My Father Is an African Immigrant and My Mother Is a White Girl from Kansas and I Am Not the President of the United States

Comments

oh this is so awesome Joe. that is the name I use to call you. I hope that is okay. But I can call you Aham now. I am amazed that you guys spoke to him....this was so well written and had me captivated the whole time! I look forward to more in the future....

melissag81 on July 6, 2011 at 9:17 AM

This is a really great story, and a wonderfully written piece.

More, I Say! on July 6, 2011 at 9:45 AM

This is the kind of story we need more of in America. People admitting their disappointments and limitations and getting over them. Congratulations to you for this very brave and well-written story.

CharlesF on July 6, 2011 at 10:23 AM

this is awesome and excellent, and as i was also blessed/cursed with not-the-name-of-an-accountant, i have an overwhelming sense of empathy.

alithea on July 6, 2011 at 10:40 AM

Very well done.

vsgirl86 on July 6, 2011 at 10:43 AM

This is a great story. Thanks so much for trusting us with it.

procupcake on July 6, 2011 at 10:53 AM

"Ahamefule is not the name of a sensible man"...because anyone with sense could never have left you. Your insight is amazing, I hope sharing gives you some measure of peace.

ens2116 on July 6, 2011 at 11:05 AM

Great feature!

Tracy on July 6, 2011 at 11:09 AM

You used 25 words. That's not 20 or less! But great story.

asdfjsdfj on July 6, 2011 at 11:10 AM

Cool story man. Are you diarrhea from the frotcast?

on July 6, 2011 at 11:15 AM

My name is Mustafa. While more common than Ahamefule, I feel I can share your name-difficulties.

on July 6, 2011 at 11:16 AM

this story kind of made my morning

Thyme on July 6, 2011 at 11:18 AM

A touching story, although I confess I did chuckle at your revelation.

One thing though, Australians pronounce the 't' in 'fillet' so I suspect I would still pronounce your name incorrectly. Apologies.

on July 6, 2011 at 11:33 AM

Basically, the story of my life, my own father. Thank you for writing this up. It is a good read and good food for thought.

on July 6, 2011 at 12:06 PM

Your father let YOU down, dear, not the other way around.

A beautifully written story. You are clearly talented. I predict great success in everything you do.

Sandiai on July 6, 2011 at 12:42 PM

Wonderful piece. Thanks so much.

RatGirl on July 6, 2011 at 12:50 PM

Beautiful story, thank you for sharing. Dads are difficult things to have, sometimes.

the_april on July 6, 2011 at 12:51 PM

I loved this.

kersy on July 6, 2011 at 1:07 PM

This is a beautiful piece. I hope to read more of your work.

on July 6, 2011 at 2:00 PM

At sixteen, you could hardly have been expected to have come up with the right riposte (or possibly one of many right ripostes) to your dad's disapproval of your (then) chosen career: "Yeah, well, DAD, I don't approve of the fact that you skipped out on me when I was a month old. I've had sixteen years to get over my disappointment in you. I'll give you 16 months to get over your disappointment in me. Bye."

on July 6, 2011 at 2:36 PM

This is among the best things this my favorite rag has ever managed to publish. You are a hero, sir.

gloomy gus on July 6, 2011 at 3:07 PM

your name has ten thousand meanings. To your father, it is a tribute to himself. To a 16 year old, it is a commandment to excel. To a new friend, it is an unreliable fish monger. To a Nigerian, it is a man called Name! To your lovers? To your children? To yourself?
Your name has ten thousand meanings.

Caralain on July 6, 2011 at 3:17 PM

This wonderful piece, Ahamefule. I appreciated reading this greatly.

Solomon Georgio on July 6, 2011 at 8:44 PM

Great story - thanks for sharing it! You have already done great things.

ballardorbust on July 6, 2011 at 9:16 PM

Thank you for this wonderful piece.

Eric from Boulder on July 6, 2011 at 9:20 PM

Thanks for sharing.

Ben G on July 6, 2011 at 10:18 PM

A narrative is not necessarily made more compelling through the overuse of CAPS, despite the accolades of well meaning, guilt-ridden white folk.

Texas10R on July 7, 2011 at 4:45 AM

Thank you.

