On Fire Neighbours: Elephants by Koko Lee

• Eli Sanders, associate editor of The Stranger, predicted on the September 26 episode of our Blabbermouth podcast that Brett Kavanaugh would never be confirmed as a US Supreme Court justice. We regret the error.


• In a December 1 Slog post entitled "The Rise of Seattle's Tiny Apartments and the Needed Death of the Private Kitchen," Charles Mudede, the son of an economist, spelled the name of the most famous British economist of the 20th century, John Maynard Keynes, as "James Maynard Keynes." Mr. Mudede regrets this error and also the fact that in the long run we are all dead.


• In the summer 2018 issue of Seattle Art and Performance, due to a date-fixing search-and-replace error, several words with the letters "fri" became weirdly capitalized, including beFriend. Whoops.


• Seattle's curb strips, gullies, ravines, fountains, and wetlands regret that people think "parking" a rented e-bike means lifting it over one's head and tossing it as far as one can.


Stranger digital editor Chase Burns regrets writing that Cucci's Critter Barn is every first Saturday of the month at Kremwerk. It's the second Saturday of every month. As penance, a bunch of drag queens forced Mr. Burns to flat-iron their wrinkled tips.


• Nathalie Graham, a staff writer at The Stranger, regrets writing about the time her brother gave her an edible on an international flight. Her parents asked her which brother it was and, as someone perpetually afraid of authority, she told them. Now her parents call that brother "El Chapo."


• For the third year in a row, Dave Segal, a music critic at The Stranger, unintentionally left out the very nice venue Fremont Abbey Arts Center from the Back to School article about where underage college students can see concerts. Fremont Abbey's organizers were good sports about it, but this annual oversight of Mr. Segal's is appalling. For added context, Mr. Segal has done a lot of acid.


• In a January 26 Slog post about Floodland Brewing's first bottle release, Stranger staff writer Lester Black misspelled brewery owner and head brewer Adam Paysse's name three different wrong ways including an incorrect spelling in the headline. We regret the error(s).


Stranger staff writer Katie Herzog regrets publishing a slightly offensive article under a pen name, which, it turned out, is also the name of a beloved local teacher.


• Jasmyne Keimig, an art and music critic and the newest member of The Stranger's editorial department, recently bought high-waisted granny panties for the first time in her adult life and is forever changed by their unsexiness, their comfort, and their coverage. Her only regret is not trying them sooner.


• Dan Savage, a member of the Stranger Election Control Board (SECB), regrets that a pretty good joke about Nikkita Oliver was removed from the SECB's endorsements for the 2018 general election. The joke, while neither disrespectful nor particularly witty, was removed during the final edit to avoid offending Ms. Oliver, the Seattle Peoples Party candidate for mayor in 2017.


• A majority of the Stranger Election Control Board regrets the above regret, as it omits the omitted joke about Nikkita Oliver. As this omission will prompt Ms. Oliver to imagine far more offensive jokes than the joke that was removed during the final edit of the SECB's endorsements for the 2018 general election, the SECB feels compelled to reproduce the "joke" in its entirety here: "The SECB is Lester Black, Christopher Frizzelle, Nathalie Graham, Katie Herzog, Tim Keck, Charles Mudede, Eli Sanders, Dan Savage, Rich Smith, and a 'Nikkita Oliver for Mayor' campaign button." The SECB would have preferred for this joke to remain officially "off the record," but Mr. Savage, the longest serving member of the SECB, forced its hand.


• In our film review of Annihilation, we spelled Jennifer Jason Leigh's name as Jennifer Jason Lee. We regret the error.


• Charles Mudede regrets that the so-called Mayor of Columbia City, Felix the cat, lost one of his front legs this year in a mysterious but clearly very brutal accident. Felix, however, seems to be doing fine with three legs. He even said to Mr. Mudede: “Meee, meoooow, meee-ow, meee-meow, meowwww,” which means in human: “What does not kill you makes you stronger.”


