I went to Craigslist to look at the kinky shit people are into. And I found a picture of my sister. Her eyes are blurred out, but one pic is of her nude and one is of her giving head, and there’s a tattoo that’s unique to her and clearly visible. I’m 99 percent sure it’s her. The ad was from her boyfriend, looking for a “horsecock” to stretch her pussy while he sits in the next room. It’s her business, but it’s a mindfuck. I half want to call her out, shame her out of it. She just turned 22.
Sister Pics Dilemma
Your sister is an adult, SPD, and adults are free to post what they like to CL, and adult females are free to stick whatever they like—mancock, horsecock, whatevercock—in their pussies. It’s hypocritical of you to enjoy the perversity on display at CL and then clutch your pearls in horror when you realize that someone you love—gasp!—is just as pervy as you are. So you’re not going to call your sister out or shame her.
But you are going to say something to her.
There’s a chance that your sister isn’t aware that her boyfriend is posting her pictures to CL. Horsecocks, stretching pussies, the GF getting it on while he sits in the next room—that’s all standard-issue cuckold fantasy stuff, SPD. There are women out there who are into cuckolding, of course, and there are women who’ve given their partners the okay to use their pictures in online personal ads seeking thirds for cuckold scenarios. However…
Lots of men with cuckold fantasies have posted pics of their actual wives and girlfriends to sites like CL without the consent of their actual wives and girlfriends. These guys don’t see—or refuse to see—the potential harm in rubbing one out while fantasizing about the responses they’ve received from men who want to fuck their wives/girlfriends. The harm comes, of course, when the wife or girlfriend is recognized by a sibling, a coworker, or an employer.
On the off chance that your sister’s BF is posting private pics to CL without your sister’s okay, SPD, you need to say something to her. She needs to know those pics are out there if she doesn’t already know it, and if she does know they’re out there, she needs to know that she can be recognized.
Your sister doesn’t need to be called out, and she doesn’t need to be shamed. What she needs is a heads-up from a concerned brother. Give her that, SPD, then butt the fuck out.
I’m a 20-year-old gay male and I entered into a relationship with a guy at the beginning of the summer. The sex has always been really good, but I’m worried about pleasing him. He disclosed early on that he has a foot fetish. Sex usually consists of him topping me while sucking my toes or me jerking him off while he’s fondling the bottoms of my feet. I don’t have any problem with him getting off to my feet. My problem with the whole ordeal is this: I don’t know diddly about foot fetishism. I tried Google, but my results weren’t much better than “Foot fetishism is the most common form of sexual fetishism from an otherwise nonsexual object or body part, and it’s different depending on who you’re fucking.” Not very helpful.
I’ve talked to my boyfriend about what I can do to make things better and what he likes, but he’s so bashful about the subject that I haven’t gotten any information save “I prefer the soles of your feet.” I have tried experimenting with things like footjobs (which didn’t work out very well because I had no idea what I was doing), and not knowing what else to do is frustrating.
I am currently studying in France until the end of August, and I want to surprise him with my newfound knowledge on his kink and new ways to get him off. What should I know? What would you recommend? And could you fill me in on proper footjob technique?
Seeking Orgasm Level Escalation
Male foot fetishists—the straight ones, anyway—will tell you that they react to feet the way most straight guys react to tits: aroused by the sight of ’em, want to do stuff to ’em. Some wanna suck ’em, some wanna fuck ’em, and some kinksters wanna safely, sanely, and consensually “torture” ’em. In other words, SOLE, it’s different depending on who the woman with the tits in question happens to be fucking.
Same goes for foot fetishists: Some wanna suck ’em, some wanna fuck ’em, some wanna “torture” ’em. (That’s called “bastinado,” and it should only be done safely, sanely, and consensually.) To find out what a particular foot fetishist enjoys most, you’ll have to ask the foot fetishist who’s enjoying your feet.
