In the beginning... there was porn. And some of it was pretty awesome! But a lot of it, you know, wasn't. Mainstream porn can be problematic in all sorts of ways—most notably that 90 percent of dirty movies are made for white dudes by white dudes. And why is there primarily only one body type (skinny and hairless)? And are any of the actors having fun? I mean, for real?

These are the kind of porn problems that inspired sex columnist Dan Savage to create the HUMP! Film Festival. HUMP! invites folks to submit five-minute porn flicks that are written, directed, shot, and—in a lot of cases—performed by sex-positive amateur auteurs.

You'll see straight sex, sure... but you'll also see every possible combination of sexuality, gender, body types, ages, colors, genders, kinks, fetishes, and even animation. Now... do you have any more questions?

YES, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO! HOW DO HUMP! FILMS GET CHOSEN?

I love your inquisitiveness. Here's how it works: Sexy people (like you) make their five-minute films and submit them to the HUMP! jury. The jury then spends hours narrowing down the delightfully filthy submissions to the 21 entries you'll see this year at the HUMP! festival. Our aim is to choose a true variety of flicks that recognize the diversity of sexuality while making sure the show is as entertaining as all get-out!

BESIDES HAVING THEIR JUNK OGLED BY STRANGERS, DO HUMP! PARTICIPANTS RECEIVE ANY OTHER REWARD?

Yes! At the end of each screening, HUMP! audiences vote on which films receive hefty cash prizes. The "Best Humor" submission receives a $2,000 prize ($1,000 runner-up); the "Best Sex" flick gets a $2,000 prize ($1,000 runner-up); "Best Kink" wins $2,000 ($1,000 runner-up); and the "Best in Show" submission goes home with a whopping $10,000! HOLY CRAP!

I'D LOVE TO MAKE A MOVIE FOR HUMP!—BUT I DON'T WANT MY JUNK TO GET ON THE INTERNET! MY CHURCH GROUP MIGHT SEE IT!!

Your concerns are valid—but unfounded! Every single HUMP! submission is fiercely guarded and protected to ensure that your sexy movie is NEVER seen outside of the HUMP! festival. We want you to be a hot porn star for the weekend—not the rest of your life.

WILL WATCHING AMATEUR PORN IN A THEATER MAKE ME FEEL GROSS?

If you mean "grossly entertained," then absolutely YES. Picture this: A theater packed full of diverse, sex-positive people hooting, hollering, and having the time of their lives. They'll be laughing, squealing, and occasionally peeking at the screen through their fingers. But seeing HUMP! with this type of crowd is a fun, unforgettable, and liberating experience.

WILL I SEE THINGS THAT MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE?

Mmmm... maybe? If you tend to watch only a certain type of porn, then HUMP! could push the edges of your comfort zone. BUT THAT IS SUCH A GOOD THING! Seeing how other people do it can educate and make you more accepting of other people's differences. And you may discover something about yourself in the process... like getting excited about something that has never piqued your interest before. So keep an open mind, already!

OKAY, FINE—BUT WILL I SEE SOMETHING I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO UNSEE?

Oh, absolutely and with 100 percent certainty! Every year, HUMP! features at least one film that makes the audience squeal and squirm in their seats, and that's half the fun! You'll see something that you would never, ever do in a bajillion gazillion lifetimes—and yet? This is the submission everyone will be talking about, possibly for years to come. Do you really want to miss out on that?

WHAT FILMS CAN I EXPECT TO SEE AT HUMP! 2018?

Another great question! What follows are descriptions of all of this year's films, submitted by the directors themselves! Check 'em out, get your tickets at humpfilmfest.com, AND HURRY! Historically, shows sell out!

This gang buys a few gallons of paint—with apologies to their landlord.

As two lovers stream through each other's bodies and consciousness, orgasmic hallucinations bloom through their synchronized minds.

A horny Boy Scout goes on a nighttime hike in the woods. Inspired by the gay erotic film Pink Narcissus.

This kinky couple connects for a midday power boost. Sometimes it's watching home movies together that leaves you the most satisfied!

This couple has a different way of looking at love and sex, elegantly conveyed through our shared human experience.

Take a peek into one woman's masochistic journey to find sweet, sweet release.

An obedient sub takes the term "dirty boy" to a whole new level. Chatting online can get messy.

Your favorite middle-school game has turned into a big basement bangfest. You can almost hear the parents yelling, "What's going on down there?"

In this stylish BDSM film, a couple returns home after a night on the town to explore the art of dominance and submission. This female lead takes control of her kink by initiating her punishment (by being a brat and misbehaving).

A look at how terrible adults were at hiding porn and how good we were at finding it.

It's never a dull day in the dairy room, but when a strange new breed of goat shows up this morning, our milkmaid will have to work extra hard to get that milk!

Consent is sexy, and here's the proof. A deep exploration of rough sex.

A man tries to build up the courage to ask another man to piss on him in the Leather Stallion restroom trough.

A real-life couple boldly brings the audience into the most intimate parts of their lives, sharing with the camera how they first met, how they fell in love, and what about their partner turns them on.

Coming home from work for lunch, a boyfriend finds something even more delicious to fill up on.

Five strangers are bound by flesh and metal. Only their release can set them free.

When you set out for a hike, you never know what you'll "come" across on top of the mountain.

Hotel at night. While everyone is asleep, the cursed creep is out, as hungry as ever. Infrared cameras, outdoor exhibition, and a sloppy hole.

Put on your spectacles, open your lids, and lend us your gaze. You'll want to ogle this cornea-copia of optical illusions and private eyes!

Exploring the multidimensional story of two lovers' sexual and emotional relationship, expressing their passions for pain and pleasure in sweet soliloquies.

A young couple stuck in a sexual rut decides to explore the planet and beyond! Sometimes the greatest sexual journeys require frequent flyer miles.