DEAR READERS: Folks who have the Savage Love app get the Savage Love Letter of the Day (SLLOTD) delivered to their iPhones or Androids. This week, I’m running three recent SLLOTDs to give my print-only readers a taste of what they’re missing. I’m also giving myself a bit of a break: I’m currently dashing around the country on a book tour for It Gets Better: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying, and Creating a Life Worth Living. (Order yourself a copy—or donate one to your old middle or high school—at www
.itgetsbetter.org.) But before we get to the letters…
I want to take this opportunity to thank Savage Love readers for launching the It Gets Better Project.
My husband and I created the project in response to the suicides of several LGBT youth. The idea was to give bullied and despairing LGBT youth hope for their futures by encouraging LGBT adults to reach out to them via YouTube. (For the record: Not all LGBT youth are bullied or despairing.) The It Gets Better Project was first announced in this space. Savage Love readers jumped in to help spread the word about the project on YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter, and Savage Love readers created the very first wave of IGBP videos. Savage Love readers are responsible for making the It Gets Better Project the international phenomenon it is today and, more importantly, for helping to save the lives of countless LGBT kids.
Whether it’s taking on a bigot like Rick Santorum, coming to the defense of Constance McMillen, or jumping in to help bullied LGBT teenagers, my readers and listeners are a force to be reckoned with. Thanks for all you do.
My fiancé is awesome. I’m very happy we are getting married. We are in our early 30s. But… he has tantrums. When he gets upset, he literally throws things, punches things (never me), and screams obscenities. What makes him upset? Losing his keys, being overcharged at the supermarket, missing the subway. These moments are humiliating for me. On top of that, I had an abusive father who hit me and, though my fiancé would never in a million years hit or abuse me, his tantrums remind me of those childhood experiences.
I have tentatively broached the subject of therapy, but he is not interested. I don’t know what to do.
Frustrated Fiancée
He hasn’t hit you… yet.
I’m not saying he’ll definitely get around to hitting you, FF, but a man who goes apeshit when he misses the subway is likely to go apeshit on his wife sooner or later. Marriages are more stressful than commutes. And I’m sorry, but it’s a disturbing sign that you’re already tiptoeing around this guy (“I have tentatively broached the subject”) and making excuses for him (“My fiancé would never in a million years hit or abuse me”).
Emergency rooms, divorce courts, and graveyards are filled with women who once said, “My fiancé would never in a million years hit me.”
The time for tentative broaching has passed, FF, and the time for confrontational confronting and ultimatums has arrived: He gets his ass into therapy and gets a grip on his anger issues, or the wedding is off. And this can’t be about seeing a therapist once or twice to mollify you. He has to solve this problem before you pick out cake toppers. And if he won’t get help, or if he can’t solve this problem even with help, do not marry him.
I’m female, bi, mid-20s, into kink—bedroom-only BDSM stuff—and involved in the local kink scene in NYC. I’m not into public sex or group sex; that’s just not appealing to me. One of my closest friends is having a birthday party. Most people do a bar crawl, but this friend is hosting a straight-up orgy. I don’t want to be a no-show—it’s her birthday!—but sitting around fully dressed, trying to make small talk with someone while a fisting scene is taking place two feet away? AWKWARD. I thought about going for the first half, while people are drinking, and leaving before it turns into an orgy. But what excuse could I give to bail?
Wallflower At The Orgy
How about the truth?
If you’re mature enough to be a part of NYC’s kink scene, you’re mature enough to say this to your friend: “I love you, but orgies just aren’t my thing. I’ll be at your party—I wouldn’t miss it!—but I’m going to quietly slip out before the first fist disappears into the first orifice.”
If anyone should be able to hear that without taking offense, WATO, it’s a member of an organized kink scene. All organized kinksters ask of each other is an open mind about kinks generally, thoughtfulness about consent and safety specifically, and clarity about boundaries absolutely. No one in a kink scene expects that all kinks—and group play is a kink—appeal to all kinksters equally.
So go to the party, wish your friend a happy birthday, then head for the door when you hear the snap of the first latex glove.
I am a 28-year-old woman living in a town with a big military base. About a year ago, I noticed this really torn-up-looking guy sitting by himself in a bar. It turned out his wife had just been deployed and was going to be gone for nine months. He said he didn’t think he’d make it. We wound up having sex. I moved in a few days after that. The whole thing revolved around nobody asking questions. Over time, I fell in love with him, and I thought he fell in love with me. If I thought about the future, I told myself he’d leave his wife for me.
