I’m a single 24-year-old gay actor/singer/comedian who’s going to be a doctor in a few years—I have varied interests—and I think being in a porn flick would be really hot. I don’t know what the ramifications of ramming on cam could be with regard to my future career. The field I want to go into is a very specific burgeoning branch of medicine generally unrelated to sex, but still involving patient care, and I want to be on the cutting edge of this type of medicine. I don’t know how much the world of medicine pays attention to this sort of thing when checking up on prospective doctors. Thoughts?
Wants To Film Lusty
Orgasmic Lovin’
I don’t know if appearing in porn will make going into medicine more difficult, WTFLOL, but it sure can fuck up a political career.
Sigh.
You know, for a few minutes it looked like Anthony Weiner was going to beat this thing. But the prudes and hypocrites—in Congress and the media—carried the day.
Back to you, WTFLOL: Considering the amount of time and money that you’re going to invest in becoming a doctor, and considering the recent moral panic about a few stray dick pics, I would advise you to err on the side of not appearing in commercial porn, which would require you to show your face. But go ahead and show everything else on an amateur porn site like XTube—just edit out any shots that show your face and don’t let the camera linger on any distinguishing features (a distinctive tattoo that’s visible when you’re clothed, the parasitic twin that juts from your neck). And, hey, if you want to make porn, have it seen by thousands of people, not have it live forever online, and maybe win a big cash prize, you can enter HUMP!, my annual amateur porn festival. Details at www.humpseattle.com.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. A few years ago, he informed me that he was molested in high school by a teacher and was in a sexual relationship with this man until he met me. I don’t have a problem with him being bisexual, but I do have a problem with him not having a problem with his molestation. He feels it was consensual; I feel this man preyed on him. He used to drink to avoid dealing with his emotions. He stopped drinking when he met me, but this secret causes him to have panic attacks. I help heal his wounds, but what do I get in return? Not what I want. I give him love and I accept him—and he tells me that he doesn’t want kids and doesn’t want to marry me. He also hardly touches me. We’re better friends than lovers. If I leave him, he’ll have no one. If I stay, I feel alone. We have fun and make each other laugh, so it’s not all bad. But I’m pathetic, right?
Midwest Mess
I’m going to get slaughtered for this: There are people out there who have panic attacks and drinking problems, don’t want to get married or have children, are cold, distant, withholding “lovers,” etc., who weren’t molested by high-school teachers or anybody else. I’m not saying that your boyfriend’s history is unrelated to his other issues—I can’t say that—but if he doesn’t regard that relationship as the source of all his troubles, MM, you should stop insisting that he feel terrible/victimized/damaged because that’s how you think he should feel.
Are you pathetic? No, MM, you’re not. You’re in a relationship that’s not living up to your expectations, and it’s making you unhappy. Now you have a big choice and a smaller subchoice to make: Either you can adjust your expectations and stay with this guy, MM, and try to appreciate the things he brings into your life, or you can refuse to adjust your expectations and (1) be miserable in this relationship or (2) leave this guy and get out there and find someone else or die trying.
I’m a 22-year-old male with a vaginal fisting fetish. I have yet to tell my girlfriend of three years about this. First, although we’re in love, no relationship is 100 percent guaranteed, and fulfilling this particular kink would result in drastic and permanent physical changes that could ruin her for anyone else if we don’t make it. Second, I’m not sure how to ask. I can’t just say, “Hey, hon? Mind if I jam my arm in there?” Third, even if she were for it, I don’t know where to start!
Fetishist In Serious Turmoil
First, at three years, all your kink cards should be lying faceup on the table. She’s not obligated to get into fisting to please you, as you’re aware, so you’re not going to “ruin her” just by broaching the subject.
Second, you say something like “I think vaginal fisting is hot and I’m curious what you, the vagina-haver in this relationship, think about it.”
