You probably get this question every day. I’m a man who loves it when my girlfriend fucks me with a strap-on. Another great thing: My girlfriend ejaculates frequently and plentifully when we have sex, and she has done so when she’s pegging me. Which leads to my question: What are the possible issues from getting female ejaculate in your ass? I am thinking about modifying a toy in a way that might enable her to squirt up my ass. It probably won’t work, but I am going to try. Because if it does work…
Oh My Fucking God
I get questions about female ejaculation every day—where does that shit come from? How the hell can I/my girlfriend learn to do that shit? Is that shit really piss?—but you’re the first person to ask me about modifying a sex toy so as to enable a woman to come in a man’s ass. (You’re going to want to patent that thing if it works, OMFG.)
Allow me to quickly dispense with the usual questions: It comes shooting out of a woman’s urethra; practice, practice, practice; that shit isn’t piss. How do we know it’s not piss? Science!
In 2007, a crack team of sex researchers in Vienna “collected” lady ejaculate from two lady ejaculators—not a huge sample, admittedly, but two lady ejaculators are better then none—and rushed their lady ejaculate to the lab, where it was “evaluated biochemically.” They published the results of their study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine (“The Female Prostate Revisited: Perineal Ultrasound and Biochemical Studies of Female Ejaculate,” JSM, September 2007). They concluded that lady ejaculate isn’t piss, it’s come: “The fluid emitted [was] clearly different than urine voided prior to sexual activity,” they wrote. “The values show that the source of fluid expulsion during orgasm is not urine, but is rather similar to male ejaculate.”
As lady ejaculate is chemically similar to gentleman ejaculate, OMFG, the risks of a lady ejaculating in your ass would presumably be similar to the risks of a gentleman ejaculating in your ass: You would be at risk of acquiring any sexually transmitted infection she might have. But if your lady ejaculator is disease-free, OMFG, then letting her come in your ass is a risk-free, if not squick-free, activity.
I’m a 24-year-old female living in London, where I have just finished a degree in circus arts. I’m in a relationship with a great guy. The problem is that while I have had long- and short-term relationships before, he hasn’t, and he can be very emotionally needy. For example, he can’t/won’t sleep without me in the bed. We’ve been together for 10 months, and he often tells me that I’m everything in his life. I’ve told him that under no circumstances is this normal, and I’ve confirmed my right to have a life outside of him. The real crux of the situation is this: I worked on and off as a stripper in a high-end club for two years. I haven’t done it while with him because of the physical demands of my degree. Now I’m done and broke and want to return to this work. This is an issue for him, as you can imagine. I won’t compromise: The job was great for me and allowed me such sexual (and financial!) liberation. I didn’t orgasm for the first time until after I took control of my own sexuality via stripping.
I don’t know how to handle this issue: He knew this about me when we met and says he hoped it wouldn’t carry on. I feel upset that he hasn’t accepted the whole of me and I guess part of me wonders if I’m in the wrong relationship. I love this man, but I feel trapped.
Clown College Graduate
Inexperience might explain extreme emotional neediness, CCG, but it’s no excuse. It’s just as likely that your boyfriend’s clingy, manipulative shtick—he just can’t sleep alone, you’re his everything, if you go back to a job you loved before you loved him, well, he’ll be vewy sad—looks to me like controlling, emotionally abusive behavior in pathetic sad-clown drag.
But you like him, CCG, so let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, shall we? Tell your boyfriend that you’re going back to your old job and he has a choice to make: Get over it or get over you.
If he sucks it up and makes an effort to change, he was just an insecure little douchebag and, hey, you helped him get over it! If he doubles down on the whining and clinging, then he’s a controlling dick and you’re well rid of him.
A quick comment on monogamy: I agree with you on the point that we tend to assume that all the other couples we know are in monogamous relationships, when in reality many are not. Recently, my mom told me that she wouldn’t mind if my father had an affair. Sex has become harder for her since menopause, and she doesn’t consider it the be-all and end-all of a marriage.
I’ve been married for a year, with several years of dating before that, and sex and arousal can be difficult for me and I have a lower libido than my husband. I’m not complaining—my husband is a wonderful lover and has been good about taking things at the right pace for me. And when the sex works, it’s amazing. One thing that really takes the pressure off me, though, is that we agreed long before marriage that faithfulness for us meant honesty, not exclusivity. My husband knows that if he wants to fool around, he can—so long as he’s safe and honest (with me and with her). The same goes for me.