Yesterday, he woke up and said, “It’s over. She’s coming home today.” I was crying and crying while he kept coming up with these unbelievable lines: We had a good thing, he’d miss my love, I should try to remember the magic. Then he told me to look away so he wouldn’t have to watch me crying!
I know I was a fool, Dan, but who was the bigger jerk?
Sad Eyes
Seeing as you spent the last nine months attempting to be the author of someone else’s misery—his wife’s—only to wind up being the author of your own, SE, it’s kind of hard to feel sorry for you. I suppose you deserve some credit for acknowledging that you’re a jerk—you did, after all, ask me to determine which one of you is the bigger jerk—but I gotta say that your jerkiness is the kind that makes me want to break out my brand-new-asshole-carving knife.
But he’s the bigger jerk.
My reasoning: He took up with another woman during his wife’s absence, and he allowed this other woman to move into the home he shared with his wife. The other woman avoided conversations about the future because she was afraid of finding out that she didn’t have one; he avoided conversations about the future because he was afraid the other woman would pack up her pussy and leave if he told her she didn’t have one. And then he tossed the other woman out on her ass the very day his wife returned to the States, giving her very little time to make other living arrangements.
That makes him the bigger jerk, IMO. You both deserve new assholes—but he deserves a slightly bigger one.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
“That makes him the bigger jerk, IMO. You both deserve new assholes—but he deserves a slightly bigger one.”
The good news is that she had the slightly bigger asshole for nine months!
“That makes him the bigger jerk, IMO. You both deserve new assholes—but he deserves a slightly bigger one.”
The good news is that she had the slightly bigger asshole for nine months!
Dan, love the advice to Sad Eyes … what did she expect? And even if he did leave his wife for her, what happens if she’s away for any length of time? It sounds like he just wants a warm body there, and I feel sorry for his wife!
It Gets Better rocks, Dan! Good luck on the book tour.
It totally sucks to be tech unsavvy and not everyone has an iPhone or Android.
FF – Dan is right for you to require help for your fiance. If he really is “amazing,” he will work to help himself. In therapy, he will set goals for himself, and I suggest you set goals for yourself as well, like, “if my fiance does not embarass me or make me scared with his wild tantrums for, say, 12 straight months, I will then seriously consider marrying him.
Dan, I really don’t want to call bullshit on you. Your column has been provocative, provoking thoughts and making me question my self and assumptions. But, it’s lately become too much marketing for the “it gets better” project (which should also be in quotes, but quotes after quotes – yeesh). I am not denigrating the project, nor am I calling for more poo-eaters. Instead, a mere plea: Take one step back and think, “Is my column becoming a college application essay for all the good things that I have done?” If it is, if you’ve felt a loss of edge, please be assured. We do not blame you. Who among us mere mortals could work week-in-and-week-out (in-out-in-out) without losing it / blowing a load? Three words (and a spare syllable): Sab Bat i Cal. We’ll still love you when you get back, but you deserive some time off. (And not because you need to be gone and then forgotten. No, because we want you ready to go for 2012 to energize our bases, as it were.)
Onoes, lazy prof, Dan is busy for very good reasons. We’re all seeing the other side of the mountain, the tide is turning, and someone has to carry water.
Amazing things are afoot, Dan’s fresh from a vacation, and the haters are just about to have tolerance shoved (yes) down their throats.
Rock on Mr. Savage.
I married a guy even though he threw temper tantrums that humiliated me. I finally left him but have been fighting for my sons ever since. Today my 12 year old son – whom I utterly adore – lost his temper over a homework issue, threw something and told me “fuck you”. It was like I was looking at his father who has never apologized for terrorizing us, who never stopped to reconsider bringing bad, angry energy into our home.
Please don’t marry that guy. Just don’t. Abusers have an amazing, almost magical ability to make you feel sorry for them. It’s uncanny. But you cannot fix this guy and if he doesn’t see anything wrong with his behavior, nothing you can do – not bearing his children, not loving him completely, not forgiving him, not hiding his outbursts from your friends and family, not threatening to leave him – nothing will change him.
I still feel sorry for my ex-husband and I still wish that my love could have fixed him, but now I have to argue with him in court about why our children need and deserve therapy. It’s been absolutely awful. Please don’t let this happen to you.
