I recently discovered that you raped my beautiful 15-year-old daughter. Since this occurred several months ago, there is no physical evidence. She won’t discuss the details, but I suspect you’ve threatened her. She won’t testify, so nothing will be done to you.
I’ve investigated you on my own–you prey on underage girls who are under the influence. After you rape, you threaten. You’re a pathetic, jobless cokehead who still lives with your parents and has no future.
I know you’ve raped other girls–it’s common knowledge in your neighborhood. I recently found out you also raped a friend of my daughter quite some time ago. The prosecutor declined to do anything about it.
Someday you will be stopped-a family member or boyfriend will follow through on my fantasy and kill you; you’ll OD on drugs; or you’ll end up in jail because of your multiple rapes–hopefully being brutally sodomized by many ugly, bad-smelling men who will humiliate and torture you to death.
I hope my daughter and all the other girls you’ve brutalized will be okay. The sad thing is, even if you’re put away, there are many more people like you who are sick and evil. Get help or kill yourself now, and you’ll save the world from your horrible deeds.
I’ve also discovered that many law-enforcement personnel and attorneys still treat rape victims like they were the ones at fault. I hope people with the opinion that “She was drunk, so it’s her fault,” or “She looks/acts/talks like a slut, so she was asking for it” join you in that horrible hell where I know you deserve to be.
–Anonymous
No she raped me.
I wish my dad had written something like this. At least she knows you care and that she’s worth protecting.
Sob. I almost cried reading this.
Talk to people in the business. Pay what they ask. Pick someone who is good at it and won’t leave trace or get caught.
If she WAS drunk, then she WAS stupid. “Stupid” SHOULD hurt. Maybe now she’ll think twice about getting drunk in public venues, or getting drunk, PERIOD.
@5: being stupid and/or drunk doesn’t mean one deserves getting raped. You’re a coldhearted, merciless idiot, but I wouldn’t wish rape on you.
Actually, being raped might make you learn some empathy.
I’m so sorry that this terrible thing has happened to your daughter. You have every right to be angry and outraged at the injustice of her rape and the lack of legal recourse to punish the offender. I might be stating something obvious, but try focusing your attention now on healing your daughter and less on hating the rapist. There is nothing you can do about him at this point. You have rightly decided not to seek revenge. Another thing: Instead of wishing evil on the rapist (an understanable reaction), pray for him. Pray that his eyes will be opened to the horrible things he is doing to innocent women, or if not, then that the Lord intervenes to stop him. That is the healthiest thing you can do. Don’t make your daughter’s and your own situation worse by wasting time dwelling on hatred of this person. He has poisoned your lives enough without giving him so much importance in your thoughts and hearts.
This brought back some awful memories for me, but it did make me realize that with time, counselling, and a lot of love, this will actually become a memory.
I was raped almost a decade ago. I will never forget it. At the time, I didn’t believe I’d ever get over it. Please do what you can for your daughter, and one day she’ll look back and remember that this happened, but it will be a fuzzy memory and not the fresh nightmare that it is.
My thoughts and love go out to you and your family. You are a wonderful parent and she is lucky to have you.
Holy. I just realized that the date on this is about ten days after I was raped. That tripped me out. I wish I’d caught that before I posted my response…. I wasn’t that much older than your daughter.
Be the rock she needs (but probably denies she needs). Allow her to be angry at the world, and angry at the little things too. Hold her when she cries, including if it’s at a cheesy movie. Do not allow this to destroy you, even though it can; instead, help her to feel needed. Sign up with her for self-defense class for both of you (tell her you need her support too). Take her out to the coast and walk on the beach, allowing silence and healing to take their natural places in the conversation. Buy or bring her a little gift every once in awhile (a hot chocolate, a rose in a vase, an iTunes gift card). Give her some writing paper and a beautiful pen. She knows that you love her, because it’s all the little things that will help her — and you — to heal.
Hate to say it, but EVERYBODY is right. Time to heal, time to let yourself be ok with the silence, the anger, the tears. Time to work on moving on. ALSO work on using that strongest weapon that young woman has – her BRAIN. I’m sorry but being with the opposite sex (or same sex if the situation warrants) is like defensive driving. You need to keep your eyes on the road, and check back in the rear view mirror sometimes. Yes self defense classes are good but the real danger from shit like this comes from people you know. As this posting indicates. Time to stop feeling bad and being smart. Its going to suck now but teach her to use that new knowledge so she doesn’t get in that situation again. Take care.
@5 – sarcasm i hope.
“Someday you will be stopped-a family member or boyfriend will follow through on my fantasy and kill you”
Sorry for what happened, parent. But sitting around and wishing doesn’t make justice happen, if you get my meaning…
To me it sounds like you are a single parent…If that’s the case her confiding into you (as a male) may be even harder to do. If that’s the case, maybe helping her find a counselor (when she’s ready, willing & able) would be a good idea. In the meantime, write a letter to her expressing your feelings about wanting to help & support. I wouldn’t express the need to seek “revenge” on her attacker.
