our house. But is there some reason UPS’s boyfriend can’t do the job himself?
Soxfan, maybe you can find a way to block her comments. I enjoy reading them, myself.
Possibly if you engaged her politely and directly, you might make a little more headway.
No one’s forcing you to read the comments.
I loved Lucy in this week’s podcast too. Please bring her back. Loved her perspective and laugh.
@97 “you might make a little more headway.”
I’m a stubborn cuss, and I like it here, so not likely 🙂
I believe the college I graduated from was the same as UCSD is attending (unless he’s one of them there Catholic types at USD and understandably trying to throw us all out off the scent), and I used their Psych/Counseling services, so I think I’m somewhat qualified to offer an opinion. Not to disrepect anyone else’s horror stories over revealed confidentiality, but I think their usefulness to UCSD is zero. Actually, because most of them involve some aspect of private insurance providers, they’re almost irrelevant.
My experience at UCSD was years ago, but I’d be surprised if the way they generally provide these services has changed much; and specific changes probably work in his favor.
For one, althought this was before HIPPA, there was never any information about my use of these services that ever showed up on any sort of student record available to my parents or other third-party. My psychologist and the office staff explicitly reassured me that they held the highest respect as professional for the confidential nature and content of my sessions. There was never any communication from that office to anyone in my personal or academic life except that which I was consulted to allow (my psychologist intervened, with my permission, with Finanacial Aid regarding family matters impeding my academic progress). As it relates to the comment of one contributor, UCSD is a huge school; no one from the relatively microscopic world of Student Psych services is ever going to just bump into someones parents at some sort of intimate mixer where merlot and mental health confessions flow freely.
Second, most public colleges/Universities in California charge as an optional, but in many cases mandated fee for Student Health Services, which is generally inclusive of the type of psychiatric offering UCSD would be requesting. There is no private insurance component to this service; the student has already paid, so there isn’t any billing involved for services the school is providing as a part of their student health program. Specific services proferred by the student aren’t itemized in financial records that reflect tuition and fees payments that a parent would be privy to.
The hardest part about receiving Student Psych services was the most public part: walking in the door. It’s still considered a social stigma for many to request counseling, and nothing feels more self-consciously nerve wracking than entering an office that might as well have a sign depicting Lucy from “Peanuts” with lettering informing the campus universe that Porn-Concerned, Trade-Curious, Orgasm-Challenged advice is available within for 5 cents. UCSD: get over the anxiety ASAP. It’s like buying porn in a sex shop; nervousness is misplaced because the only people aware that you’re doing what you’re doing either work there or are doing the same thing.
UCSD Student Psych/Counseling Services were excellent. I saw a full-time, licensed psychologist with years of experience, not an intern. The support staff was amazingly friendly and understanding and helpful. It literally saved my life, and made other (later) psychiatric needs much less anxiety provoking to seek out when I needed them.
Do confidentiality errors/catastrophes happen, and may they have happened at UCSD? Of course this is a possibility. Anecdotally, I’m sure the next contributor from UCSD could post some horror story. But is it likely? Less than likely? So, like, totally unlikely? Dude, WAY un-the-fuck-likely. And that’s because the service is provided in a way that makes any form of communication regarding specifics of your specific student health issue in any way a matter of public record or personal correspondence/documentation. The chances are marginally more likely that I’ll run into Ray Stevenson from “The Three Musketeers” at the Eagle this weekend and he’ll apologize for the $8.50 I spent on that piece of crap movie by buying me a cold MGD and fucking me silly, the comparative likeliness of which is solely a way of publicly getting a chance to expound upon my complete and irrational infatuation with the ungodly offering of pulchritudinous manhood that is Ray Stevenson. Where he has been, I do not know. Where he is now, I am thinking of him. Where he is going, I will follow. Woof.
Good luck, UCSD! Go, Tritons!
@94 Soxfan23: I’m with @97.
Nobody’s aiming a gun at your head, dude.
If you can’t relate, don’t bother to read what EricaP has to say.
I think she’s pretty right on, myself.
Oh, and one more thing—-this is a blog. B-L-O-G. Anybody–including you–can post a comment. Erica’s not trying to get her own column; she’s just responding and expressing her opinions. We all are.
So relax, take a deep breath, and Heel. Sit. Stay, Sofa King.
Good boy.
Yeah I find Erica’s comments interesting but almost certainly not in the way she intends. It seems unlikely that her advice could be relevant to the kind of relationship most of us want and have, but that doesn’t slow her down in offering it, even a little bit. Which is fine, but amusing. I guess if you can’t get an advice column of one’s own (because honestly, how many of us want or would take advice from someone who is entirely submissive to another person?) there is no reason not to give unsolicited advice in the comments section of someone else’s. Although it seems more than alittle sad that she doesn’t have anything better to do so much of the time.
I love Lucy! I really enjoyed her on the podcast, come back any time!
@103 – if you don’t agree with my advice, why not engage me and show how I’m wrong?
I keep leaving for extended periods. I get bored, I come here, I read the comments on the most recent Savage Love and it’s a whole “EricaP posts too much” discussion.
This can’t be happening every week.
That’s not what I wanted to say, though.
@19, mixy, is Mary Martone Dan’s former cohost on his other show? If that’s her, I have to say that, not only is she my favorite cohost, but Dan w/ Mary is my favorite Dan.