Bandslam: The Rock-and-Roll Nerd Herd

Will Burton is a lanky, awkward, chinless wonder with an unhealthy
David Bowie obsession. He loves rock, punk, and ska, and he’s crushed
to see the legendary CBGB downgraded to a T-shirt logo that Paris
Hilton wears if she wants to look cool. He also gets constantly
tormented at school. Natch.

But after his mom takes a new job in Jersey, Will is given a chance
to start over. And start over he does. On his first day of school, he
befriends two hot girls: Charlotte Banks and Sa5m (“the five is
silent”—insert eye roll here).

Charlotte is a blond Velvet Underground–loving senior who
inexplicably turned her back on her head-cheerleading ways to embrace a
life of rock and roll with the nerd herd. She says shit like “I don’t
do why” whenever faced with why questions. Sa5m (played
by the clothes-fearing Vanessa Hudgens) is a moody, bookwormy brunette
who inexplicably inserts a silent number five in the middle of her
name. She says shit like “Emotions are overrated” and slumps around
looking constipated most of the time.

While Will tries to juggle friendships (and maybe more!?!) with both
of these young ladies, he also falls into the role of “band manager”
for Charlotte’s ill-named band the Glory Dogs, a high-school trio of
musical misfits who have more aspiration than they do talent.

They’d love to win the school’s annual battle of the bands, but they
know they don’t stand a chance armed only with half-assed Cheap Trick
covers. That’s where Will comes in. Charlotte recognizes little Willy’s
bona fide music-geek status and recruits him to show the band how to be
an honest to god good band. And he does! With nearly the exact
same music-making montage we’ve already seen in School of
Rock.

Basically, Bandslam is Nick and Norah’s Infinite High
School Musical of Rock, and if you take your little sister, chances
are she’ll walk out of the theater wanting a David Bowie CD instead of
that Jonas Brothers bullshit. And for that reason alone, I’m so glad
this movie exists.