- This cocktail represents the forces of good and evil.
Hello! Are you a thirteen-year-old girl and yet somehow also of drinking age? Do you love morose and sparkly he-vampires? Are you totally psyched about not humping before marriage, and some day having a beast-baby claw its way out of your womb?
WELL KA-CHINGGG! You’re one step closer to living your dream. Kind of. Two fancy-pants local bars are now offering Twilight-themed cocktails, for sparkly, vampiric intoxication:
The Hunt Club at the Sorrento has invented “The Bella Edward,” which “combines sweet-sour ingredients to represent the forces of good and evil, light and dark, and the passion and restraint of the romance between the two lead characters.”
“A Cullen Family Cocktail”
Balsamic reduction
1 teaspoon raspberry puree
2 ½ ounces raspberry vodka
½ ounce Krupnik Honey Liqueur
And Canlis is offering “The Temptation of Edward Cullen,” by bartender James MacWilliams:
“I was trying to capture some of the essence of the movie with this particularly vampires and the Olympic coast. Forks is surrounded by the Olympic national park on one side and the pacific ocean on the other. I was trying to create a biting crisp taste just hinting a forest and visually feeling like vampire. This drink is not for the feeble of heart. Strong but strangely keeps pulling you back. The crushed ice helps chill it and if done right will frost the outside of the glass like the crystal vampire skin of the books and movie.”
1oz Plymouth gin
1/4oz Zirbenz (Austrian Arolla stone pine liqueur)
1/8oz Le Tourment Vert Absinthe (A french vert or green absinthe with pronounce crisp eucalyptus notes)
2oz Champagne
3/4oz Green Walnut Wine (a sweet, homemade, aromatized, fortified wine with a spicy nutty flavor)
Overheard in the office:
“Do rich people watch Twilight?”
“I think rich people have teenage daughters.”
“No, I think rich people have secretaries.”
Why are there so many people supporting these homophobes and their Mormon money? Hundreds of millions if not over a billion dollars from the Twilight empire going to attack Prop 8, marriage in Maine and other places.
In the meantime the Mormons see money signs everytime millions of teens pump their dollars into their anti-gay machine.
Those sound awful, perhaps a nod to the book series?
The scary part is how many Twilight fans aren’t tweens or teens. They’re your mom, your boss, your doctor, your lawyer … watch out!
And yet, Twilight fans will never get laid, even when their insecurities are finessed with a bit of alcohol.
Want a drink that’s not for the “feeble of heart”? Have a Buffalo Sweat, half 151, half Tabasco, light it on fire and then shoot it. This thing is just another wimpy sweet drink for people who don’t like the taste of alcohol. Drink your vodka and Redbull and quit using up quality alcohol when you can’t even taste it.
Also, no self-respecting nerd would ever bother with the Twilight books.
The name and description of “Green Walnut Wine” sounds like something inmates make in prison toilets.
that one fancy pants theater in the eastside with the booze and the foods also has a special twilight themed menu. it’s hilarious. what is that place called again?
My fave is the Hair Of The Tween Dog cocktail …
Only one problem: Office receptionists and nail salon workers don’t drink at those bars. How many of these will they sell?
These are to the mixologists’ art what Twilight is to literature. A travesty of a mockery of a sham.
I’ll stick to vodka gimlets, thanks.