Welcome, class. Please take out a number 2 pencil, because it’s time for this week’s “Holiday TV Pop Quiz,” and… OH, DON’T YOU GROAN AT ME, YOUNG MISTER AND MISSY! You knew what you were getting into when you signed up to read this column, so stifle that back-sass and let’s get to work!
Today’s quiz will be about the animated holiday classic A Charlie Brown Christmas. Please provide complete answers for each, and ABSOLUTELY NO CHEATING OR WISENHEIMERY. You have one hour. Begin.
1. It’s Christmastime, and Charlie Brown claims to enjoy “getting presents, sending Christmas cards, and decorating trees”—so why is he not happy? Is he ever happy? Name a few possible causes for his depression, besides holiday malaise and prepubescent-onset baldness.
2. At one point, Charlie says, “I know nobody likes me—why do we have to have a holiday to emphasize it?” Is Charlie’s self-loathing a contributing factor to his general unlikability? Would you classify him more as “manic-depressive” or a “textbook narcissist”?
3. Which of the following responses is the most acceptable reaction to the phrase “Charlie Brown is directing our Christmas play”?