I lost my virginity last night.
I’m a straight male in my early 30s, so it was about time. It wasn’t awkward, and we had a good time. However, I didn’t climax, the result of years of death-grip masturbation. (Thanks for the warning, Dan, I’m sorry I didn’t heed it.) She took it personally but seemed satisfied when I said it was only nerves.
I am left this morning with confusion and trepidation about my relationship with my new girlfriend. I suppose this is normal, but I don’t see last night as a “bonding moment,” and I am afraid that is a bad sign. I also find myself being extra critical of my partner’s performance, which, as a virgin, I am not in a good position to judge. She has never been a particularly good kisser and her blowjob technique was less than spectacular. Although it was a pleasant experience, I feel like it lacked passion or a spark.
I feel like an asshole for even having these thoughts. Is there something wrong with me and/or am I an ass-hole?
One Potential Asshole
P.S. I have attached photos in hopes that you will respond.
There could be something wrong with you, OPA, and you could be an asshole. I can’t rule either possibility out after quickly skimming one e-mail and thoroughly examining three nude photographs.
Just because you’re a virgin—or were a virgin—doesn’t mean you’re going to automatically click with the first woman who volunteered to put your dick in her mouth. However much you like this girl, OPA, you still might not be sexually and/or chemically compatible.
But sex is a skill that takes time and practice to acquire. It may take a little time and some experimentation for you to discover what works for you. And if you give her some time, you may find that she works for you.
If she didn’t know you were a virgin, OPA, tell her. And tell her that it wasn’t nerves that prevented you from getting off, but the unfamiliarity of the sensations you were experiencing and, perhaps, a masturbatory style that desensitized your dick. Tell her it might take you a little while to get there, but with her help and patience—and mouth and pussy—you’re sure you can get there. And then try to relax, experiment, and enjoy.
And no more death grip—period. When you masturbate, use your nondominant hand, a lighter grip, and perhaps a Fleshlight.
I’m herpes-free, but I found out today that my roommate has contracted it. He has a sore but won’t see a doctor about it because he says he’s embarrassed. We share the same bathroom, so I knew I would have to be diligent about that. But now I am freaking out: Not long after he shared this information, my 7-month-old puppy runs into his room and proceeds to cover my roommate’s face in kisses. I’ve called the vet and my medical provider, and while they both agree that my pup cannot contract the STD, they cannot rule out the pup passing the infection on to me. Please advise. I would like to know how to best handle this situation.
Scared To Death
Wouldn’t it be great if being paranoid about contracting herpes was the only way to contract herpes?
Look, STD, lots of people self-diagnose themselves with herpes when all they have is an innocuous little cut or sore near their mouth or genitals. People who are too embarrassed/ridiculous to go see their doctors are highly likely to arrive at a herpes misdiagnosis. So calm the fuck down.
Even if your roommate does have herpes, STD, you’re not going to get it from sharing a toilet—unless you and the roommate have invented a novel new way of taking a dump. And you’re not going to get it from your damn dog. For his own sake, your roommate shouldn’t allow your dog to lick his open sores (who does he think he is? Job?), herpes-related or not, and if you’re really freaking out about your promiscuously affectionate new dog, well, you can make up your mind to refrain from kissing any animal that drinks out of toilets, licks its own ass, and laps up vomit.
I have a new girlfriend. She likes me to eat her cream pie after we have sex. She does get off again and squirts most of the time when I do it. No one has ever asked me to do this before her. Is she crazy? Or am I for doing it?
Not A Cream Pie Lover Yet
Why does someone have to be crazy? A cream pie isn’t my preferred post-orgasm snack—I much prefer a Creamsicle—but if it gets her off, and if doing this for her doesn’t leave you curled up on the bathroom floor in the fetal position, then you’re not crazy and neither is she. She’s kinky, you’re GGG, and you’re both enjoying some kick-ass, boundary-
pushing sex. Enjoy.
