I love reading your column and never thought that I would have a reason to write to you, but to my pleasure and chagrin, I realized today that I could use your help.
I am a 23-year-old woman. I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and we have lived together for two. We have a very healthy sex life, and the longer we are together, the better it gets! There is just one problem: He wants me to get really raunchy with his come when I am blowing him. I guess it’s called an “oral creampie.” Anyway, he wants to shoot on my face with my mouth open, he wants me to let him come in my mouth and then let it drool back out on my chin or his cock, all kinds of things in that vein. I would LOVE to do that for him—but when it’s go time, I freeze and can’t bring myself to do it and end up swallowing his come instead.
Honestly, I think the thought of come bothers me. I can swallow it, because once I do it’s gone and I don’t have to worry about it—but with this, I have to play with it and run it all around in my mouth. I need to know how to embrace his come instead of fearing it so our sex life can continue to grow instead of stagnate on this one thing. HELP!
Frozen Creampie
According to Urban Dictionary—the final authority on all sex definitions these days—an “oral creampie” isn’t anywhere near as involved a process as your boyfriend makes it out to be.
“While receiving a blowjob,” says Urban Dictionary, “the alpha male peaks to orgasm—while the male is in the midst of ejaculation, or cumming, the female continues the act of oral sex without removing her lips and/or mouth from the alpha males penis—thus, causing the male to cum inside the females mouth, and possibly down her throat while she is still sucking the males penis.”
You gotta love how the alpha male—no blowjobs for you beta males—”peaks to orgasm” all by himself. He isn’t brought to orgasm thanks to the determined efforts of a giving partner. No. A blowjob is something alpha males do for themselves. There he is, our alpha male, peaking to orgasm all on his own, when suddenly a woman trips and falls face-first into his lap.
Anyway, FC, it looks like you’re doing the oral creampie already: You’re blowing him; you’re swallowing. Your boyfriend is asking you for what we’re going to call “more.” And this isn’t something he’s asking you to do “when [you’re] blowing him,” but after you’re done blowing him. Because once he comes, FC, the blowjob is technically over. Emission accomplished. So he’s asking for a blowjob-and-then-some, an above-and-beyond-the-call post-blowjob indulgence.
A couple of thoughts…
Presumably, your boyfriend eats your pussy. And when he does, FC, he gets your vaginal secretions all over his face—it’s smeared all over his chin and cheeks and nose and lips. It’s applied gradually, in layers, like a varnish. There’s a big difference between your secretions and his—he comes all at once, in a few massive splats—but if he’s eating your pussy, FC, he’s already doing a slo-mo version of what he’s asking you to do for him.
But even so, FC, your boyfriend has to recognize the above-and-beyond nature of the request he’s making. He’s getting head—good, enthusiastic head, too, as evidenced by all the alpha orgasms he’s peaking. And there you are, only too happy to swallow—even if your true motive is to dispose of his semen as quickly as possible. It seems to me that (1) your boyfriend shouldn’t push this oral creampie thing too hard and (2) you shouldn’t feel too bad if you can’t bring yourself to do this for him anytime soon.
Your inability to do this one thing—this one above-and-beyond thing—shouldn’t be allowed to derail an otherwise excellent sex life. Your sex life can “continue to grow” even if this particular act won’t be scratched off the boyfriend’s bucket-o-come list anytime soon. Do the stuff you enjoy, try new things, continue to grow together. And maybe play with his come a little bit along the way—masturbate him sometimes, or let him masturbate himself, and run your fingers through his come—and perhaps your fears and inhibitions will decrease and one day you’ll be able to enjoy his juices (a word I hate in this context) just as much as he enjoys yours.
And he does enjoy yours, right? Because if he isn’t eating your pussy, FC, then you shouldn’t even be blowing him, much less feeling guilty about not gargling with his come after you’re done.