Your boyfriend probably finds it hard to talk about his fetish because he feels ashamed, needlessly so, and may have been rejected or mocked by previous partners when he opened up about his kink. (To avoid making his bashfulness worse, SOLE, avoid using terms like “problem” and “ordeal” when discussing his kink.) It’s possible that the stuff you’re doing for him now—sticking your toes in his mouth while he fucks you, jerking him off while he fondles your feet—fulfills all of his fantasies. Keep doing what you’re doing now, SOLE, and as his confidence levels about his kink and your relationship both grow, he’ll become less bashful about discussing his kink.
As for a proper footjob: Bring the bottoms of your feet together and let him fuck the gap between your soles with his lubed-up cock, titty-fucking style, or have him lie on the floor while you sit on the edge of the bed and move the lubed-up sole of one of your feet back and forth across his cock until he blows his load. Have fun!
If you do end up having to redefine the word “rick,” which you threatened to do in your recent Funny or Die video, I have a suggestion: rick (v): to remove santorum orally. (“He was so grateful for the lay that he ricked his partner.”)
Happy To Help
P.S. Thanks for your efforts on behalf of equality for all.
You’re welcome, HTH, and in case anyone missed my Funny or Die video—in which I threatened to redefine Rick Santorum’s first name if he didn’t lay off the gay bashing—you can watch it here: www.tinyurl.com/ricksick.
Santorum hasn’t laid off the gay bashing, as it’s all he’s got, so it looks like I’m going to have to go ahead and redefine his first name, too. (My apologies to Rick Dees, Rick Fox, Ricki Lake, and all the other innocent Ricks out there.) The definition I proposed in my video was a little too long and involved, so I vote for adopting yours, HTH. Now “Rick Santorum” isn’t just a vile and disgusting politician—he’s a vile and disgusting sentence.
That said, I don’t think someone would rick his or her partner out of gratitude; ricking someone—sucking the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex out of someone’s ass—is something a person would do only under duress or under orders from a cruel BDSM top.
CONFIDENTIAL TO EVERYBODY: Make porn, win prizes! Details at www.humpseattle.com. No rick videos, please!
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
And ready to excite and gross out web browsers everywhere: http://www.RemoveSantorumOrally.com
@27, Love it! it’s on my car for all to see!
@ 38 – I would presume santorum is often part of what you suck out during felching.
DAMN!! You guys must lay in wait for Dan’s Column and hop on early. It’s 6pm on the 17th where I am and there’s already 53 comments! Guess I’ll have to get up EARLY next Wed. to have a chance.
Since Rick Dees brought the world “Disco Duck”, I think he actually deserves it, for that alone.
@ 55 – Try checking it on Tuesday evening.
I think it’s time we had a contest for a new definition of Bachmann before she gets even worse.
@50: Yes!
Bachmann: the art of dressing up like Conan the Barbarian while punishing one’s lover. Only gay people could practice the Bachmann.
(I think my definition is too tasteful, but it’s the best I could come up with.)
I don’t think the suggest definition limits ricking to just ricking santorum. I read ricking as a portmanteau of “raunch” and “lick.” So you can rick santorum or you can rick other things too! I love it.
Bee-Tee-dubs…rickingsantorum.com = available!
OK, now let’s define ‘Cheney’ (no elaboration needed)
@ 58 – Actually, an enema exposes the tissue lining the rectum, making it more prone to cuts or bruises during anal sex, therefore increasing the risk of aids transmission. This is not a good idea in itself, but even worse if you’re planning on having unprotected sex, which is essential to felching.
What made you assume SPD was male?
What made you assume SPD was male?
What made you assume SPD was male, Dan?
@SOLE
Take it from me, a guy who recently revealed my foot fetish to my girlfriend. What you’re doing right now for him is definitely enough. He’s probably embarrassed (as I am with my girlfriend) that he’s sucking your toes, even though he no doubt it loves it. And he’s probably also gauging your reaction, to see if you’re okay with it, because even though it’s harmless, it is kinda weird – we get it. The more you’re cool with it, the more he’ll open up.
Don’t worry Ricks, I don’t think it will catch on.
Dear DanFan,
Yes, I will marry you, provided, a) you’re a girl and b) you promise never to Rick me.
yrs,
daveybee
@ 73 – I merely did a search with “enema” and “hiv transmission”, and tons of pages and studies come up.