I too grew up without a father, from the age of six - in my case I remember that he loved me unconditionally.

You are a very strong person.

on July 7, 2011 at 4:54 AM

I started this article thinking "wow your family is terrible people", and ended it thinking "wow your family is really interesting and your life is amazing". Godspeed.

on July 7, 2011 at 5:38 AM

I found this piece both touching and inspirational. I understand more of the lifestyle you've described than most probably do, and was recently contacted by MY absent father...who I wish had never called.
Thank you for reminding us all that we are more than the sum of our genes. XOXO and best of luck!

brandywineseattle on July 7, 2011 at 6:34 AM

Fuck your dad and his disappointment. You don't owe him a goddamn thing.

Sausagefingers on July 7, 2011 at 8:06 AM

SPAM ALERT! SPAM ON AISLES 27 AND 32!!!!

scary tyler moore on July 7, 2011 at 8:23 AM

@28 he used caps all of two or three times to indicate Mustafa cloud dad booming/enthusiastic Nigerian guy at bar yelling. If you're going to try pooping on a parade at least make sure it'll stick.

The CHZA on July 7, 2011 at 9:22 AM

Wonderful work. Thank you for sharing. Good luck on your journey to understand yourself and your father--even for those with less complicated stories, it is the work of a lifetime.

sfgurl on July 7, 2011 at 9:23 AM

So, your father abandoned you, and you have already yourself fathered two children by different women who you are now claiming you "hate" on your website.

Way to set the bar high.

certaindoom on July 7, 2011 at 10:13 AM

@28: Way to jump to conclusions. His two children are from his first marriage and he is a devoted father who was their primary caretaker for most of their lives.

Your desire to see the worst is sad.

ijeoma on July 7, 2011 at 10:32 AM

Thank you everyone for your kind words, I am glad you liked it.

Also

@37 Just to clarify, both of my children are from my first marriage, they have the same mother and I have been raising them as the custodial parent since we divorced... I am not my father. And the "2 ex wives that I hate" on my website.. that is a joke....you know....in that series of jokes....that it was in the middle of. I don't hate them, I have a perfectly fine relationship with them. I just thought it was a funny juxtaposition.

Ahamefule J. Oluo on July 7, 2011 at 10:35 AM

This is just a wonderful piece on so many levels. And what a gift it is to us reading it.

ravished on July 7, 2011 at 10:37 AM

this was awesome! Good luck Aham

yabbadabbasabbath on July 7, 2011 at 11:52 AM

Wonderful piece! Please keep writing.

on July 7, 2011 at 11:54 AM

The place where he runs into the Nigerian man (YOU ARE NIGERIAN!)brought this to mind from Trading Places
http://youtu.be/oCERfa8LcS4

Rubykelp on July 7, 2011 at 12:18 PM

Great piece!

@35, 38: DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS. Writing combative things about both the article AND the commenters definitely counts as trolling; add to that the mischaracterization of the article and the complete lack of any connection to "white guilt", and there's no question. Just let him wither and die without sustenance.

John Horstman on July 7, 2011 at 12:56 PM

Ignoring dumb people isn't fun.

The CHZA on July 7, 2011 at 1:45 PM

this was absolutely beautiful to read!

seferiana on July 7, 2011 at 2:21 PM

Loved this, especially the postscripts. I like "Aham" actually, especially considering it just means name. Gets the job done, fillet or no.

on July 7, 2011 at 2:22 PM

Great fucking story, kudos

on July 7, 2011 at 3:06 PM

I liked this. Was sad for the young boy missing a father, but am guessing he did better without the daily influence of a overbearing egomaniac.

beva on July 7, 2011 at 6:45 PM

As someone who also grew up without a father and was disappointed after making contact with said father, I loved and appreciated reading this story. Thank you very much for sharing this.

canada girl on July 7, 2011 at 7:31 PM

Nice job, sir.

bearseatbeats on July 7, 2011 at 8:30 PM

nicely written. you are funny.
also don't sweat the dad thing, it has obviously made you great at thinking the way you think.

michaelkeselman on July 7, 2011 at 11:06 PM

Ahamefule, this was a fucking WONDERFUL story!! Well done! A drink to our fathers is in order. I say we order them at a bar, leave them untouched, and go to another bar across town?

dereksheen on July 8, 2011 at 11:34 AM

salute. this was really good. i am moved.

i had a strange relationship with my name and my father for a good portion of my life. i came to the same conclusion you did. stand proud, sir.

