You probably get this question every day. I’m a man who loves it when my girlfriend fucks me with a strap-on. Another great thing: My girlfriend ejaculates frequently and plentifully when we have sex, and she has done so when she’s pegging me. Which leads to my question: What are the possible issues from getting female ejaculate in your ass? I am thinking about modifying a toy in a way that might enable her to squirt up my ass. It probably won’t work, but I am going to try. Because if it does work…
Oh My Fucking God
I get questions about female ejaculation every day—where does that shit come from? How the hell can I/my girlfriend learn to do that shit? Is that shit really piss?—but you’re the first person to ask me about modifying a sex toy so as to enable a woman to come in a man’s ass. (You’re going to want to patent that thing if it works, OMFG.)
Allow me to quickly dispense with the usual questions: It comes shooting out of a woman’s urethra; practice, practice, practice; that shit isn’t piss. How do we know it’s not piss? Science!
In 2007, a crack team of sex researchers in Vienna “collected” lady ejaculate from two lady ejaculators—not a huge sample, admittedly, but two lady ejaculators are better then none—and rushed their lady ejaculate to the lab, where it was “evaluated biochemically.” They published the results of their study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine (“The Female Prostate Revisited: Perineal Ultrasound and Biochemical Studies of Female Ejaculate,” JSM, September 2007). They concluded that lady ejaculate isn’t piss, it’s come: “The fluid emitted [was] clearly different than urine voided prior to sexual activity,” they wrote. “The values show that the source of fluid expulsion during orgasm is not urine, but is rather similar to male ejaculate.”
As lady ejaculate is chemically similar to gentleman ejaculate, OMFG, the risks of a lady ejaculating in your ass would presumably be similar to the risks of a gentleman ejaculating in your ass: You would be at risk of acquiring any sexually transmitted infection she might have. But if your lady ejaculator is disease-free, OMFG, then letting her come in your ass is a risk-free, if not squick-free, activity.
I’m a 24-year-old female living in London, where I have just finished a degree in circus arts. I’m in a relationship with a great guy. The problem is that while I have had long- and short-term relationships before, he hasn’t, and he can be very emotionally needy. For example, he can’t/won’t sleep without me in the bed. We’ve been together for 10 months, and he often tells me that I’m everything in his life. I’ve told him that under no circumstances is this normal, and I’ve confirmed my right to have a life outside of him. The real crux of the situation is this: I worked on and off as a stripper in a high-end club for two years. I haven’t done it while with him because of the physical demands of my degree. Now I’m done and broke and want to return to this work. This is an issue for him, as you can imagine. I won’t compromise: The job was great for me and allowed me such sexual (and financial!) liberation. I didn’t orgasm for the first time until after I took control of my own sexuality via stripping.
I don’t know how to handle this issue: He knew this about me when we met and says he hoped it wouldn’t carry on. I feel upset that he hasn’t accepted the whole of me and I guess part of me wonders if I’m in the wrong relationship. I love this man, but I feel trapped.
Clown College Graduate
Inexperience might explain extreme emotional neediness, CCG, but it’s no excuse. It’s just as likely that your boyfriend’s clingy, manipulative shtick—he just can’t sleep alone, you’re his everything, if you go back to a job you loved before you loved him, well, he’ll be vewy sad—looks to me like controlling, emotionally abusive behavior in pathetic sad-clown drag.
But you like him, CCG, so let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, shall we? Tell your boyfriend that you’re going back to your old job and he has a choice to make: Get over it or get over you.
If he sucks it up and makes an effort to change, he was just an insecure little douchebag and, hey, you helped him get over it! If he doubles down on the whining and clinging, then he’s a controlling dick and you’re well rid of him.
A quick comment on monogamy: I agree with you on the point that we tend to assume that all the other couples we know are in monogamous relationships, when in reality many are not. Recently, my mom told me that she wouldn’t mind if my father had an affair. Sex has become harder for her since menopause, and she doesn’t consider it the be-all and end-all of a marriage.
