Meet Your Objects of Lust

Every year in February, The Stranger hunts down and photographs Seattle’s sexiest regular people—sweet-cheeked mail carriers, hunky dog groomers, lusty fish-tossers… all the folks who make leaving the house worthwhile. This year we decided to hand that job over to our readers—we asked you to nominate sexy people you know or notice around town. You responded with photos of more than 300 hot men, women, and FTM/MTFs, and we sorted those, calculating sexiness based on a quasi-scientific formula involving chest-hair to nose-hair ratio, nipple placement, teeth shape, and the gut feelings of the horniest members of the editorial staff. Thanks very much to everyone who nominated someone, and props to all of you sexy, sexy nominees.

Now, without further ado, meet Seattle’s sexiest people:

SEXY, SEXY SEX EDUCATOR

Twenty-year-old Evan Rodd is so sexy he was born with a porn-star name, a fact not lost on his coworkers at local sex emporium Babeland, who nominated Evan as Seattle’s Sexiest Sex Educator. Is Evan considering a sexual-harassment suit? “It’s not harassment if it’s consensual!” says Evan, a Seattle native who, when he’s not schooling the masses in sexiness at Babeland, pounds the drums for local new-wave darlings Breaker Breaker. A sex-positive, carnally knowledgeable drummer? Suh-WOON! (And, oh yeah: He’s voting Obama.)

SEXY, SEXY BURLESQUE DANCER

Fuchsia FoXXX is a sultry star at the Can Can Cabaret, and if you’ve
seen her onstage or toting her pink luggage around town, you already
know she’s a hot-pink habanero who fires up ladies and lads alike.
Fuchsia’s fiancé, who nominated her, says Fuchsia’s ability to
be present in the moment makes her especially sexy. Ms. FoXXX is
rooting for Hillary Clinton “because of the vagina thing,” and is also
a fan of red wine, juicy lip gloss, tight corsets, and high heels with
bare legs. Her advice to ladies who want to exude sex appeal: “Apply
lipstick (even when you don’t feel like being ‘colorful,’ it can really
help a shitty morning), masturbate, practice good posture, love who you
are, don’t care what people think, and try making your hair really
big.”

SEXY, SEXY GLASS BLOWER

Tomoko (aka “Coco”) blows glass for work at Glassybaby, and for fun
at Viscosity glass studio. Feeling extremely sexy, she nominated
herself because, she says, “I’m also a pick-up artist for burlesque
shows, a fetish performer, and a model. I think I’m the only glass
blower who has done naked sushi.” When asked if her profession adds to
her overall sexiness, she replied, “What can I say? I blow for money.
And I’m awesome at it.” As to who Tomoko wants to be our next
president, she’s charmingly self-promotional. “I will have my art show
in April at Art/Not Terminal Gallery. I want whoever shows up for my
opening reception on April 5 to be the next president,” she says,
“because my art is very important for America!” And so is your
sexiness, Tomoko.

SEXY, SEXY RETAILER

Sarah Scherer, the general manager of Red Light—the local
thrift clothing chain—was “pretty surprised” at winning her
hottie award. “I’m confident and I guess I know I’m attractive because
people tell me I am, but ‘sexy’ I feel means naughty. I’m not
outlandish.” Sarah, 30, reports that when she found out she won from
her friend Luna—a Red Light coworker who nominated her—she
couldn’t believe it: “I asked, ‘Are you sure? Pinch me.'” Sounds pretty
naughty to us! When her boyfriend found out she won sexiest he said it
was “well deserved.” We agree. She can pinch us any time. She thinks
Obama is the sexiest presidential candidate.

SEXY, SEXY TELEMARKETER

Holly Chernobyl may be Seattle’s sexiest telemarketer, but
she’s so much more than that. “I am a Dumpster diva, art fag, dirt
femme, performance artist, and sex bomb,” says Holly. “I have an
awesome art studio called Pantyhose Junction in Pioneer Square, where I
host an art party every Friday night.” As for the unusual name: “I was
fascinated with the apocalypse, and I read a version of the Bible where
the comet that hits the earth is called Chernobyl. My middle name is
Virginia. Holy virgin.” And what makes her so sexy? “My wit,
creativity, and enthusiasm—or the fact that my ass is TOTALLY
BANGIN’. Everybody is Holly-amorous.” Holly supports “our underwater
overlord Cthulhu” for president.