I’m a 28-year-old straight guy. I’m also five feet six and 124 pounds. I know, I know—I’m hardly microscopic. But I always feel like I’m a lost kid when I’m at a bar or club, with people my age or younger towering over me. So that, right away, is a confidence killer when trying to meet women. But here’s the real kicker: I like tall women. In fact, I prefer somewhat butch women—Hilary Swank in Boys Don’t Cry, Geena Davis in A League of Their Own—and this leads to the ancillary problem that many of the women I’m attracted to are lesbians and thus are not interested in me. But even the tall, butchy straight/bi girls tend to go for guys who are taller than them. Most women I talk to about why they fall for tall guys have a common theme: They are looking for someone who makes them feel secure.
That’s what I want! Is it so damn wrong to want a woman to be protective of ME? I want to be held by a strong pair of lady arms! No, I’m not into super-muscle women, nor am I into hardcore dom/sub stuff. Why is my vanilla kink such an obstacle? What am I to do?
Below Their League
Most women prefer men who are taller than they are. It’s a sad, unavoidable fact, BTL, one you’ll have to accept (just as I had to accept that most men prefer women), and you’ll have to search harder for the lady/lady arms of your dreams. Not much else you can do about it.
I’ve got some space to kill, so here are a few Savage Love programming notes: My recently announced celebrity crush—Stefon on SNL as portrayed by Bill Hader—is no longer operative. My new celebrity crush is Branden Hayward, the actor who plays the cute-but-dim young husband in those Rhapsody commercials. Sigh.
Ever wanted to be a porn star for a weekend but not for the rest of your life? Ever wanted to win large cash prizes? Go to thestranger
.com/hump to learn more about HUMP!, The Stranger‘s annual amateur porn festival that’s now in its sixth year. Hardcore, softcore, erotica, animation, robots, zombies, virgins, cream pies, lady arms—everyone and everything is welcome at HUMP! The deadline for entry is October 15. Go to the website for contest details, release forms, and dates.
And finally: Khia’s new album? My goodness.
@149 AMEN!
BTL – Don’t think it’s hopeless! One of my best friends who I’ve known for like 18 years has a husband who is shorter than she is. And I also think her ex-husband was also shorter. I don’t know if it’s a preference but I definitely know she doesn’t judge by height. She’s not butch but I do consider her an inwardly and outwardly tough person. She’s a very dominant personality. So don’t fret! Yes, it’s true, most girls probably do want a guy taller than they (I admit I am one of them) but there are girls out there who dig shorter men the same way there are guys out there who dig large women. Don’t give up!
I’m VERY sure OPA’s sex skills were just sub-par, as it was his first time. He sounds like an asshole to me.
And saying they have no chemistry when it comes to just kissing? That itself is the biggest red flag there is. I can’t imagine anything close to even decent sex with someone I don’t even enjoy kissing.
Real life sex isn’t a scene from a porno. Don’t expect her moaning and groaning from having your dick in her mouth.
@48 Exactly.
Just wanted to add my two cents to the BTL thread. I’m not a tall girl – I’m 5’4″, which I think is very close to the North American statistical average for women. While I’ve dated and / or had crushes on men of many different heights, I realized after the fact that two of the guys I carried torches for, for longer even than usual, were also exactly my height – 5’4″. So I’m attracted to any height, but the short ones clearly seem to hit a soft spot for me.
(Also, incidentally, I am acquainted with a stable triad – two girls, one guy; he’s fairly short and slender-framed (though fit) and one of the girls, while she may not be taller, is certainly “butch-er” than he is.)
I’m not YOUR type, BTL, but rest assured there are short-guy-lovers out there!
@131 Why do you think your asexual husband intentionally mislead you and married a woman who wants lots of sex? Wouldn’t he be happier with an asexual woman? Are there non-sexual traits correlated to sex drive that cause an asexual person to be attracted to a person with a high sex drive (and vice versa) in an “opposites attract” kind of way?
