MON JAN 22
Either you like Adam Sandler or you don't. I happen to love the guy, maybe because I was a teenager when he was a cast member on Saturday Night Live, or maybe because one time in Los Angeles I saw him eating brunch at the Malibu Beach Inn, or maybe it all comes down to that Hanukkah song. His seemingly irrepressible urge to smile, his stupid songs with hilarious lyrics, his dopey eyes, his lack of pretention, his way of looking like he got lost on his way to someone else's party, but sure he'll stop and tell a few jokes and sing songs. Get as high as possible and see him perform at Benaroya Hall with "surprise special guests." (Benaroya Hall, 7:30 pm, $98–$253.) CHRISTOPHER FRIZZELLE
JAN 23, FEB 13 & MARCH 6
What better way to revel in the humiliating tales of other people's awkward adolescent years than high out of your gourd? For years now, Salon of Shame has been luring people onstage to read their embarrassing journal entries, mean notes, bad high-school poetry, unsent letters to crushes—those sorts of things. In the age of TMI, it may not seem groundbreaking, but you'd be surprised by how utterly mortified you feel for the folks on the stage (you'll be laughing with them, not at them!). Take the edge off with a pot brownie. But you better be on top of your ticket game, since they sell out FAST. (Theatre Off Jackson or Cornish Playhouse, 8 pm, $16.) AMBER CORTES
JAN 26–27
Timbrrr! Winter Music Festival
Blazing trees among the trees near the Cascade Range while listening to quality live music in freakin' January could be the high point of your winter. Two and a half hours east of Seattle in Leavenworth, Timbrrr! makes for a chill/chilling getaway in which you can indulge in skiing, snowboarding, and wine tasting in between catching live performances by the likes of Cave Singers, the Shivas, the Black Tones, Bread & Butter, Y La Bamba, and Wall of Ears, all of whom encompass varying shades of the psych-rock spectrum. (Leavenworth Festhalle, $40/$75.) DAVE SEGAL
JAN 28–30
National Geographic Live: View from Above
Astronaut Terry Virts was among the crew that helped install the International Space Station cupola module, a 360-degree Earth and space viewing dome and workstation where Virts spent much of his time serving as station commander while floating up above us. He took a boatload of epic pictures and videos, many of which will be featured on a giant screen. Virts will be onstage as well to discuss the stories behind them during this live program. Who wouldn't want to eat an edible before this? (Benaroya Hall, $28–$48.) LEILANI POLK
FEB 16–17
The Future Is 0
This is a live game show. In the high-stakes world of stoner quiz fun, live game shows are better than trivia nights. And The Future Is 0 has everything you could hope for: a big spinning wheel, clever categories (like "Alt-right... or alt-writer?"), hilarious daredevil stunts (like getting contestants to "pay rent" on a Seattle micro-apartment in less than a minute), and local "celebrity" contestants like DoNormaal and the Stranger's own Charles Mudede, who compete for fame and fortune (well, a giant cookie). If nothing else, it's a journey into the bizarre mind of host and deadpan humorist Clay Buff. But get super high first at your own risk: Audience participation is mandatory. (Northwest Film Forum, 8 pm, $16.) AMBER CORTES
FEB 16–18
Mark Morris Dance Group: 'Pepperland'
Some things go so well together that it becomes hard to enjoy them individually: peanut butter and jelly, hugs and kisses, the Beatles and getting high. This show, a creation of legendary choreographer (and Seattle émigré) Mark Morris and his frequent musical collaborator Ethan Iverson of the Bad Plus, was commissioned last June by the city of Liverpool to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, an album that can safely be described as having grown like a flower on the world's greatest pot plant (with LSD in the soil). By which I mean, it's going to be great, and if you don't get high before you go, you're going to be lonely. (Moore Theatre, $43–$53.) SEAN NELSON
THURS FEB 22
One of my favorite things to do after getting high is succumb to the munchies. While the three-day Seattle Wine and Food Experience sounds pretty righteous, I'm mostly just in it for Comfort, the kickoff event that promises to be a "comfort food extravaganza" with "feel good food and crafty brews." Among the tasty selections from Seattle area gastropubs, taverns, and burger joints: fried chicken, mac and cheese, a french fry bar (potatoes of any sort being the number one food group of any self-respecting stoner), and a milk-and-cookies bar. There will also be a range of beer and cider options, as well as Bloody Mary and hot toddy bars... but if you're already stoned, I'd suggest steering clear to avoid the spins. (Sodo Park, 6–9 pm, $55.) LEILANI POLK
