Here’s a question: When and how did America decide that a pimp is
just a lovable kook from around the neighborhood? An awesome clown
whose main purpose is to install toasters and barracuda tanks in
people’s “rides” and help frat boys win costume contests? Because,
UUUUUMMMMM, a pimp is actually not a great thing to be.
Remember? There’s that whole part about selling women for sex,
sometimes against their will (you know, like slavery!), and exposing
them to disease and violence, and then keeping the money and sometimes
also punching them in the face until they are dead? Remember that part?
But look at his funny hat! It’s his rapin’ hat! He’s got a bejeweled
goblet, you guys! Yes, but it’s full of PROSTITUTE TEARS.
That’s what a colleague and I were talking about at the SIFF Golden
Space Needle Awards brunch this past weekend, after the audience award
for best film went to Scott Sanders’s blaxploitation spoof Black
Dynamite. Now. I have not seen Black Dynamite (which
stars Arsenio Hall as a character named “Tasty Freeze”), so I have
no idea if it falls into the
unexamined-glorification-of-pimps-even-though-they-are-really-kind-of-horrific
school of comedy. But, based on no information at all, I suspect it’s
better than that. The reason: Sanders’s funny, canny, übercharming
acceptance speech, in which he used the phrase “pimps and kung fu and
boobs and stuff,” later hoisting his award (a heavy glob of bubbly
glass) and saying, “I’m a little bit stressed because this is the
nicest thing I’ve ever had, so I hope you guys can hook me up with some
bubble wrap.” Dude was adorable. REGARDLESS, he got me thinking about
pimps.
Up on the Space Needle’s 100-foot level, I was expecting a scrum of
fancy film-enthusiasts jostling for bacon, but found a
civilized, unstressful affair involving a pan of apple-filled blintz
things submerged in a sea of creamy goo. Managing director Deborah
Person thanked the sponsors again (she must be as sick of saying, “We
have Freixenet!” as I am of hearing it), then it was on to the
awards.
My Suicide won the Youth Jury Award for best
feature—the editor remarked, “WOOOOOOOO!!!” and then, “We
slept in the park last night.” (This seemed entirely possible.)
Women took the top two spots for best director—Kathryn Bigelow
(The Hurt Locker) and Lynn Shelton (Humpday).
The audience awards were predictably predictable: Sam Rockwell
(Moon) for best actor. Wallace and Gromit: A Matter of Loaf
and Death for best short film. And, of course, Black
Dynamite. Because if there’s one thing I know about the American
public, it’s that we love hilarious pimps (satirical or not).
Hey, pimp! Pimp my pimp in a pimp hat, because pimpin’ ain’t
easy! Big pimpin’! Bitch, give me my money! Ha ha ha ha… it’s
funny ’cause women are bitches. 
