I’m a single 24-year-old gay actor/singer/comedian who’s going to be a doctor in a few years—I have varied interests—and I think being in a porn flick would be really hot. I don’t know what the ramifications of ramming on cam could be with regard to my future career. The field I want to go into is a very specific burgeoning branch of medicine generally unrelated to sex, but still involving patient care, and I want to be on the cutting edge of this type of medicine. I don’t know how much the world of medicine pays attention to this sort of thing when checking up on prospective doctors. Thoughts?
Wants To Film Lusty
Orgasmic Lovin’
I don’t know if appearing in porn will make going into medicine more difficult, WTFLOL, but it sure can fuck up a political career.
Sigh.
You know, for a few minutes it looked like Anthony Weiner was going to beat this thing. But the prudes and hypocrites—in Congress and the media—carried the day.
Back to you, WTFLOL: Considering the amount of time and money that you’re going to invest in becoming a doctor, and considering the recent moral panic about a few stray dick pics, I would advise you to err on the side of not appearing in commercial porn, which would require you to show your face. But go ahead and show everything else on an amateur porn site like XTube—just edit out any shots that show your face and don’t let the camera linger on any distinguishing features (a distinctive tattoo that’s visible when you’re clothed, the parasitic twin that juts from your neck). And, hey, if you want to make porn, have it seen by thousands of people, not have it live forever online, and maybe win a big cash prize, you can enter HUMP!, my annual amateur porn festival. Details at www.humpseattle.com.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years. A few years ago, he informed me that he was molested in high school by a teacher and was in a sexual relationship with this man until he met me. I don’t have a problem with him being bisexual, but I do have a problem with him not having a problem with his molestation. He feels it was consensual; I feel this man preyed on him. He used to drink to avoid dealing with his emotions. He stopped drinking when he met me, but this secret causes him to have panic attacks. I help heal his wounds, but what do I get in return? Not what I want. I give him love and I accept him—and he tells me that he doesn’t want kids and doesn’t want to marry me. He also hardly touches me. We’re better friends than lovers. If I leave him, he’ll have no one. If I stay, I feel alone. We have fun and make each other laugh, so it’s not all bad. But I’m pathetic, right?
Midwest Mess
I’m going to get slaughtered for this: There are people out there who have panic attacks and drinking problems, don’t want to get married or have children, are cold, distant, withholding “lovers,” etc., who weren’t molested by high-school teachers or anybody else. I’m not saying that your boyfriend’s history is unrelated to his other issues—I can’t say that—but if he doesn’t regard that relationship as the source of all his troubles, MM, you should stop insisting that he feel terrible/victimized/damaged because that’s how you think he should feel.
Are you pathetic? No, MM, you’re not. You’re in a relationship that’s not living up to your expectations, and it’s making you unhappy. Now you have a big choice and a smaller subchoice to make: Either you can adjust your expectations and stay with this guy, MM, and try to appreciate the things he brings into your life, or you can refuse to adjust your expectations and (1) be miserable in this relationship or (2) leave this guy and get out there and find someone else or die trying.
I’m a 22-year-old male with a vaginal fisting fetish. I have yet to tell my girlfriend of three years about this. First, although we’re in love, no relationship is 100 percent guaranteed, and fulfilling this particular kink would result in drastic and permanent physical changes that could ruin her for anyone else if we don’t make it. Second, I’m not sure how to ask. I can’t just say, “Hey, hon? Mind if I jam my arm in there?” Third, even if she were for it, I don’t know where to start!
Fetishist In Serious Turmoil
First, at three years, all your kink cards should be lying faceup on the table. She’s not obligated to get into fisting to please you, as you’re aware, so you’re not going to “ruin her” just by broaching the subject.
Second, you say something like “I think vaginal fisting is hot and I’m curious what you, the vagina-haver in this relationship, think about it.”