I’ve been married for a year, with several years of dating before that, and sex and arousal can be difficult for me and I have a lower libido than my husband. I’m not complaining—my husband is a wonderful lover and has been good about taking things at the right pace for me. And when the sex works, it’s amazing. One thing that really takes the pressure off me, though, is that we agreed long before marriage that faithfulness for us meant honesty, not exclusivity. My husband knows that if he wants to fool around, he can—so long as he’s safe and honest (with me and with her). The same goes for me.
Does my marriage, or my parents’ marriage, count as monogamous? We look monogamous and probably will always look that way—and at the moment, we all are. But we’ve agreed that strict monogamy isn’t a requirement. Since I doubt that we’re alone in this attitude, you can add this group of “theoretical nonmonogamists” to the list of people who get wrongly classed by your critics as totally monogamous out of a lack of imagination and knowledge about other people’s lives.
Invisible In Canada
I’m convinced that there are a lot more PTBMCs out there than people realize—that’s “perceived to be monogamous couple,” a married/partnered couple with an understanding about when outside sexual contact is permissible. But for most of these couples—for you, IIC, for your parents, for me and my husband—the term “nonmonogamous” isn’t a good fit.
Tell an AMC—”actually monogamous couple”—that you’re nonmonogamous, and they’ll assume you’re a couple of huge sluts, i.e., that you’re actively seeking outside sex partners or that you’re swingers. There’s nothing wrong with seeking outside sex partners (in moderation!) or swinging (ditto!), but that’s not what you’re doing, IIC, it’s not what your dad has permission to do, and it’s not what my husband and I are doing. So if we—you, me, your mom—tell an AMC we’re “nonmonogamous,” we have to spend the next 15 minutes qualifying that statement. And that requires us to disclose more details about our actual sex lives than
(1) we wanna say, and (2) they wanna hear.
So I’ve got a new word to describe relationships like yours, mine, and your mom’s, IIC: “monogamish.” We’re mostly monogamous, not swingers, not actively looking. Monogamish.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
All I can say is that I vented about our relationship on here – and I said things that make me want to jump in front of a train when I picture myself saying them to her face.
It really doesn’t matter how/why or whether the hurt was intentional – it is real and I am responsible.
I’m not wanting to start a conversation here about it all – I really just wanted to express this publicly, as I did the comments that led to it.
All I can say is that I vented about our relationship on here – and I said things that make me want to jump in front of a train when I picture myself saying them to her face.
It really doesn’t matter how/why or whether the hurt was intentional – it is real and I am responsible.
I’m not wanting to start a conversation here about it all – I really just wanted to express this publicly, as I did the comments that led to it.
Latebloomer @165: I just reported how my GF would describe my pre-her technique – imagine an exasperated roll of the eyes while saying it. Your results may vary.
@148: Thanks for describing how it worked for you: it seems silly, but I really hadn’t thought of monogamy that way before.
I think there’s a huge distinction between monogamy by happenstance, in the sense that you are both only interested in each other at the time, and monogamy by fiat, where it’s imposed as a rule requiring you to actively fight temptation at all costs.
Put another way, I think monogamy should be practiced consciously, chosen mutually, regularly discussed and re-evaluated, and not used as a condition for continuing the relationship. (And I’d say the same for any other relationship model.)
What I find disturbing is when monogamous couples build their whole relationship around the promise of monogamy being perfectly kept 100% of the time.
@159: Yes, and at a certain point on that continuum it starts to look less like reasonable rules and more like people being controlling. We’d all agree, I’m sure, that there are some sorts of rules a couple could consensually institute that would be extremely unhealthy and controlling. One example might be not masturbating or watching porn. Or regulating what each other eats, or the friends each other has.
“Extreme” monogamy (no dating or flirting with anyone else, no discussing other options, any slip-up is a betrayal) strikes me as a little too controlling.
My feelings on this are conflicted — it’s a complicated issue — and thanks for giving me some new perspectives.
What #14 said.
I come, and I’ve known one other female friend who comes. The commonalities of our experiences, and what I’ve read in non-porn discussions, is something VERY different from the “Girls Who Cum” porn I’ve seen.