I have met other people in your situation and it just seems tragic for all involved. I hope you maintain your sanity until your kids are 18 and then I am sure there will be a man who will be thrilled to help you make up for lost time.
In Savage’s response to STD, the reference should be to Lazarus getting his sores licked, not Job. Thanks to the eagle-eyed, Bible-knowing commenters who pointed it out. Here is a link to his correction:
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive…
@BTL:
I’m 5’9″ or 5’10” – somewhere in there – and have often felt really self-conscious about my height – partly probably because I’m in a town where the population’s half asian and I kind of stand out – and every time someone says tall girls are hot, I breathe a huge sigh of relief. There must be plenty of girls out there who’ll be relieved to know that you like their height. My ex who was 5’6″ and I used to just joke about it; if I wore heels it was just the right height for him to get an awesome view of the cleavage. (:
Oh, and as a general rule no matter who you are, the bar is not necessarily the best place to pick up people who’ve got it together. Hike or jog or learn social dancing like swing or salsa or ballroom (there are never enough guys in the room in social dancing) or volunteer or join a book club or something. Some online dating sites like OKcupid can work out pretty well too.
@135(EricaP): Are you living in an alternate universe without any epidemics of incurable sexually transmitted diseases? If so, how did you get over there? Just wondering.
@161, I don’t understand your question. When screwing men besides my husband, I use condoms, and he does the same when screwing other women. (Also, I will note that I have fucked 8 men in my life. Four of them this year, plus my husband, but then I have a lot of missed opportunities to make up for.)
Condoms don’t protect us completely, but then we drive too, and that is probably more likely to lead to an early death than STDs. We’ve had all the children we want, so we’re not worried about the threat to our fertility. And we’re at that point (40 y/o) where we’re more worried about missing out on the joys life has to offer than on maximizing our number of days on earth at any price.
My husband is up to a grand lifetime total of five women with whom he has had intercourse. If he wants to screw a few more before death do us part… I’m fine with that.
uh, book club or something? Really. How many dudes have you seen, short or otherwise at a book club? Not sure why, I’d love to attend one, but its just not a very popular form of passing time for the male population.
above is for 160
I’m short (5′ 7″ 130#) and I LOVE lesbians and tall chicks…oh, my favorites por vida.
Roma:
>I definitely disagree with you that most women would would date an otherwise-perfect guy who was 4’11” (unless, of course, they were shorter than 4’11”.)
I can’t speak for “most women”, only my own self, but I’m 5’3″. Though I prefer tall guys, I would *cheerfully* date an otherwise likely guy who was 4’11”. If I meet a smart, funny geek who’s into the same things I am, I’m not letting the fact that I’m taller than him stop me from dating him.
Yeah, there has to be at least some physical attraction, but height is a useful but not necessary characteristic of that.
In regards to BLT: My partner calls me his Amazon, being that I am 5’11, and nearly four inches taller than him. We have a lovely relationship. 🙂 It does happen. Just keep looking!
For us, the fact that we were introduced online through a mutual friend and developed our relationship before really noticing (although we knew about it) our height difference, was a big help. Otherwise, he would have assumed I was out of his league and I mightn’t have seen him as more than a friend. But our characters match so well that I am glad things worked out this way!
@112: “I just get tired of women criticizing men for wanting women who aren’t overweight while giving a pass to all their sisters who want men who are tall.”
Well, hypocrisy … can’t say I’m not against that.
@164: If there are no men there, then doesn’t it make it a rather appropriate place to pick up women? The post was addressed to dudes, after all, and specifically pointing out a place or two where there are *scads* of ladies and less male competition (e.g. dancing classes).
@161: Please invest in condoms. They’re a wondrous invention.
@170 — imho you’re right sorta. Book clubs are generally open via invite only. If a guy attempted to get an invite, I think that he might be viewed as having mixed motives. Also, if you’re having trouble with the ladies to begin with, a book club invitation might be next to impossible to get. Finally, a girl bringing a guy to a book club is sort of like a guy bringing a girl to a guy’s poker night — the rest of the participants may look down on this.
