I went to Craigslist to look at the kinky shit people are into. And I found a picture of my sister. Her eyes are blurred out, but one pic is of her nude and one is of her giving head, and there’s a tattoo that’s unique to her and clearly visible. I’m 99 percent sure it’s her. The ad was from her boyfriend, looking for a “horsecock” to stretch her pussy while he sits in the next room. It’s her business, but it’s a mindfuck. I half want to call her out, shame her out of it. She just turned 22.

Sister Pics Dilemma

Your sister is an adult, SPD, and adults are free to post what they like to CL, and adult females are free to stick whatever they like—mancock, horsecock, whatevercock—in their pussies. It’s hypocritical of you to enjoy the perversity on display at CL and then clutch your pearls in horror when you realize that someone you love—gasp!—is just as pervy as you are. So you’re not going to call your sister out or shame her.

But you are going to say something to her.

There’s a chance that your sister isn’t aware that her boyfriend is posting her pictures to CL. Horsecocks, stretching pussies, the GF getting it on while he sits in the next room—that’s all standard-issue cuckold fantasy stuff, SPD. There are women out there who are into cuckolding, of course, and there are women who’ve given their partners the okay to use their pictures in online personal ads seeking thirds for cuckold scenarios. However…

Lots of men with cuckold fantasies have posted pics of their actual wives and girlfriends to sites like CL without the consent of their actual wives and girlfriends. These guys don’t see—or refuse to see—the potential harm in rubbing one out while fantasizing about the responses they’ve received from men who want to fuck their wives/girlfriends. The harm comes, of course, when the wife or girlfriend is recognized by a sibling, a coworker, or an employer.

On the off chance that your sister’s BF is posting private pics to CL without your sister’s okay, SPD, you need to say something to her. She needs to know those pics are out there if she doesn’t already know it, and if she does know they’re out there, she needs to know that she can be recognized.

Your sister doesn’t need to be called out, and she doesn’t need to be shamed. What she needs is a heads-up from a concerned brother. Give her that, SPD, then butt the fuck out.

I’m a 20-year-old gay male and I entered into a relationship with a guy at the beginning of the summer. The sex has always been really good, but I’m worried about pleasing him. He disclosed early on that he has a foot fetish. Sex usually consists of him topping me while sucking my toes or me jerking him off while he’s fondling the bottoms of my feet. I don’t have any problem with him getting off to my feet. My problem with the whole ordeal is this: I don’t know diddly about foot fetishism. I tried Google, but my results weren’t much better than “Foot fetishism is the most common form of sexual fetishism from an otherwise nonsexual object or body part, and it’s different depending on who you’re fucking.” Not very helpful.

I’ve talked to my boyfriend about what I can do to make things better and what he likes, but he’s so bashful about the subject that I haven’t gotten any information save “I prefer the soles of your feet.” I have tried experimenting with things like footjobs (which didn’t work out very well because I had no idea what I was doing), and not knowing what else to do is frustrating.

I am currently studying in France until the end of August, and I want to surprise him with my newfound knowledge on his kink and new ways to get him off. What should I know? What would you recommend? And could you fill me in on proper footjob technique?

Seeking Orgasm Level Escalation

Male foot fetishists—the straight ones, anyway—will tell you that they react to feet the way most straight guys react to tits: aroused by the sight of ’em, want to do stuff to ’em. Some wanna suck ’em, some wanna fuck ’em, and some kinksters wanna safely, sanely, and consensually “torture” ’em. In other words, SOLE, it’s different depending on who the woman with the tits in question happens to be fucking.

Same goes for foot fetishists: Some wanna suck ’em, some wanna fuck ’em, some wanna “torture” ’em. (That’s called “bastinado,” and it should only be done safely, sanely, and consensually.) To find out what a particular foot fetishist enjoys most, you’ll have to ask the foot fetishist who’s enjoying your feet.

Your boyfriend probably finds it hard to talk about his fetish because he feels ashamed, needlessly so, and may have been rejected or mocked by previous partners when he opened up about his kink. (To avoid making his bashfulness worse, SOLE, avoid using terms like “problem” and “ordeal” when discussing his kink.) It’s possible that the stuff you’re doing for him now—sticking your toes in his mouth while he fucks you, jerking him off while he fondles your feet—fulfills all of his fantasies. Keep doing what you’re doing now, SOLE, and as his confidence levels about his kink and your relationship both grow, he’ll become less bashful about discussing his kink.

As for a proper footjob: Bring the bottoms of your feet together and let him fuck the gap between your soles with his lubed-up cock, titty-fucking style, or have him lie on the floor while you sit on the edge of the bed and move the lubed-up sole of one of your feet back and forth across his cock until he blows his load. Have fun!

If you do end up having to redefine the word “rick,” which you threatened to do in your recent Funny or Die video, I have a suggestion: rick (v): to remove santorum orally. (“He was so grateful for the lay that he ricked his partner.”)

Happy To Help

P.S. Thanks for your efforts on behalf of equality for all.

You’re welcome, HTH, and in case anyone missed my Funny or Die video—in which I threatened to redefine Rick Santorum’s first name if he didn’t lay off the gay bashing—you can watch it here: www.tinyurl.com/ricksick.

Santorum hasn’t laid off the gay bashing, as it’s all he’s got, so it looks like I’m going to have to go ahead and redefine his first name, too. (My apologies to Rick Dees, Rick Fox, Ricki Lake, and all the other innocent Ricks out there.) The definition I proposed in my video was a little too long and involved, so I vote for adopting yours, HTH. Now “Rick Santorum” isn’t just a vile and disgusting politician—he’s a vile and disgusting sentence.