I married a guy even though he threw temper tantrums that humiliated me. I finally left him but have been fighting for my sons ever since. Today my 12 year old son – whom I utterly adore – lost his temper over a homework issue, threw something and told me “fuck you”. It was like I was looking at his father who has never apologized for terrorizing us, who never stopped to reconsider bringing bad, angry energy into our home.
Please don’t marry that guy. Just don’t. Abusers have an amazing, almost magical ability to make you feel sorry for them. It’s uncanny. But you cannot fix this guy and if he doesn’t see anything wrong with his behavior, nothing you can do – not bearing his children, not loving him completely, not forgiving him, not hiding his outbursts from your friends and family, not threatening to leave him – nothing will change him.
I still feel sorry for my ex-husband and I still wish that my love could have fixed him, but now I have to argue with him in court about why our children need and deserve therapy. It’s been absolutely awful. Please don’t let this happen to you.
@6 — Get a life.
re: tempers I think a critical piece of information is missing. Has he ever harmed a person or animal, physically or verbally? Its one thing to lose your cool and throw your keys, another to take it out on a person. If he’s done the latter then stay the hell away. Its only a matter of time. It sounds like he hasn’t, but if he’s punching things that’s a pretty bad sign.
Frustrated Fiancée needs to DTMA!!!
No ifs, ands or buts. DTMA!!! Run, do not walk. DTMA. Your LIFE may depend on it.
“Therapy” is not going to cure this. Years and years of therapy, maybe. But mental illness, which is what this is, can also get WORSE over time. Marrying him is signing your own death warrant.
Aw, you’re a sweetheart, Dan. You’ve provided an amazing platform for people to share ideas and discuss all the different topics on which you post. I think it’s good to remember, too (@6), that SL, and Slog are free for all of us. We come here and enjoy it, no charge, and it’s really cool to see people band together to change things. It’s a unique sort of give and take that I’ve never seen anywhere else.
Hope your local book signing went well, and that your faithful Seattle Sloggers brought you some stale cake. Good luck for the rest of the week, too.
Frustrated Fiancee: I’ve been there. My father had a horrible, hair-trigger temper that I grew up in terror of, and while quite a few of my friendships and relationships have involved nasty tempers, none of them has ever ended well. I always end up cringing and flashing back to a bad place whenever someone I’m close to gets irrationally angry and it’s not pleasant. He doesn’t have to hit you to make your life painful, so if he doesn’t seriously commit to change, you need to DTMA yesterday. It’s not worth the misery.
#6, if this column is evolving away from what you love, please don’t assume you speak for all (or even many) of us. I love Dan’s dirty wit (which you do a poor imitation of) but the entertainment value of the column makes it a fantastic vehicle for such a great cause that the call for more fisting jokes and less saving lives is a bit obscene.
I think that all the dire warnings about FF taking her life into her hands if she marries this guy are completely overblown. To be clear: there’s a very obvious, very good reason that she should think twice about marrying him, and that’s that the tantrums are humiliating and triggering. But the notion that this guy is going to morph into an abuser is just garbage pop psych. People with anger issues can have specific sort of triggers which don’t generalize to people in their lives, and if he hasn’t ever had a tantrum directed at her in the past, there is no particular reason to believe he is suddenly going to switch his aggressions to her.
People with anger issues deserve to be stigmatized to some extent–social stigma is a spur to dealing with the problem by consulting a professional. But they don’t deserve to be labeled as abusers if they don’t have any history of violence (emotional or physical) directed at people in their lives.
Frustrated Fiancée needs to Google “Cycle of Abuse”
Sweetheart, you are smack dab in the middle of it. Abusers don’t change until it’s a good idea for them, and it requires so much more than the fiancée asking nicely.
#6-Dear Abby is dead and gone, but Ann Landers still has a column that would be perfect for you.
First time commenter, long-time reader.
Abuse stories like that first letter scare me. Even if your sweetheart doesn’t actually hit you, there are plenty of ways you (or any potential children) could be physically harmed by him–especially if he throws things when he has those outbursts! Anger issues are NOT something you can just quietly sweep under the rug and hope they go away. Even if he, himself, is trying to get over this, you do not move in with him until the tantrums have STOPPED. Period.
Even if he never attacks you directly (and that’s a HUGE “if”), are the property damage, emotional harm, and psychological effects on your children really worth it? No. No, they’re not.
@13
Well said, Canuck.
@12 and 14: When did DTMFA lose the ‘F’? Is this the slow progression to a G-rated column?
