My girlfriend and I are into
male-orgasm denial. We’ve recently tried putting Orajel on my cock and
then covering it with two condoms so she can use me as a dildo without
me getting off or even feeling anything. It works great. Is there any
chance of long-term health issues if we do this once a week or so?
Numb-Dicked Dude
You didn’t say which kind of Orajel you are
using, but I hope it’s not Orajel Advanced Tooth Desensitizer. Its
active ingredient—created to treat sensitive teeth, not
desensitize cock—is something called “2-hydroxyethyl
methacrylate,” which sounds like something you might find in baby
formula that was made in China. The stuff works, according to Orajel’s
website, “by blocking dentinal tubules, preventing excitation of the
tooth nerve.” And, hey, if it’s safe enough for your mouth, it’s
probably safe enough for your cock and for newborns, right? Well, maybe
not. A very quick search of the interwebs using that Googlemajob turns
up a paper in the Journal of Dental Research with this rather
alarming title: “2-Hydroxyethyl Methacrylate (HEMA) Is a Potent Inducer
of Apoptotic Cell Death in Human and Mouse Cells.”
Any responsible sex-advice professional
would read the paper in its entirety and inform you about the
likelihood that you’re killing off cock cells when you smear them with
Orajel Advanced Tooth Desensitizer. But I’m an alarmist sex-advice professional, not a responsible one, so I’m just going to
lay that title on you one more time: “2-Hydroxyethyl Methacrylate
(HEMA) Is a Potent Inducer of Apoptotic Cell Death in Human and Mouse
Cells.” I don’t know about you, NDD, but I’ve always erred on the side
of not smearing my dick with shit that kills mice. (Not all
brands of Orajel contain this ingredient, but a boy can’t be too
careful.)
It seems particularly foolish to smear any
kind of Orajel on your cock when there are products on the market
specifically designed for desensitizing cocks, things like Mandelay gel
and Proloonging’s “penis desensitizing aid delay spray.” These products
are marketed to men who suffer from premature ejaculation, even though
numbing the dick doesn’t really cure premature ejaculation. They sound
perfect for you and your orgasm-denying girlfriend.
I’m a gay guy, 25, in great
shape, no STDs. To make me happy, any long-term relationship will need
to have a strong BDSM element to it. And I’m having a lot of trouble
finding a BDSM relationship that makes me happy. If I mention my BDSM
needs up front when I meet a guy, I get the “never done it, never will”
response or the “ew, gross” response. When I date a guy before I
mention it, the guy is usually willing to try it (even difficult stuff
like CBT and e-stim), but it’s always because he likes me and wants to
get me off. So while I’m feeling the pain, I’m not feeling dominated.
And when I try to find guys specifically into BDSM (leather bars,
fetish websites), I only find physically unattractive guys.
I know I’m not the only young, attractive
gay guy in Chicago into restraints and pain. But how do I find the
others?
Finding Extremely
Deficient Erotic
Xcitement
Go to dudesnude.com, FEDEX, and search for
profiles featuring guys who included “S&M” among their interests.
You’ll find tons of guys under 30, many of them very good-looking, and
lots in Chicago. So keep looking, FEDEX. Very few gay guys your age,
kinky or not, have managed to find a person they can see entering an
LTR with… so no more whining, mmmkay? Continue to search online and
in leather bars, continue to be honest with the guys you date, and
sooner or later you’ll meet someone who’s as anxious to introduce you
to his parents as he is to torture your cock and balls.
I’m a 27-year-old bi girl,
with a lovely fiancée. I’m a top; she’s a sub. I’m trying to be
responsible, so this weekend I sat down and wrote my will. I hope I
won’t need it anytime soon, but it makes me feel better to know friends
and family will get what I want them to have before the IRS can take
the rest. You have to specify each item and its recipient, and that’s
where I ran into trouble. I want to leave my fiancée’s collar to
her, rather than Uncle Sam, but wasn’t sure how specific I could be
without either of us being prosecuted for practicing S&M, which is
illegal under current laws in the state where I live. So I can’t say,
“I’m leaving the S&M collar to my fiancée.” We don’t have a
dog and aren’t going to get one, so writing “leather collar” looks
strange and makes me nervous. Do you have any advice?