FEB 23–26
'Ghost in the Shell'
The two most important things about the original anime version of Ghost in the Shell are its soundtrack and its urban setting, which is based on Hong Kong. (Ignore the recent live-action version of Ghost in the Shell.) There are only two great soundtracks in the cyberpunk canon: the one Vangelis composed for Blade Runner and the one Kenji Kawai composed for Ghost in the Shell. The latter famously features a haunting ancient Japanese wedding song by a female chorus. For reasons that are unknown or poorly understood by most of us in the West, this ancient song somehow captures the cyberpunk fascination with cyborgness—being a machine and human, being wetware, hardware, and software at once. This soundtrack, combined with the dizzying details of the city (the constant traffic, the shadow of a low-flying passenger plane, the air conditioners sticking out of thousands of apartment windows), completely absorbs a mind without making it do much work. One listens to and watches Ghost in the Shell with an awed silence. (Central Cinema, $5–$10.) CHARLES MUDEDE
MON FEB 26
With all the unexpected buzz, snaps and toots, ukulele and beat samples and loops, low-end fuzz and funk bumps, eccentric phrasing and inner-dialogue lyrical qualities, and both natural and pitch-shifted vocal deliveries, Tune-Yards most definitely have a wacked-out sonic presence. It's art pop with world beat, R&B, freak folk, and indietronic tendencies, as maestro'ed by powerhouse indie talent Merrill Garbus with apt support from bass-slinging bandmate/collaborator Nate Brenner. Trust me: There's something rather heady-compelling about seeing it all unfold in a live setting. (Showbox, 8:30 pm, $29 adv/ $35 DOS.) LEILANI POLK
SAT MARCH 10
As with Prince's death, David Bowie's passing seems like a wound that will never completely heal in music lovers' minds. So to ease the pain, we celebrate the art with a fervor bordering on fundamentalist zealotry. Bowie's uniquely chameleonic career allows for loads of stylistic quirks to be explored, many of them ideal for stoned listening. Let's hope that the strong lineup—including guitarist Adrian Belew and keyboardist Mike Garson—go heavy on songs like "Space Oddity," "V-2 Schneider," and Low's ambient pieces. (Benaroya Hall, 8 pm, $40–$225.) DAVE SEGAL
MARCH 11–13
National Geographic Live: A Wild Life
First of all: Did you know there's such a thing as a coastal wolf, and that we have our own special variety right here in the Pacific Northwest? It's an elusive, ferocious little brownish/blackish/whitish aquatic dog that eats seafood instead of deer. Photographer-explorer Bertie Gregory made it his mission to document the life of this beautiful creature in his video series on Vancouver wildlife, and while he might be a little too high-energy for the average stoned viewer who's just looking to bliss out on nature porn, his coastal wolf story line rules. Other things that rule: his urban animal photography, his slow-mo vids of black bears swiping Chinook, and his aerial photos of the best coast in the world. All will be available for your eyes to consume at this event. (Benaroya Hall, $28–$48.) RICH SMITH
EVERY SUNDAY
Compline Choir at Saint Mark's
Let me tell you what every Seattle-born high schooler already knows: getting super blazed and then waltzing into Saint Mark's to listen to monks sing in their Gregorian way is the most relaxing thing you can possibly do on a Sunday evening. And did you know Sundays happen every seven days? Feeling anxious about the coming week? Allow yourself to sit in a pew, breathe in and out, and let the music take you away. Or, even better, bring a friend, lay out a blanket on the chancel, and hold hands while you stare up at the vaulted ceilings. The sheer size and scale of the church's architecture—the massive columns capped with exposed timber, the blood-drop lights dangling from iron chandeliers, the expanse of whitewashed cement walls, and the huge rose window composed of shattered glass suspended with wire—reminds you that the universe is much larger than your problems. The monks sing beautifully, and sometimes they (blessedly) select secular songs about pine trees. (Saint Mark's Episcopal Cathedral, 9:30 pm, free.) RICH SMITH
SECOND & FOURTH MONDAYS
