Before all the other human beings you will see at Bumbershoot this year—before Kanye West, before Debbie Harry, before those teenagers who break cinderblocks on their backs while laying on nails and screaming—a group of civilized and famous writers, musicians, and TV personalities is putting on a show in the powerfully air-conditioned McCaw Hall. This event is called People Talking & Singing. It happens on the eve of Bumbershoot (Friday night), it requires a separate $30 ticket, and all proceeds go to the volunteer-run writing center 826 Seattle. It’s possible it will sell out. So, get on it.
People Talking & Singing is a bigger, better version of something Dave Eggers, Sarah Vowell, and Daniel Handler (AKA Lemony Snicket) did at Bumbershoot last year. Handler (in a tuxedo) MC’d, Eggers read letters to CEOs written from the point of view of a dog, Vowell held forth on the history of the “Battle Hymn of the Republic,” and the “special guests” turned out to be a little outfit called Death Cab for Cutie. By evening’s end, Death Cab for Cutie and Mike Doughty were covering Duran Duran’s “Hungry Like the Wolf” and Vowell was jumping around on stage like a House of Pain fan circa 1992.
This year, Eggers, Vowell, and Handler are back, and joining them are Stephin Merritt (of the Magnetic Fields), Colin Meloy (of the Decemberists), Zach Rogue (of Rogue Wave), and Smoosh (of North Seattle). Everyone’s favorite expert John Hodgman hosts, backed by everyone’s favorite coonskin-cap-wearing folk balladeer Jonathan Coulton. There will be “special guests,” but if I told you who they were, the people who organize Bumbershoot would leave a horse’s head in my bed. Yes, they are that special. It’s a festival in itself, this event, a mini-Bumbershoot, basically a coruscating array of the best of everything, brought to you by people.
I know what you’re wondering. You’re wondering: What’s going to happen? Now, how would I know something like that? The Stranger may have many resources, but prognostication is not among them. What I can offer is an introduction to everything currently known about the event’s participants, beginning with Mr. Hodgman, who, as MC, will be introducing the participants on Friday, making this a sort of introduction to introductions. Come in! Have a seat!
JOHN HODGMAN
Occupations he has held or would be good at: author (The Areas of My Expertise), “resident expert” on The Daily Show, contributor to McSweeney’s, professional literary agent, MC of 826 events, hobo.
Height: 5’ 10”.
Disposition: Not exactly sunny, although pleasant.
Excerpt from collected works: “Eels, as any schoolchild knows, were the true main course at the Pilgrims’ first Thanksgiving, largely because the eels themselves had eaten all the turkeys.”
SMOOSH
Who they are: Indie pop duo (singing, keyboards, drums).
First names: Chloe and Asya.
Ages: 12 and 14, respectively.
Label: Barsuk.
Bands they have opened for: Death Cab for Cutie, Sleater-Kinney, Presidents of the United States of America, Nada Surf, the Eels.
How to keep from getting nervous backstage (according to Chloe, in an interview with The Believer): “We stand 10 feet away from each other and run toward each other and bump our stomachs, and [that] makes me not as nervous. Or sometimes, if there’s oranges or apples backstage, we’ll throw them at each other at the same time and try to catch them.”
STEPHIN MERRITT
Best argument for his inarguable genius: The Magnetic Fields’ 69 Love Songs.
Voice: Deep.
Height: Short.
Representative lyric (happy): “Butterflies turn into people/When my boy walks down the street.”
Representative lyric (gloomy): “The day is beautiful and so are you/My car is ugly but then I’m ugly too.”
Kind of dog he has: Chihuahua.
What he will perform at this event: Songs inspired by the oeuvre of Lemony Snicket.
SARAH VOWELL
Books she has written (in reverse order):Assassination Vacation, The Partly Cloudy Patriot, Take the Cannoli, Radio On.
A sentence from her bio on Wikipedia: “Vowell lives in New York City, cannot swim, is afraid of heights, and does not drive a car.”
Allergic to: Wheat.
Role in the 826 empire: President of the Board of 826 NYC.
What she will do at this event (her words): “I might do one of two things. I might put on a mirrored tuxedo and tap-dance out the speech of Chief Seattle in Morse code—that part where he says ‘your dead cease to love you’ is super kicky. Then I’ll whip out my recorder from my jacket pocket—the soprano of course as that’s much more show biz than the tenor, not that the tenor can’t be haunting—and Lemony Snicket will join me on stage with his accordion and we’ll perform an instrumental duet of Snoop Dogg’s ‘Gin and Juice.’ But if I’m feeling really at the top of my game and I think the audience truly deserves a treat, I’ll ditch all those empty theatrics and give the people what they really want. Which is to say I will stand there at a lectern and read. I don’t want to spoil the surprise of what I might read about but if a hint is really necessary here I have two enticing words: Fremont Expedition!”
COLIN MELOY
Singer and songwriter for: Portland pop band the Decemberists (guitar, accordion, upright bass, hurdy-gurdy, etc.).
Notable sibling: Older sister Maile Meloy, author of Half in Love and Liars and Saints.
Spirit animal: Unknown.
Setting of significant creative breakthrough: Horrible family trip to Montana’s Smith River.
Sense of humor, as once described by Sean Nelson in The Stranger: “Like a dirty limerick written in calligraphic script.”
Meloy’s characterization of his band’s success: “Totally weird.”
DAVE EGGERS
Best anagrams of “Dave Eggers”: Verge Degas, Rev. Gag Seed, Adverse Egg.
Role in the 826 empire: Founder, fundraiser, tutor, volunteer, floor sweeper.
What we should all stop pretending: That A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius isn’t the best book published by an American in the past decade.
Excerpt from said best book published by an American in the past decade: “Thus, one starts to feeling that death is literally around each and every corner—and more specifically, in every elevator; even more literally, that, each and every time an elevator door opens, there will be standing, in a trench coat, a man, with a gun, who will fire one bullet, straight into him, killing him instantly, and deservedly, both in keeping with his role as the object of so much wrath in general, and for his innumerable sins, both Catholic and karmic.”
Chances that you will be shot by a man in a trench coat at this event: Slim to none.