Needs A Good Lawyer
Most people into S&M have a touch of the
drama queen about them, I realize, but let’s not be ridiculous. If you
should precede your sub in death, NAGL, I promise you that Uncle Sam is
not going to take possession of your widow’s dog collar. But to
set your mind at ease, I called a very good lawyer and annoyed him with
your very stupid question:
“No, no, no, no. A gift from one person to
another is not illegal—that’s the bottom-line answer,” said D. J.
Rausa, a lawyer in California I found via the “Kink-Aware
Professionals” listings at the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.
“The government is not going to be interested in a gift, in any gift,
unless they can tax it.” Unless that dog collar is solid gold and the
word “slave” is spelled out on it with big fat diamonds, NAGL, the IRS
doesn’t give a shit.
And since you don’t file a will with the
state, but with your lawyer, the odds of being prosecuted for engaging
in S&M—already infinitesimal—are nil. Worry about the
fact that you can’t legally marry your fiancée, NAGL, and not
about Uncle Sam swooping in and stealing your sex toys.
RealTouch, the new sex toy for
men that you wrote about recently, is a porn-marketing device,
not a sex toy. Note that it says on their website that the first “30
minutes [are] free” (translation: You’ll have to pay the rest of the
time) and that the FAQ says explicitly that it cannot be used by
itself. It’s a scam, IMO.
Not Buying One
“RealTouch is only activated by the…
movies in our video-on-demand library,” says Jim McAnally (a pseudonym,
I’m thinkin’) at RealTouch HQ. A per-minute price has not been
established, as the toy is not yet being sold—a detail I would’ve
included last week, had I known—but “the device [will be]
activated with 30 minutes when it is purchased.”
So you’re right, NBO: RealTouch could be
considered a porn-marketing device. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it
a scam, and neither would Mr. McAnally: “The device is driven by a
haptic data stream that we have to encode with a lot of detail,” he
added. “To give you an idea, it takes eight hours to encode 15 minutes
worth of content. And that data stream doesn’t exist outside of the
video that has been encoded.”
Good to know. But many men will be
disappointed to learn that they can only use this toy when they’re
watching porn. Here’s hoping that RealTouch 2.0 has more functions.
Never in all my days did I think I’d be reading about apoptosis in Savage Love.
NAGL is an ass. Seriously.
Excellent advice for NAGL, Dan. You combine some solid advice with a little humour, a willingness to go out of your way to find a sufficient answer, and a great message at the end. That’s why they pay you the big bucks!
Also I think you’re really cute. No, make that sexy. What a lucky boyfriend you have!
“RealTouch is only activated by the… movies in our video-on-demand library”
If this device is any good at sucking dick, hobbyists will amend this deficiency in no time. First, the software guys will break the encryption on the videos. Not to be out-done, the hardware guys will rip out the micro-controller part, replace it with an Arduino running open source dick-sucking algorithms, and post instructions any horny high schooler with a soldering iron can follow. IF this device is any good at sucking dick.
Great advice to NAGL. I never tire of your relentlessness towards the ridiculous. This lady needs to get a grip.
Dan, you may have just given me the ultimate professional networking tool. You’re the man.
Dan, I am not criticizing the lawyer you consulted, but I have two observations: 1) you don’t file your will with the state, but your heirs do file it in court once you are dead. It does become a public document and it might embarrass your heirs. 2) Under the logic of Lawrence v. Texas, it is very dubious that S&M is “illegal” in any state when practice between consenting adults in private.
Re: the podcast.
The activist 20-something dating the older guy? I guarantee the sex has always sucked. Guarantee. Dan bullied her into calling it ‘awesome,’ but I’m sure that was just relative to its general crappiness. You can hear it in her voice– this guys is so perfect in every way, she wants to pretend the myths are true and that women can forego good sex for a great guy. They’re not and they can’t.
As for the first-timer using condoms– ‘virgin’ by whose standards? This guy could be saddlebacking and getting BJs from wart-throated rented boys and still call himself a ‘virgin.’ Use a fucking condom.
Oh, and it’s a ‘leather necklace.’ The end.
We use Maximum Strength Orajel. The active ingredient is benzocaine just like many products marketed for premature ejaculators. Though the concentration is 20%, whereas most products marketed for use on the penis are 3-7.5%.
For FEDEX; gearfetish.com is an even less inhibited “social networking site” tailored to his requirements (from leather to lycra and BSDM to WAM). Might be worth a try as well!
FEDEX should try putting an ad in the “X-matches” section of the Chicago Reader. Yeah, he’ll get responses from some guys who only think they’re hot enough for him, but if that’s the biggest problem he’s facing, he should count himself lucky.