A friend of mine who was raped in similar circumstances has literally transformed herself through martial arts. Doing karate helped her feel strong and have a sense of self esteem. It’s not specifically that if anyone ever tried to rape her again she could kick their ass because, obviously, if they had a knife or a gun that’s not true. But, she feels powerful and owns her body, and that has made all the difference for her in recovering from this.
Your daughter is a minor. You are charged with her protection. Call the police and report the rape. Yes, nothing may come of it…do it anyway. For her. Show her she matters.
I’m so sorry. So, so sorry. A woman isn’t asking to be raped when she drinks or wears certain clothing; she has the rights to her own body. It is the rapist’s responsibility, and the rapist’s responsibility alone, not to rape her.
Try to find her counseling, especially with someone who specializes in survivors of sexual abuse. She won’t discuss it with you, but she might be willing to discuss it with a neutral third party, confidentiality guaranteed. At the least it would be an outlet for any other stressors in her life.
Best of luck to you and her.
I will never understand why people wish rape on rapists. (The same way we kill people to show that killing people is wrong.)
What I dont get is why drag up an almost nine year old column and print it again. There surely must be some more recent articles/happenings that you could be printing. Just my two cents.
@19
Obviously you haven’t been reading the recent I, Anons that have sucked some serious ass. This one has a ring of sincerity that most have been lacking for some time now. Plus, what the hell are you doing commenting on an old ass column at 6:35 in the damn morning? What the hell’s wrong with you? Go back to bed or quit the all-night meth binging.
rape is fun
i wouldn’t want to go to jail for this loathsome insect (apologies to actual insects) – but i don’t see any reason why you couldn’t put up posters all over town detailing exactly: who he is, what he’s done, what you know, where he lives, what his methods are, and that others should actively monitor his every public move. a community that actually comes together to shut this guy down could be more effective than any probation officer.
whatever happened to the idea of running a criminal out of town on a rail? keeping quiet benefits no one more than the rapist – it keeps a constant supply of potential victims handy for him. i know it’s not an enjoyable thing to publicize (for your daughter’s sake) but don’t you both want to spare future victims of his the same fate?
there are always going to be asshats who say it’s her fault – those people are afraid, and they think this couldn’t happen to them because they’re better people somehow, which we all know is perfect horseshit.
rape happens because there are people who are willing to rape, not because there’re things like alcohol and short skirts in the world. good fucking god, there is a total logic fail every time some idiot brings out that tired old saw again. here’s the recipe for eliminating rape: shut the rapists down and stop making excuses for it. there is no excuse. rape would not happen without willing rapists, no matter what the fuck else was going on in the world. the problem is the rapists and their apologists, not the circumstances.
@5 and anyone else who says that this girl (or any girl in her situation at her age) got what they deserved…SHE WAS 15!!! Even if she was drunk and underage, she probably did not expect to be raped. Even if she was sober and just plain stupid, would you STILL say she deserved what she got? How do you know that this guy didn’t just give her a glass of soda or juice or WATER that had some unknown substance in it that she couldn’t quite taste? There are sick fucks out there and this girl did not deserve what she got. My heart breaks for your future daughter (or son, even) who may end up in this very same situation. What will you do then? Will you say that they were stupid and it was all their fault?
I think poster number 5 learned everything he knows about rape(and probably everything he knows about everything else)from right-wing talk radio.
In fact, posting that is probably the closest number 5 has actually got to sex with another person.
I wish this is what somebody close to me had said afterwards. It would have helped. Generally, I got “Dumb slut”-type of responses. . . from people who were supposed to care, and who I thought were my friends!
Your daughter is lucky she has you, even if she doesn’t want to talk about it yet.
Rip his nuts off and stuff them in his mouth. Problem solved.
The timing of this letter makes me think of the guy who raped my friend at Anime Expo then went home to Seattle and raped a girl there (probably more than one). I remember finding his number and calling him to tell him that soon I’d fly home (I was in New Mexico at the time), find him, and do unspeakable things to him. It’s been years and he ran away to Hawaii since then. His name was Jeff… I wish I could remember his last name.
I know how you feel man,my daughter was raped when she was 14 yrs old by a family member,
that was 20 years ago but we just found out about it last year, when she was getting help for a different issue, it was the therapist who got it out of her,we went to the police who arrested him & he was charged with rape & other things too sick to go into, but the case has been dropped on a technicality, I cant fault the authorities though
they were very supportive, the police say they know he is guilty& they are just as upset as us, my daughter is married with two daughters of her own one of which is coming to the age my daughter was when it happened, the really hurtful thing is my so called family has taken the perverts side in all this, who needs enemies with family like that, what now ???
I Know how you feel. My daughter was rape too she was 14 just last year, he was a childhood friend of my husbands. My daughter thank god, got the courage to testify against him so he is serving some time know. Not what he deserves thought. I despise guys that take advantage of little girls and do these things. I think they should be put away forever. I hope you find a peace of mind because sometimes I think I have, but the next minute I find my self-asking god for forgiveness do to my thought.