Third, I’m tempted to say, “You start by removing your watch,” but no one wears a watch anymore and all wannabe vag-fisters should start by reading Deborah Addington’s A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting. “If fisting ruined one for other partners, I’d have been fucked outta luck a long time ago,” Addington said when I shared your e-mail with her. She recommends plenty of lube and lots of Kegels, if your girlfriend goes for it. “The only ‘drastic and permanent’ changes that occur are the changes of mind and body that come when one realizes how much pleasure one can have,” Addington continued. “That’s life altering. The stretched-out black hole of doom is a myth. I’m 46 and can still walk up a flight of stairs without dropping the Ben Wa Balls—and that after plenty of fisting, with more than one partner.”
Speaking of gaping orifices: Rick Santorum told CNN’s Don Lemon that he has gay friends and he loves his gay friends and they love him back. The openly gay Lemon, oddly enough, did not demand names and contact information for these gay friends.
I’d like to hear directly from the gays who love Santorum despite Santorum’s belief that gay people are no better than dog fuckers and child rapists, his promise to repeal the DADT repeal, his desire to write anti-gay bigotry into the US Constitution, his opposition to gay adoption, and his belief that consensual gay sex should be a felony. If Santorum’s gay friends love Santorum as much as Santorum loves his gay friends, I’m sure they would be only too glad to speak to the media about their love of Santorum.
Santorum told Lemon that his imaginary gay friends prove that he’s no homophobe. But if you believe—as Santorum has said repeatedly—that gays and lesbians are a threat to the family and a danger to the country, then you should be openly and proudly homophobic. So either Santorum is lying when he says we’re a threat to the family, a danger to the country, etc., or he’s lying when he says he has gay friends.
Which is it, Rick?
IN OTHER SANTORUM NEWS: The number-one Santorum site—www.spreadingsantorum.com—is now being regularly updated by a smart group of new bloggers. For all your Santorum/santorum news, head to www.spreadingsantorum.com!
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
Regarding WTFLOL, I concur that it’d be best not to appear in porn or in videos on Xtube in which he’s identifiable.
A Google search is a standard part of any employer’s background check these days, and at some point, a video that shows WTFLOL ramming another guy will probably come back to haunt him.
And I would say that it theoretically could ruin a career in medicine, especially if he’s planning on any area of medicine that involves dealing with children or examining people’s nether regions.
@49 is right: this needs to become the Defence of the Watch column.
@45: Hear, hear! Anyone who’s been sexually abused and says they are past it is automatically told they are repressing their feelings, that they need to “work through it” or some such nonsense. It’s basically like telling someone that they SHOULD feel damaged by it. Maybe they’re just a normal person who went through a shitty thing. And maybe the last thing they want to do is relive it all just so you can feel like you “helped” them through something.
He doesn’t love you, MM, not the way you love him. And he never will. Sorry, but that’s how it is. And yes, it does make you a little pathetic, that he’s made this clear in so many ways, and you stay with him. But you don’t have to STAY pathetic. You can leave. If you think you can stay friends with him, do so. If not, don’t. But move on to a man who does want marriage and kids with you. Put Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” on repeat, pack your shit up, and DTMFA.
@36: He’s ignorant about width because he thinks the width is enough to permanently injure or stretch a girl out.
@30: Anyone can be fisted… I understand you’re nervous about it, or not interested, which is fine, but with enough time and relaxation it can be done. And it’s not actually putting a fist in. Fisting really needs to be renamed so it sounds less extreme; on the other hand, as suggested, maybe that is the kink for some people (weird).
@37: “Mike Leung” is a well-known Savage Love troll… don’t even try.
@54 BlackRose
The LW thinks that, not Dan.
Yes to 45 & 53. Dan could have told them to get counseling, and then she’d still be on this merry-go-round of thinking she can fix a guy who doesn’t even seem right for her, long-term. He’s not the one writing for advice here, she is, so Dan’s advice wisely takes that into account.