Hate to break it to those avid consumers, but if the lady is “squirting like a hydrant”, she’s probably not coming, she actually is just peeing on you. Compare that hosing down with a normal guy ejaculating and you’ll understand what I mean. I saw one porn film of what was supposed to be a female ejaculator, in which she “came” into a wine glass, filling it more than half way up, and then drank it, proclaiming it was “ooOOoo… girl cum!”.
Yyyeah, uhm… no.
My ex (who would have been VERY squicked at being pissed on by anyone) was all cool with it once he determined for himself that, whatever it was that I was emitting when I peaked, it wasn’t pee.
And FWIW, neither I or the other girl I knew who occasionally ejaculated ever made a wet spot bigger than a couple inches across on the sheets, and for both of us, direct G-Spot stimulation was required and thoroughly enjoyed. Ex described the odor as strangely sweet, and kind of clingy.
And we didn’t have to go to Vienna to figure it out, either.
And yes, it really is kind of like hot water – no color, and once dried, undetectable. In that respect it’s VERY different from male ejaculate.
@171: ‘to come’ means ‘to have an orgasm,’ whether or not you ejaculate.
And no, large quantities of female ejaculate are not urine. I know because I’ve seen women completely empty their bladder before ejaculating large quantities of fluid.
Civelletop,
I’m sorry that your girlfriend was hurt, and that you feel so bad. I guess we all assume the internet is a lot more anonymous than it might actually be!
But as far as beating yourself up about it–try to just consider it a lesson learned.
zzzzzzzzzzzz. i’m quitting savage love. bring back found letters. This guy needs his head examined.
Regarding female ejaculate and urine… ladies, there’s a simple test you can do at home if you can ejaculate: Take Azo Standard (available OTC), wait a day or so, and get yourself off. Check the color of your come by dabbing a bit on a kleenex; Azo dyes urine vivid orange. My result? Champagne colored, not Sunkist.
Not piss, but possibly some cross-contamination.
Squirters are AWESOME,
Or at least my wife is. Once she got past the “I’ve got to pee” stage, ie that no matter what is coming out, her lover is more than happy to receive it, it just meant a towel was needed. Sometimes it’s sweet (definitely not urine for non-diabetes), sometimes it’s bitter like coffee. I can’t be alone in noticing that what a woman eats can flavor her pussy. I’ve even tasted garlic from a girlfriend’s nipples. Why should it be a shock that some of what scents urine ends up in other fluids? In any case, it’s like queefs, all part of the fun.
I wonder if my coming just from having a orgasming pussy heaving into my face is odd. I even had a girlfriend call me a liar til I showed her the splouge on the side of the bed. My point: we aren’t all exactly alike, and it’s all to the good.
Peace.
I like the term Monogamish. I support that type of relationship. It makes sense. I am therapist and I see plenty of couples that are exploring this type of relationship. The problem that I keep seeing come up in session is that when a partner wants to be monogamish more often than not it’s because of a fear of intimacy and closeness that they are defending themselves against. When they are desiring a monogamish relationship out of fear of real closeness it never actually works out for the couple. I wish there was a way to tell if a partner wants to practice a more open relationship because of a healthy desire or an unhealthy desire.
This is CCG. The guy I’m with is the sweetest, kindest and most gentle and honest man I’ve ever known. I didn’t want him judged badly. I had some horrible relationships until I broke away, got my shit together and got a degree (however you judge what it’s in). There are two issues – the first is that he needs to let me be a little more free or I will suffocate. I need to not have to be with him all the time, or have the pressure that he would lose it if we weren’t together anymore. The second is the stripping. I know not everyone would be happy with this job, but he loves me, not an office worker. he is willing to compromise, obviously i am not the forceful rough bitch people seem to think or I wouldn’t be writing into dan to ask for help. I really love and cherish this guy. He is experiencing love for the first time and I have been trying to make it as amazing as possible but we’ve hit a bump. I can’t change who I am for him, and it feels like thats what he’s asking.
@180 CCG
You are fine the way you are. Don’t change for a guy. Not everyone here thinks you are a rough bitch. I would be perfectly happy to be with a stripper. My attitude is to say “go be happy and then I’ll be happy.” That’s called “being supportive.”