I grew up in a shitty conservative town with a batshit crazy mother and a philandering father who, despite leaving my mom when I was 2, went on to be a pretty good dad and definitely the only moderately stable parent in my life. I wanted his love and approval. I went to law school and married a guy who was, essentially, my dad. They became best friends. Very shortly into the marriage, I fell in love with a woman, realized I’m a total homo, and got divorced. I’m still with the same woman and I’m no longer suicidal over my internalized homophobia. Yay.
My dad didn’t exactly support my decision, but he has made an effort to get to know my girlfriend and isn’t acting quite as crushed as I know he was when I came out and divorced my husband.
However, he continues to have a relationship with my ex-husband. This enrages me. I felt like he sided with the ex at every turn during our separation and divorce, and now I feel like he’s incapable of understanding my feelings. I’m still friendly with my ex, although I have tremendous guilt issues over not having figured myself out before dragging him into a marriage. My dad’s point is that his friendship with my ex has nothing to do with me.
Am I just being a petty bitch or is he being an insensitive asshole?
Angry Lesbian Daughter
Petty bitch or insensitive asshole, petty bitch or insensitive asshole, petty bitch or insensitive asshole—does it have to be one or the other, ALD?
Your dad bonded with your ex while you were married and didn’t regard the divorce as your ex’s fault. Perhaps your dad took your ex’s side because he couldn’t see that the divorce wasn’t entirely your fault, either. You were a victim, too, ALD—victimized by the homophobia you had internalized. The homophobic culture that rendered you incapable of recognizing that you were a lesbian before you dragged your ex into a doomed marriage is ultimately to blame—that doesn’t mean you bear no responsibility—and if your dad couldn’t see that at the time and was insensitive, then, yeah, he owes you an apology.
You brought your ex into your dad’s life, your dad bonded with him as a son-in-law, and it’s unfair of you to demand that your dad cut all ties to your ex. That’s controlling, irrational behavior—aka petty bitchery—and you should apologize to your dad for it.
You have a right to your feelings, of course, and if your dad’s relationship with your ex makes you uncomfortable, it makes you uncomfortable. In this era of divorce, remarriage, and blended families, rest assured that you’re not the only person in the world with an ex who’s still, for better or worse, part of the family.
I’d like to add one more thing to Dan’s advice to ALD:
You need therapy, my dear. You still have unresolved issues with childhood or your Dad etc. that are GETTING IN THE WAY OF YOUR HAPPINESS/PEACE OF MIND (huge red flag here). By your own admission you got divorced because you realized you were gay, which really had nothing at all to do with your husband. Also, by your own admission you’re still friendly with your him. So what exactly is the problem here?
You’re a grown woman, not a junior-high school girl. Something isn’t right here. Either there’s more to this story as in something you’re not telling Dan or you need help to figure out why this situation makes you so “angry”.
@11 — tell that to people involved in adoptions.
I will never understand men who want facials or anything of the sort.
@11
“Blood relationships outweigh all others. Out of loyalty to the daughter, the Dad should end the friendship with the son-in-law.”
By your logic, the daughter should have stayed in her marriage. After all, her dad gets along wonderfully with ex, and apparently had some problems adjusting to his daughter’s sexuality. Out of loyalty to him, shouldn’t she have stayed with the relationship that made her dad happiest?
ALD’s dad showed his daughter loyalty and respect by not trying to enforce his preferences on her relationships. ADL needs to show her dad the same loyalty and respect, and let him pick who he associates with.
If FC *does want to try (it has been well covered that she doesn’t have to), how about a blindfold or ski mask or saran wrap with holes for breathing? Figure out which part squicks you and try to avoid that part.
Okay Dan, so clearly your brain is able to comprehend the idea of a person being both a victim and a perpetrator, since you so gently reminded ALD that she was a victim of homophobia AND still guilty of being kind of bitchy with her dad… and yet you failed to see this duality at play in the case of PTSD? Not only that, you quite savagely (sorry for the bad pun, but it’s true) berated a rape victim of being selfish because she doesn’t want to have sex. Bravo. For someone who so arduously works to end bullying, you might want to look in the mirror every once in a while.