I’m a married straight but open minded guy and not looking for a hookup, but if anyone knows of an active book club with a guy in it, I would love to join… seriously. I’ve just never heard of one. My wife definitely doesn’t want me crashing her party.
Dancing classes however, I’m all in favor of since it generally takes two to tango and open to both sexes. Another good one is the climbing gym.
@172: Community dances are also great. The ones near me feature a lot of early American dancing such as squares, contras and rounds. All ages show up! If you can walk, you can dance, so you don’t have to be super coordinated, and all dances are walked through and called. There’s almost always more women than men at these. I’ve noticed more and more twenty somethings coming to these dances. There are also community ballroom dancing as well as other styles. There’s pretty much something for everyone.
@172:
There are a lot of book clubs that are not invite only: churches, libraries, and organizations often have them. You could also check websites like Meetup. And for what it’s worth, the book clubs as well as the poker games I go to generally include women as well as men, and no one thinks that it’s strange.
@172: To be totally honest, I’ve never joined a book club so I’m unsure exactly what the scene is like. But I’d be willing to wager that the library holds them. Or the local college/university.
Anyway, those are at least two organizations that are great resources for mixed-sex, cheap/affordable, open-to-public events and clubs.
Or, I know this sounds annoying, if you can, but start your own? Make it known it’s an open, mixed environment, recruit female friends who are avid readers (to create a friendly environment for single lady strangers), and cross your fingers.
Keeping your ear close to the ground with local blogs, etc. is fantastic too. A bar near where I live recently held a Simpsons trivia night, open to all.
@ 158 (dp4) if you visit the website http://www.asexuality.org you can read all about it. People of this sexual orientation do still want & need a relationship, just one without sex. The secret, as always, to a lasting relationship is to find your match. I would dearly love to get into his head to find out what he’s thinking, but of course, he won’t allow that. I’ve tried to talk with him in an adult, unblaming, and caring way, but he won’t have it; he clams up. I’ve had years to ponder all this, & i truly believe that he knows exactly what his state of mind is, & he is afraid of admitting it to me, lest i flee. He does not want the boat rocked in any way, shape or form, either by himself or by me.
We tried counselling, & it ended with him saying he was finished spending money on that venue. In a private convo with the counsellor, i was told that my husband is what’s termed “a cold fish” & that i’d be waiting an eternity for him to warm up. We have an otherwise friendly & cordial relationship, raising our children together, but living like roomies.
I am not a fat blob who doesn’t care about her appearance or personality. I am of avg body size and stature, i keep fit with regular workouts, i have a college education, i enjoy keeping up with current events & am a sports fan. We enjoy common interests, we both place our children as top priority along with the financial & home management that comes with family & home life, & we vacation together.
Any time i have tried to discuss our sex life, it has ended in a very frustrating situation where i get no answers, & he gets all out of sorts because he knows i’m not getting what i need from him.
Though i’ve had years to think about my situation, i cannot answer your other question about “opposites attracting”. My own take on opposites attracting is that means “opposite sex”, not opposite anything else.
Wouldn’t he be happier with an asexual woman?… well, yes, but at that time, in that place, there were none around, i suppose. I was attracted to his educated, mannerly, kind demeanour; he was attracted to my pleasant personality & my stunning good looks 🙂 Asexual people do not lack personality; they just lack a sex drive of any sort. I believe he knew he would be without a partner of any sort if he let his sexual preference be known, & i was the best thing that happened to him to that point in his life, & so he married me, thinking that he either could rise (excuse the pun) to the challenge, or perhaps i would settle into a way of life that included little to no sex. He was wrong on both counts, & of course, didn’t include me in the decision making process.
Yes, even in these days & ages, people do still hide their sexual preferences & orientation.
