Concessions

Most of the people I really, really like went through a slightly
freakish Mystery Science Theater 3000 phase at some point. In
high school, a few friends painstakingly transcribed—by hand, on
sheaves of crumpled notebook paper—the entire script of Manos:
The Hands of Fate (minus commentary), for the purposes of a
homemade remake. (If memory serves, I secured a coveted role as
one of the Master’s many sensual, be-togaed wives.) Production on this
masterpiece, sadly, stalled somewhere between studying for the SATs and
so-and-so’s-mom-won’t-let-him-ride-his-bike-over-here-after-dark and
um-does-anyone-actually-have-a-video-camera? RIP, pruney unborn
fetus of Manos: The Hands of Fate—The Six High School Kids Who
Don’t Actually Have a Video Camera Edition! God, fuck so-and-so’s
mom.

MST3K is a near-perfect cinematic/television experience for
people who are not humorless assholes: all the fun of mocking
terrible movies, but without the pressure of having to come up with
your own funny jokes. (Professional robots do it for you!) MST3K
creator Joel Hodgson is back on the making-fun-of-movies tip,
releasing DVDs and touring with a group of former cast members (Trace
Beaulieu, J. Elvis Weinstein, Frank Conniff, and Mary Jo Pehl) under
the name Cinematic Titanic.

The main thing that sets Cinematic Titanic apart from MST3K,
explained Hodgson (who had the misfortune of speaking on the telephone
with Lindy West, World’s Awkwardest Interviewer™), is the
presence of the audience: “The live thing is informing us so much and
shaping who we are so much, it’s become really important. We’re kind of
beyond the MST3K nostalgia thing—we’re really adding some
new ideas to the lexicon.”

I watched the first episode of Cinematic Titanic (The Oozing
Skull, about the dying ruler of a fake Middle Eastern nation whose
beloved brain is transplanted into the head of a gigantic
special-needs hillbilly with a melting face), and it is like
MST3K back from beyond the grave: silhouettes, droll wordplay,
well-placed a capella Yakety Sax. I’m curious to see how the live show
(Fri–Sat March 13–14 at King Cat Theater) changes the
experience.

I asked where Cinematic Titanic gets its source material. “We work
with a guy who finds films for us and hooks us up with distributors,”
he said. “Cagey showmen, basically, who know how to make more money off
their old movies.”

“Did you say ‘cagey showmen’?” I said.

“Yeah, you know, cagey showmen. Like, sly…
[paaause]… showmen.”

At their Seattle appearance, Hodgson told me, they’ll be screening a
few different films, including a “kung-fu-sploitation” movie called
Dynamite Brothers—in which an Asian guy, who’s an
expert in kung fu, gets chained to a black guy, who’s an expert in
being a black guy. Sploitation ensues. I shall be there.