Does my marriage, or my parents’ marriage, count as monogamous? We look monogamous and probably will always look that way—and at the moment, we all are. But we’ve agreed that strict monogamy isn’t a requirement. Since I doubt that we’re alone in this attitude, you can add this group of “theoretical nonmonogamists” to the list of people who get wrongly classed by your critics as totally monogamous out of a lack of imagination and knowledge about other people’s lives.
Invisible In Canada
I’m convinced that there are a lot more PTBMCs out there than people realize—that’s “perceived to be monogamous couple,” a married/partnered couple with an understanding about when outside sexual contact is permissible. But for most of these couples—for you, IIC, for your parents, for me and my husband—the term “nonmonogamous” isn’t a good fit.
Tell an AMC—”actually monogamous couple”—that you’re nonmonogamous, and they’ll assume you’re a couple of huge sluts, i.e., that you’re actively seeking outside sex partners or that you’re swingers. There’s nothing wrong with seeking outside sex partners (in moderation!) or swinging (ditto!), but that’s not what you’re doing, IIC, it’s not what your dad has permission to do, and it’s not what my husband and I are doing. So if we—you, me, your mom—tell an AMC we’re “nonmonogamous,” we have to spend the next 15 minutes qualifying that statement. And that requires us to disclose more details about our actual sex lives than
(1) we wanna say, and (2) they wanna hear.
So I’ve got a new word to describe relationships like yours, mine, and your mom’s, IIC: “monogamish.” We’re mostly monogamous, not swingers, not actively looking. Monogamish.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
@221 Your joke was funny – sorry for stepping on it. (My emoticon was supposed to show that I got your joke and was building on it.)
@220: On squirting: It’s not just intensity that causes squirting. It usually requires a very specific type of G-spot stimulation (for some women, getting pounded in doggy, for some women, getting fingered hard and fast at the right angle…). When you finger a girl who’s about to squirt you can feel the fluid building up right where you’re fingering, and you can feel when it’s about to “pop.”
So, I don’t think it’s just intensity that causes squirting. It’s a specific physical response to a specific physical stimulation. And that response tends to make orgasm feel better. Though not always, and you certainly can have intense orgasms without squirting.
On flirting (hey, it rhymes…): I think it’s more than just being nice or teasing; it usually has some sexual component. And for a lot of people, it’s a way of building attraction and vetting a potential SO. 😉
Maybe I misunderstood you, but when you mentioned “emotionally cheating” I thought you meant getting too close to someone, regardless of whether or not there’s attraction involved. So it’s not a problem for you if there’s no attraction?
Anyway, it’s awesome that you found a relationship (though in my mind, not a strictly monogamous one!) that works well for you, and it just goes to show that what one person is uncomfortable with, another person thinks is no big deal. The way you feel about flirting, I might feel about sex or dating.
I guess I’m impressed/amazed that it worked out so mutually where you wanted the same things; there’s often some amount of tension and power struggles between people as they try to find a compromise.
We all have struggles in our relationships, just sometimes we luck out in certain departments.
With flirting: I don’t consider myself flirtatious – but the way I interact with people is often seen as flirting. Sorry, I guess it wasn’t clear.
With your other question… well, now we’re getting down to the very base components of what we think makes a relationship different from a friendship so I’ll just say how I feel. For me there are three seperate (and fairly discrete) kinds of attractions/interactions.
1. Friendly/emotional. By itself this is a platonic relationship. This is how I feel about all my friends.
2. Sexual. Self explainatory, right? Physical/sexual attraction.
3. Romantic. A lot of people… possibly including yourself don’t distinguish this from just having both 1 and 2 at the same time, but for me it’s really it’s own unique feeling. There’s friends I’ve had that I was close with and that I slept with but I didn’t have real “feelings” for. But this one can’t really exist without both of the first two, either.
Emotional cheating in my books is if the person shares part 3. So when you described dating as sharing ‘romantic’ time. That’s what made my airways close up. 😛
So if someone I’m with shares the first bond with someone, I’m okay with that. If there’s no sexual attraction, it’s non-threatening, because the romantic thing isn’t a possibility. Does that make sense?
@222
ok.
Just have to say that female ejaculate is real. The first time I did, I was masturbating, and it freaked me out. This was when I was in my 30’s. My doctor had never heard of this and told me not to drink too much water before sex.
I am in my 70’s now and even when I begin to arouse myself, the puddle begins and when I climax.. 2 towels, please.
My last lover always got towels ready and a washcloth for his face. I really would like this to go away, or lessen, but even on urine incontince pills, it still is happening in quantity.