FYI…Boy Butter makes a desensitizing lube…works great and comes in a very handy “pump” dispenser! I don’t recommend it for masturbation purposes though. It’s very slick but it stretches the tugging into an olympic event. For anal it’s wonderful because it numbs both parties 🙂
I work with Jim, and that’s actually, fer realsies, his name. Amusing, but true.
re Podcast: Hot 22yo dom woman disappointed with the offerings at BDSM clubs may not be finding the right guy because she’s kind of dim and unpleasant (based on the phone call).
My suggestion to NAGL is to store the collar in a metal box, such as a portable cash box, with a lock, and specify in the will that the box, and its contents, go to sub when NAGL dies. sub would need to know the location of the key, of course, or the combination if they use a combination lock. This is easier and cheaper than putting it in a bank safe deposit box, which would also limit the collar’s usability. And they could put other things in the box that are meant for sub’s eyes only.
As for the Orajel, cocks don’t have dentin, let alone dentinal tubules, so I don’t see what the big deal is.
Apoptotic cell death (a.k.a. programmed cell death) is not the same thing as a dead mouse. Just ask Golob!
I would think NDD and his honey would enjoy prostate milking more than having a numb dick.
Nagl = retard
Seriously, MarcParis. I wanted to seek that girl out and punch her in the face. Not only was she vapid-sounding, she also had an extremely annoying voice. By the end of the phone call, I was hoping Dan would get as frustrated as I was getting and say something rude. In the future, I’m gonna need a picture before someone starts boasting about how hot they are.
NDD and his girlfriend could bypass the Oragel altogether and do what my pet and I do: he is only rarely allowed to have an orgasm, and he has to hold it back most times. Of course, after a lot of denial and teasing, his fuse is pretty short, which is where the strap-on and vibrator come in handy! They’re for him to use on me and to deny him further pleasure, while still turning him on. It’s a lot of fun being a mistress with an obedient pet! And orgasms, which he can earn after serving his mistress properly, become an eagerly-sought reward.
NDD needs Indian God Lotion. Find it online. He won’t be able to get off for at least a day.
Works better than anything else out there.
For BDSM people, whatever you do, do NOT go to alt dot com – it is the WORST place – trolls aplenty, psycho people who are horridly abusive (and that is just people posting comments – and it is NOT policed (apparently, they think the drama and threats just keeps bringing people back), bad advice, and you are automatically listed on adultfriendfinder, whether you want to be or not, then they use your pic for ads on other websites. I’m not kidding. Imagine your pic showing up on youporn (or some other site) with a caption under it that says “fuck me tonight” and lists where you are – which is the city you are listed as on your profile. It is vastly disturbing.
I hope that NDD and his soul mate are using industrial-grade rubber gloves when rubbing that Maximum Strength Orajel® (MSO) on his dick and then encasing it in two condoms. If either one of them inadvertently spreads that MSO on the soul mate’s clit or slit, then she won’t be getting off any time soon, either.
If NDD can’t feel anything, then his numbed dick is going to become flaccid…and it just might decide to stay that way. Dildos don’t really cost that much, so why risk losing the iron in your rod for an under-$20-buck item (and just think of the money you’ll save on condoms and Maximum Strength Orajel®)?
Hey Fedex, I’m GL, under 25, a dom, very kinky, and would love an open LTR with a hot 25yo sub. We do exist…I just happen to be in MA. Too bad I’m not in Chicago.
@MarcParis
@Stupid girls…
Wow, so much anger there. I wonder what could be the source of that? Hmm?
The caller raised a legitimate question: Why so many unattractive people in BDSM? It wasn’t “I’m so hot and you guys are so ugly, boo hoo for me!” In my area the BDSM group is composed entirely of overweight to seriously obese people, none of whom I find physically attractive, but all of whom are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. I enjoy socializing with them but I would never want to play with them. I’ll look elsewhere for that. None of us are crying over that. I does make me wonder though.
Maximum Strength Orajel would, presumably, numb the bum of overly sensitive bottoms.
Podcast girl seemed to be either hopelessly moronic or F A K E.
Non-pro Dommes are the rarest commodity in perveland. (Well, maybe not THE rarest – I did once meet a woman who had a slug fetish.) Consequently, I find it difficult to believe that, if she is an even halfway competent dominant, she would not be suffering from over- rather than underwhelming.