I do want to leave him, as i feel that 1/3 of me is missing, & that i’m missing out on fantastic sexual exploration & satisfaction, as the last 10 yrs of my life have been pretty much sexless except for my minor dalliance & of course, lots of masturbation. Thank you for your words of comfort, sympathy, & hope; i appreciate it so much.
@176 Bluejean baby — have you tried what Dan suggests? Letting him know: “honey, a girl’s got needs. I understand you’re not interested but if I get an opportunity to shtup someone else, I’m likely to go for it.” It’s not your responsibility to be his loving partner if it costs you so much to do so.
@142, my husband was there to reassure that he was into it (in fact, me screwing
other guys is as much his fantasy as mine). Young guys weren’t interested — either because the idea wasn’t attractive or because I wasn’t attractive enough. Older guys have been more interested and cool about the idea.
Erica, thanks for the clarification. So if your husband is there when you’re asking these guys out (or, should we say in) that eliminates my the-freaked-out-guys-are-nervous-about-an-enraged-cheated-on-hubby thought. Plus, if your husband is there, I also think it also probably eliminates the other person’s thought that these guys feel you might be crazy. So, that pretty much leaves them not attracted to you…unless part of the deal is that your husband is going to be there (is it?) Then they simply might not be attracted to the idea.
But I don’t think their lack of interest has anything (or much) to do with the fact that you’re taking the initiative. I mean, if a woman I found attractive and very sexy came up to me somewhere with her husband and introduced me to him and told me she wanted to fuck me and he chimed in with “and it’s totally cool with me…in fact, I’ll be getting off at home just thinking about the two of you together,” why on Mother Earth would I be freaked out? (And if her husband watching was part of the deal, I still might be interested.)
Also Roma, you are comparing apples to oranges. The article you refer to @142 was talking about women asking men out. Your counter example was about women initiating conversation with men. Men are generally happy to have women start up a conversation. But ask your friends if they want women to ask them out on a date (or propose a blow job in the bar bathroom 🙂 That’s the part that’s scary, when you’re under pressure to decide quickly whether you’re interested.
I found that article and my memory wasn’t correct on one point: she only quoted one woman, not three, on asking men out. But that woman did say that men get scared…
But anybody can ask for a date. What happens when the woman does the asking? “I ask men out routinely,” said Kathy Lindenmayer, a 31-year-old singleton who moved to Seattle from South Carolina eight years ago. And do they respond positively? “No,” said Lindenmayer. “They get frightened.”
…and the writer didn’t bother to ask any men how they feel. I can almost guarantee you the men this woman asked were simply not attracted to her and it’s ego-saving for her to think that they’re “frightened” instead of accepting that she got turned down because they’re not into her.
Anyway, I beg to differ that a woman asking a man out and initiating a conversation is like apples and oranges. More like peaches and nectarines. If a woman takes the initiative to chat a guy up she’s likely interested in him to some degree. It’s just a less direct approach than asking him out on a date. Subsequent to that article, and the woman’s claim, I did ask all those guys how they’d feel if a woman asked them out. And they responded as I noted above.
Roma, women taking the initiative won’t work in most cases, and here’s why. Men tend to want things to progress faster than most women are comfortable with. So if she’s already interested and he hasn’t made a move, 99 percent of the time it’s because he’s not interested. And if he IS interested, she won’t have time to make the first move because he’s already done it.
Diagoras, 99 percent of the time it’s because he’s not interested? Have you never heard of shyness?
Men who are interested always make a move? No. Non. Nein. Nyet. As just one example, The Stranger used to have these “I Saw You” ads in the print edition. They were ads — lots of ’em — from women and men who saw someone they were interested in but they didn’t make a move.
Look, if a woman views shyness in a man as something akin to leprosy (and I think many women do) then she’s not going to be interested in a guy who won’t make a move on her. He won’t be “manly” enough for her. But if she doesn’t see shyness that way, and she’s willing to put herself out there — like guys do all the time — then she might meet a great guy by breaking out of the box.