This is my 2nd time commenting on ANY forum-my 1st time was this morning at about 2- so please bear with me if I suck. Speaking of sucking, I LOOOVE giving head, but this is the 2nd cum-related topic I’ve read here where I’m led to believe I’m one of the few people who don’t swallow.(I pull my face away & jerk them off on my face, hair etc). I hate the taste/consistency of (mens’)cum, & only swallowed when I was younger ie, before I had “found my voice” & felt comfortable stating my likes/dislikes.That said, I almost wish I could go back to the time when I ignored how disgusting it is-yep, bleach-& swallowed it anyway, because I guess it would be more GGG.However, I am glad that I’m realistic enough to know that once a man has HAD HIS FUCKING ORGASM(due to my superior & enthusiastic oral techniques),he should just STFU.I’m not referring to my husband;I’m addressing all the idiots out there, who maybe give a woman 2-3 min. of digital/oral stimulation & then sit back & invent stupid things for her to do for their visual entertainment.Just stating my opinion, although #79 & #81 each did EXCELLENT jobs of speaking my mind for me. Also, with the exception of #11, ITA with most posts re: ALD, the petty bitch.
This is my 2nd time commenting on ANY forum-my 1st time was this morning at about 2- so please bear with me if I suck. Speaking of sucking, I LOOOVE giving head, but this is the 2nd cum-related topic I’ve read here where I’m led to believe I’m one of the few people who don’t swallow.(I pull my face away & jerk them off on my face, hair etc). I hate the taste/consistency of (mens’)cum, & only swallowed when I was younger ie, before I had “found my voice” & felt comfortable stating my likes/dislikes.That said, I almost wish I could go back to the time when I ignored how disgusting it is-yep, bleach-& swallowed it anyway, because I guess it would be more GGG.However, I am glad that I’m realistic enough to know that once a man has HAD HIS FUCKING ORGASM(due to my superior & enthusiastic oral techniques),he should just STFU.I’m not referring to my husband;I’m addressing all the idiots out there, who maybe give a woman 2-3 min. of digital/oral stimulation & then sit back & invent stupid things for her to do for their visual entertainment.Just stating my opinion, although #79 & #81 each did EXCELLENT jobs of speaking my mind for me. Also, with the exception of #11, ITA with most posts re: ALD, the petty bitch.
@110:
If you’re really uncomfortable swallowing, you don’t have to, of course (though it’s a nice thing to do for a partner sometimes, and you can work up to it).
However, it’s not at all fair or accurate to say that a man (or woman for that matter) should just STFU after coming. Sex isn’t just about orgasm. People can care about other things than their orgasms, and after coming, sometimes what your partner does can make a big difference.
I agree with many of the complainers complaining about the complainers. If you don’t like the column, stop reading it. Pretty simple. Or do what I have resorted to – because I have listened to all lovecasts twice, I got desperate and downloaded Dr. Drew’s sex-negative, judgemental, vanilla, unimaginative, conservative loveline shows. And those were the good ones! Get it?? Leave my guru alone, he’s a busy man!
“Batshit crazy”…apparently the apple didn’t fall from the tree. As for “family first”, I totally agree but not in the way the poster who used it intended. This is a forum filled with gays and lesbians who make their own families, sometimes because the one they inherit have rejected them. Seems that Dad understands this better than Batshit because he remains loyal to the family *she* created. The original poster suffers from the homophobic intolerance if s/he thinks family means blood.
Letter 1 is a shining example of how heterosexual porn has gone from being two people or more having sex and everyone having a good time to just about every porn movie following a script where the woman NEVER gets off.