• Eli Sanders, a Stranger associate editor and the winner of a 2012 Pulitzer Prize, attended Democratic Socialist Sara Smith's primary-election-night party in Columbia City on August 7, as part of his duties on the Stranger Election Control Board. Mr. Sanders stayed at the SIX HOUR celebration as long as he could, and the people were lovely, but at a certain point, it was time to go home. Ms. Smith's supporters did not want Mr. Sanders to leave, and even offered him shots to keep him around. When that didn't work, some partygoers offered him coke. Mr. Sanders regrets not walking out a little more slowly, just to hear what would have been offered after the coke.


• Jeff Bezos regrets that he didn’t just swallow the whole damn iguana before that fucking soul-revealing photo was taken.


• Rich Smith, books and theater editor for The Stranger, regrets ever mentioning his distaste for candy corn on Slog. The office now regularly receives bags of candy corn from trolls, and Mr. Smith's own friends have become his worst enemies.


• Christopher Frizzelle, the print editor of The Stranger, would like the world to know that if anyone wants to mail Mr. Smith bags of candy corn, the address is 1535 11th Avenue, Third Floor, Seattle WA, 98122.


• On July 30, Stranger managing editor and self-professed TV addict Leilani Polk recommended watching the second season of Netflix's animated, video-game-inspired series Castlevania. She regrets the error.


• In a review of Hir at ArtsWest, The Stranger failed to properly credit the show as a coproduction between Arts West and Intiman. Sorry, Intiman!


Stranger staff writer Katie Herzog regrets that she let her girlfriend convince her that loud floral print blouses are the appropriate clothing to wear to Zumba class.


• Charles Mudede, a critic and editor at The Stranger, regrets that one of his favorite bars, Fort St. George, changed its weekday hours on September 17. It now opens at 5 p.m., instead of noon. That is just not cool. What are we to do?


• The man in charge of sweeping up tips for the dancers at Dream Girls Sodo regrets being unprepared for the onslaught of cash that Stormy Daniels received during her live show on Veterans Day.


Stranger digital editor and Party Crasher columnist Chase Burns regrets missing a Halloween invite to a Central District rager thrown by Burning Man enthusiasts, aka "burners." Mr. Burns will spend the rest of his life wondering what those costumes looked like and whether people took them off before or after the orgy.


• Staff writer Lester Black would like to apologize to loved ones for failing to be an engaged family member and friend since taking a full-time job at The Stranger. There is just too much beer to drink and weed to smoke to maintain meaningful relationships.


• Jasmyne Keimig, who covers music and art for The Stranger, wrote that Kamasi Washington repeatedly "raised his fist in the air for black power" throughout his October 17 concert at the Showbox. In fact, the saxophonist was simply signaling to his band to end the song. She regrets the error, but not the sentiment.


Stranger music critic Dave Segal regrets not having the gumption to talk to Portlandia star Fred Armisen, who was standing 10 feet away from him at a Sea and Cake show at Neumos last June, thereby blowing the rare chance to nerd out with a former member of Trenchmouth.


• Nathalie Graham, a staff writer at The Stranger, regrets writing about the Mariners, because now people think she likes baseball.


• In the March 14 issue of The Stranger, we misspelled "condemn" in a pull quote in very large font. We regret the error.


• In a Slog post titled "Seattle Has the Highest Number of Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women in Urban Areas, According to New Study," Stranger staffer Rich Smith regrettably published the word "Ingenious" instead of "Indigenous." Let it be known that Mr. Smith used to teach English at the college level.


• On September 2, Stranger staff writer Lester Black retweeted an image that was supposedly the final photo the Cassini spacecraft took as it plunged into the ringed planet of Saturn. The image was not in fact the last photo the spacecraft took or even a photo at all—it was a digitally designed piece of fake news. He regrets the error.


Stranger editor Christopher Frizzelle regrets how much importance people assign to the words other people type into little boxes that Mark Zuckerberg designed so he could monetize their feelings—not to mention all the time people spend policing which words other people type into those little boxes, as if anything could matter less. Fucking call someone for once in your life.


Stranger staff writer Katie Herzog regrets mixing up the biographical details of two sources in a story about fans of the podcast My Favorite Murder. In her defense, they did have the exact same first name and last initial, and the weed in this state is fantastic.