@16
I would not recommend doing that at all. Rape is profoundly disempowering… taking agency away from Anon’s daughter by taking matters into his/her own hands will only further disempower her. The most important thing is for the survivor to regain a sense of control, and that means that she must choose whatever course of action she wants to take.
The criminal justice system does not do much to help rape survivors, and often does much to shame them…. it’s not the best course of action for many survivors. If that’s what she wants to do, then do it. But if she’d rather regain her sense of personal agency through less public means, that is her prerogative.
I also feel that I,A is missing his own justice potential here. If that were my daughter…
(BTW, Glenn Beck says that empathy is bad, and leads to evil.)
to “stupid should hurt”: she’s young, you prick, not stupid. we all were 15 at some point, the problem isn’t with making the usual mistakes of youth, but with the sick people in the world that try to take advantage of youth’s naivete. and yeah i’m sure she’ll think twice about drinking now, for underage drinking the punishment sure did fit the crime right? please do not have daughters, or children for that matter, your lack of empathy makes me think you might father a sociopath/future rapist.
and should dressing and acting provocatively excuse rape and place blame on the victim? what about the douchebag who double parks his hummer in two handicap spots and flashes his wads of cash in his Louis Vuitton wallet? under that logic i would be justified in mugging him and stealing his car, he was flaunting wealth like he had some to spare for me! sorry but that sick kind of machismo “blame the victim” logic doesn’t work.
Please consider getting her on birth control, if possible. A daughter of my friends was raped 2 years ago, shortly before her 14th birthday. Despite the support from her parents and sisters, as well as counseling, she acted out sexually; she confessed that she thought she might “feel clean again if [she] did it with someone who cared about [her]”. She will be a 16-year-old mother come this fall.
@31: If you listen to Glenn Beck, does DF stand for dumb fuck?
How does empathy lead to evil??
@30. Calling the police is exactly what the parent should do. It’s a parent’s job to teach empowerment by doing the things that may not feel good at the time but that must be done. The girl probably wants to crawl into a hole and die right now, thinking it will go away if she ignores it. Is it empowering to her to allow that? Is it empowering to not get medical attention because it’s her body and she should not have to feel the bad feelings of examinations, anti-viral drugs, and test results for the next year? If the girl was mature enough to deal with the situation, she’d have gone to the police or the parent immediately while there was more evidence. She’s a child. She didn’t know any better. She doesn’t know any better now. She needs to learn that empowered people act even when it’s painful. They stand up and speak even if it doesn’t always get the results they want. The only reason the criminal justice system is as good as it is is because of all the women and men who spoke even though people didn’t believe them and they didn’t get any justice. Being quiet because it’s easier at the time doesn’t help the current victim or the future one.
Boy, I’m gonna sound like such an ass today.
Have you considered discussing with your daughter the things she can do to ensure her safety, and the things she can do to compromise it? I accept, above all else, that there is no possible justification for rape, and that the man in question is a terrible one (though, as a member of the legal profession, I’m not in love with the prayer that someone murder him).
But, at the same time, this man would have a much more difficult time taking advantage of intoxicated young women if the young women weren’t getting intoxicated. If he’s a rapist in the “she’s too incapacitated to consent nor fight back” way, rather than the “physically restrained and raped” way, then his MO would be much more difficult to accomplish without the underage drinking aspect.
@32
It’s not an issue of “justifying” the behavior of the rapist. It’s an issue of the level of pure sympathy we feel for the victim. A poor man walking home late at night deserves more sympathy for being mugged than an ostentatiously wealthy man choosing to walk in a bad neighborhood while shouting how opulently wealthy he is.
Under no circumstances do I think that she would “deserve” to be violated, but on some level she did put herself at greater risk for *something* bad happening, and (thus) is somewhat more responsible for it than if she had been attacked walking down a presumably safe street in broad daylight.
If you go BASE jumping and break your arm, you don’t get as much sympathy than someone who broke their arm defending an old woman from a mugger. When you intentionally put yourself in harm’s way, you are more responsible for the harm that befalls you.
I’m sorry to sound like an ass, and I know that any emotionally charged issue like this is going to carry with it the natural instinct to automatically insulate the victim from any responsibility for what happened, and thus it sounds terribly insensitive to suggest otherwise. But, at the same time, I think the rational parts of us have to recognize that safety is at least partially a matter of personal responsibility, don’t we?
@36 Were talking about rape here! It does not matter where she was or at what time it was,
so what your saying is your more likely to get raped in a rough neighborhood than anywhere else,
that’s crap,it happens anywhere,
& that she was partially responsible for her own rape!!!
This is utter garbage,
@36
She did not intentionally put herself in harm`s way. She got raped. This can happen at anytime, anywhere.
I was raped 7 years ago by a friend I trusted, stone cold sober and in the middle of the afternoon. Does this make me any less deserving of this horrible act than a drunk 15 year old?
Sure its great to be safe and its even better to make more responsible choices, but in no way does this make her even “partially responsible“ for this henious act.