And @6, Dan’s always been a shameless self promoter, but we love him anyway, for his caustic wit, hard work and (as this column shows) generosity.
@8/@9
1) Why do you need to argue about why your kids need therapy? Just take them. Kids going through a divorce are nearly always recommended to therapy anyway. I and my sister had to go to family therapy with mom when mine divorced. You can address the anger issues at the same time.
2) People are born with a personality. The anger your son exhibits is very unlikely to be purely learned behavior. It’s also got a genetic component. Not that he doesn’t need therapy; it sounds like he does. But consider that the angry outbursts may not just be something he learned from watching his dad. There are plenty of kids who watch their dads break shit and cuss out their moms who don’t do the same things themselves (hi there), because they realize it’s hurtful behavior and they don’t externalize their own anger issues.
I’m not a therapist but maybe you could try teaching your son to externalize his anger in a more healthy way. Encourage him to run around the block if he gets frustrated with his homework. Or designate a punching pillow/bag that he hits in private. Or listening to really loud music on his headphones for a half hour.
“You both deserve new assholes—but he deserves a slightly bigger one.”
Why should gay kids get all the attention? How about we show a little love for all the jerks out there and start an “It gets biggger” campaign?
My ex-boyfriend was similar to FF’s fiance. He never hit me, and I’m not entirely sure he would’ve (maybe he would have, if we had stayed together long enough, who’s to say), but he got upset at VERY tiny things–things as little as buying something at one price and then later finding that it was cheaper elsewhere. “Goddamnit” was his favorite word. He was very obsessed with life going the precisely right way and when it didn’t–boom. He would throw things, punch walls, say horrifically hurtful things (including blaming me for getting laid off from a job). I absolutely walked on eggshells around him. I would keep things from him to avoid his getting upset. He never hit me and I never felt the threat of such, but who knows where it could’ve gone?
Even if FF’s fiance never hits her and never will, she should get out of this relationship, because that’s a crappy way to live. When being routinely humiliated by your husband is the best case scenario, GTFO.
@21 She may not have enough money herself to pay for her children’s therapy, thus the need to argue in court. Or she may not have a convenient enough schedule with the children to fit in therapy sessions.
Besides, being a victim of marital abuse destroys one’s ability to take decisions, even if you know in your heart that they are needed and just – so #8-hrchick may still need his validation, or the judge’s validation, to feel able to get the children into therapy.
I agree with #6. For a while Savage Love and the podcast were the “Sex at Dawn” weekly show and now it’s all “It Gets Better” all the time.
It’s excessive and it gets annoying. I think that more emphasis needs to be placed on the “advice column” parts of the column / podcast / blog. I’m not saying that all promos or opinions need to be removed, but I think that 50% of what is currently offered would be a better amount.
“We wound up having sex. I moved in a few days after that.” Did I just read that right? Did you just say that you moved in with a guy, a guy who’s wife was deployed over seas and would be coming back in nine months, a few days after you had sex with him for the first time?
Either that means that you are a poor young lady who doesn’t make enough money to pay your own rent so you routinely move in with what ever man you happen to be fucking at the time, or you were deluded enough to believe you had a future with this man after a couple days of fucking him while his wife was on deployment.
“We wound up having sex. I moved in a few days after that.” Did I just read that right? Did you just say that you moved in with a guy, a guy who’s wife was deployed over seas and would be coming back in nine months, a few days after you had sex with him for the first time?
Either that means that you are a poor young lady who doesn’t make enough money to pay your own rent so you routinely move in with what ever man you happen to be fucking at the time, or you were deluded enough to believe you had a future with this man after a couple days of fucking him while his wife was on deployment.
Right on, #27.
@ It Gets Better haters above,
Dan Savage can say anything he damn well pleases.
The well-being of young men and women is more important than you being entertained. (For free, every day,without fail)
Thanks Dan, we love you!
Sorry about the double post, I didn’t know if it had gone through.
@8 : I feel for you. My eldest son is also 12 and he’s had periods of angry or violent behavior since his pervert father’s departure 3 years ago. I think he had none before, because he was too afraid of how his father would react.
The father wasn’t physically violent though he had tantrums, and he was very controlling. Any little mistake, like a child starting to speak to me while he was already speaking, and me acknowledging the demand of the child, made him furious.
