In Concessions this week, I climb aboard the PR train for Disney’s forthcoming motion-capture extravaganza:

Disney’s A Christmas Carol: The Train, which will visit 40 cities in the next few months (“Christmas in July!”), is essentially a giant press kit. Only instead of being some papers and stuff tucked into a Pee Chee folder, IT IS A TRAIN. The film (which comes out November 6) is, clearly, just what the world needs—yet another Christmas Carol adaptation (!!!), this time rendered in Polar Express—style motion capture and starring Jim Carrey in SEVEN ROLES “including all three ghosts.” Yep. You know you want it, human!

The train is impressive, expensive, and sometimes creepy. Now, for you, photographic evidence.

Dickensian splendor:

Jim Carrey as disgusting teenage Scrooge:

Gary Oldman as Bilbo Baggins:

Gary Oldman as Tiny Fucking Tim:

And, from the popular MORPH YOUR FACE section of the train, which I didn’t have room to write about in the paper, here’s Lindy “Robin Wright” West-Penn:

And, my masterpiece, Lindy West as Gary Oldman as Tiny Tim:

YOU’RE WELCOME!!! I WANT YOUR GRUEL!

Lindy West was born an unremarkable female baby in Seattle, Washington. The former Stranger writer covered movies, movie stars, exclamation points, lady stuff, large frightening fish, and much, much more....

13 replies on “Disney’s A Christmas Carol: The TRAIN”

  3. Someone needs to stop that Zemeckis guy; make him answer for his crimes against humanity (Forrest Gump, Back to the Future 1,2,3, Castaway, Death Becomes Her, these shitty corpse-amation projects)…

  12. Dude. No adaptation will ever beat The Muppet Christmas Carol, so why even try.

    And Disney’s previous effort (with Mickey) was pretty damn good as well.
    .

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