But then she didn’t really sound particularly dominant. She might be Domme, she might be sub. I am a bi-switchy sub and wouldn’t go near anyone who sounded as vague and vapid as that.
Her problem really isn’t that the BDSM world is full of mooses.
I have never used clubs for d/s hookups. The sinternet has been very good to me: 4 LTRs – 3 sub, 1 domme – and a sprinkling of pleasant, briefer encounters in 15 years. Some have been with breathtakingly beautiful men and women; others: not so much eye-candy.
I can’t comment on whether or not there are more ugly people at d/s clubs than elsewhere but it may be that their kink value makes up for their lack of pulchritude and so they are more likely to find a partner there than elsewhere.
Personally, I am more concerned with the inner than the outer beast – call mine a grey matter fetish – so the caller, to my palate, approaches troll-like hideousness, no matter what her skin-deep is like.
@Brian – Thanks, we’ll check that out. By the way it’s generally not recommended to use numbing gels for anal. Pain during anal is your body’s way of saying slow down or stop.
@suzy homemaker – We’ve tried that. Unfortunately I’ve been unsuccessfully so far. I’m still working on my technique.
@MissG – Using the orajel is the only way he gets to fuck me when I’m in control. He’s on orgasm denial already. I just tease him and make him use various toys on me. And when I’m feeling nice I give him a quick rub here and there for some pleasurable stimulation. If he’s extra good he gets stroked to the edge of orgasm by me or is allowed to stroke himself. 🙂
@RC – Thanks for the suggestion.
@concerned – I make him rub it on himself and clean his hands. Then we put on a couple condoms. We are very careful not to get it on me. He doesn’t have a problem staying hard because arousal is mostly about keeping the mind engaged. That is pretty easy to do with several choice phrases whispered in his ear while he’s fucking me. 😉
@suzy homemaker – Unsuccessful, even. I forgot to proof read. :p
@Brian – Thanks, we’ll check that out. By the way it’s generally not recommended to use numbing gels for anal. Pain during anal is your body’s way of saying slow down or stop.
@suzy homemaker – We’ve tried that. Unfortunately I’ve been unsuccessful so far. I’m still working on my technique.
@MissG – Using the orajel is the only way he gets to have intercourse with me when I’m in control. He’s on orgasm denial already. I just tease him and make him use various toys on me. And when I’m feeling nice I give him a quick rub here and there for some pleasurable stimulation. If he’s extra good he gets stroked to the edge of orgasm by me or is allowed to stroke himself. 🙂
@RC – Thanks for the suggestion.
@concerned – I make him rub it on himself and clean his hands. Then we put on a couple condoms. We are very careful not to get it on me. He doesn’t have a problem staying hard because arousal is mostly about keeping the mind engaged. That is pretty easy to do with several choice phrases whispered in his ear while he’s going at it. 😉
Hey, the Orajel stuff kills cells in a dish, not whole organisms. So worry not humans and mice! (Finally this fucking PhD I’ve been slaving for has paid some dividends–woohoo!)
“The device is driven by a haptic data stream that we have to encode with a lot of detail”
Oh, a ‘haptic’ data stream! Well shit, here I was thinking that motors/servos were controllable by electricity! I feel like a fool.
I could be wrong here, but it sounds like you could bypass the whole ‘haptic data processing’ chipboard and put an on-off switch on there, then add your own controls pretty easily.
Or you could build your own with a couple of handheld fans, a dimmer switch and a couple of toy tank treads…
Jesus, slather it on, then! Have you tried smoking it????
If you are a gay man into BDSM and live in Chicago and you don’t know about IML then you are doomed to be alone. It is the largest gay BDSM beauty pagent in the USA. Every leather man will be there. Just google IML stands for International Mr Leather. Enjoy
@Numb-Dicked Dude’s Girlfriend
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/204920…
You’ve probably already got it covered but, a little less preparation and a little more spontaneous – maybe it will help.
Is NAGL’s fiancee not living with her?
how is this even an issue, if you live together and you die then i don’t think her parents are going to be demanding your assorted sex toys/bondage gear.
and if you don’t live together then maybe consider giving your sub/fiancee her collar as her own. make a ceremony of it if you must
Oh god, the fucking podcast. Dan, you went on waaaay too long with that activist girl and her boyfriend. No one wants to hear about her unsexy boyfriend issue, the history of the relationship, PLUS her birth control problems, PLUS her lesbian porn fetish, PLUS her issues with not being good at hitting on women, PLUS her issues with identifying as a swinger…holy fuck woman, shut up shut up shut up!! Maybe the sex would get better if they tried some bondage, where she’s gagged and unable to speak.