I too am thrilled to see someone responding to a story about molestation without insisting on how someone needs to feel about it or respond to it. People who survive such experiences are all over the map in terms of reactions and feelings.
I’d add that some people are ready to talk about it the next day, and others need several years, EVEN when they are in a trusting, committed relationship. On this point I disagree with 38. If someone finally owns up to a major secret they couldn’t admit before, it doesn’t undermine the intimacy and trust you had–indeed, it shows that your relationship is strong enough to handle these old wounds. If you’ve kept a major secret like that for years, it doesn’t necessarily pop out shortly after you find someone you can trust. There’s no statute of limitations on when you can confide something in your dear ones.
Ah, I thought the quote @33 was Dan. Never mind.
@57 Suzy
Thank you. Some of us needed more than 10 years to get there, just for ourselves. Life doesn’t keep to a schedule.
re: BlackRose@54: I’m not really asking anyone to take my word for anything. Hate wouldn’t be hate without someone insisting something.
My understanding is that while not everyone baffled is a victim, all victims are baffled. MM’s boyfriend gave an account of how he was molested, and heaven-fucking-forbid her own peace-of-mind needs that story reconciled with how he isn’t the baffled person he claims he isn’t. Jesus.
I guess anyone CAN be fisted. But whether or not it can be done without trauma and/or uncontrollable screaming and crying is another matter.
We’re all built a little differently.
@32 it was actually blackrose’s comment of it being not a big deal that I was a little put off by. You saying it doesn’t need to be on everyone’s repetoire was spot on, for me.
“I suggest we change Fisting to Upper Cunting”
Bo Burnham
“I suggest we change ‘Fisting’ to ‘Upper Cunting'” — Bo Burnham
All of us, every day, have to do risk/benefit analyses just to walk around. Look at WTFLOL. He’d like to do the porn film. He’d like to be a doctor. (What’s the burgeoning field?) He has to weigh how much fun the film would be against how it might hurt his career. He has to take into account his chances of being recognized. There are many variables: his exact specialty, what he’d be doing in the film, how hot he finds the idea, people’s attitudes towards his being gay, etc.
Now look at Weiner. He doesn’t seem to have done that analysis well. He wanted to send the pix, didn’t seem to think he’d get caught, didn’t seem to know what would happen when he did. Or maybe he did know and thought the risk was worth it. I agree that Weiner shouldn’t have had to step down over something I think is trivial, but I do wonder at someone like him making complex decisions about law, justice, and cause and effect. He just doesn’t strike me as very bright.
“The openly gay Lemon, oddly enough, did not demand names and contact information for these gay friends.”
What, you expect a journalist to ask followup questions and challenge a politician’s claims? They don’t do that anymore.
I don’t know that Weiner’s stupidity about cock shots has anything to do with his ability to make complex decisions about law and justice. After all, Bill Clinton is a Rhodes scholar, but he still managed to be stupid about sex. I think a smart person will find it much easier to apply their intelligence to political decisions than to apply it to sexual ones- usually hormones don’t get mixed up in actual politics.
@65 The burgeoning field is probably related to either elder care or neurological disorders. Just a wild guess.
Your obsession with Santorum is making you look rather pathetic. You are isolating yourself and your dwindling legion of fans with your hate. Don’t be such a fuck wad.
the cletus on the simpsons is smarter…
@67 though Clinton is a smart guy and I’d probably vote for him if I was American and he were running… you can’t say that a persons ability to be faithful to his pregnant wife doesn’t speak a little bit to his integrity which IS a relevant attribute in politics.
People here have speculated as to him having an open relationship and etc etc etc. If so, more power to him.
And P.S. sex is everywhere, it doesn’t magically effect only your personal life.
@61, fisting is actually a recommended technique in Lamaze classes for preparing a woman for vaginal delivery. They call it “perineal massage.” I don’t mean to claim that fisting is trivial, but women are certainly built to handle more than a hand in there.