If you read my post correctly, you’ll notice that I never said you claimed felching was safe. I was only challenging your assertion that all bottoms should have an enema before anal sex. It IS recognized as a factor in transmission, whether you personnally are aware of it or not.
Simplest way to keep greasy shit off yer cock is with a scumbag. Dan is right-on with his scumbag.org approach! Shove that up your google.
@ 73 – Following from my post @ 74 – Keep in mind that there’s no such thing as “absolutely safe sex”. Condoms break, sometimes. That’s why at one point they called it “safer sex”.
@73 – this straight woman has had plenty of anal sex, and has never had an enema. The idea of it being a little dirty is part of the thrill, for me.
@73, I’m curious, at what point in the evening does the bottom do the enema? Before heading out that evening? In the restaurant bathroom, while the top has another drink? At home, before starting to make out? At home, after the clothes have come off and things are hot & heavy? I’ve never understood this.
Fight hate with hate. Rick became dick a long time ago. You just recently, apparently.
@ 78 – If you must have an enema, I’d say it’s preferable to do it before going out. It’s unlikely you’ll have another bowel movement before quite a few hours, so you’ll still be clean inside, but your rectum’s lining will have had a bit of time to regenerate.
If Rick has now been redefined, doesn’t there need to be a web page about it to come up in web search results like spreadingsantorum.com?
To SOLE: Your bf may want to take you shoe shopping! This is great long-term foreplay for hetero footies.
@47, I was thinking the same thing. i’d like to propose a different definition for rick.
rick (v): to orally remove anal contents, especially Santorum (“He was so grateful for the lay that he ricked his partner.”)
don’t redefine the word rick-it might out somebody named rick
dont redefine the word rick, it might out somebody named rick who isnt ready, like if he has a semi-femmy voice and noone suspects and then theres this rick thing going around the school
I’ll take Footjob, Option B, Dan–oh yeah! just make sure the other one’s where it belongs–in my face!
There are also mfmff websites like footbuddies, myfriendsfeet, etc, where SOLE can go to learn.
LukeJoe–your post depresses me. Nothing wrong with trying to find new ways to make someone you are with happy.
I’ve seen that SPD letter before. Has it been recycled or was it on the Savage Love app?
Re redefining Rick: Not necessary. The damage has been done with Santorum. So much so that even my brain thinks of the redefinition when I hear the word. That video is hilarious btw. Kudos to those participating, esp. Rick Fox.
S.O.L.E. – Being a woman who caters professionally, to foot fetishists, I will say that the biggest thing you can do to please your partner is to just be comfortable with having him love and admire your feet. Keep them in nice shape – you can learn to give yourself great pedicures. Be open to discussion, but also keep it casual, let him open up as he feels more comfortable. Ask him if he enjoys the smell (not stinky, just the intimate perfume of clean feet that have been in shoes and socks all day.) Ask him a bit about how he thinks his feelings developed – this fetish often predates sexual feelings entirely. Try having him lie on the floor while you sit on the edge of a table and dangle your feet over his body, letting yourself rub him softly with your soles. Perhaps shoe shop with him and have him show you if there are any types of shoes he especially enjoys on you.
Somehow the fact that ricking would be an act close to licking would make me feel like I was being racist against Asians when I said it.
In Soviet Russia, Santorum Ricks you!
@ 91 – enemas + broken condoms, not enemas + condoms.
I don’t see what’s ridiculous about my assertion. The dick up my ass (or my dick up someone else’s) may cause some damage to some parts of the rectum… but much less (or none) if everyone’s properly lubricated.
Enemas remove the lining of the whole rectum, which is a mucous membrane (that means that it’s highly absorbant, in case you didn’t know). Combined that with a broken condom, and you’ve got a high-risk situation.
Let’s just say that you care more about cleanliness than about health. Your thing. But please don’t spread potentially hurtful info.
And also, there’s a very good way to filter the bullshit on Google. It’s called reading and using your brain.