#21 gives good advice about what to do. I wouldn’t do the loud music though, hearing loss is no fun. The following is how I’m dealing :
My son has yelled at me, he’s insulted me, he’s slammed doors, he’s hurt his siblings in anger. It’s getting better though, less episodes, less violence. He’s had therapy for 1 year, and the therapist told me that “better be angry than depressive & suicidal”.
So I try to acklowledge his anger as a normal feeling under the circumstance, not as an earth-shattering event – though it felt like it the first times – but I ask him to control his behaviour : don’t hurt anyone, don’t destroy anything, don’t insult anyone. The message is “it’s ok to feel angry, it’s not ok to disrespect us or the house”. I consider it as a work in progress : he’s seen bad things, he hurts inside, but he has to learn how to express his anger in a way that doesen’t hurt us.
Of course I isolate him while he’s mad and he’s grounded for a week when he comes back to his senses, and he has to make amends to the injured or insulted party. He accepts it quite well. And whenever I feel that the pressure is building up, I let him space & time to quiet down, or I ask him to run around the house – and I always tell him who proud I am when he succeeds in nixing a coming outburst.
@21 – When there is joint custody, both parents are supposed to be involved in making decisions in regards to health care and education. The kids may be covered under his health insurance, too.
I can throw temper tantrums over the most petty things. I know it is childish and feel badly afterward, but in the moment I can’t seem to help it. However, I will NEVER hit or abuse my wife. My last physical confrontation with another human was before I was a teenager, I’m 40 now. Temper tantrums and physical violence do not necessarily go hand in hand. Don’t just DTMFA?
Frustrated Fiancée should leave now.
His behaviour brings back memory of your childhood abuse ? That’s a redflag. It’s most of your mind and your body alerting you to the fact that you’re gonna get hit soon. It means : run.
Forget the wedding, it’s not love he feels for you. He’s already abusing you. Love doesn’t frighten. Love doesn’t humiliate. Love doesn’t hurt inside.
And all your love for him will not make him change one bit. He’ll hit harder, that’s all.
Get info about redflags at
http://drirene.com/redflag.htm
This site will show you how your life with him will be, in the best case – the case where he doesn’t chrisbrown you.
I’m married to a former tantrumer and Dan is absolutely right about his advice. You need to address this, directly, repeatedly, until something changes, BEFORE you get married. My then bf would throw fits over ridiculous things; he had zero ability to control and manage frustration. His temper went from 0-60, instantly.
While he never hit me or made me feel physically threatened it any way, his behavior disturbed and embarassed me. And I did worry that over time it might escalate. Before issuing a “therapy or else” ultimatum, I talked to him several times about how his tantrums affected me, made me feel, etc. No beating around the bush, no tenative suggestions. The only trick is that I didn’t phrase it as an attack on him – you do blah blah blah; you need to blah blah blah, you are such a blah blah blah. I simply told him how I felt, how I was affected and made the conversation about me.
It terrorized him that he made me feel unsafe. It embarassed him when he found out he embarassed me. He was ashamed of himself. And slowly he began working it out on his own.
He still not the most mellow guy when he’s angry, but it’s been years since he’s acted like such an ass that I’ve felt embarassed or freaked out by him. When he does overreact, he recognizes the behavior almost immediately and simmers down. Then apologizes directly.
Your fiancee might not be able to work it out on his own to that level, but he better start learning to work it out somehow. Or seriously, the negative quality will eventually outweigh every positive quality he brings to the table.
@6 – Speak for yourself. I do not have a problem with Dan promoting the hell out of It Gets Better. Promote it for all it’s worth. I have friends who have videos, and if it saves my kid or one of her friends one day, it’s worth it.
Go read something from the archives to tide you over.
That last letter is a wind-up. It sounds like the lyrics for a Country & Western song. Dude crying at the end of the bar and some other sap of a victim shows up to hear his woes and then they get together and they live in silence until the wounded sap gets thrown out on her ear. If this letter isn’t crimmed from a C&W song, then I’m going to get to writing it today! Also, booze is featured so the whole thing follows the C&W “formula.” Someone is a genius, indeed. On a critical note, they missed a trick by not including a dog which they’d bought together and now things are “complicated” because she has to leave and wants to take the dog with her but he wants to keep it. Otherwise, it’s perfect. I’m wondering was anyone actually awake during that 9 months? AND…. 9 months?! There SHOULD have, at least, been a baby involved – from that drunken night to the day that she’s asked to leave! Come on!
If the letter is “real” then this woman learned a valuable lesson. This guy, obviously had it planned before his wife left and was just looking for a sucker.
