I first became aware of this Tucker Max human waaay back in the
earlier part of the decade when he was featured in an episode of MTV’s
documentary series True Life (True Life: “I Have a
Penis and I’m Going to Put It in You Now” or True Life: “Women Are Whores and I Went to Law School” or True Life:
“Give Me a Book Deal, Please” or whatever it was). Max is a
handsome fellow—tall, blondish, smirky,
marketable—who runs around getting drunk and fucking hot
chicks and quoting his own tasty bons mots and then spraying
outlandish, grammatically questionable tales all over the internet’s
face (you know you love it, internet). The escapades generally go like
this:

People started doing keg stands, which led to perhaps the defining
moment of the trip. This one girl, who was ugly and a bitch (thus,
didn’t have basic human rights) started doing one. Don’t ask me why I
did this, because I have no idea why, but when she was upside down,
legs spread apart, I punched her right in the vagina.

Charming. Hilarious. I’m sure that one girl—being ugly and a
bitch—didn’t need that vagina, anyway. Punch it to death! And
it’s okay, you see, because Max is an asshole. He admits it,
right on the back of his book! He’s just being honest. And if you don’t
like it, you are very, very fat.

Now, Max has a movie called I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.
The film opens with Max (played by the cherubic Matt Czuchry) fucking a
deaf girl then telling all the other law students at his law school
about it in their law-school classroom (did he mention he’s in law
school?). “Didn’t you hook up with a mute girl last semester?”
inquires his meaty law-school friend. “That makes you two-thirds of the
way to a Helen Keller!” Then some stuff happens, and then Max and Meaty
Friend and some other guy take off on a bachelor-party road trip. Other
Guy tells a stripper to “get away from me or I’m going to carve another
fuck hole in your torso” (it’s okay, you see, because that character
hates women! It’s all in the context). Then, after an hour or
so, Max fucks a midget stripper. Then I left (I am hella busy, you
guys).

So who gives a shit? I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell made
approximately zero dollars at the box office. It’s the 2003 version of
edgy: all midget obsessions and McGriddles and Urban Dictionary sex
moves and repartee like “This is going to fail worse than a
Friends spin-off” (NICE ONE, MILTON BERLE). But it’s not
harmless. The attitude and the culture that Max espouses—central
thesis: “I don’t hate women; I love women! Why else would I put up with
all their shit?”—is antiquated and damaging and fucking
dumb. And even if Max is just playing a character for profit (it’s
irony! It’s satire! It’s jokes!), his fans aren’t. The satire is
thin. Unlike you, fatty!!! Ha-ha, fatties. recommended

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

9 replies on “Concessions”

  2. I paged through the guy’s book not realizing there was a movie coming out about it (not realizing it until the book cover informed me, that is). Some of the anecdotes seemed sort of funny, in that trainwreck-you-cannot-turn-away-from way. That being said, I could only take a few minutes of flipping through before it just bored me.

    I don’t know if these scenes come from the book or not, but the movie sounds pretty lame. Maybe someone needs to punch Tucker Max in his vagina.

  3. I don’t know about this guy. The first time I picked up his book, couple of years ago, the stories turned me on, even though I loathed the guy (him: misogynist; me: sensitive liberal).

    But I was also jealous. The guy gets to fuck so many girls, gets anal, gets quick blow jobs, gets everything. So easy. Then I thought: “Maybe this shit is all made up.” I mean, he’s a lawyer, so lying is natural. So I comforted myself by thinking he was just a lying douchebag. Made me feel better about not getting all that sex myself.

    I expected the book to just disappear. But it hasn’t. Now it’s an effing movie. Can’t believe it. But I understand why it’s enduring. He combines porn with hatred of women. And, supposedly, all these women love him, want to fuck him. He kind of represents the porn culture of America, I guess: narcissistic, superficial young people, self-loathing young women, gym-monkeys, hot sex. He wraps it all in some half-assed PC “respect yourselves, girls” message to not come across as a total sociopath, which he is. But whatever, the point is the random fucking. That draws you in.

    It’s one of those things you hope will go away but just won’t. So many people out there are like this guy. Probably many more than those who are bothered by him.

    Glad to hear the movie didn’t make money. Hopefully he’ll get busted for raping a baby or something.

  4. Great review. This movie will fade soon. Check out tuckermaxdoucebag.blogspot.com and enjoy the comment section (no I did not misspell the url).

  5. I’m with #3; I bet most of this stuff isn’t real, particularly the pussy punching story. If he makes it a habit to assault random women, how has he not been arrested yet? I smell bullshit.

  6. Wrong about the Hooters girls, right about Tucker Max. The lesson here Lindy is that is that women can choose to be sex objects if the want to, and shouldn’t be ridiculed by other women. That is what feminism is all about. Tucker max is a flaming misogynist scumbag who I would gladly beat into pulp if I were ever given the chance. The boy is a flat out woman hater, who sells hatred to other like minded haters. If you read his shit and think it is funny, kindly do the world a favor and kill yourself.

  7. I think the book had about as much honesty as the WWE (wrestling, not the panda). It’s an act of exaggerated fairy tales that shock a reaction from readers, love it or hate it.

    Make enough outlandish statements that make the author the hero to some and a villian to others but in the end accomplishes what he wanted, to sell books and make money.

  8. Until I read it here, I didn’t know about this movie.

    I think I was a lighter, happier, better person then.

    Maybe the fact that it bombed means misogyny flicks are going the way of holocaust denial shows in Denmark.

  9. Sad but true: I’m a 16-year-old male and I think Tucker Max is a funny guy. Not the *funniest,* but funny. And I can also see that Lindy West is getting her panties in a massive twist over something that by 2009 (not 2003, sorry Lindy) standards is about as harmless as any other film.

    I say Tucker Max is a funny guy, and when I say that I mean that he can make me chuckle. Not outright piss my pants, that’s reserved for people on a higher tier of Max’s comedic genre, people like Maddox (who, by the way, is one of my all-time favorite writers), who happen to be assholes, but they’re those assholes who do their job so well that when they tell you that you can go die, it’s an honor, a privilege to know that he meant you, and then he goes on to tell you exactly WHY he wants you to go die. It’s the little things that count.

    As far as misogyny goes, as far as I know the last time I laughed at a joke by, say, a gay man or a black man, I didn’t suddenly become gay or black. So suddenly laughing at Tucker Max makes me a woman-hating dick?

    Let’s face it, Lindy. We’ve never had a good relationship. I don’t like your articles (not that I ever have), and from the sound of it you don’t really like comments like mine (which, if you think about it, is kind of the point). Sure, every now and then you can write about something without making me at least moderately annoyed, but those articles are few and far between, and the interim is killing me.

    I think you’d agree it’s best we read other people.

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