Yay for all the attention you gave us kinksters in this week’s column!
All of a sudden I don’t think I’ll be ordering that second Gin Ricky.
@cockyballsup
http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/0620.…
“An enema prior to anal sex is not a necessary procedure, and it is uncommon.”
Tristan Taormino: “If you are in good general health…then the rectum and anus will be generally free of fecal matter after you go. However, if [you have] gastrointestinal problems… you may want to have an enema before anal sex.” (The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, p25)
http://www.pridealive.org/Queer_Health/a… says:
“it’s very important that you do not use enemas (douche) before anal sex. In fact, if you’re not constipated, or your doctor hasn’t instructed you to do so, you should avoid enemas in general.”
Besides your own squeamishness, what evidence do you have that most bottoms use enemas, and that it’s safe to do so on a regular basis?
C’mon people- You can’t have Santorum w/o Rick and vice-versa… let’s lock them together in a mellifluous synergy: the oral removal of lube and fecal matter… If the kind-hearted Ricks of the world are concerned about the negative association, then let’s say “Rick” only alludes to the removal of santorum when used in conjunction with the last name “Santorum”. So Santorum’s “Rick” only means santorum removal when you have a full “Rick Santorum”
@ 98 – Have your enemas, then.
Having had two LTRs with POZ guys, I can assure you that I have received plenty of information along the lines of what Erica P quoted, from various clinics and doctors, and in various countries, and none that correspond to your sources. Sorry I can’t give you the links – there were no links. Most of this was before the Internet. I’m that old.
Of course, I must also disclose that I would never trust medical info from the US anyway, as the pharmaceutical lobby is too strong there to guarantee objectivity.
And I’m happy to report that I too am in my 40’s and still negative. In spite of the 1000+ anal sex partners I’ve had.
@99, through Googlebooks I can see that Jack Morin says: “If, however, you are concerned about cleanliness, you might want to give yourself an anal douche.”
That’s hardly a strong recommendation that it’s crucial to do so. And since you’re so vehement that not cleaning out is “barbaric” and “dick-limpifying,” I’m betting your friends wouldn’t tell you if they occasionally have some fun sans enema.
@98, 101: I’m sure they still clean their asses, just in the shower with a finger. You don’t need an enema to clean out and it’s hardly expected.
“Rick” has been submitted to Urban Dictionary — it should be posted in the next 48 hours. Be sure to swing by and give it a thumbs up!
@104 – thanks for the cordial answer, cocky! Me, I’m no longer having anal on those initial dates, for other reasons. But I won’t fuck a new guy when I’m at the tail end of my period, in case a little blood shows up — so that’s pretty similar to your approach.
@104: Yes, but you can be thoroughly clean in your ass without an enema. Just shower and wash carefully.
@106: Lame! I hate when that stops people. And that’s totally different in that poop is gross, whereas a little blood is no big deal.
@107/106 Erica and Blackrose
I personally find period blood (which has a different colour/texture) than typical blood to be a little gross actually. Not as gross as poop! At all! But still not a welcome addition to my sex life.
I don’t like having sex on my period whether it’s a new guy or a LTR. That’s more of a personal preference thing than a “considerate” thing. But yeah in an LTR I’ve definitely had sex on days where I wasn’t 100% there wouldn’t be a trace of blood.
As for enemas/cleaning/etc, I had always heard that the area is pretty poop-free assuming you’ve gone to the washroom and other tactics are unneccesary/harmful. Maybe we should have some tops weigh in.
Please oh please work on Bachmann. This evil cow and her mean-spirited, dangerous, nancy-boy “husband” have earned their Google-bomb. That “Dr” Marcus dares to call himself “Dr” just because he bought a PHD from overstock.com makes me dislike him enough. That he is using his medicare-funded clinic to emotionally scar young gay men into repressing their sexuality makes me furious. I am a gay man who will be 50 in a month, and I still remember how lonely I was as a boy thinking I was the only one like me. We have come too far. Don’t let the Bachmanns of this world take us back.
Rick Santorum? Dan Savage, you are a very bad man <3