If you continue to suffocate then get out. He will need to learn to get over failed relationships as every adult does. Don’t let yourself be held hostage to that. Don’t be cruel either, but I really don’t think you need to be told that. You seem compassionate to me.
CCG A good part of the problem is that you have decided to make, what for a lot of people would be a major change. While you stripped in the past, you weren’t when you became involved. You don’t say how much of your past you told him or when. Even if he knew, was he aware of the possibility of your returning to stripping? It is easier to accept something that predates your relationship than, what he may perceive to be, a major change that affects your future.
As I understand it, GGG requires a person to be reasonably accepting. The problem being that what seems to be reasonable to one person may not be to some one else.
@55 Much like how a guy can’t ejaculate and piss at the same time, a woman can’t either–I know from experience
@178: You’re male? And you can come without physical stimulation? Amazing: I had only heard of this in females.
I think it’s so weird that in this day and age we don’t really know what the hell female ejaculate actually is. The best science determines that it’s “not pee”? Geez, man.
jill
http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.co…
@187 inbed
Not so much “weird” as “shameful” when taken in the wider context of how long it took us to even start looking at things like heart disease in women. (What? Y’all aren’t just men without dicks? Huh.)
@186,
Yup, a son, father, and a husband.
When I feel a pussy pounding into my face, along with her taste and smell (and delicious weird noises), I have a “white flash” sort of orgasm (as opposed to a “screaming bucker”). Given that a woman’s pussy is right in front of my eyes, my nose and mouth are saturated with the scent and flavor, and the lips and tongue may have more tactile nerves than the genitals, is it that surprising? Maybe that’s my peculiar advantage, because for me it isn’t just a project or a point of control, the better her O, the better my O. And on top of that getting my face and chest soaked with her juices when she ejaculates…
It isn’t better than being touched on my penis, but it’s definitely real.
CCG: “The job was great for me and allowed me such sexual (and financial!) liberation. I didn’t orgasm for the first time until after I took control of my own sexuality via stripping.”
“Sexual liberation?” What 188 said. So it isn’t just a job; there is a sexual component to the stripping for you. Explain why he shouldn’t find this aspect at least as threatening as say, you having a group of friends that you go out and do sexual things with on a regular basis.
Dear CCG,
When you wrote that it was sexually liberating to strip, was it because you literally no longer had anything to hide? I have been a card carrying naturist. I never felt any compulsion to expose myself, but very much felt liberated when I did on my first visit to a nude beach.
I sometimes wonder if it isn’t akin to coming out of the closet. I went to a gathering, made new friends, and yet after wandering around nude for a couple of days suddenly had a rush of panic that I was naked in front of lots of people. That fear, that lack of acceptance of oneself, is what we normally carry around ourselves because of what others might think of us. And boy, getting rid of that constant state of fear feels GREAT.
It’s your decision, but honesty in who you are should be your goal.
Peace.
I’m looking at Married in MA’s comments and I’m thinking how little respect is given to a man’s emotional needs when it comes to arousal. Maybe when you’re a young buck, sure, but (at least in my case )the older men get the more they are like women. I had a wife once who like to compare men to light bulbs and women to ovens. What she couldn’t understand was that I too had an emotional connection to sex and that I couldn’t just turn on and off (i.e., no amount of black nylons and cute little ass in my face was gonna make up for ragging on me half the time). Now, although I love to be fondled and have my cock sucked, what gets me hard to begin with is a positive respones to my teeth on her nipples, or an assertive tongue on her clit, or that very pleased but self conscious “Oooooh” when I rim her, or the wetness that fills my mouth that I know is not just me. For me at least, a satisfied woman is the biggest turn on in the world.
Sanctus Santorum.
To the Republican closet-case forum
came the Christians of prissy decorum.
Marcus Bachmann, that rube,
forgot to bring lube,
and they had to re-use the santorum.
BullseyeRooster.com
@190: That is hot! I’m kinda jealous. And yes, I find it incredibly surprising. It’s not a question of quantity of nerves as much as it is their quality.
