I don’t care how hot your wife is: Nazism is always a deal breaker. This is common sense, and it’s utterly lacking in Robert Zemeckis’s dreadful Allied, which tries SO HARD to sell a sentimental load of garbage in a WWII-era love story between two spies (Marion Cotillard and Brad Pitt), one of whom might be a Nazi.
After seeing Allied, I’m pretty sure Cotillard didn’t break up Pitt’s marriage, because even if their chemistry weren’t thoroughly absent from this movie, Pitt demonstrates throughout that he doesn’t know how to say “Marion.” He speaks French with an accent that isn’t Quebecois, as Allied’s too-cutesy script suggests—it’s just awful, and his tortured French is only the most obvious problem with his performance. Meanwhile, Cotillard, who’s maybe a Nazi, wears a lot of beautiful dressing gowns, because this movie actually suggests that beautiful women can’t have shitty politics. So Marion Cotillard’s beautiful dressing gowns are just part of a A SOPHISTICATED LONG CON? Sure!