To FF:
I too am partnered with a former tantrum-thrower, and it did escalate to violence. The proper diagnosis of Bipolar disorder, and treatment with both medication and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has saved both of our lives.
If he refuses therapy, or if therapy does not produce concrete changes, then absolutely leave. But do not be tentative, do not be flexible about therapy, and do not marry him until he has demonstrated that he will share a safe life with you.
To everyone urging her to DTMFA:
This is not what she looking for. She plans to marry this man. She is in love, and is planning her life with him in it…. DTMFAing would require a massive change in her self-concept, and she is not prepared to do that.
I agree that an ultimatum is necessary, and he absolutely has to work on this, but he does not sound beyond help. My heart goes out to her, and I hope she never, ever has to make the decisions she’ll have to make if he does become violent.
What is the relative number of email readers of Savage Love compared to print readers of Savage Love? I’m just curious which has the majority, and how big a majority that is.
It is a song – from the 70s – called “Sad Eyes” Look up the lyrics – they’re all in her letter. Dan – I LOVE YOU – but, didn’t you catch that?
Letter #1: Fake. Fake fake fake.
Letter #3: Lame, Landersesque choice.
DS’s eye is off the ball.
Er, balls.
Depending on the guy’s behaviour around the temper tantrums, it sounds like he is on the autistic spectrum. She needs to look up the symptoms and see if he matches those found on The National Autistic Society (in the UK) or another office body in the US. If he does match the criteria then, unfortunately, she will either have to “learn to live with” his behaviour or she can move on. Therapy helps in children diagnosed as autistic spectrum but for adults therapy can only touch slightly. She needs to find out and really understand that there is no cure for it and no amount of therapy will change that. I am on the autistic spectrum myself and YEARS of meditation has helped tremendously but I live a solitary life and I have to be careful around people. I also worked for 6 years with moderate to severe autistic young adults so that is why I am suggesting that this guy might be on the spectrum and not know it. There is help out there but this woman needs to be realistic on what can happen as far as her relationship goes.
That should be “official” and not “office.”
@13, Canuck, there was delicious chocolate cake at the pre-event reception, and i hope dan took some home to leave out for two or three days. and the reading was great! Liz Jones interviewed Dan and Terry, and three contributors read their essays. lots of love, tears and hope.
April Fools, people.
Looks like it’s over, you knew I couldn’t stay
She’s comin’ home today
We had a good thing, I’ll miss your sweet love
Why must you look at me that way
It’s over
Sad eyes, turn the other way
I don’t wanna see you cry
Sad eyes, you knew there’d come a day
When we would have to say ‘goodbye’
Try to remember the magic that we shared
In time your broken heart will mend
I never used you, you knew I really cared
I hate to see it have to end
But it’s over
Sad eyes, turn the other way
I don’t wanna see you cry
Sad eyes, you knew there’d come a day
When we would have to say ‘goodbye’
Sad eyes, you knew there’d come a day
When we would have to say ‘goodbye’
Sad eyes, turn the other way (turn the other way)
I don’t wanna see you cry (cry, cry, cry)
Sad eyes, you knew there’d come a day (he-e-e-ey)
When we would have to say ‘goodbye’
Sad eyes
Good one, Dan!
Oops, italicized the kudo. Here:
Good one, Dan!
Damn it!
I was wondering how old Sad Eyes was, thinking if maybe she was 20 or so, I would cut her a bit of a break. But I went up and re-read. Man, she is almost 30. Old enough to know better. I have a touch of sympathy though, having had the experience of falling in love with someone when I didn’t want to, but I will DEFINITELY agree with Dan….HE is a major douchenozzle. He invited another chick to MOVE IN knowing full well he was just going to dump her ass when his wife got back? Man, that just seems really low. I can understand his wanting some poon while she was gone (I really feel so empathetic for military folks, it has gotta be soooo lonely on both ends!) and don’t even fault him too much for that….but a live-in lover? Wow…hasn’t this guy seen Fatal Attraction?!?!?!
I’m kind of doubting the veracity of “Sad Eyes” myself. He threw her out the same day his wife was returning from overseas? Seems like the dude should have needed a little more lead time to cover his tracks after a 9-month-long stint of living with this woman.
Lol! Is it an April fools? I wonder! I am so suprememly gullible, I always fall for them *grin*. But, the reason country music is so popular, is sometimes it rings so true 😉