Savage Love Web Extra

I love your column, and I appreciate that
you continually stand up for the oppressed, the repressed, and those
who just need a little push to get out there and live how they really
want (and often need) to.

But I couldn’t help but cringe at a recent
letter from RUFF and at your advice that (while you reiterate that
“Bestiality is wrong, wrong, wrong, because an animal cannot give its
consent”) RUFF go get that house with a big yard and take his animal
loving inside. I actually agree with your assertion that those of us
who implicitly condone cruelty to animals by supporting industries that
torture and kill them for food and clothing have little room to bash
dog fuckers (or, as seems to be the case here, dog fuckees). Still, I
think you’d have done well to suggest that RUFF see the shrink FIRST
and consider getting the house down the road.

Whether you wanted to or not, your
suggestion that RUFF go out and get the house and yard (regardless of
how many ellipses you use in your sentences to express your discomfort
with the issue) suggests that secretive dog fucking is somehow okay.
This, of course, stands in direct opposition to your statement that dog
fucking isn’t cool.

Anyway, Dan, I’m normally right there with
you on matters of sexual difference, but do you honestly think that
this guy (all of 25 years old) couldn’t use a little therapy? If for no
other reason than to work through something that is causing him pain? I
say, suggest the dude go to a fucking shrink! And after a few months,
if he still pitches a tent every time he sees that Irish wolfhound in
the dog park, perhaps then he could start saving for that house.

Not Accepting of Dog Sex

•••

Might there be another option for RUFF
besides a life alone or screwing dogs? Perhaps he could consider
“dating furries”? Or am I just naive to think that someone dressed up
as a dog would, err, get his motor running?

JB

•••

I read your advice for RUFF and quite
honestly I don’t know where to begin analyzing it ethically. But from a
practical standpoint, there are potential dangers in attempting to be
fucked by a dog. If this dude is really looking to be penetrated (and
not just the old “oops, I spilled peanut butter on my crotch” trick),
he should be aware that during intercourse, a gland at the base of the
dog’s penis swells. It’s called the bulbus glandis, and the purpose is
to lock the dog’s penis inside the bitch’s vagina during the entirety
of mating, since canine ejaculation comes in three stages which can
take 20–30 minutes or longer to complete. If you’ve ever seen two
dogs walking around like they’re conjoined at the butt, that’s what’s
going on. They literally cannot separate themselves!

Now, I have no idea whether this would
happen during penetration of a human anus, but I see no reason why it
wouldn’t. The potential for physical damage here alarms me, especially
since you can’t communicate with a dog the way you can with another
person about going slower, being gentle, etc. And imagine if something
did go wrong and you were “tied” to the dog for a half hour or more.
Ugh, you know what: Don’t imagine it. Just let RUFF know that what you
think he’s thinking about doing is, besides being ethically dubious at
best, a potential emergency-room nightmare waiting to happen.

Loves Dogs And Healthy Anuses

•••

While you claim you’re against screwing
animals since it is clearly nonconsensual, you then give Ruff the go
ahead, by justifying it on grounds that society at large already treats
animals like so much dirt. So rather than you challenging yourself to
exchange the tortured factory-farmed meat you eat in favor of
free-range meat or, god forbid, even reduce or eliminate meat from your
diet, you’d go with “two wrongs make a right.”

While you can claim some authority on sex
advice, you’re clearly out of your range when it comes to ethical
issues such as animal cruelty or environmental issues such as eating
factory-farmed meat. But hey, as long as we’re all happy indulging our
sexual appetites, who cares about the suffering and environmental
damage that will destroy life on earth as we know it, within a matter
of only a few generations.

Screw The Planet

•••

Instead of acting this out, I think the guy
with the dog fetish should see a sex-positive psychodynamic therapist.
Why? Because I disagree with your belief that fetishes cannot be
changed. They can.

While most fetishes add to the vast and
stunning variety of sex to enjoy, those that are nonconsensual, or
carry unacceptable dangers, or, in RUFF’s case, prison and/or living an
extremely isolated life, may be better left in fantasy. Or better,
explored to see how they come to play such a key role in our sexual
responses.

I want to ask you to rethink your views on
fetishes, Dan, and I argue this as someone who has worked as a
therapist and also has experienced changes in what turns me on through
both therapy and simply from living my life. I do not think sexual
fixations are the same as sexual orientation. I disagree with
therapists who claim to “cure” gays. Firstly, of course, sexual
orientation is not an illness to be cured, and secondly, I believe
sexual orientation is pretty well hardwired. In a few people, I have
found orientation does shift over time—the research I have seen
says more commonly in women than men—probably only in people who
had bi potential all along.