@ ABW (#38) i enjoyed your comments and agree with everything you’ve said.
@ fisting – i’ve never had an entire fist inserted into my vagina, however, i can attest to the fact that having 2 fingers inserted and ‘waved’ from side to side is an incredibly pleasurable scenario.
I think the ‘gaping hole’ theory came from porn that, if you look for it, does show some women with huge gaping holes for vaginas, very horrible to look at, being fisted by multiple men at the same time. In that porn flick i saw, the woman’s vagina stayed a big gaping hole even after the men removed their fists, and it was disgusting. This is enough to turn a fist-virgin off it forever.
FIST: I enjoy fisting on a fairly regular basis (and my boyfriend has pretty sizeable mitts) and I can still crack walnuts with that shit. A vagina is designed to crank a whole freaking human being out of it. That’s not guaranteeing she’ll be down, it’s a pretty intense sensation and not everybody likes it, but you’re not going to be able to park a HumVee in there afterwards.
My issue with Weiner is that he is a complete idiot. Whether or not it should be a big deal to Tweet pictures of yourself in your underwear to people, it is. He’s got to know that. So his big move is using his public Twitter to do so? Really?
Also, unless I’m mistaken, he wasn’t in any kind of relationship with these women. They were just following him. They didn’t want his semi-nudes, he just sent them, which is creepy, if nothing else.
Finally, he was obviously caught. There was no question that he’d been found out. There’s a point where you can say that it wasn’t you, but when he was confronted, he was obviously past that point. The only logical thing to do at that point is to confess, because there is no way that you can get out of it through denial. Being stupid and arrogant enough to think that he could deny it and no one would find out the truth is just the clincher for me.
On an unrelated note, while I’m pretty sure that any woman in the world CAN be fisted, isn’t it possible that not every woman in the world ENJOYS being fisted?
I’m with Mydriasis: no fisting for me, thanks! My boyfriend’s penis is even uncomfortably large for me (yes, even when we go slowly and use lube). Further, I don’t think I’d be able to accommodate a fist even if I wanted to.
Yes, yes, childbirth blah blah blah. But the fact that C-sections exist would indicate that not all women can pass a baby through their vagina. Most vaginae can surely expand a great deal, yes; but I opinine that some cannot.
…And then there’s my boyfriend, whose hips are too small to accommodate my (large-ish) hand. I had four fingers and the tip of my thumb in his ass but couldn’t push in any further without the knuckles at the base of my fingers catching on his pelvic bones. It’s too bad because we both really loved the sensation of having so much of my hand inside him.
I am loving what is happening to http://www.spreadingsantorum.com Way to go guys
MM, do this poor guy a favour and dump him already.
If someone was telling me that a previous relationship I was okay with and maybe even enjoyed was horrible and abusive and that I needed to feel angry and guilty and resentful about it, and blaming everything that I did that they disliked on the fact of the relationship, I’d have panic attacks too, and I sure wouldn’t feel like fucking them, marrying, or having kids with them.
There are a lot of people who had sex with older adults in their teens who don’t feel bad about it. I know, I’m one of them. Teachers shouldn’t sleep with their students because when things go wrong, and they usually do, the results are often traumatic–but it’s a risk, not a certainty, and some of the risk does derive from the fact that such relationships have to be conducted in secret, and any attempt on the part of the younger person to get help working things out exposes the older person to serious legal and social and financial consequences, so younger people who love their partners often don’t ask for any help when they need it.
Anyhow, there may be other reasons why he drinks and you haven’t even said how much he drinks so I only know it’s a problem for you, not for him.