I don’t know the neurology behind it but it is definitely a different feeling for me when sexual nerves are touched, as opposed to nonsexual ones. The difference (for me at least) is entirely about where on my body the touch is, as opposed to context or sight or scent or hearing.
@ 188 and 199
“The job was great for me and allowed me such sexual (and financial!) liberation. I didn’t orgasm for the first time until after I took control of my own sexuality via stripping.”
When i said liberation I only meant in relation to the control I took of my own body. Previously I was unaware of how (too) easily I would give my sexuality and body to partners, and in working as a stripper I really learned to value myself in a way I hadn’t before. I learned how to say no and value my limits. I also learned a kind of peace towards my body in that I make good money and people want it, so maybe I shouldn’t get too hung up on a few spots or scars. I’m not saying it’s a method that would work with everyone, and I should clarify this value is not monetary. It’s just learning how to take control and learn acceptance.I don’t get kicks from the dancing for the customers. That’s just another aspect of the job.
@170
I’m glad I was able to give a bit of a new perspective. It’s always interesting to have my ideas challeneged because I get to look at them from a different angle too.
One thing I found interesting is that you listed ‘no dating’ under the ‘extreme monogamy catagory’. That’s surprising to me! Because dating to me is one of the most extreme things. And I think a lot of poly relationships are built on the same idea.
For my guy, the thought of him flirting (for example at work, because we both have service industry jobs where flirting is basically the baseline of interaction) doesn’t really bother me, porn watching and etc doesn’t bother me. But the thought of him dating another woman? That bothers me. I mean, it’s pretty standard cliche for women to be more bothered by ’emotional cheating’ than sexual. I think dating is sort of in that catagory.
Or did I misunderstand you?
Also: this is something that I think is so great about sexuality – how diverse it is. Re: the man who ejaculates while giving oral. You think that’s hot? That is basically the least appealing sexual encounter I can possibly imagine. But hey, everyone being different is what makes the world go ’round. I love it.
@198,
Ahh, you just don’t like the idea of the stain on the side of the bed, right?
About being a squirter vs “dry”: if you can let yourself feel safe and comfortable enough to orgasm so hard you can barely walk, then what more do you need? I especially love those times when my wife is half conscious, quivering, and I gently trace the ripples across her abdomen and thighs (and breasts, and knees…). Yeah, it’s all good.
Peace.
CCG- I totally get it. Dancing makes me feel good too on so many different levels. Good luck making the BF understand. I wrote a poem about a similar situation:
MY OWN LITTLE WORLD
As I sit here bored shitless each day at my desk
I struggle through it like it’s some kind of test
I like that they think that I’m smart and efficient
But this mundane existence seems somewhat deficient
I have quit the dance, given up my art
Traded up for a better life, when does that start?
I really do hate this 8-5 scene
I wish I’d wake up and it would be a bad dream
I’d awaken on stage surrounded by fans
With dollars in each of their outstretched hands
The desire of many, possession of none
I’d symbolize sex and exemplify fun
I know the grass always looks greener on the other side
But, I miss my alter ego in which I could hide
I liked living in my own little world of illusion
My rock&roll fantasy sex-goddess delusion
@73,
re: better names than “squirting”
Back in the early 90’s we called it “gushing.” I think “gusher” sounds better than “squirter”.
Female ejaculate comes from a woman’s Skene’s gland which is the analogous part to the male prostate which has a large part in male ejaculate. This has been known for quite some decades by now. And just a reminder to you all…porn may have it’s place, but just like Hollywood movies and Facebook, it doesn’t reflect reality.
@199
No, it’s not a stain thing at all! I’m just not really into receiving oral and I’m (luckily) generally turned off by men who are into giving it. To me, a man orgasming while going down on a lady is the biggest bummer. That just means having to wait a refractory period length before getting to the PIV. Which is the part I look forward to.
But that’s me.
Also I think the whole “squirters have better orgasms” thing is pretty spurious.