Third, I’m tempted to say, “You start by removing your watch,” but no one wears a watch anymore and all wannabe vag-fisters should start by reading Deborah Addington’s A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting. “If fisting ruined one for other partners, I’d have been fucked outta luck a long time ago,” Addington said when I shared your e-mail with her. She recommends plenty of lube and lots of Kegels, if your girlfriend goes for it. “The only ‘drastic and permanent’ changes that occur are the changes of mind and body that come when one realizes how much pleasure one can have,” Addington continued. “That’s life altering. The stretched-out black hole of doom is a myth. I’m 46 and can still walk up a flight of stairs without dropping the Ben Wa Balls—and that after plenty of fisting, with more than one partner.”
Speaking of gaping orifices: Rick Santorum told CNN’s Don Lemon that he has gay friends and he loves his gay friends and they love him back. The openly gay Lemon, oddly enough, did not demand names and contact information for these gay friends.
I’d like to hear directly from the gays who love Santorum despite Santorum’s belief that gay people are no better than dog fuckers and child rapists, his promise to repeal the DADT repeal, his desire to write anti-gay bigotry into the US Constitution, his opposition to gay adoption, and his belief that consensual gay sex should be a felony. If Santorum’s gay friends love Santorum as much as Santorum loves his gay friends, I’m sure they would be only too glad to speak to the media about their love of Santorum.
Santorum told Lemon that his imaginary gay friends prove that he’s no homophobe. But if you believe—as Santorum has said repeatedly—that gays and lesbians are a threat to the family and a danger to the country, then you should be openly and proudly homophobic. So either Santorum is lying when he says we’re a threat to the family, a danger to the country, etc., or he’s lying when he says he has gay friends.
Which is it, Rick?
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Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
mydriasis, I had the same problem you did with my husband’s wide penis. (Yeah, we were both virgins.) Having my first baby cured it. The doctor apologized for the episiotomy, but I knew she would have to cut me open to get the kid out. It healed up great, though, and sex is much more fun. (But I’d still say “no” to fisting.)
@104 like I said, ‘designed’ is a decent shorthand when it’s a reasonable analogy but in cases like childbirth it’s not. Like anything, using a simplification/mnuemonic/whatever is very useful most of the time but it falls apart when a more correct understanding is needed. Even 1 in 100 deaths (I’d be curious about that, but still) is quite a big “design” flaw. I wasn’t “ranting” so much about the phrase but the content behind it.
@109 interesting perspective! Personally I don’t know if I’ll ever have children but if I do I can’t imagine delivering naturally. (For more reasons than the one we’ve all been talking about).
On a recent podcast, a guy said he wanted to have his girlfriend in lingerie, and she said she would consider it if he complied to the male version. (this so makes me love his girlfriend) He then claims to not think there exists some kind erotic male undergarment and calls dan. I don’t think he was being naive I think he was being douchie and wanted some kind of getaway from have to actually do something to get something. then dan saysduh ofcourse there is …and points him to the most kinked up homoerotic undergear website ever…. kinky enough where the gf probs isnt gonna have to where lingerie.
what kind of girl doesn’t want to put on some lingerie?
Yeah, you don’t seem to be understanding what I’m talking about at all. The fact that you think it’s still improving in this faculty shows that you really don’t understand how evolution works at all. If anything, it’s probably getting worse.
*sigh*
Okay, things don’t just ‘evolve to get better’. That is a common misconception and the only logic I can imagine leading to your “it’s probably still improving” statement.
Things evolve in a certain direction because there is a selective pressure to do so. In the case of childbirth there was competing selective pressures in opposite directions, and a balance was struck (see above). If there was a unidirectional selective pressure acting alone (the kind of situation that justifies a ‘design’ analogy) then yes, there might be continuing improvement, however, this is not the case.
If anything there is a less of a selective pressure to have women be built for childbirth because women who WOULD HAVE died before modern medicine are now living. We are actually removing (or lessening, to be more accurate) the selective pressure that encourages a body set up for childbirth. If anything, this would lead to a greater number of women who aren’t naturally built for it. Eventually. I’m NOT concluding that this IS what is happening but it’s much more likely/logical than your theory.
That’s how evolution works.
mydriasis, in my experience, there’s no joy engaging with Hunter78. I put him in the “don’t feed the trolls” category. Your mileage may vary, of course.