@0.02 metric currency unit’s worth
Actually, having me rub it in works very well as part of the scene. Thanks for the link though. They have come up before but we want total numbness if it can be safely attained.
Never deny your lusty side, little leather lovers….. just shoot your own sigh….
Does a chemically numbed dick stay hard?
For how long?
from MSDS for 2-hydroxyethyl methacrylate, retrieved from fishersci.com:
Potential Health Effects
Eye: Causes eye irritation.
Skin: Causes skin irritation. May cause skin sensitization, an allergic reaction, which becomes evident upon re-exposure to this material. May be harmful if absorbed through the skin.
Ingestion: May cause irritation of the digestive tract. May cause a narcotic effect with possible coma. May be harmful if swallowed.
Inhalation: Inhalation of high concentrations may cause central nervous system effects characterized by nausea, headache, dizziness, unconsciousness and coma. May cause respiratory tract irritation. May be harmful if inhaled.
Chronic: Prolonged or repeated exposure may cause nausea, dizziness, and headache. Repeated exposure may cause damage to the spleen. Chronic exposure may cause liver damage. Adverse reproductive effects have been reported in animals. Laboratory experiments have resulted in mutagenic effects. Chronic exposure may cause blood effects. Repeated or prolonged exposure may cause allergic reactions in sensitive individuals.
also, apoptosis does not mean the mice died, just some of their cells. apoptosis is actually going on all the time throughout your body. if it didn’t, you would have lots of cancer.
@jnonymous
Yes, for as long as the situation stays erotic. Which is longer than I can fuck when she teases and humiliates me. I’d say I’ve stayed hard for over a half an hour when numb. I fuck a lot harder and don’t slow down like I do normally since I don’t have to control my thrusting to keep from cumming. It’s a work out!
Hey Dan, you rarely miss anything, but you might want to emphasize that numbing one’s parts is generally a terrible idea. Like, probably not in this particular instance, which must be why you didn’t bother. But it’s scarily overused for anal sex (where pain is the most important way of telling you when to slow down and use more lube, so as not to damage yourself), because people still think that anal sex is supposed to hurt. A sentence would cover it, so please don’t pass up this teachable moment!
Also, my sex ed class was woefully inadequate, but I remember that they mentioned that using two condoms at once mainly increases the chance of them both breaking. If this is true, it’s something for NDD to consider.
How about NDD invests in a nice strap-on to wear for her, instead? Then, as he watches her get off on all her other first- or second-favourite toys, he won’t feel anything at all, except frustration…
To the people reacting to the podcast: I don’t believe Dan reads these comments. If you want him to know that segment sucked, shoot him an email instead.
Estate taxes don’t kick in until you are well over a million dollars, so that would have to be a pretty damn fine diamond encrusted gold dog collar.
OT, but how long until we also see “EXsaddlebacker” shirts, too? One can only hope.
http://www.p4cm.com/p4cm/store/launch
What I would put in the will is, a list of everything that you don’t want to go to your fiancee, then, leave the rest of your personal effects to your fiancee. This would include the collar and any other toys you have, but they wouldn’t be specifically listed. You could appoint her as executor of your estate, and then no one else will even see the collar.
If you were killing skins cells on your penis you would be able to tell by seeing the dead skin on your penis. If you do not see dead skin cells on your penis, then this cream is not killing the skin cells on your penis. Simple.
or you could just rely on the fact that no one cares about the collar except you and your fiance so when she’s over there picking through your stuff with your mom or whoever – after you overdosed on pretention and died – she can just go, “oh, that’s my collar,” and grab it.
it’s not like you’re going to add every five dollar object you purchase to your will. oh wait, you probably actually will do that, so you can write in next week and ask, “i just bought one of those flashlights that powers by cranking instead of with batteries cause i’m so ECO FRIENDLY and i just wanted everyone to know that about me, so umm, i’m wondering, when i die, can i leave that to my FEMALE fiance? (hey everyone, i’m Bi! how unique and awesome of me!) will it be breaking any laws or anything? i mean, i’m just wondering if it’s legal to be this progressive and cool?”
ugh.
although, I guess they must have already thought of strap-ons