I wouldn’t ordinarily bring up Donald Trump’s penis under any circumstances, but it’s clearly something on which he plans to campaign, so let’s get into it.
If you have any friends in other countries, they might be asking you at some point soon to please explain what is happening with our election process. You can go ahead explain that it’s never been an orderly or dignified or even democratic process, but this year has been the absolute worst. Then ask if you can marry them so you can get the hell out of here before the election.
Last night, Donald Trump opened the debate by bragging about the size of his penis, something he’s done in the past. Just in case you missed it:
This happened in real life on Planet Earthhttps://t.co/OpV32fMYsF
— Chris Cillizza (@TheFix) March 4, 2016
And today, tongues are wagging about what might have been Trump’s attempt at a blow job reference. Isn’t this all very presidential?
At least Bill Clinton had the decency to actually show his dick to interested parties, rather than just bragging about it.
Anyway, about that blowjob thing. Apparently on Thursday, when Donald Trump was attacking Mitt Romney, he told a crowd of onlookers that Mitt wanted his endorsement when he ran for president in 2012.
“He was begging for my endorsement,” Trump told anyone who would listen. “I could have said, ‘Mitt, drop to your knees.’ He would have dropped to his knees.”
Once again, Trump is the master of the dog-whistle, because “drop to your knees” could just mean humiliated begging, or it could mean that Trump wanted to look down and see Mitt Romney trying to locate his penis with his tongue. And who among us hasn’t?
Obviously, Trump is a disgusting lewd adult and knows what it means to say “drop to your knees.” But denying he ever meant anything like that is his special magic trick. He only speaks in phrases that have multiple meanings, because he’s figured out that if you talk confidently yet vaguely, everyone will assume that they are the only ones who don’t know what you’re talking about, and they’ll be afraid to ask questions. This is how horrible bosses manage to fail upwards.
Tellingly, at least one conservative Christian just jumped straight to the blowjob conclusion. Radio host Andrew McKay went on MSNBC to complain about gay sex innuendo to Thomas Roberts. (Good idea.)
“We live in an area that styles itself as being very Christian, lots of churches, evangelical voters, Baptists, Catholics, this whole area is dominated by religion,” said McKay. “And I think they have to all ask themselves the question, do they want someone who gets up there and says that a former presidential candidate for their party got down on his knees and offered to blow him?”
That is … not exactly what happened, Andrew, but thank you for that little peek into your inner fantasy life.
What will tomorrow hold for Donald Trump’s penis? Hard to say, but one thing’s for sure: This is definitely the most attention it’s ever received.