Larry Mizell, Jr. on July 8, 2011 at 3:30 PM Stranger Staff

Thank you for sharing. That was a great read. I wish you the best. Your father missed out.

on July 8, 2011 at 3:55 PM

Thank you for sharing your story and thanks to the Stranger for publishing it

on July 8, 2011 at 7:40 PM

best piece of self reflective writing i've read in years. i'm proud of the man you are and i don't even know you! Bless you!

karenmulhern on July 9, 2011 at 8:12 AM

I really enjoyed your story, thanks for sharing. My heart went out to you at first, feeling your pain over missing your dad, and disappointing him. Then I came to the same conclusion you did. His abandonment of you made you the talented man you are today. So in some ways, he did shape your future. But remember, the only actions you control, are your own. So put the disappointment and misery behind, add some jokes to your act, and keep on going. Good wishes to you.

sharribell on July 9, 2011 at 9:37 AM

Beautiful! Thanks :)

bear on July 9, 2011 at 10:06 AM

Great story, would have like 600-700 more words tho

on July 9, 2011 at 8:14 PM

No relationship should be taken too seriously
Nervous Dad

on July 10, 2011 at 9:18 AM

My dad abandoned me in different ways, but I totally identify with your experience Aham. It felt good to read.

Jude Fawley on July 10, 2011 at 3:31 PM

I absolutely love this piece. Being a Nigerian girl as well, I can understand the desire/ pressure to please our parents. But the only way to that is to please ourselves and be good at what we do; and in doing that we end up pleasing them in return. God Bless you and may you make Him proud instead.

Feyisdiamond on July 11, 2011 at 9:44 AM

That was so good! Wonderful piece. You rock, I'll be looking for more from Ahamefule now.
Reminds me of this quote:

The fifteen-year-old daughter of a friend once addressed the old Carl Jung as follows: “Herr Professor, you are so clever. Could you please tell me the shortest path to my life’s goal?” Without a moment’s hesitation Jung replied, “The detour!”
-Richard Kehl

Sparklingbugs on July 11, 2011 at 11:19 PM

Awesome essay. It added a lot to my morning:)

JrzWrld on July 12, 2011 at 5:58 AM

This was a wonderful story that broke my heart.

TheFrogandtheSquirrel on July 12, 2011 at 10:35 AM

I love this story! I immediately went to your website to see if you are performing in the NYC area, but no... Will the world hear about it if you do head out East for a few shows?

Anyway, congratulations on all your revelations. You write wonderfully.

LexTremendae on July 12, 2011 at 3:45 PM

Well done & carry on sir. Can we fire charles m now??

Rev.Smith on July 13, 2011 at 7:06 PM

Aham- You are amazing. You are talented, and you are beautiful.
( love Jon, Katie and Jack)

on August 6, 2011 at 1:35 PM

You sir, are a very talented and warm human being. Any dad, worth his salt, would be very proud to have you as a son.

My name is Steve West and I too am happy that I am who I am. :)

on July 23, 2013 at 5:22 AM

You never thought of just changing your surname?
Lots of kids I know of that same birth situation just drop the Nigerian last name since it has no 'family bond' worth with it, compels unideal questions/attention and that at least minimizes the dishonorable stigma.
I've seen people make it into a middle name or just dropped altogether.

Evidently your birth father couldn't be a better person but certainly gave life to one. Consider the surname change - sooo many people do.

on October 22, 2013 at 2:45 PM

Southern Addendum - On second thought, now that you're a bit of a published author/musician under that name... Ah WELL! Just ride it out. lol

on October 22, 2013 at 2:57 PM

Woooow, I also heard your story on "This American Life" and it struck such a deep chord. I have a very common (easily forgettable) name, but as a daughter of an absent father who I've deeply disappointed, I totally relate. Thank you for sharing your story!

on October 18, 2015 at 1:28 PM

My Father Is an African Immigrant and My Mother Is a White Girl from Kansas and I Am Not the President of the United States

Or, How to Disappoint Your Absent Father in 20 Words or Less

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