That said, I don’t think someone would rick his or her partner out of gratitude; ricking someone—sucking the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex out of someone’s ass—is something a person would do only under duress or under orders from a cruel BDSM top.

CONFIDENTIAL TO EVERYBODY: Make porn, win prizes! Details at www.humpseattle.com. No rick videos, please!

Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.

mail@savagelove.net

128 replies on “Savage Love”

  1. Defining “rick” as a verb meaning “to remove santorum orally” seems like it might make the term “rick santorum” redundant. Maybe it should be “to clean up a bodily fluid orally”. Just saying..

  2. SOLE

    Some great ways to let your BF know you’re GGG about his fetish next time you see him is to dress up.

    First, keeping your feet nicely groomed, manicured without using yucky tasting stuff and keeping the smelling nice says, very clearly, that you want him to enjoy your feet.

    Stockings come in knee and ankle length as well as thigh. They can look really sexy on nice feet, and the shorter length makes them more comfortable if you’re a man with hairy legs than thigh-high ones.

    Wear slip-on shoes when you go out to dinner. It’s easy to slip a foot out from the shoe under the table and run your naked or bestockinged foot up his calf. Sexy, too.

    Finally, be proactive in your GGG here. You know he likes feet, to make a point of putting your toes up to his lips for sucking, rather than waiting for him to grab them himself. If he’s sucking the toes of one foot, caress his face or chest with the other.

    Once you make it clear that you’re ready and willing to make his fetish dreams a reality, he’ll be more likely to get comfortable with opening up more.

  3. Oh the law of unintended consequences…Googleads is giving me a link to “Donate to Rick Santorum’s Campaign” in the right column…hilarious.

  4. From the archive page, you can’t actually click through to this week’s column since it’s a link to humpseattle.com. So, after this week, it will be really tough for people to read this.

  5. @24, there’s nothing wrong with going by Richard, but it’s really hard to get people to change what they call you almost 40 years into your existence. And, you know, it’ll take a bit of training to get me to call him something other than “Rick” (in general, and in bed), since I’ve been calling him that for several years. Go by what you want, but changing it is hard…

  6. @108: In general, it’s pretty poop-free if you’ve recently pooped and taken a shower. Cleaning the anus with your finger in the shower (insert it just a little) helps a lot and is neither unnecessary nor harmful. Just don’t use soap or anything cause it can irritate the mucous membranes.

  8. @118: Baby wipes. They should be standard in every bathroom. Or at least wet the toilet paper. I seriously do not understand how people can wipe with dry toilet paper.

    In theory washing before any sex would be ideal but in practice it means taking a few minutes and dealing with the annoyance of getting wet and drying off every single time, right when you are horniest and most need to bang. That’d be way too many showers.

  9. @118/120 In this it is crucial to know your partner.

    Many people are committed to hygiene and insist on that extra effort to be totally clean.

    Other people see those people as uptight, and not so fun in bed. What’s the line? “Sex isn’t dirty, unless you’re doing it right.”

  13. Why not define rick as something that can be done to any bodily fluid, not just santorum? People could still rick santorum, but they could also rick semen, rick vaginal fluid, rick urine, et cetera…more opportunities to embarrass poor Rick.

  15. Dan:
    You’re giving far too much attention to Mr. Santorum. You should save some of your/our re-naming ammunition for the other whack jobs on the Republican right wing … like Michele Bachmann and her husband who just might be in the closet. What can we do with their names?

  16. @Hunter: Anal is fantastic after 10-15 minutes of intense ass stimulation (spanking, scratching, caning). I’ve said that often enough. Conversely, I hate being anally assaulted, no prep, no lube (like two NSA guys did to me last year). Is that so hard to keep straight?

  17. Don’t mean to suggest SL readers should know my sexual preferences. But Hunter (@122/124) was acting as if he knew, but getting it all backassward.

  18. I would never want to remove Santorum orally, but I would like to have him removed permanently. I’d like to SHOUT him out like the stain that he is, or make him VANISH, or wash out with the TIDE so we could ALL – CHEER.

  19. @135 – one guy shoved it in “accidentally,” when he slipped out of the other hole; the other guy blew past my hard limit during a D/s scene. I call the second one rape, though I didn’t report it. Thanks for your concern; I’m okay, just moved from the short-term (“sex with strangers!”) plan to the longer-term (“get to know them by dating first”) plan.

  22. I’ve had to write the email that SPD had to write and it went something like this:

    ***

    Hey Dearest Friend,

    So I was getting my kink on scrolling CL and I saw your pictures up. If the pictures are up with your consent then let me say, you look fantastic. But if they aren’t up with your consent or knowledge, I thought you should know. If someone found my pics on the internet I’d like to know, no matter how good I looked.

    Love,

    Dearest Friend

    ****

    In this case it was CL, it was another site, but the pics were up with her permission and all it did was give me a reason to buy her a drink and forget all about it. Had she not known, she told me over that drink, she would have much rather I find it than anyone else.

    So there you go and fwiw.

  23. Rinsing out the rectum with a few bulbs of tap water is a pleasurable end in itself. Beyond that, your mileage may vary as to the amount of fecal matter hanging about inside you. Some people don’t have the luxury of producing movements that are so cohesive that nothing is left behind. I like the term “toothpaste” used above. I’m thankful every day for the invention of flushable wet wipes.

  25. Haven’t a clue why one would even bother with Rick Santorum. My dog has a better chance of getting the GOP nod than Santorum – hell, he couldn’t even draw a crowd if they was giving away $100 bills. The man is an idiot and not worthy of the time it takes to even google his name. I say leaving him alone is the best way to deal with him – he’s such a media whore that the lack of attention might finally make him shut up and go away.

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