• Amazon founder Jeff Bezos regrets rebranding the future site of the company's Virginia headquarters "National Landing" instead of the much of more obvious "Bezos's Bottom."


• Queerty, NewNowNext, and other national gay blogs regret rushing to publish (former?) Seattle drag queen Robbie Turner's Facebook posts as fact after Turner claimed on social media to have been involved in a fatal Uber crash that left a driver dead. Turner vanished from the scene when it was discovered that the whole story was less realistic than Donald Trump's hair.


Stranger digital editor Chase Burns regrets how long it took him to eat at the Mexican restaurant Fogón. Their tortilla soup does slutty things to his mouth. He promised to get fucked by their tortilla soup at least once a week, but had to pause this relationship after a kitchen fire shut down the restaurant for more than a month this summer.


• Fogón regrets that kitchen fire.


• In a review of the film Lean on Pete, we wrote: "The story is about the travails of a kid named Ray." In fact, his name was Charley. We regret the error.


• In our July 4 Sex Issue, we reported that 26 percent of survey respondents told us they had been raped, but only ".09 percent" had reported their rape to authorities. The correct figure was 9 percent. We deeply regret the error, especially on such an important topic, and we could name the person responsible for this error, but she is awesome and she feels awful, so you're just going to have to die not knowing.


• In the August 1 issue of The Stranger, in a quiz called "Ice or ICE or ISIS?" we referred to an aircraft as a 737, when it was actually a 727. We regret the error.


• Managing editor and music writer Leilani Polk regrets writing in the music calendar that it was Joy Division/New Order bassist Jack Bates on the Smashing Pumpkins tour, when it was Jack Bates, the son of Joy Division/New Order bassist Peter Hook (and sometimes a player in Hook's band, the Light) who was joining them. Confused yet? Yeah—Leilani, too. Hence the error.


• Gillian Anderson, copy chief of The Stranger, regrets not putting the electric assist on her bike much, much earlier.


• Dan Savage, author of Savage Love, the internationally syndicated sex-advice column, regrets that space considerations limit him to addressing issues raised by letter writers seeking his advice and that he cannot address every conceivable angle, all possible extenuating circumstances, or the infinite number of incriminating or exculpatory hypothetical details omitted by letter writers. Mr. Savage believes the comments thread attached to his column (which, unlike the column itself, does not have a word limit) is the best venue for discussing every conceivable angle, all possible extenuating circumstances, etc.


Stranger staff writer Dave Segal regrets that it still takes two or three hours via public transit to go round trip from Beacon Hill to Ballard. Plus, with buses and trains ending service well before last call, it makes attending shows at the Sunset and the Tractor Tavern less practical than hiring a hot air balloon.


• Staff writer Lester Black regrets quoting business owner David Meinert as saying he passed two polygraph tests proving he didn't sexually assault five women without also including an explanation of the deficiencies in using polygraphs to prove someone's innocence. After Mr. Black posted a blog post calling attention to those five alleged assaults, six more women emerged with credible allegations against Mr. Meinert. The Stranger regrets Mr. Meinert.


Stranger books editor Rich Smith regrets spending so much money on cold brew from Caffe Vita. However, he does not regret the bursts of productivity fueled by the cold brew that allowed him to write Slog posts long into the evening. Mr. Smith recently decided to switch to green tea for his afternoon caffeine hit and will let you know how it goes.


• Nathalie Graham, a staff writer at The Stranger, regrets the time she wrote that a building remodel would cost $100,000. That was the estimating fee. If she had read the rest of the document, she would have seen that the actual cost was $6.5 million. Just a slight difference.


• In the July 4 issue of The Stranger, in our sex survey results, we wrote that "2,055 respondents told us they identify as 'bisexual' (out of the 8,766 people who took the survey)." Actually 8,776 people took the survey. Bisexuality is so confusing.


In the July 18 issue of The Stranger, in our endorsements for the primary election, we said: "The SECB did NOT endorse Suzan DelBene in 2012, but the people elected her anyway—against our express orders."But the SECB did, in fact, endorse DelBene in 2012. No one is really clear why we said that. We regret the error.