Held every other Monday at Re-bar, Collide-O-Scope is bizarre enough when sober—when stoned, it's almost incomprehensibly strange, hilarious, and wonderful. Created and hosted by creative duo Shane Wahlund and Michael Anderson, Collide-O-Scope is a carefully curated compendium of audiovisual hallucinations. Basically, they edit the fuck out of YouTube videos and other found footage, creating mind-blowing montages that rarely make sense but always entertain—especially when you're stoned. Hit your weed-consumption max (we recommend edibles for this one), then sit back, enjoy the free popcorn and Red Vines, and let your mind expand, even as your eyeballs contract. (Re-bar, 6:30 pm, $7, 21+.) KATIE HERZOG
THIRD THURSDAYS
The secret every stoner should know about but few likely do? You can get your fill of cheap International District eats during the monthly Happy Hour Food Walk on the third Thursday of the month. Participating restaurants offer $2, $4, or $6 bites from 4 to 7 p.m., which means the whole there's-so-many-places-to-eat-and-I'm-so-high-I-can't-decide becomes a non-factor. You can get all the tastes you want in easy-to-manage portions, whether it's a small oyster pail full of Kau Kau's barbecue pork or spare ribs or roast pork (they're all good), or a paper tray of gyoza from Tofully. (Chinatown-International District, 4–7 pm.) LEILANI POLK
EVERY FRIDAY
Yin Yoga
The best part of yoga isn't the community or the flexibility or even patting yourself on the back and getting that extra kale juice after class: It's the pile of weed you smoke in the alleyway before class starts. While all yoga classes are better high, the best yoga for stoners is yin yoga—a slow, calming practice that focuses on long stretches and holds. And the best, cheapest, and chillest yin yoga is found at Poseurs, a donation-based yoga class taught by Actual Pain cofounder Emily Denton. During the weekly yin class, Denton reads variations of the Bhagavad Gita, an ancient Hindu text, but the words are less important than the vibe, which is sweet, dreamy, and, above all, relaxed. (Dance Underground, 10:30 am, donation.) KATIE HERZOG
FRIDAYS–SUNDAYS
I'm not a Beyoncé groupie, and I'm certainly not a member of the #Beyhive, but there are few experiences I'd recommend more than getting high with friends and watching a laser-made Beyoncé do the "Single Ladies" dance at the Pacific Science Center's Laser Dome. Laser Beyoncé (and Laser Lemonade, devoted to the nine-time Grammy-nominated album only), is performed live every time (by laser artists, not by Beyoncé), and manages to be artful and tacky—a delightful combination when you're stoned. Divvy up a bag of edibles with people you love, lie down in the comforting womb of the Laser Dome, and witness the gospel of Queen B in retro laser glory. (Pacific Science Center, $12.) CHASE BURNS
ONGOING
Horror is the only genre of cinema that seems capable of dealing with the age of Trump in a meaningful way. MoPOP's horror film exhibit provides a fascinating glimpse at the very specific history of horror films, and it's an engaging feast for the eyes—what with the blood on the walls, traumatic abduction tableaux, and dim, flickering nightmare lighting. Add in Stranger Genius Award winner Steve Fisk's ambient soundtrack, massively creeping you out without your conscious awareness, and you've got a perfect opportunity to go through the anxiety looking glass with a little help from your drugs. (Museum of Pop Culture, $26–$33.) SEAN NELSON
The Best Urban Window in the City
The bartender will tell you the story of the marvelous windows in Oliver's Lounge. In the bad old days, bars were forbidden by law to have windows. As a consequence, they were condemned to be dark and seedy places. When the puritanical law was finally killed in 1976, the Mayflower Park Hotel was the first establishment to open a daylighted bar. That bar is Oliver's Lounge. And as if to compensate for years of repression, the folks at Mayflower went nuts on the bar's windows. They rise from the floor to the ceiling and present a view of almost everything that happens at the point where Stewart Street, Olive Way, and Fourth Avenue meet. It also has a view of the sequoia tree made famous by the Man in Tree incident. Everyone outside can see what's going on inside of the lounge, and everyone inside can see what's going on outside. If you bring a sky-high mind to Oliver's, it will be amused to no end by all of the people coming and going. These windows belong to the city. (Oliver's Lounge, 11:30 am–2 am.) CHARLES MUDEDE