You are co-dependent. You want to “heal his wounds” even when he doesn’t think he’s wounded. You want to be in a position of power in this relationship and in a dual relationship (healer/lover) with this person. If you did get what you wanted, it would be just as bad for him as what might have happened with his teacher, because he’d be emotionally dependent on you as a healer and in a sexual relationship with you at the same time. I don’t know why you want to be in the role of martyr or healer in a relationship, but you need to be exploring that, not his problems, or you’re going to keep hooking up with people who have problems you want to fix, which will be way more boring and annoying and draining than admitting that your real problem is your own issues. Or you’ll have kids and push them into trouble so you can rescue them.
I’m not assuming you’re male or female (tbh I was pretty sure you were a guy, men can get married and have kids together in many civilised parts of the world) but you remind me of the Nice Guy ™ who “befriends” a girl he doesn’t think he can have who has problems and then offers her “emotional support” only to call her a dumb bitch who likes to be abused when this doesn’t make her stop dating men who may be assholes, but at least are honest about what they want, and fall madly in love with them.
It’s all about being the superior partner. Compared to that, dating a horny teenager because he’s hot and letting him go when he’s ready to move on is at least innocent in intention.
Flame away.
MM, do this poor guy a favour and dump him already.
If someone was telling me that a previous relationship I was okay with and maybe even enjoyed was horrible and abusive and that I needed to feel angry and guilty and resentful about it, and blaming everything that I did that they disliked on the fact of the relationship, I’d have panic attacks too, and I sure wouldn’t feel like fucking them, marrying, or having kids with them.
There are a lot of people who had sex with older adults in their teens who don’t feel bad about it. I know, I’m one of them. Teachers shouldn’t sleep with their students because when things go wrong, and they usually do, the results are often traumatic–but it’s a risk, not a certainty, and some of the risk does derive from the fact that such relationships have to be conducted in secret, and any attempt on the part of the younger person to get help working things out exposes the older person to serious legal and social and financial consequences, so younger people who love their partners often don’t ask for any help when they need it.
Anyhow, there may be other reasons why he drinks and you haven’t even said how much he drinks so I only know it’s a problem for you, not for him.
You are co-dependent. You want to “heal his wounds” even when he doesn’t think he’s wounded. You want to be in a position of power in this relationship and in a dual relationship (healer/lover) with this person. If you did get what you wanted, it would be just as bad for him as what might have happened with his teacher, because he’d be emotionally dependent on you as a healer and in a sexual relationship with you at the same time. I don’t know why you want to be in the role of martyr or healer in a relationship, but you need to be exploring that, not his problems, or you’re going to keep hooking up with people who have problems you want to fix, which will be way more boring and annoying and draining than admitting that your real problem is your own issues. Or you’ll have kids and push them into trouble so you can rescue them.
I’m not assuming you’re male or female (tbh I was pretty sure you were a guy, men can get married and have kids together in many civilised parts of the world) but you remind me of the Nice Guy ™ who “befriends” a girl he doesn’t think he can have who has problems and then offers her “emotional support” only to call her a dumb bitch who likes to be abused when this doesn’t make her stop dating men who may be assholes, but at least are honest about what they want, and fall madly in love with them.
It’s all about being the superior partner. Compared to that, dating a horny teenager because he’s hot and letting him go when he’s ready to move on is at least innocent in intention.
Flame away.
gah, double posted, sorry!
If other people want to fist that is fine, but there are some women, me included that are not set up for it. I can feel when a guy changes from fingering me with one finger to two and three hurts. No, I am not a virgin however, I do have a small vagina and will never sleep with a guy with a dick over 7 inches (6.5 starts to hurt) so there is no way a guy’s arm is going in there! I think if someone stuck there fist in me I would be permanently altered! So not everyone is set up for fisting so maybe this guys gf is one of them!
@71 and 73
the idea that women are “designed” to fit babies through their vaginas is a myth based on a poor understanding of evolution. Childbirth is a classic example of two competing (opposing) selective pressures: the pressure to be bipedal (smaller hips/birth canal) and the pressure to pass through large headed children (larger hips/birth canal) the balance that nature struck was to have human babies be born as premature as possible (and have as much head growth postnatal as possible) and to have women die in childbirth 25% of the time. Evolution was perfectly happy with this balance. 25% of women were not.