SEXY, SEXY BARTENDER

Amber Davis was selected by a regular, Liz Danger, at the bar she
manages, Finn MacCool’s. According to Amber, Liz told her about the
selection in a “drunken haze.” Amber has been with the popular
University District bar for about five years and, in general, is happy
to be where she is in life. On the politics tip, Amber, who is a
Republican, and not at all happy with the way things are going in
America, is considering giving Obama her vote in the 2008 election. As
for Hillary, she doesn’t like her one bit.

SEXY, SEXY BOUNCER

By night, Luke Dorsey—a solidly undecided voter who leans
Democrat—works at Noc Noc and the Last Supper Club. He doesn’t
kick people out at closing, he “cajoles” them out the door “with his
charming smile,” says Erin Virginia, who nominated him—and who’s
his girlfriend. Is that cheating? Dorsey thinks for a second. “No, I
guess a nomination is a nomination,” he says, his voice partly obscured
by the sound of hammering. “And yes, I’m in a barn right now.” Days,
Dorsey builds horse barns up and down the Eastside: Redmond, North
Bend, Enumclaw—”anywhere there’s still trees.” If that isn’t
sexy, nothing is.

SEXY, SEXY CUSTOMER SERVICE REP

Arielle Davis spends her days purring seductively into the phones at
the customer service department at Amazon.com. When Arielle’s not charming the pants off of customers,
she’s putting her feminine wiles to work on her coworkers. Arielle was
nominated by a former officemate, but she modestly claims it was “just
a joke.” “She did it with me right next to her laughing about it,” she
says. “I didn’t think I was going to get a call back about it or
anything.” While Arielle didn’t plan on being one of Seattle’s sexiest,
she plans to vote for Obama in ’08. “He’d have to do something pretty
bad for me not to vote for him,” she says.

SEXY, SEXY DRUMMER

Tae Rhee, the guy who nominated Jarred Grimes as the Sexiest
Drummer in Seattle, had three words when I asked him what about Grimes
makes him the sexiest in the city: “Tall, dark, and handsome.”
Currently, Mr. Grimes is out of the country, on tour with his band
Throw Me the Statue (sorry, ladies—and admiring
gentleman—he won’t be in town for Valentine’s Day), but Rhee
assures us that he’s not only incredibly attractive, but he’s a
sweetheart as well: “Jarred and the rest of the guys from TMTS are
wonderful friends.” Rhee is rooting for Obama.

SEXY, SEXY BIKE STORE EMPLOYEE

AK Bennett, proud Obama delegate and Recycled Cycles employee,
doesn’t know who nominated her, but she suspects it was one of her male
coworkers. As the only female clerk at the shop, she says she’s
“constantly getting more attention from female customers than my male
counterparts”—not that you can blame them. AK, who has nine
tattoos, rides a Kona Honky Tonk road bike and a custom lime-green and
pink one-gear, both of which she built herself, which is sexy as hell.
And she always wears a helmet “because safety is sexy.”

SEXY, SEXY MANAGER

Joshua Meacham is a store manager at Ian downtown and a certified
Obama guy. “I feel like he’s going to unify our country,” he says. “I
like the Clintons, but I think they’re a little bit shady and corrupt.”
Joshua is wearing classic shrink-to-fit Levi’s as he says this. “I
think it’s a very sexy piece of clothing. I wear them about four times
a week. It’s just a really, really nice, flattering, sexy fit.” Also
nice: “My smile. It’s aesthetically pretty good.”

SEXY, SEXY DRYWALLER

Jacob used to be a bartender at the Eagle, where nominator D.
Michael took this photo. “Jacob is sexy because he doesn’t seem to know
he’s sexy, or at least doesn’t act like it,” explains D. Michael.
“Somewhat quiet and from what I gather pretty smart, he exudes a
confidence that is attractive without being overbearing. And while he
has a pretty rockin’ body—it is his smile that puts it over the
top.” Jacob didn’t return our e-mails, but he told a Stranger photographer over the weekend that he’s got a new gig putting up
drywall. Which is hot.

SEXY, SEXY BARISTA

You wouldn’t know it just by looking at Annie, but Seattle’s sexiest
barista also talks like your grandma. About her adopted city, Annie
says, “Seattle is supersexy. I’m from the Midwest, and I came here and
felt like, holy moly! This city is nothing but sexy people.” Holy moly,
this girl’s adorable. Annie works at Online Coffee Company, and agrees
that coffee shops can be sexy, but as for herself, she demurs: “I’m
pretty dorky.” This flyover flirt says she can’t decide between
presidential candidates: “I’m on the line between Obama and
Hillary.”