But I doubt very much that this guy’s
sexuality is hardwired. I think it is a fetish, and fetishes, unlike
orientations, do change over time in many, many people—not
necessarily because they seek to change them, but because they outlive
their usefulness to our psyche.

How not to change a fetish? Try to
repress, ignore, or deny it. Hate yourself for it. Fear it. Wallow in a
self-perpetuating cycle of fantasizing or acting out a taboo followed
by shame guilt and self-punishment.

There is no guarantee that his fetish can be
changed, or that the guy who wrote to you would discover sexual
feelings for people, men or women. But I believe there is a fairly good
chance of some significant change—if he can commit himself to
explore his inner life along with his sexuality and his feelings about
people and talk frankly and honestly with a nonjudgmental,
confidential, skilled person. I’m not saying it wouldn’t be hard. He
would have to be willing to change as well as to risk sharing such
feelings when the usual reaction is revulsion—but there are
skilled therapists who would not judge him for his physical feelings,
although they would require a commitment to not act on these fantasies
while in therapy.

The key would be to find a psychologist with
experience working on sexual issues and an understanding of
developmental theory. In addition, he should interview potential
therapists and make sure he finds someone whom he can trust.

Fetishes Alter In Therapy

•••

Your understanding of fulfilled sexuality as
an integral part of a happy, good life has influenced me more than
you’ll ever know, Dan. I point at your advice to show my religious
relatives that even (gasp) a homosexual can have a strong,
well-thought-out moral stance, and can lead a meaningful, upright,
family life.

I won’t be showing them your most recent
column, however. Your advice to Really Unsure For Future, the
25-year-old zoophile, gave me “paws.” (Sorry.) Yes, if dogs could give
consent they would much rather roger their owners (or a shoe, or a
potato, or a fencepost) than be killed and eaten. Yes, as a society we
cruelly use animals in many sickening ways. And, yes, it’s unlikely
that the letter-writer will magically start being attracted to his own
species.

Does that give him license to get his funk
on with Fido? (Sorry again.) Dogs can’t give consent. Neither can
children or mentally retarded adults. They are off-limits because they
can’t give consent, because the act is between inherent unequals.

Keep It In The Species

•••

Dan, there’s no reason why RUFF can’t enjoy
that backyard with a very high fence with a partner. There are lots of
people out there who share his interests. Please send him the following
links so that he can find like-minded people to at least talk to, if
not date: www.beastdating.com and www.beastforum.com.

Handball Top

•••

I realize there aren’t really good answers
to RUFF’s problem, but the answer you gave could only be considered
less evil at best. Here’s what I got: So, a RealDoll is an
accurate, fully fuckable replica of a human woman, right? Well, maybe
it would be possible to construct an anatomically accurate, fuckable
RealDogg. I know it takes a lot of imagination to make a RealDoll seem
as good as a living woman (to most), and the same challenge will exist
with a RealDogg. But there is no risk of cruelty to the nonliving
silicone and internal metal bones that make up a RealDogg, and it
doesn’t poop or need food, and there’s no guilty temptation just to
have it put to sleep if RUFF gets bored with it.

There are people out there with enough
skills to construct a RealDoll. They probably have the skills to make a
RealDogg too. Expensive in cash, but probably the most affordable way
morally for RUFF to indulge this hunger. This will just have to do
until the animated, heated, self-lubricated, friendly but
certified-nonaware AI fuckable robot dogs can be invented later this
century.

Shane

•••

You said it yourself in paragraph two of
your response to RUFF: “Bestiality is wrong, wrong, wrong.” So what
happened at the end of your response? You’re going to tell this writer
to go ahead anyway as long as he doesn’t get caught? Even if animals
have the instinct to procreate, it doesn’t make it right to abuse that
natural urge for some guy to get his rocks off. An analogy: A
13-year-old boy might take pleasure in having the erect penis he awoke
with rubbed, so does that make it all right for Uncle Jimmy to rub it
for him? NO, NO, NO!

Kids and animals can’t give their consent.
Period.