@ CCG: Sounds like you have a pretty clear example of the autonomy vs attachment conflict that commonly happens in relationships. You might try checking out the book Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. I have some issues with some of what he says (and how he says it), but there’s some good material in there about the importance of differentiation in relationships (that being the ability to be true to your own values without withdrawing from your partner); poly books make similar arguments but (obviously) not from a monogamous perspective.
@ 170: You have a very strange notion of what monogamy is.
Um, no. If one partner wants a monogamous relationship and the other doesn’t, that’s perfectly legitimate grounds for ending the relationship. Compulsory nonmonogamy is just as wrong as compulsory monogamy. A monogamy mismatch is a sexual incompatibility just like a heterosexual person and a homosexual person dating each other. I don’t know where you get the idea that the nonmonogamous person is entitled to continue the relationship even if their partner identifies as monogamous – it takes two people to make a relationship, and only one to end it.
And FTR, “no dating other people” is not “extreme monogamy”. You’re really not helping the nonmonogamous cause here.
@ CCG: Sounds like you have a pretty clear example of the autonomy vs attachment conflict that commonly happens in relationships. You might try checking out the book Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. I have some issues with some of what he says (and how he says it), but there’s some good material in there about the importance of differentiation in relationships (that being the ability to be true to your own values without withdrawing from your partner); poly books make similar arguments but (obviously) not from a monogamous perspective. Might help with the whole “I’m going to strip and I need some time and space of my own away from you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you or want to leave you.” But don’t forget that just because this is his first relationship and you don’t want to break his heart, that doesn’t mean you have to compromise who you are or what you want. Differentiation also means being willing to leave a relationship that’s not a good fit for you.
@ 170: You have a very strange notion of what monogamy is.
Um, no. If one partner wants a monogamous relationship and the other doesn’t, that’s perfectly legitimate grounds for ending the relationship. Compulsory nonmonogamy is just as wrong as compulsory monogamy. A monogamy mismatch is a sexual incompatibility just like a heterosexual person and a homosexual person dating each other. I don’t know where you get the idea that the nonmonogamous person is entitled to continue the relationship even if their partner identifies as monogamous – it takes two people to make a relationship, and only one to end it. Monogamy is a joint agreement, not a preference for how often you wash the dishes.
And FTR, “no dating other people” is not “extreme monogamy”. You’re really not helping the nonmonogamous cause here.
Please ignore #204.
@93: Your 10 minutes per week obviously doesn’t have to factor in hauling all your stuff to the car (or bus), transit time to the laundromat, sitting there until all your loads are done, folding/hanging everything, and the return trip home. Even if you have only one load, there’s your two hours right there.
@207 & @93 Laundry takes longer than 10 minutes even if you have a washer/dryer. Mine takes 20 min to wash 30 min to dry, and varying times to hang up, fold,(possibly even iron) and put away. I totally get it. I’m monogamous for the same reasons as mydriasis.
@laundry-doers… Is your laundry really keeping you from hot sex? You want hot sex with other people, but the laundry keeps you from having time? LOL.
Time it takes for a straight woman to have sex with a new guy:
30 minutes to create a post on AdultFriendFinder or CL.
30 minutes to sort through the responses, draft your reply, and arrange the meet-up.
60 minutes to drive to the guy’s place and have sex.
If you aren’t sneaking around then you can skip the public meeting — the guy will know that someone else has all of his identifying information. And all of this can be done at your own convenience, if you’re not very picky. Don’t have sex outside your relationship if you don’t want to, but please don’t blame the laundry!
@209 – I’ve been trying to stay out of the whole brouhaha over your multiple posts, but at this point, I just have to say EWWW… If it takes all of a half-hour for you to vet your various conquests, no wonder you’re having such shitty sex outside your marriage.
mydriasis:
@203: Well, there’s no way to compare one person’s pleasure to another person’s pleasure, but women who have both squirting and non-squirting orgasms usually say the squirting ones are better. You don’t believe them?
@198: Also, I’m not sure, you may have misunderstood me. When I said “dating,” I didn’t mean it in the sense of having a girlfriend or a serious relationship with someone else. I meant it in the sense of getting to know new people and spending time with them (in a romantic context).