The fact that modern medicine allows most women to have children without you know… dying, allows women in the first world to believe the myth that “A vagina is designed to crank a whole freaking human being out of it.”. A vagina wasn’t “designed” at all. Ask your doc. :p
Aaaand Hunter.
Like I said, I’m a bit ambivilant towards your viewpoint. I’m not talking about marital fidelity specifically (like I said, if they’re open I’m down with that) but it is one of MANY MANY things that speak to a person’s character. For example, if he shoplifted, I wouldn’t be down with that either – even if it is a petty, trivial thing, unrelated to his ability to make complex political decisions. I think any time someone makes a moral transgression it suggests something about… their tendency to make moral transgressions.
Show me data that proves sexual ethics are magically discrete from other ethics and I’ll agree with you…. but I’m pretty sure our understanding of humans suggests that it’s not.
Let me make a specific example. If politician X ranks sex above his own principals and I work for a specific lobby… why wouldn’t I just put on something slutty and persuade him to cast his vote in the way that I want?
Personally I’d rather vote for someone who acts on their principals and doesn’t sell them out for sex (or money! which is also a big concern). And if someone will sell out the person they love for sex, why would they not sell out their constituents?
Maybe FIST should stop and think… a woman can squat an infant, which is larger than the average fist, out – do you see mothers as “ruined”? How about Mormon mothers? I mean, hell, *they* can squeeze out ten or fifteen of the little buggers in as many years, and clearly they are still getting some.
@82: Thanks for that info… that 25% figure really is amazing. Why is there selection pressure to be bipedal? What’s the advantage of smaller hips?
I agree with you about the ethical issues: forget about sex, we’re talking about the willingness to keep a promise, which is obviously relevant to whether or not we’d want someone to represent us.
@83: Childbirth really is a different situation: as well as the 25% death rate in the absence of modern medicine, the body has months to prepare itself and there are all sorts of hormonal and physical changes that occur. I don’t think you can compare childbirth to a sex act as childbirth is an unusual biological situation that needs the right conditions to occur.
being bipedal is rad. It frees up your hands to do things like use tools.
But I’m not an evolution expert so I’m not actually sure about the details of that evolutionary shift. In terms of smaller hips… again, not an expert at all, but I’d imagine it just has to do with the best way for the legs to articulate in order to better support all of your weight? Kind of just taking a guess there. Maybe when I’m further along in my education I can give a better answer. 🙂
And thanks! I’m not one for petty moralizing. I mean, if he were single and wanted to whore around I would be totally okay with it, but I think you’re spot on. It’s a promise.
Hey, I have a question for Dan.
I think the santorum name change was an amazing thing, and the spreadingsantorum.com website reminded me that RS is still spreading his own santorum far and wide. But I wonder why you keep posting about him on slog and mentioning him in the column. Why him specifically and why keep bringing it up?
I totally want a t-shirt now that says, BEING BIPEDAL IS RAD.
Gaping orifices is right!!
First, an exposed Weiner, then a frothy, flip-flopping Santorum with a squirt of Lemon!
Talk about your dangerous Molotov cocktails!
Rick Santorum’s former press secretary is gay. He adored Rick (Santorum) like a father and talking to him about it was sickening.
@71 That’s what I thought of too. But i think a lot of people aren’t familiar with how to do effective perineal massage to keep from tearing, or so many women wouldn’t be needing stitches after childbirth. It’s a shame that information isn’t more out there, but it’s difficult sometimes to explain to like say – your pregnant daughter, or even a close friend. They either get it or they think it’s gross.