It troubles me that despite your clear grasp
of the cruel practices of modern agribusiness, leather and fur
industry, etc, etc., Dan, you truly believe the only outcome for an
animal’s life is to be either “screwed or stewed.” Vegans are just as
freaky and kinky as the rest, but we try to have our fun without
exploiting those that can’t speak for themselves. Go vegan and try
www.veganerotica.com for
your fetish needs.

As for RUFF, maybe he can purchase an
inflatable doggy to play with. Or try fucking a person dressed up like
a dog while having old Lassie reruns on in the
background….

Izzi

•••

Tell that sick fuck RUFF to do us all,
especially animals, a favor by blowing his brains out.

If RUFF had admitted to wanting to rape
children would you tell him to build a “nice tall fence around that
yard” and do whatever he was going to do “inside, please, shades
drawn”? Having sex with animals is against the law, as is having sex
with children. At the very least this sick fuck should go and get a
nice big dose of Depo-Provera, or become a plushie. Good grief, what a
freak.

No Sympathy For Dog Fuckers

•••

Like 99 percent of your readers, I am
disgusted by RUFF’s sexual interest in animals, and while I strongly
dislike your advice to him on this matter, I’m sure you’ll receive
plenty of outraged e-mail about it. I instead wanted to thank you for
your brief mention of the misery and cruelty factory-farm animals
endure every moment of their lives.

Each year in the United States, nearly 10
billion land animals are raised and killed for food. Just like the dogs
and cats we welcome into our homes, chickens, pigs, turkeys, and cows
have their own personalities, inquisitive natures, likes and dislikes,
and—most importantly—the ability to feel pain, suffer from
boredom and frustration, and experience joy. Yet, as you know, these
animals are routinely and horrifically mistreated and there is no
federal law protecting them and practically no state laws. The only way
to truly remove yourself from involvement in this violence is to adopt
a vegetarian diet, but this is a personal decision that not all will
make. I do however urge all to consider purchasing meat, eggs, and
dairy that come only from animals more humanely raised.

With the growing interest in natural and
organic foods, it is continually becoming easier to consume animal
products in a more compassionate way. You can find more information at
www.compassionate-carnivores.org.

Jenn F.

•••

I was once in RUFF’s situation. I’m 30. I
was a zoophile by age 14 and practicing by 18. Making that fantasy
happen took long jogs in the country at midnight. I was also into
making and collecting “furry” entertainment (comics, etc.). When I was
19, I lived with a male dog and was putting out a handmade Xerox
newsletter on the subject. This was when “zoophiles” first started
coming out and making rare contacts (like trading zines) and getting on
the internet, and through the internet I met a number of people. A few
were in my town, and some I met at “furry” conventions.

Looking back on those experiences, I know
now that they were a desperate way of rationalizing fucked-up feelings
and looking for perverse approval—both the “philia” and the urge to communicate about it. (RUFF had to share with you, right?)
It was more than a fetish, too. I desperately wanted that house with
the tall fence and I never dated. It was all compensating for deeper
problems, and a wish for unconditional love. There’s empty sexual
pleasure, and the adrenaline thrill from the taboos, but it’s never
fulfilling, and it leads to worse problems. Really, you’re missing
something significant: any mutual connection with other people.

I tried some shrinks, and RUFF should
beware, sympathetic people are few and far between. The experience can
be very negative. One of the few good things one told me is to imagine
being a soldier coming back from a war: You may want to undo the
unspeakable, but you don’t. You just move on and look to the
future.

When I was the same age as RUFF, I cut off
all connections with that fantasy world. The way to do it is to destroy
all collections of stimulating material, end communication with other
people into it, and make a new goal for your life. Instead of pursuing
temptation, get a hobby, make friends, and call them when you need to
talk. If lapses happen, leave the house and do something positive.

I realized that I was badly affected growing
up around people who were alternately smothering and abusive, and I cut
off contact with them, while making an effort to have more and better
friends. I took my hobby of drawing for fetish purposes and turned it
into a career of making stuff that can be shown in public. I started
dating and have been enjoying it more each time for three years. (Oh,
and sleeping with women is okay—it hasn’t blown my mind yet, but
the cuddling part is the best.)

RUFF may want to try the things I mentioned,
then try meeting people through asexual dating services (there are
websites for it), or just go for it. “Master giving head since my dick
won’t want to join the party,” as RUFF wrote, is actually a very good
idea. Making your dick happy and fucking your head up worse just sucks.
It really, really sucks. There’s nothing like being affectionate with a
person, having them compliment you, and being treated like you’re
something more than a two-legged animal.

Suggest No Animals For U