• Jasmyne Keimig, The Stranger's art and music critic, got swept up into a two-year almost-affair with a married man, naively high on the promise of sexual and emotional satisfaction. She deeply regrets the error.


• In the second set of the 2018 US Open final match, umpire Carlos Ramos unfairly docked a game from tennis legend and greatest athlete of all time PERIOD Serena Williams after she was rightfully upset at Ramos's bogus-ass, sexist-ass calls. He better fucking regret that error.


• Leilani Polk regrets not eating more of those free apples that were sent to the office.


• In the 2018 midterms, 12 million more people voted for Democrats in Senate races than Republicans, yet those elephant motherfuckers are still in control of that chamber of government. We regret the Electoral College.


• Facebook and Google regret that when The Stranger's Eli Sanders walked into their Seattle offices in the winter of 2017 and politely asked the companies to turn over local political ad records, as required by local law, they didn't just give him the stupid records. After they ignored Mr. Sanders's request, Washington State attorney general Bob Ferguson filed suit against both companies, which led to Facebook and Google agreeing in December 2018 to pay the State of Washington $455,000. In the intervening months, the Washington State Public Disclosure Commission unanimously passed a rule affirming this state's tough political ad transparency law, effectively guaranteeing that local political ad headaches for Facebook and Google will continue.


• Charles Mudede does not regret his cat's name: Cat.


Stranger music critic Dave Segal regrets that Debacle Fest, one of the city's most interesting festivals, spotlighting the sort of experimental music that most fests ignore, did not happen in 2018, for the first time in 10 years.


• Rich Smith, who writes about performance and books for The Stranger, regrets being 7 to 10 minutes late for everything now. He used to be the kind of guy who respected people's time, who always showed up early, but he's just not anymore.


• In the September 26 issue of The Stranger, we gave the wrong frequency to listen to Hollow Earth Radio. You can, and should, listen to "Seattle's weirdest radio station" at 104.9 FM, KHUH.


• In the October 10 issue of The Stranger, we misspelled My-Linh Thai's name on our voting cheat sheet. Shit! We regret the error.


• In the November 21 issue of The Stranger, we misspelled Mohamed Asem's name in the subheadline of a review of his book. This was no one's fault except Christopher Frizzelle's.


• In the November 21 issue of The Stranger, we published a photo of Amy Schumer and a preview of her show, even though the show had been postponed due to her pregnancy by the time the piece came out. We could not have known this would happen, but we still regret it.


• Managing editor Leilani Polk mixed up the names of the drummer and bassist of the Black Tones in a write-up in The Stranger's Capitol Hill Block Party guide. She knows who is who in the badass local blues-punk trio, she loves that goddamn band—after all, she was RECOMMENDING them as a must-see—but somehow she still managed to fuck it up. She still regrets the error.


• In the August 1 issue of The Stranger, we wrote that the art show VICE & VIRTUE was located at Treason Gallery and gave the address. In fact, it was a pop-up at Piranha Shop. Sure, it was hosted by Treason Gallery, but we still sent people to the wrong location. We regret ruining your night.


• Charles Mudede, a veteran Stranger staffer, regrets that his very religious aunt discovered he is an atheist after reading his Slog post "I Think I Know Where to Find God."


• Earlier this year, artist Fred Holcomb wrote to us to say: "Dear Arts Editors: Your 'Things to Do' listing for my upcoming exhibit at Linda Hodges Gallery describes my work in the show as 'serene landscapes from across the continent.' This is incorrect. The show exhibits realist paintings of I-90 from east to west across Washington State." Noted.


• Staff writer Lester Black regrets every single time he has wasted his energy responding to Seattle's ornery townie reporters on the terrible trash website called Twitter.


• Related: Stranger staff writer Katie Herzog regrets not blocking Erica C. Barnett sooner.


Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn regrets there is no statute of limitations for bad tweets. He is joined in his regret by former TV star Roseanne Barr, Atlanta Braves pitcher Sean Newcomb, Lena Dunham, and everyone hired by the New York Times opinion section.


• The Statue of Liberty regrets not outlining her beliefs more explicitly, maybe something like: "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, and don't hit asylum seekers with goddamn tear gas, DONALD."