I’m not even thinking of dating here as necessarily including sex, depending on the terms of the non-monogamy. It could just be getting dinner or coffee, or flirting, or kissing. So yes, I definitely think banning dating is more ‘extreme’ than banning sex!
And in my experience the cliche about women being more bothered by an emotional connection with a third person than sex with a third person is completely false. But it’s likely my experience isn’t representative. Have you found that to be true? I’m not sure what you mean, though, cause friendship is an emotional connection. I don’t even think banning emotional connections workable in practice, because it’s difficult to draw a line between emotional connection in friendship vs. dating.
And I’m not talking about “cheating”, to be clear, which brings up whole different issues because it’s a breach of trust. I’m talking about the perceived pain, or jealousy, from your partner having a sexual vs. emotional connection with someone else.
Oh, and about the squirting being hot thing, I just meant the idea of him coming just from that was hot. In practice, for myself, I think I would prefer to come in a pussy as well.
@203, *ahem*. (The part about the stain was supposed to be a joke)
The latter part of 199 was supposed to be in support for your last statement, but alas wasn’t clear enough.
As it turns out, when I have those oral orgasms, I can have more than one, and still keep an erection (though not as well as I used to). What usually happens after I prime my wife’s G-spot is moving the towel to the middle of the bed for a nice, sloppy, noisy cowgirl ride (French vanilla, but still vanilla).
(Geeze, I feel like Otter from Animal House, when Babs tells him it wasn’t that great.)
Peace.
@210 – Just trying to say that it’s not the laundry, it’s their pickiness that keeps them from the occasional tryst 🙂
I’m picky, myself, so it does take me more time to vet people. Also, thanks for your concern — my outside sex has been hella fun, recently, thanks to tips from Slogsters about figuring out what I want and going for it.
@209: That made me laugh! You are awesome. 🙂
@ Blackrose
“I meant it in the sense of getting to know new people and spending time with them (in a romantic context).”
Yeah that’s basically a monogamous person’s nightmare. Or at least this monogamous person’s. Why would you get to know someone in a romantic context if you didn’t want a relationship with them (mono, or otherwise)? That’s the emotional equivilant of getting naked in bed with someone but not having sex. I mean, really?
Re: squirters. I absolutely don’t think they’re lying but a bunch of people have cited that squirting vs. non is based on anatomy. I don’t think having a little gland that emits fluid is magically going to MAKE orgasms better, it’s more just physical evidence for some women that it WAS good. Or at least that seems more likely. I’ve certainly never heard any evidence that they have magic orgasm powers. :p
Erica!
You got me. I’m exceedingly picky. My friends make fun of the fact that I basically won’t give a guy the time of day unless he looks like a model. And that’s for fucking. For relationships he needs to have like a million other qualities too.
But I prefer “patient” to picky. Good things come to those who wait.
Still though, you’re way wrong about monogamy and laundry.
If I have two free hours I could spend half the time looking for a guy online (p.s. I’ve almost never found a decent guy online, and I used to do casual hookups like it was my job) and half the time finding out if fucking him is any good. Or I could go have sex with someone who I know is STD free, I know is good in bed, who I don’t need to put up any precautions with and who is better looking than any picture I’ve ever seen online.
Hmmm…
@205: For some people, it may be an orientation, as you describe. For some people, how often and whether to have sex with other people may come down to a “how often do you wash the dishes” type compromise. And there’s everything in between.
You are correct that anyone has the power to end a relationship at any time, and relationships aren’t an obligation. But I don’t think that it’s legitimate to throw down an ultimatum, depending on the circumstances. There is a big difference between “I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore” and “YOU need to change or I will dump you/ not pay you back/ damage your property/ act in hurtful ways.”
It’s ok for people to have reasonable boundaries and conditions, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok for people to have unreasonable ones or to make ultimatums. And people should have some degree of flexibility and willingness to try things.
And there are certainly degrees of putting rules on your partner that are overly controlling: for instance, not allowing your partner to have friends or outside interests is generally recognized as being overly controlling. At some point, talk about orientations and compatibility misses the mark because someone is just not being fair or reasonable or legitimate.