Well, hypocrisy … can’t say I’m not against that.
Thanks Gloria. I sometimes think it’s human nature to expect others to behave in ways that we don’t, or won’t, do ourselves.
On a related note, I know that men often get bashed as “shallow” for caring about the way women look but I think few men are actually “shallow” (according to my definition anyway.) I see being shallow as only or primarily caring about what’s on the outside; one is not willing to look deeper into a person. But to care about how a person looks as well as what they think and how they feel and what they’re interested in…I don’t see that as shallow at all.
BTL is totally my type. Four of the five guys I was intensely attracted to over the past few years, including my current boyfriend, were between 5’5″-5’7″ and 110-130 lbs. About my size. I’m slender and I’m 5’6″ tall, but I’m also pretty butch a lot of the time. I just wanted to put it out there that there ARE women attracted to BTL’s type. Try looking in the genderqueer community – there are bisexual/pansexual butch and genderqueer women who would love to date/sleep with BTL.
Hey Dan,
Regarding the little dude that likes ‘tall, dominant women’. Um, you’re sort of wrong, and you gave the dude kind of half assed advice. I am 5’8″ and I dated a model who was 5’10” for two and a half years. Actually, I never even really noticed the difference until she put on the six inch heels. That was a wake up call. It made me feel ridiculous to enter a room with this tall beauty on my arm. I felt like a child. But I will tell you what, everything else about our relationship was awesome: great chemistry, great sex, and a really close bond. I would have been a complete jackass if I let my lack of height or her height get in the way.
Truth be told, most women don’t care that much about height. It’s like huge boobs on a girl. Guys enjoy it when a girl has a gorgeous C-cup, but I don;t know any guys that would shy away from an amazing girl with an A-cup. Same goes for height. Would a woman prefer to be a little shorter than her man, probably, but most modern, intelligent women are into other, less primordial qualities. Style, intelligence, personality, and physical fitness are way more important to the woman I know. Don’t get me wrong there are those women out there who want 6 feet tall, and 6 figure salaries, but those “Last Days of Disco” yuppie types aren’t worth dating anyway.
Hey Dan,
Regarding the little dude that likes ‘tall, dominant women’. Um, you’re sort of wrong, and you gave the dude kind of half assed advice. I am 5’8″ and I dated a model who was 5’10” for two and a half years. Actually, I never even really noticed the difference until she put on the six inch heels. That was a wake up call. It made me feel ridiculous to enter a room with this tall beauty on my arm. I felt like a child. But I will tell you what, everything else about our relationship was awesome: great chemistry, great sex, and a really close bond. I would have been a complete jackass if I let my lack of height or her height get in the way.
Truth be told, most women don’t care that much about height. It’s like huge boobs on a girl. Guys enjoy it when a girl has a gorgeous C-cup, but I don;t know any guys that would shy away from an amazing girl with an A-cup. Same goes for height. Would a woman prefer to be a little shorter than her man, probably, but most modern, intelligent women are into other, less primordial qualities. Style, intelligence, personality, and physical fitness are way more important to the woman I know. Don’t get me wrong there are those women out there who want 6 feet tall, and 6 figure salaries, but those “Last Days of Disco” yuppie types aren’t worth dating anyway.
The guy lost his virginity and nobody said congratulations. WTF! Way to go dude! I lost mine at 15 and it was not a great experience to be sure. Maybe if I’d waited it’d a been better.
for the shortie who wants a protective lady arm around him….have ya thought about BBW? Some look butch, and most are looking for more than surface stuff in their men. Just a thought
Hi – this is to the short dude!
I’m a taller lady (5 10′) and feminine in a nontraditional way. I’m a girl (wear skirts, highlight my hair), but I’m emotionally strong and physically active (but not body building type). I’ve ALWAYS been attracted to shorter guys! I love how compact short guys are. A small body frame can be delicious looking! Latin American guys often really do it for me.