Hunter78 Chill out, if monogamy isn’t for you fine, if My Driasis only wants monogamy equally fine. You don’t really who My Driasis is and unless you claim clairvoyance you don’t have a clue what the future may bring. She could just as easily drop dead tomorrow for all you know. Many here sing the praises of non-monogamy, which gets to equally tiresome after a while. Sometimes it seems like they are whistling while walking through a graveyard. So unless you are going to censor both sides (may be you have)just let it lie. I’m sure some people find you annoying as well. If you are offended by what is posted here you can always go elsewhere.
@227/228
bitter middle-aged men tend to find everyone’s joy annoying.
but in any case, I wasn’t proselytizing without any reason – I was responding to questions. beenthere’s right, nonmonogamy is often touted here as being better than sliced bread. I’m just being a wee bit of a counterpoint.
@224: I understand completely. So you didn’t mean emotional cheating, you meant specifically romantic cheating.
I asked because I’ve heard the term “emotional cheating” used in a really fucked-up controlling way, as in, having strong platonic (your type 1) emotions for someone else being “cheating.”
BTW, there are asexuals who have romantic attraction without sexual attraction, which I find incredibly interesting.
@228: Yeah, I’ve been wondering if there’s a good way for women who normally squirt to be able to stop squirting in situations where there aren’t towels handy. I haven’t found one yet: anyone know of one?
@231
Yeah, they’re odd ducks 🙂
And yeah… “romantic cheating” might be more accurate, but most people would interpret that as… traditional cheating. I dont’ know. In any case, I’d agree with you that cutting off type 1 (friends and family) is controlling.
Hey comment kiddies. Not a real big on reading comments, but, that first message about ejaculation is mine. I thought I would clear up a few misconceptions that people have about female ejaculation, and also add some detail about the situation I am talking about.
1. She comes anywhere from 1/4 to 1/2 a cup of liquid, and it squirts out in a big arc- if I am not in the way somehow, I have no doubt that it would leave the play area and get the wall, rug, furniture, etc. We burn through many, many doubled-over towels when we play, and I know other people with this same experience. This is not a porn industry myth, kids. (how to tell it’s real in porn: the girl gets fucked with something, and then it gets yanked out, and a big spurt, or several big spurts shoot out of the girl’s urethra- not her vagina)
2. She can do this several times within an hour. And then get up and go pee right after it. So. I do not have any doubts that this is pee. It also changes flavor quite a bit.
3. She can’t stop it without considerable effort, and she only just started having this kind of climax in the last couple of years.
4. Lastly, I already have the toy on order, and if it survives being modified and is still usable, o m f g.
And Dan, just so you know it’s me, my e-mail address is a request for “more lube”.
Ta ta.
ps: don’t bother directing any questions, ridicule, etc, to me, as I will not be back to read comments.
I’m not sure why something–e.g. monogamy, or non-monogamy–being “extreme” necessarily makes it bad. For example, is it worse to want non-monogamy that involves an open-door policy on partners outside the relationship, than it is to want the “monogamish” relationship that still includes some sex with other people?
What’s wrong with “extreme” monogamy where both parties agree to no sex with others, no romantic entanglements, and no flirting (not sure how flirting is defined, but for now I’ll just say, gestures that would show romantic or sexual interest)? I don’t want to have relationships of that kind with other people, and I don’t want my partner to do that either. If that’s too “controlling”, he could have rejected those terms, or he still could. It’s fine with me if he spends time with other friends, or goes to lunch with them, or hangs out with other gals. I’ve met many lovely friends who first were friends with my husband. But that doesn’t mean he can flirt with them, or go on dates, or become emotionally or sexually involved with them. Same is true for me with male friends.
To me, “controlling” would mean wanting to deprive my husband of innocent, normal friendships with other women (or men). But it’s not controlling for me to ask that he not become involved with them in some other sense.
@Hunter78: why does it matter if mydriasis changes her mind about monogamy? I’ve changed my mind about it, to being in favor. Maybe someday it will lose its charm. That doesn’t mean anything about its general value, though.
@160: though it may not be entirely similar, have you ever examined male ejaculate that didn’t have sperm in it?
@236: I have, with and without sperm, and it’s exactly the same. The sperm are so small and such a minute part of the semen that you can’t tell the difference without a microscope.