I do recognize that mistreatment can be a problem, in different ways, in any type of relationship. But I’m not sure exactly where the line is: that is, how strong exclusivity conditions can be before they become unhealthy. Can we agree at least that there is a point where they do? (And you could say the same thing about non-monogamy.)
Also, I’m not sure why you think banning dating (even casual non-physical dating) is not extreme, unless you misunderstood what I meant by dating: I meant it as in “going on a date,” not necessarily sexual or a relationship.
There’s a newlywed couple, just starting out together.
Being a little shy, they use the term “doing the wash” in place of “having sex”.
One night the husband, feeling horny, starts pestering his bride to “do the wash”, but she being tired says no.
Early the next morning the wife, feeling guilty, wakes her husband early to ask if he still wants to “do the wash”.
He replies, “no thanks, I already did it by hand”.
@217 – laundry doesn’t get dirty overnight (unless the sex was fantastic!), but most guys are ready again in the morning. If these newlyweds existed, they’d have problems beyond their reliance on euphemism. 😛
@215:
To answer your first question at face value: because an emotional/romantic/sexual connection with someone can still be valuable and enriching even if it’s not in an official boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
I don’t know or not if it’s theoretically possible for every woman to squirt. But there are a lot of women who thought they couldn’t for a long time, and then finally were able to.
As far as I know, every woman has Skene’s glands, though they may not all have ones that gush. Some may just dribble a little and some may seem to not produce any fluid. My point wasn’t that the ability to squirt magically makes orgasms better, but that in someone who has that ability, squirting actually does often make the orgasm more intense. At least, that’s what they say. And it’s not surprising physically, because the fluid builds up additional pressure that gets released.
Just curious… help me understand. You’re ok with flirting all day? That’s at least a slight degree of non-monogamy that a lot of people couldn’t just compartmentalize and say it doesn’t matter, even if it was at work (CCG’s boyfriend, for instance). And if flirting is ok, how do you determine when a friendship crosses the line to being emotionally threatening, or too close, or starts getting romantic-like? There’s no clear boundary, and people should have close friends of both sexes outside the relationship.
See, I think you have it backwards, though. Squirting doesn’t cause intensity – intensity causes squirting. For some people the same degree of intensity can exist without the squirting. That’s my logic, anyway.
Or to make a comparison: I’m a bit of a “screamer”. I’m super vocal. Sex that gets me waking up our neighbors is obviously usually better than sex with less of a decibel count, but that doesn’t mean that I think women who are quiet during sex don’t come as hard as I do. Not neccesarily anyway.
I… really don’t know how to explain the dating things because I have a feeling it’s just semantic confusion.
Flirting is superficial. I’m really desensitized to it because it’s super common in the industry. Plus also I’m one of those people who comes off flirty without trying to be. Sometimes that’s annoying. If I’m nice to someone of the opposite sex that’s construed as flirting. If I’m bitchy/sarcastic/dry that’s just ‘teasing’ aka another form of flirting.
To me, flirting is nothing. It’s just how people get along and pass the time. And for someone who’s comfortable being monogamous, it’s non-threatening. (We don’t do it in front of eachother, though. And why would I? Why would I flirt with the second cutest guy in the room?)
Dating (again, for me, and for any partner I’ve had) is a means of vetting a potential S/O. Most people I know see it that way. So dating is uber-off limits for me.
Um… in terms of opposite-sex friendships? Yeah that can be interesting territory for straight monogamous couples. Speaking from my own experience? My partner isn’t attracted to any of his female friends. Most of the friends he has are male, anyway. He’s had the odd female friend who’s into him, but I’m not “threatened” because I trust him, and I know he doesn’t see them in that way.
Same goes for me. I’ve actually kind of given up on trying to be close friends with straight guys because I find a lot of the time they tend to want other things at some point. Almost all my closest friends are female or gay guys (to be SUPER clear, this isn’t to please any guy. It’s always how things have been for me). I had a pretty close guy friend briefly and he was a little uneasy about it until he met him and saw what he looked like.
@218 GAAAHHHH!!!!
IT’S
A
JOKE!!!
I know it sucked, but it was the only laundry joke I know.