It’s always a delightful surprise when your favorite artists release an unexpected new work, and today we are celebrating a round-robin of nonsense courtesy of beat poet Sarah Palin and ineffable trickster goddess Azealia Banks.
It’s hard to imagine two women with less in common, aside from a mutually antagonistic attitude towards the gays. Also, they both support Donald Trump.
But they share more than that: both artists have a unique gift for making absolutely no sense whatsoever. It was only a matter of time before they teamed up, though nobody could have predicted that their partnership would take the form of an extended feud spread across social media networks and culminating in threats of lawsuits.
So here’s what happened, as far as anyone can make out: Azealia Banks saw an article about how Sarah Palin endorsed slavery and got upset. That’s a reasonable response! But fortunately/unfortunately the article wasn’t true — it was from one of those websites that, for some reason, everyone calls “satire,” meaning that it’s just shit someone made up, not actually satire. Please stop calling them satire.
Anyway, Banks flew into a rage, tweeting: “Sarah Palin needs to have her hair shaved off to a buzz cut, get headfucked by a big veiny, ashy, black dick, then be locked in a cupboard.” She added, “Let’s find the biggest burliest blackest negroes and let them run a train on her. Film it and put it on worldstar.”
(“Run a train” generally means that a bunch of men take turns having sex with a woman.)
Okay, so that’s kind of an unpleasant sentiment, but to be fair, she had just read that a prominent political performer endorsed slavery, so I can see how that might make a person upset if they were the kind of person who believes everything they read.
Palin, delighted by the opportunity to talk down to a person of color, wrote a lengthy Facebook response, to which the appropriate response is “ugh” throughout. “Hey Female Rapper – listen up, little darling,” she began, and that’s as far as any decent person can be expected to read before closing that particular tab. “No one has any idea what you’re wigging out about” (ugh) “but you’re obviously not exercising enough intelligence to acknowledge you’ve been sucked into believing some fake interview in which I supposedly offered comments representing the antithesis of my truth.”
Nice job, Palin, A+++ nonsense there, excellent gibberish. We look forward to your upcoming poetry anthology, “The Antithesis of my Truth.”
Banks, not to be outdone, wrote an even more gibberishy response: “I truly believe that you possess a certain “je ne sais quoi,” (a french term which is often interpreted to denote one’s inexplicable charisma.) Given a bit of book-reading/media-training/patience, that charisma could become your magic carpet.”
Okay, yup, this is grade A nonsense. Well done, Banks. You’ve out-nonsensed the nonsense queen.
“I sincerely apologize for any emotional distress or reputational scarring i may have caused you,” Banks went on, “I’ve recently had the opportunity to indulge in a few lengthy conversations with some very popular conservative figures. I’ve concluded: Amongst millennial conservatives, Censorship paired with the (questionable) social necessity for political correctness are atop the list of social grievances.”
Very nicely done there, it’s both baffling and meandering, excellent work. The letter concludes: “Realize that stereotypes are a product of what I like to call the “Critical White Gaze.” The basic fundamentals of the Critical White Gaze are Fear, Ignorance, Curiosity, and Fetishization.”
Haha, nice try, Azealia, you’re not going to trick Sarah Palin into reading your freshman term paper on Toni Morrison.
Anyway, now Sarah Palin says she’s going to sue Azealia Banks, because sure why not. “Let’s be honest here: if a white girl were to say what this black girl is saying, the screams for the entire white population’s head would be louder than the nonsensical rap that Azealia spews all the way to the bank. The white girl would probably be locked up,” Palin wrote. I give this gibberish a C-minus, because you can at least understand what she’s trying to say, and it’s hideous.
Anyway, congratulations to both of you; may your collaboration prove long, may it yield many more opportunities for nonsense, and purple monkey dishwasher.