I’ve stopped watching hetero porn – as I’ve noticed alot of straight women on this site have also done – because it just teaches impressionable young men (boys) to degrade women, degrade women and to degrade women some more. I watch quite a bit of porn and the amount of times I’ve seen the look of frustration on the faces of the women because they weren’t getting anything out of it at all is pitiful. In fact, the films follow a weird script of: man licks for a milisecond on pussy, shoves it in, furiously fucks a bored looking woman who is also reading off the “ooooh, baby, yeah, fuck that pussy, yeah” script and then she sucks his dick and he shoots all over her face and she has the universal look of disgust and “grimacing” on her face as she does it.
There was a time when the scenes ended when the woman got off because it can be so erotic to hear the sounds of an actual orgasm from a woman but now, it’s just about the cock squirting and the woman being degraded.
It is weird and I look forward to the day when this “trend” moves on and people get back to making films where people are actually enjoying sex. That’s the other thing, if you watch some of the actresses in films, you usually find that when they are first starting out, they are enthusiastic and enjoy the sex because they are, well, enjoying it but after a few films, they are just going through the motions.
I watch films by Viv Thomas (lesbian mostly for me even though I am hetero) and I would estimate that out of 100 films, only 5-10 do not have real orgasms.
The other reason it will be nice when the trend for this robotic penis centric to the detriment of the woman’s orgasm ends is that there is a generation of men who actually think that a woman screaming at the top of her lungs while having some guy pound her and NO clitoral stimulation is an actual orgasm. I was watching a site and some guy had made a video compilation of “female orgasms” which contained snippets of women just doing that screaming thing (faking it or the enjoyable, sometimes, build-up to actually getting near the orgasm) but did not contain ANY actual orgasms. It is disturbing that these young (I hope) men are being taught that just drilling another is going to get a woman to “that place.” Alas, people have been having sex since we arrived on this planet and there will always be selfish people but it will be nice when we move to a more enlightened time where actual SEX is being filmed and not cookie-cutter images of women being degraded which appeal to young boys (like video games and not really for grown ups) and young women are neglected. A lot of these movies are American as well and I would love to see if anyone has written any papers on the whole militarised, shoot-’em up society of America and the prevalence of violent, hateful to women porn that is so common nowadays.
I often search for the “retro porn” just because I have memories of some pretty hot scenes played out where the women in the films DID have power because they were getting off on what was happening and not this silly thing which is also common now where some drugged out, fake tittied, big arsed, aggressive woman is shouting, “EAT THAT PUSSY!!!!!” Sure, that may have been a novel scene once, twice, three times but now it shows up in EVERY film and it’s just stupid.
Also, I’ve seen a post on these threads about a certain scene that others have mentioned as well which involves a 69 with one of the people being fucked.
I have looked for this scene over and over and it just isn’t being filmed anymore BUT I do recall the scene appearing in 70’s porn – back when folks still enjoyed actually watching sex. Ha, ha, ha, ha… I watched a scene last week which I thought was heading in that direction but ended up being one woman sitting on a cock and the other woman leaned down to put tongue on clit but that lasted about a milisecond which is part and parcel for the porn being churned out nowadays. Yet, I remember seeing a film back in the 80’s which consisted of some folks in a bar where a guy was stretched across a bar and a woman was squatted on top of his cock and a black lady had her tongue on his cock and was alternating between licking the shaft and eating the pussy. That was pretty hot. Porn today is just lazy.
Come on! It takes longer than a fraction of a second to eat pussy AND there are VERY FEW women who actually enjoy having a face full of spunk, ESPECIALLY when the guy has done nothing else to GET HER OFF.
Ok, I’m done but I will be laughing to myself if someone else reads this because I know it’s been a few months since this thread went live.
I think the world of porn critiquing might be my calling…..
While I understand why a guy would find getting an “oral creampie” cool from a visual standpoint, what they don’t realize is that it also requires the oral equivalent of pulling out. I’m pretty sure most guys would like to come inside their girlfriends whenever possible, so when given the opportunity to have a similar experience in their girlfriend’s mouth, and not have the flow of their orgasm interrupted by their girlfriend stopping in order to let the cum be seen, I don’t understand why they wouldn’t jump on the opportunity.