I’m hearing a rework of Eartha Kitt’s Monotonous in my brain.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yrwD8ygpk…
My lover goes insane when I squirt. He works that pussy so hard with his tongue that I practically waterboard him. He’s often let out a big wet belch from having drunk so much of my amrita. He tells me that my ejaculate tastes like sugar water. To me, it smells like oatmeal cookies, not pungent at all. The only problem I have is soaking the bed during sex. It’s OK when he’s eating me because he drinks most of it, but I am multiorgasmic and I can’t help ejaculating during sex, which it leaves us with the world’s biggest wet spot afterward.
People,
Pee smells like pee, female ejaculate does not smell like pee – do you see the logic here? Therefore female ejaculate IS NOT PEE!
Monogam-ish makes me laugh. Its how I explain my religion to people and why I can eat bacon and lobster, I am Jew-ish….
Many guys would be insecure with a gf who strips in a rich-guys club. I agree the bf is clingy but that is a separate issue. Sounds like they are simply not compatible.
Just like guys can’t cum and piss at the same time, neither can women. I am a multi-orgasmic woman who squirts. I’ve had many partners and been monogamous, and here’s what I can tell you.
1. Every squirt is an orgasm, but not every orgasm squirts.
2. The likelihood of squirting goes up the more I like a guy, so that’s physiological, where an orgasm is simply physical.
3. Sometimes it’s just a trickle of a teaspoon or so. Sometimes it’s a gush of maybe a 1/4 cup. One lady here said it’s “projectile”.
I believe her. But if you’re watching porn, and you see someone aim, they have to be peeing.
4. It’s not pee. I’ve tasted other women. And I’ve tasted myself off my sweetie’s whiskers, and I’m delicious!
Just like guys can’t cum and piss at the same time, neither can women. I am a multi-orgasmic woman who squirts. I’ve had many partners and been monogamous, and here’s what I can tell you.
1. Every squirt is an orgasm, but not every orgasm squirts.
2. The likelihood of squirting goes up the more I like a guy, so that’s physiological, where an orgasm is simply physical.
3. Sometimes it’s just a trickle of a teaspoon or so. Sometimes it’s a gush of maybe a 1/4 cup. One lady here said it’s “projectile”. I believe her. But if you’re watching porn, and you see someone aim, they have to be peeing.
So a device wouldn’t work, there’s not enough force.
4. It’s not pee. I’ve tasted other women. And I’ve tasted myself off my sweetie’s whiskers, and I’m delicious!
Squirting is not a myth.
I am able to squirt. Once you get it and practice you know it. It’s like riding a bike – you don’t forget. I’ve reached 6 feet (at least on my own because with a partner it hits there face/hand/chest so it’s hard to measure!) and soaked towels through (up to a liter or even more can ejaculate by the end of a session sometimes.) I have impermeable bed-wetting pads that I place under me or my partner whenever I need it. They cost about $20 at walmart.
Just to start, there is a difference between cum and ejaculate from a woman, the ejaculate from squirting is clear, consistency of water……..and tastes much different.
Now to squirt. It’s often more due to the girl than the guy. How much she can let go, etc.
You need to know your g spot. Well. Squirting works like this (At least how it works for me.) Fill up your glands by clitoral stimulation and then work on your g spot. Once you squirt go back to clitoral stimulation to fill up the glands again. Then work on your g spot to squirt. Repeat as desired. 😉
Tips. Decrease the worries. Don’t be afraid to pee. (It doesn’t like peeing at all after you’ve done it – but at first some might mistake it for that feeling because as women we are not used to ejaculating things from our body other than pee.) If you want pee right before you masturbate so that you aren’t worried whatsoever. Also, prepare a towel so that when it happens you don’t worry.
Make sure you are comfortable and can let go.
However, I find squirting fun and wonderful but not the most mind-blowing orgasms. The best orgrasm I have had is extended orgasms.
So that’s one thing I have found hard to reproduce – the extended orgasm. I’d done it a handful of times – and it was amazing – once I reached that insane point – orgasms one after another for a solid hour with just a little coaxing. (The poor guy was a bit scared for me!) Involuntary contractions here and there still an hour or two after we were done.
Absolutely MIND-BLOWING
squirting is great but it can sometimes become mechanical and not reach that height or state of some orgasms because you are constantly releasing when you squirt. Makes sense?
Once you learn how to squirt it’s so easy to fall into that pattern of quick release rather than sometimes stopping the squirting to allow the orgasm to build for a very long time so it just shatters you.
It’s just a very different orgasm when you squirt. But still fantastic.
You want chick who squirts? Look here: http://mysexlifewithlola.wordpress.com/