Look up how sexy dudes from countries with a shorter general height are, and dress right for your frame. Find out about how short some hot actors are, if you see some who have a style you like, figure out why they don’t look like little kids, get your confidence up.
Confidence is WAY sexier than height, for almost all women. I know there aren’t a lot of ladies who prefer the compact body guys, but I’m one, and I know there are others out there, so keep looking!
OPA, if you’re still checking back on these comments: I’ve been in a relationship for over a year now with a guy who was a 32-year-old virgin when we met. He had major trouble keeping it up, and coming, the first few times we had sex, but we clicked anyway, so we kept at it. He still pulls out fairly often and freshens up with his hand, or continues to jerk off while I’m giving him head-only head, but less and less frequently as he gradually gets used to the different sensations. On my side of it, these drawn-out sessions that keep me on the edge of climax for ages are just fine and dandy: it’s a big turn-on to be so hungry for his cock and have to ask him for it or coax it out of his hand, but of course many women might just feel frustrated. So be patient, and find somebody who is willing to be patient with you. It’ll help if you’re good at eating pussy (believe it or not, some people are born pussy-eaters, even with no prior experience!) and are honest and un-hung-up about the way your body works at the moment.
Ah, and the fact that somebody is not great at sex or kissing WITH YOU does not necessarily mean she has lousy technique. So no, don’t be an asshole.
The clitoris it the only spot on her body down there that can feel enjoyment from your tongue. If you really want to overwhelm her with pleasure, then keep your tongue on the spot that is going to give her satisfaction. To really overwhelm her with pleasure during oral adult sex, you should struggle to give her a double orgasm. if you want to learn more then visit this sites http://bit.ly/bluyNe
OPA do a search for TMS (Traumatic Masturbatory syndrome). Its a real thing that us unlucky guys sometimes have to deal with. There are online support groups with great advice to help you overcome the issue. Good luck!
My boyfriend is 5″9″ and I am a woman of 5’11” (not a HUGE difference I’ll admit) but I always dated guys taller than me. I think it was my own prejudice/insecurity that I never gave shorter guys a chance. Once I opened my eyes I was astounded! Don’t be afraid to be confident BTL; that’s the sexiest thing of all!
@BTL (if you or anyone is still reading this)
I am a 5’9″ bi female who has tended to prefer shorter partners, for many of the same reasons you describe. I frequently get mistaken for being 1-2 inches taller than I am.
What can you do to make yourself more attractive to taller women? Be confident. Love yourself, love who you are, and make it abundantly clear that you love and admire women whether or not you have any hope or desire to sleep with them. Don’t be or act threatened by a woman taller than you. Flirt with them, lightheartedly. Don’t hate high heels. Compliment women without ulterior motives….or at least compliment women without any investment in whether it goes anywhere (and be able to exit gracefully).
Sometimes (not for me personally but I hear it a lot), it isn’t so much that taller women worry about height, but they worry about feeling larger in general than the person they are with. Sometimes they worry about just feeling less feminine (might be less of an issue if you are looking at butch-identified women). Don’t hate on a woman you like wearing heels and a dress once in a while. For these women, there may be nothing you can do, but you might consider working out to the point you can handle a much larger woman on top. You could also consider putting an ad out for a butch bi top woman, but be aware that in my experience most 80-100% straight women with short hair etc. that I have met still want to feel feminine.
Also? Don’t fetishize us. Unless we are into that. We can smell that a mile away. If fetishizing that is what you want to do, you may want to reconsider identifying so strongly as vanilla.
I know that this is quite an old post but I just thought I’d throw my hat in the ring.
BTL, just so you know I’ve felt for a long time that there were no men out there who wanted to be protected and/or be in a truly egalitarian relationship with a women. Thank you so much for proving me wrong!
By the way, there are some women (like myself) who don’t give a shit about height.