@82 But all congresspeople have sold out their constituents for money to some extent, via campaign contributions, if you’re going to look at it that way. Why is it that taking millions from big oil or for-profit health insurance is routine for our elected representatives, but that tweeting sexy pics inspires condemnation and expulsion? Especially when you think about how much of a conflict of interest corporate campaign contributions are compared to tweeting sexy pics. People can talk about how cheating on one’s pregnant wife is about character, but when politicians get away with so many other things of dubious character, I find that a little ridiculous.
Putting all that aside, I believe that it’s up to a representative’s constituents to decide whether or not their representative has too many character flaws. In my opinion, it’s none of the rest of our business.
I’ve just googled ‘santorum’ and been reading up on the scandals, Mother Jones has an article that quotes you Dan as saying “If Rick Santorum wants to make a $5 million donation to [the gay marriage group] Freedom to Marry, I will take it down” referring to SpreadingSantorum.com. I agree with your assumption that you won’t hear from any legit gays who ‘love’ rick santorum, but I’m waiting to hear the bigger scandal, you know what they say about the bigger the homophobe… maybe #89 -or the press secretary, knows something?
http://tinyurl.com/fivepmcruise
Keep up the great blog Dan, and don’t sell out for a mere 5 mil, make him tear up his pledge and publicly support dadt repeal.
also, time to update santorum’s wikipedia page to include spreadingsantorum.com in the links.
‘The stretched-out black hole of doom is a myth.’
That should probably be printed on a t-shirt. And if that guy’s girlfriend finds out this is what he thinks about fisting, she may want to drop him now if she ever wants kids, before she’s truly ‘ruined.’
All this talk about fisting is inspiring a round of Kegels.
@82:
I don’t know where you’re getting that figure, but it’s waaaaay the hell off. Evolution is a brutal mistress, yes, but a maternal mortality rate of 25% would be utterly unsustainable.
According to the WHO, “where nothing is done to avert maternal death, ‘natural’ mortality is around 1000–1500 per 100,000 births, an estimate based on historical studies and data from contemporary religious groups who do not intervene in childbirth.” That’s a maternal mortality rate of 1% – 1.5%.
This is not to say, of course, that every single woman on the planet is capable of safely (let alone happily) accommodating a fist in her vagina. But let’s face it: the vagina absolutely did evolve to spit out babies. The process isn’t foolproof, yes, but no biological process is. Sometimes people get heart attacks or are born with heart defects; does this mean that the heart didn’t evolve to pump blood?
Dan, I remember recently, you said something about loving cupcakes and cocks, and I was instantly reminded of something awesome a friend of mine made. Behold: The Cupcock!
http://www.etsy.com/listing/74840028/cup…
Thank you, @96. Also, the bottleneck (so to speak) in childbirth is not the vagina, which is soft tissue, but the pelvis, which is bone. Totally separate issue.
P.S. I believe that 25% figure was the cumulative lifetime risk (not risk per birth) for European women a few centuries ago. This was a time/place where women had absurdly large numbers of children and gave birth in unsanitary conditions. Best estimates are that prehistoric women went 4-5 years between births, for a total of maybe 5 childbirths in a lifetime.
@30 & 81 – I don’t understand comparing fisting to accommodating a large penis. At least for me, the problem with large penises is that they’re banging into my cervix, over and over; if it were just a matter of putting the penis in once, slowly, that would be fine.
Am I missing part of the point of your comparison?
@91 so your argument is that we should not care about either instead of caring about both?
@96 et al I got it in class. if I still had that prof I’d ask about the figure but I don’t. I imagine that maybe it is a lifetime risk? Point is: people were using ‘a vagina is designed to spit out babies’ to explain fisting which is spurious. Vaginas – and hearts! – weren’t ‘designed’ at all. Also, the heart is not such a classic example of competing selective pressures whereas childbirth is.
@102, the lovely Erica
it’s both! But I have personally find the discomfort of a large penis width-wise to be much more painful than the ocassional cervix-collision.
@106 The last one said: “oh, dear, I seem to have started your period.” Idiot.
@mydriasis – thanks for explaining! 🙂