@102: Fisting often involves cervical stimulation, for women who enjoy it. In fact, that’s often the whole point. If you don’t get pleasure from cervical stimulation (many women don’t) I can see why you wouldn’t want to try fisting.
@116, 119: What I think Hunter means is that, if you were to design a pelvis width, you would have to make the same compromise between childbirth difficulties and bipedalism, and you might end up with the same balance as humans actually evolved. In other words, it may not be possible to do any better than we have now: design a wider pelvis and you run into the same problems that created the selection pressure in the first place.
Or, it might be possible to do better, because evolution is more complicated than that. Maybe a narrow pelvis is linked to some other favorable trait in women, and that other trait was selected for. Maybe the gene for a narrow pelvis in women made men stronger, so it was selected for in spite of its problems. Maybe sexual selection ended up being stronger than natural selection in this case. There are all sorts of reasons why the end result of evolution might not be optimal.
And of course, even if the end result of evolution was optimal, technology can do things that evolution can’t. 1% mortality might be the best evolutionary outcome, but we have modern medicine now. From our point of view, not evolution’s, 1% is too much, and modern medicine can reduce this rate in ways evolution is not equipped to.
Alright Erica, you were right.
Hunter, if you’re confused you can go reread the post I originally made (and already directed you towards) there I go into slight detail about 3 selective pressures (actually, there’s a fourth implied one) that contribute to the birth issue.
You also might want to use quotemarks when quoting things that people actually said, not paraphrases that change the meaning and bastardize it completely. That part in quotemarks would’ve been nonsense. If I had’ve said it.
Also, I never said things in general can’t get better. I said there’s no selective pressure for women to become more adapted to successful childbirth than they currently are.
If you’d like another example of things that are unlikely to get “better” because that’s not how evolution works then google appendixes and look into those for a while. Or maybe just read a book on evolution that will give you a more accurate understanding.
Troll feeding over.
Midwest mess, there’s an excellent chance your boyfriend’s gay. No matter what his orientation, however, he needs professional counseling and friendship before he’s going to be ready to be a solid part of any relationship, and my advice to you is to recommend the former, continue to give him the latter and move on to someone who meets your needs. Marriage won’t fix it. You’ll just be married to a neurotic guy who has panic attacks and might start drinking again and won’t touch you.
Doctor dude, change your body for the film if you take Dan’s suggestions Shave if you don’t, stop if you do, darken/lighten your skin, think about gaining/losing some weight for filming. If you MUST do this – but how many people can you think of who’ve had pix/films come back and bite them in the @ss?
FIST, look at your fist. Now find a newborn and look at its head. Do you also consider women who’ve had babies to be somehow ruined for sex?
# 50 asks whether he is the only one “who wants santorum to become the republican nominee for president just so I can mock him to my hearts content.”
Be careful what you wish for. Since the President seems to have the Democratic nomination sewed up, those Democrats who can vote in the Republican primary should carefully consider who they might like to see run against Obama in November. Keep in mind however that he might be very vulnerable. If the President blows it in November he’s gonna blow it big time and having a totally reprehensible GOP candidate might not stop a Repube victory.
My guess is, that in case Santorum truly has gay friends, those gay friends are brainwashed by their religious beliefs to not act gay (and with acting gay not meaning pink undergarment and girlish manners or anything stereotypical, but having gay sex). “Being one is not a sin, acting one is” is what we hear a lot in Finland.
Yes, #11!
“and fulfilling this particular kink would result in drastic and permanent physical changes that could ruin her for anyone else if we don’t make it”
WTF? Yeah, fisting doesn’t work that way, but you think it does, and you’re still asking how to ask your girlfriend to do it?
I can see drastic and potentially ruinous bodily modification being a fantasy, but if a boyfriend asked me to relocate my spleen behind my ear or have my external bladder sphincter surgically removed even though it might “ruin me for anyone else if we don’t make it”—not to pretend, not to fantasize, but actually change my body in enormous and life-changing ways for his pleasure—he would get some very sharp, unfriendly words. And most likely a relationship pink slip.
Funny how Rick Santorum’s gay “friends” cum up in the same column as a fisting question…… LOL